LAST EDITED ON 01-03-03 AT 02:53 AM (EST) Stava approached the new regime government official. The official was wearing a designer suit and expensive jewelry. She sported a name tag on her shoulder that read, "Tara Collinski".
"I need help," she began, "My family is starving."
"Do you have any money?" asked Tara Collinski with a smug smile.
"I have a few coins. Are they worth anything."
"Are they gold or silver?"
"No. They are copper pennies."
"Ahhh! United States mint copper pennies?"
"Yesss! Are they worth anything?"
"No, sorry - almost totally worthless, but if you have enough of them, you can turn them in for some government issue food."
"I only have ten pennies."
"Not enough, I am afraid."
"What am I going to feed my family? They can't eat pennies."
"Do you have any land?"
"Land??"
"Yes - earth, soil, dirt - the medium we use to grow all plant life."
"Well, I swept up the dirt tracked in by my boys the other day. It clung to the bottoms of their Nikes. I think it is still in the trash can."
"You will need more earth than that to support plant life."
"What can I feed my family?" she pressed again.
"If you apply, you can obtain government issue land - a 1/4 acre, to use for growing food."
"I didn't know that."
"It is a new program and only certain people are eligible to receive the land."
"Can you tell me if I am eligible?"
"Fill out the form and I will let you know in 2 to 3 weeks."
"I'm sorry, I can't wait that long. Can't you tell me today?"
"No, I am sorry, but we do not have a way to determine this without submitting your information to a claims processor."
"Where is the land located? Can you tell me that?"
"Sorry, we pull the land out of a land bank, but I can tell you that most of the land is in Wyoming and Montana."
"But we live here in Maryland. We don't want to move so far away. Our family just moved here from Arizona because my husband got transferred. We have been living in an apartment until we could find a suitable house. In the meantime, my husband lost his job due to his company downsizing and had a nervous breakdown. I need help. We have always paid our taxes."
"It sounds like you will have to get a job."
"I haven't worked in many years and I don't have any job skills."
"I can refer you to our Job Skills Center, where you can learn new skills and eventually apply for a job."
Stava sighed and said, "I need help today!"
"You need to see our Financial Advisor, Mr. Smith."
"Why should I see him?"
"He can give you some advice on how to manage your assets."
"Lady, if I had any assets, I wouldn't be here!"
"You must have something - a car, furniture, etc."
"I've sold the car, the furniture and anything else that we had that was of value. I even sold the silverware that has been in my family for decades."
Stava was almost to the point of tears.
"Okay... hmmmm, then you should qualify for the government land."
"When can I get my land?"
"Fill out these forms and you will hear from us in 6 to 8 weeks."
"My family will starve in 6 to 8 weeks."
"Then we will provide you with government issue food."
"Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"It is a new program initiated today because you need food."
"How do I obtain the food?"
"Fill out these forms. We will call you in 3 to 4 days."
"I can't wait that long! My family needs to eat now. On top of that, I had to have the phone cut off."
"Okay. Here is a loaf of bread I just bought for my family. You may have it, but you still have to fill out the forms and if you want food in the future I would suggest you apply for the 1/4 acre of land to grow food."
"I don't know anything about growing food."
"How did you obtain food before."
"I bought food at the grocery store, just like you did - or - don't tell me those bags of food were grown by you."
"I got them at the government co-op, where citizens grow and process food and give 1/2 back to the government."
"Excuse me, but one loaf of bread will only feed my growing family for about 2 minutes. My 2 teenage boys will devour it in no time. They need other kinds of nourishment."
"Okay, okay. Apply for the government food, the government land and I will give you a food voucher good for 5 pounds of cheese, 25 pounds of flour, 10 pounds of sugar, and an assortment of canned goods that you can pick out at the storehouse."
"I don't know what to make with flour!"
"We offer cooking classes. They begin in 2 weeks time."
"Again, I have to feed my family today!!"
"Okay, here is a voucher for $25 good at any local grocer. That should hold you for a few days."
"Pffft ... if we eat spaghetti and beans every day!"
Tara gave Stava a wary look and said, "I'm sure you'll survive."
Stava sighed heavily, took the forms over to a table, and filled them out.