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"Poor forum..."
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Original message

Superman 3152 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"

12-27-03, 05:27 PM (EST)
Click to EMail Superman Click to send private message to Superman Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
"Poor forum..."
...looks lonely. Here ya go, discuss:

Then

She kicks at my dangling right foot that hangs
off the puke green sofa towards the shit stained floor
with her high topped Converse, tongue missing on
the right shoe, and that pathetic little attempt of a convoluted grin
and I can't decide at this moment if I'm more annoyed than angry
or just so damn tired of her never-ending games
but I still remember the arrogant evenings
when we would prance through thresholds to rooms,
in which we'd never been invited, but who,
we thought, were they to ever tell us differently
in our classy, black slicked up Sunday-come-to-Jesus threads
that only made them dream they had something
more than rags to cover the shame that undoubtedly
welled up in the pit of their stomachs
where barbecued cocktail weenies fought to the death
with cherry flavored Rolaids.

But I don't recall what I did with that jacket
that you said made me look like a young Tom Selleck,
and you couldn't keep your hands out from underneath
even though you knew I only had the one white shirt
with a fragile front pocket that frayed around the bottom
and you had too long, blood red fingernails that left
beautiful sketches of happier days on the wide of my back,
but ripped at loose stitches and pulled at loose edges
and ruined the only perfectly comfortable thing that I owned,
but why should you care about things like that
when you still had your "simple" black dress
with the crystals 'round the hemline
and the diamonds around the neck that always looked to me
as if they'd choke you someday and I'd be left standing
with nothing left of you, except for your goddamn hightops
and your Cheshire grin.


Criminals From the Neck Up

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: Poor forum... SherpaDave 12-29-03 1
 RE: Poor forum... KObrien_fan 12-29-03 2
 RE: Poor forum... Wheezy 12-30-03 3
 RE: Poor forum... TechNoir 12-31-03 4
 Published Superman 02-07-04 5
   RE: Published KObrien_fan 02-07-04 6
   RE: Published Drive My Car 02-07-04 7
   RE: Published SherpaDave 02-07-04 8

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Messages in this topic

SherpaDave 8316 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

12-29-03, 12:33 PM (EST)
Click to EMail SherpaDave Click to send private message to SherpaDave Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
1. "RE: Poor forum..."
Already told ya this privately, but "you" the whole piece. Transition from "she" to "you" is weird. Otherwise, is yogurtlicious.


Criminals From the Neck UpThe Writers' Rendez-VousSmokeLong Quarterly

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KObrien_fan 8204 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

12-29-03, 09:53 PM (EST)
Click to EMail KObrien_fan Click to send private message to KObrien_fan Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
2. "RE: Poor forum..."
I actually like the 2 runon sentences and the transition from I to You almost as if the . between the upper and lower sentences became a literary change of season.

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Wheezy 9153 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

12-30-03, 01:31 AM (EST)
Click to EMail Wheezy Click to send private message to Wheezy Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
3. "RE: Poor forum..."
"and the diamonds around the neck that always looked to me
as if they'd choke you someday..."


Love it, Supes.
Superman<--brillianter than average

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TechNoir 9741 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

12-31-03, 02:27 AM (EST)
Click to EMail TechNoir Click to send private message to TechNoir Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
4. "RE: Poor forum..."
Damn.

I finally got it. This stuff, this direction, resembles early Ferlinghetti, the stuff from the fifties and early sixties. Which totally rocks.

Meter, imagry, language .. amazing.

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Superman 3152 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"

02-07-04, 02:24 PM (EST)
Click to EMail Superman Click to send private message to Superman Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
5. "Published"
2/7 by Lamination Colony.

Then

Criminals From the Neck Up

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KObrien_fan 8204 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

02-07-04, 02:36 PM (EST)
Click to EMail KObrien_fan Click to send private message to KObrien_fan Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
6. "RE: Published"
Congrats Supes!


Surgeon General G.A.W.K.U.R's of OT

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Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

02-07-04, 02:54 PM (EST)
Click to EMail Drive%20My%20Car Click to send private message to Drive%20My%20Car Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
7. "RE: Published"
Oh it looks great Supe!

I've always loved this one.


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SherpaDave 8316 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

02-07-04, 09:47 PM (EST)
Click to EMail SherpaDave Click to send private message to SherpaDave Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
8. "RE: Published"
Congrats, Twinkie!

*yogurt*


Criminals From the Neck UpThe Writers' Rendez-VousSmokeLong Quarterly

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