LAST EDITED ON 01-26-04 AT 09:31 PM (EST)ACCIDENT... THIS IS:
(PN) There's no I in Team, but there is a ME
There's something very strange about teams.
No matter how close you can be, there's always this feeling of isolation, of dependence. And yet, when you're a bench jockey, that kind of pressure cracks your skin even worse. You want to support the higher-ups, because they're your team, but deep in your heart, you want to watch them suck, to screw up so horribly that you, the "sub," get put in their place.
Such is the case of being #4 on the sabre squad. That's not too bad... at least I'm not 6 of 6, but there's some real pain involved. First of all, #4 has 5 years of fencing experience. #1 and #2 have 2 apiece. They started last year. Granted, I just picked up a sabre last march, but... well, for lack of a better term, that really cuts away at any self confidence I might have had.
More painful, still, is that #3 is a freshman who just picked up a weapon in September. And the worst part is, I love this girl. She's sweet, sarcastic, and funny enough to keep my mind distracted from the fact that I HAVE HIT THE WALL.
I'm not important enough to be necessary, but just important enough that the guilt of quitting the team would be overwhelming.
Do I have "stupid" written on my forehead?