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"WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
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TechNoir 9741 desperate attention whore postings
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01-01-04, 05:40 PM (EST)
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"WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
Vivian Jenkins cleans toilets at night in a mid-rise office building. She also cleans the sinks and floors, and removes the detritus of the day. She arrives at five, just as the crush of day workers race to leave, rushing past her unseeing. Long ago she got used to being invisible.

Once she typed in this building, but it didn't pay enough. After her husband didn't come home from work one day, she needed to earn more money. She couldn't afford to pay somebody to take care of the kids, so she started cleaning on the late late shift, going to work after she tucked her nine and eleven year old in bed. She discovered that she earned more money and had more freedom than she had when she typed during the day. She fed two kids and put them through college scrubbing and vacuuming and pinching pennies. Then she indulged herself with a switch to the second shift. Now she saves so that her three grandkids can go to college one day.

These days she and Rosa have the seventh floor where a lot of the senior managers have offices. Vivian arrives first and takes care of emptying the office trash, dusting, and scrubbing some of the bathrooms. Rosa follows at nine, does the rest of the vacuuming and finishes the bathrooms. It is a big floor for two people and they have to work briskly to get through before the end of their shifts.

Tonight Vivian decides to go up and down the halls, north to south, south to north. She hates routine, so does everything she can to keep the job lively. She keeps upbeat music on her CD player, although she takes the headphones off when she is around any of the building tenants. She keeps up appearances, doing her best to look professional whenever anybody is around.

Even though she likes variety, she always empties the wastebaskets first, mentally counting the offices as she goes. That way she covers the whole floor and makes it hers. On this night she unlocks, opens the door of office C-47, and comes face to faces with its inhabitant. Mumbling "Excuse me. I'll come back," she quickly backs out and closes the door behind her. She hates it when they stay late.

As she is latching the door she realizes that this is the office of the one she thinks of as The Slob. Three or four days a week he pours coffee or soda in his trash can. If she isn't careful she goes to toss it into the bin and it sloshes all over the place. Then she has to clean up the carpet, wash out the spots on her clothes, and wash and dry the trash basket.

She goes on to the next office, brooding about The Slob, remembering all the times he left gum stuck on his chair. Or the time he left two piles of wet newspapers on the carpet with a "trash" sign on them. And the most disgusting of all, his nail clippings all over the carpet. By the time she finishes this hall, she has decided what to do. She will leave it in the hands of fate.

She turns around and pushes her cart back to room The Slob's office. Pausing outside, she listens closely but hears nothing through the closed door. She unlocks and opens the door slowly. The Slob is still there, staring at his computer terminal, his shoes halfway between his desk and the door.

He glances up at the sound of the door opening. She mumbles a request to empty the trash. He waves at her, imperially, with the back of his hand, then goes back to staring at the screen. She cringes slightly at his dismissal. It confirms her already made-up mind and strengthens her resolve.

Vivian picks up his waste basket carefully, like she always does, takes it into the hall and pretends to empty it into the large bag attached to her cart, leaving the door propped open with the cart. After replacing the waste basket, she begins to dust the end of the desk behind him. She usually leaves the papers as they are but now she lifts each object to dust under it. She is careful and thorough.

This time she keeps dusting the same small circle while she watches The Slob. He is oblivious to what is going on around him. Cautiously she picks up an award that he has received, a heavy glass engraved plaque mounted on a marble base, and holding it securely with both of her rubber-gloved hands smashes the back of his head with it. The years of physical labor have made her very strong, and the blow did its work. He makes the small sound of air escaping, then falls sideways out of his chair crumpling to the floor. She wipes the glass part of the award and drops it on the floor next to him, allowing it to fall haphazardly. Then she quickly leaves the room, turning off the light and locking the door behind her.

Safely back in the hall she strips off her gloves and replaces them with a new pair, then checks the time. Rosa won't arrive for more than two hours, plenty of time if she concentrates on her work. Humming softly, she goes to the northeast corner of the floor and begins cleaning the offices from east to west then back from west to east. Vivian has cleaned these halls many times, so is confident that she will arrive back at The Slob's office in about an hour and a half.

The time passes quickly like it usually does. Back in The Slob's hall, she checks the time, satisfied with her progress. Just like any other night she cleans each of the offices in turn. When she gets back to his office she enters, turns on the light, takes two steps inside until she clearly sees a crumpled body on the floor and a small puddle of blood next to some fingernail clippings by his head. Then she screams just like she imagines a hysterical old woman would. A few minutes pass and nobody comes. She walks over to his desk to call the guards from his phone. She has to avoid stepping in some blood and stretch to reach over his head to dial.

The guards arrive. They take her out of the room and try to calm her down. The police arrive at the guards office soon after. She is gently questioned. She shakes and cries a lot. They take her to his office so that she can show them what happened. But they don't really listen. They rush around, make phone calls, and send her on her way. So she goes to the next office, quietly empties the trash, and dusts the desk until she gets to the end of the hall.

She meets Rosa where she usually does, in the bathroom on the middle of the west wall. They clean toilets while they talk, their carts combined to block the doorway. Vivian tells Rosa about finding the body, about the police. They decide to concentrate on the bathrooms until Vivian's shift is over. They are quieter than usual. Finally, her shift over, Vivian waves to Rosa and leaves, smiling, listening to her CD as she rushes to catch the bus.

###

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... FarmBoy 01-02-04 1
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... Wheezy 01-02-04 2
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... ExInterper 01-02-04 3
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... Drive My Car 01-02-04 4
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... KObrien_fan 01-02-04 5
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... Swami 01-03-04 6
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... Silvergirl1 01-03-04 7
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... PhoenixMons 01-03-04 8
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... L82LIFE 01-05-04 9
   RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... FarmBoy 01-06-04 11
       RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... northernlights 01-06-04 12
           RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... DoodleBug 01-07-04 14
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... northernlights 01-06-04 10
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... Superman 01-06-04 13
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... DoodleBug 01-08-04 15
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... probably clueless 01-09-04 16
 RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... blacknwhitedog 01-09-04 17
   RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... GrendelsMom 01-09-04 18
   RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans ... Silvergirl1 01-09-04 19

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FarmBoy 2618 desperate attention whore postings
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01-02-04, 10:23 AM (EST)
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1. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
I so want to be Vivian Jenkins! Just once.

I love the way the story moves along so calm and smoothly until Vivian whacks the Slob. Then it's right back to calm waters. Like a bolt of lightning in a dream.

Excellent!!!


Bovinated BR549- An Original Draco Masterpiece
I'd stick my left foot in, but I've got a kilt on.

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Wheezy 9153 desperate attention whore postings
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01-02-04, 10:42 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"

YO! Viv babe!

I LOVE this story. Love it.

Wheeeza

Love.it.

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ExInterper 3093 desperate attention whore postings
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01-02-04, 11:24 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
Brr....

It's a twist you don't see coming, yet completely fits within the tone of the story. The flow was great, and nothing feels pushed or strained. Just so felt so real.

Wow!


Yet another Jslice masterpiece!
"Let's hope Osten doesn't smoke. He might decide to quit breathing." - Jims02, Ep 7a Summary

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Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings
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01-02-04, 01:08 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"

Oh yes! I still love this story.

The first time I read it, I literally jumped, I was so shocked. I never saw it coming then WHAM!

Vivian is quite a character.


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KObrien_fan 8204 desperate attention whore postings
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01-02-04, 01:25 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
Vivian is Edmund Dantes in a skirt! Nice sweet revenge, well told and flows nicely.

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Swami 5883 desperate attention whore postings
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01-03-04, 01:24 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
Very nice, Tech! I love me a sweet little murder story, ripe with surprises, just like this one.

Swami

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01-03-04, 04:37 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"

Uh-oh, the maid did it! It's very Hitchcockian. (Is that a real word?) You know what I mean.

~~~Silvergirl~~~

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PhoenixMons 4696 desperate attention whore postings
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01-03-04, 05:37 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
Oooooooh, Tech, I love it! I really like the way the story just sort of flows and you start thinking about what Vivian is planning with her odd behaviors on that particular day.

One thought I had though...the title. Have you considered Vivian Jenkins Cleans, dropping the Toilets part? The reason I ask is because you'd have a nice little double entendre there if you removed toilet (though I suppose it could still work with toilet, though not as well, IMO). "Cleans" in the literal sense and "cleans" in "The Professional" and now pop culure sense (as in executes). Just a wee suggestions from someone who possesses little to no creative writing talent whatsoever


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L82LIFE 5333 desperate attention whore postings
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01-05-04, 04:10 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
Wow! Got me. I was shocked when she whacked him, it came so out of the blue and fit so well that it took my breath away for a second. Great piece, Tech. It's like listening to a folk song and suddenly hearing a jazz trumpet in the middle of it. Love it!

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FarmBoy 2618 desperate attention whore postings
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01-06-04, 08:42 AM (EST)
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11. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
<..and suddenly hearing a jazz trumpet....>

Now that's a cool compliment!


Bovinated BR549- An Original Draco Masterpiece
Thinking L82Life should wirte a story..

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northernlights 5046 desperate attention whore postings
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01-06-04, 08:49 AM (EST)
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12. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
That's exactly what I was thinking as I read that. I'm glad you said it.


~ thinks L8 should write too.

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01-07-04, 05:16 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
I think L8 said it best. That was a really chilling but cool story, Tech.



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01-06-04, 08:35 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
Excellent! Loved this story Tech. I have two friends who actually do clean offices at night and you've completely captured them. As I was reading this story I could see them as Vivian and Rosa. Well, right up until Viv bashed the slob's brains in that is. Although, I'm sure that they would agree that there have been moments.

Can't wait to have them read this story.



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13. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
It's great!

I love a good killin'

Criminals From the Neck Up

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DoodleBug 5133 desperate attention whore postings
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01-08-04, 10:02 AM (EST)
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15. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
I was thinking about this on my way to work. What do you think of this title....

"Vivian Jenkins Takes Out The Trash"

Kind of a double meaning there.

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probably clueless 5782 desperate attention whore postings
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01-09-04, 05:48 AM (EST)
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16. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
So quit your friggin' day job already.


A Kittyloaf®Original
*One Legged Little Litter Box Minstrel Lover*


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17. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
This story disturbs me to the point where I now watch what I throw in my trashcan at work! Thanks for a good story Tech!



begin whack

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GrendelsMom 3272 desperate attention whore postings
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01-09-04, 10:50 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"
<begin whack

someone keep bawdy away from the marble plaques, please!

Loved the story, TN. LOVED it. Cool and disturbing. Just right.

gotta lvoe the loaf
would lvoe to see your description of The Donald's penthouse. 1500 words or less, no breaths, on my desk in the morning

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Silvergirl1 8694 desperate attention whore postings
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19. "RE: WSC3(SS) Vivian Jenkins Cleans Toilets"

I used to empty trash cans, once a month in a bank building. Our church did it to raise some money. We were warned to look for liquid contents in the trash cans, because it made a huge mess, if you weren't careful.

~Silvergirl~

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