GG's Cornertime With Kismet
<Camera one focuses in on GG standing in the interview corner arguing with Kismet. Kismet is holding a crumpled up dunce cap. Kismet sighs and steps forward to talk to the camera, while GG glares at her.>
Good morning ladies and gentlemen and thank you for joining us once again. Today's penitent is GG.
<Kismet turns to GG and they both perch on the bar stools for the interview.>
Thank you for agreeing to be interviewed GG. Why do you belong in the corner? Please state your crime for the record.
I have no idea what I’m doing here although I’m convinced some force field reined me in. I suspect you’re probably behind this. And let’s be clear; I am not going to wear that pointy hat so you can put it away.
You are here for allowing your real life to take you from the boards and chat. It is a very serious offense indeed. I thought the dunce cap was a nice touch. Isn't it a British thing? I was only trying to make you feel more comfortable. I will just add thirty minutes to your time instead.
<Kismet goes over to the timer and adds thirty minutes. The timer now reads 3:35:36>
So how did you come to be among us GG? What was it that caused you make us your internet home?
Accidentally. I was reading some magazine article…blah..blah…different website…did a search….clicked on the wrong link. I read the summaries, liked them, did a bit more exploring and found the message boards. I started on spoilers - my first thread was some inane rant about why Jerri wasn’t going anywhere after the filler episode - and stayed there. It never occurred to me to look at the other boards. Some time later, I wrote a parody about Survivor being rigged in Colby’s letter in the form of a letter to Mark Burnett. Some people (well only ICB -J) complained...blah…blah…Webby exiled me to Bashers. Dalton posted and dropped hints about going over to OT. So I did. Initially I wasn’t going to stay. I actually went into chat first and met Ebug. She was very welcoming and I felt this could be a place to have some fun, especially if she was representative of the kind of people who posted here.
So I stayed even though I am anything but prolific.
Don't sell yourself short GG, I think you can be very prolific when you want to. Here is the question everyone dreads. <Kismet giggles maniacally> Who are your favorite posters and why?
Well, good job I’m in the corner already, isn’t it? <throat suddenly feels parched> Humph. <mumbles> Give me a minute.<consults with magic eight-ball.> Alright. I will name four people but this list shouldn’t be viewed as exhaustive. And cover my ass OK?
Oh sure GG. We always get great Ass coverage on this show. Please go on..
DrveMyCar: Somehow I can just relate to Ebug. I hope it’s mutual. She can flirt, tease, cajole, speak her mind and be sexy all at once. She strikes me as a daredevil, someone who knows her priorities and pushes the envelope but just to the right degree. I like that.
Idiotcowboy: The irony is that our first contact was over my parody letter thing re above. He was quite annoyed that I had posted it on spoilers instead of bashers. I defended my position and that was that until we met in chat. There was no animosity at all and we got along fine. The Bar & Grill was quiet then and often it was just us 2 and an unmentionable third party. So we got to know each other. And he is an excellent storyteller.
Survivorerist: Very affable chap isn’t he? And he really has no right to be that witty for someone his age. I admit it doesn’t stop me from wanting to clip him round the ears in an attempt to provoke a reaction though. He reminds me of a friend I had in University who was just impossible to dislike. A good egg you might say. My concern is that he’s spending way too much time on these boards; he really should get out more, release those sexual frustrations. Shouldn’t repress those urges of his. Sow his oats. Get some…oh, never mind.
Dangerkitty: Any woman who can give massages, <shudders at the sensuality it evokes> is a black-belt kick-ass at martial arts <oh, mama> and is a terrific josher is definitely worth knowing. And if she can cook too, well, she’s welcome to park her slippers under my bed any time.
I would include GT too but you know, illusions of grandeur.
Remind me to show you the secret way out of here when your time is up here ok? Once GT hears you are taunting her she will be all over you. So, why did you choose the nickname GG?
They just happen to be my initials and what I was called in school -.nothing interesting here really. I suppose I could invent a theory that GG was also Gordon Gecko in Wall Street and I chose my moniker as a symbolism of that character’s power. Greed is good and all that. Whatever.
You were a spoiler, any theories you want to take credit for?
Hardly. I don’t think I’ve correctly spoiled anything. Not that it stops me from coming up with wild theories. I tend to go for the outlandish. I post largely on spoilers because it gives me the opportunity to speculate rather than the actual process of predicting per se. OFG, Sleeve and ICB are much better at getting it right. I doubt if many recognize something I’ve written from spoilers.
You are a board renowned chat flirt. Want to share any of your flirting secrets?
Ha, who have you been talking to? Mind you, I’ve had no complaints so far! Besides, it helps to dispel that stereotypical notion that Brits are conservative and prudes. As for secrets, well, I say that if you’re going to flirt in a bar, you go the full whack. No half-hearted attempts. Wearing a kilt doesn’t hurt either. Trust me on that.
I really enjoyed the Lame-O show. Will we be seeing future installments?
Time permitting, I hope to resurrect the Lame-O show. And if people still want to read it.
You and Ebug were originally the co-hosts for the Blowsvivor interviews. Why did you drop the EGG show?
Hmm. During an alcohol induced chat session you asked me whether I would do interviews with BlowsVivor bootees. And I somehow agreed without realizing it. My intention was to do it, but, you know, spirit is willing but flesh is weak Buggy kindly took it over as a solo thing. Right now, work in the real world means I don’t have the time. It’s also why I haven’t been posting much lately.
Which is what landed you here. Get your priorities straight from now on will ya? So are you really British? Do you like being known as the British guy?
Ah, dear ‘ol Blighty. Bless your socks for asking. I am as English as bangers and mash, spotted dick, scones with clotted cream, trifle and toad-in-the-hole. As English as Wimbledon and that nincompoop Tim Henman who yet again failed in the semi-finals this year. As English as Led Zepplin, Beatles, Rolling Stones and Bowie. As British as Association Football - not soccer for you ignoramuses - cricket, golf and rugby. And if anybody can tell me why we suck at almost all the sports we invented please drop me a line.
Do I like being known as the British guy? Why the dickens not? I suppose it gives me an identity on these boards as well. Bollocks I say.
I'm glad stereotypes don't bother you. What does piss you off?
I deplore insincerity. I don’t like bullshit and procrastination. I can usually tell within10 minutes of meeting someone what their character is and if they’re worth knowing. I don’t care for show-offs much
<Kismet raises an eyebrow, and then decides that GG couldn't possibly be talking about her.>
Tell us more about yourself GG..
I’m from Nottingham, which is part of the East Midlands in England. Appropriately it’s pretty slam bang in the middle of the country and slightly to the east. Robin Hood and Sherwood Forest territory. I work in advertising and was posted to New York under a year ago, ostensibly to gain experience. I really want to work in broadcast journalism though I wonder if it’s too late for that to happen. I’m 28, single but living with a girlfriend. I’m a sponge for useless information. I can recall little incidents from 10 years back but frequently have trouble remembering where I put my keys five minutes ago. When it comes to TV I am a lounge lizard - that’s one up from a couch potato. I am a terrible singer. I have a CD collection of over a 1000. Denzel Washington is my favorite actor. Audrey Hepburn is, in my opinion, the most beautiful and graceful actress I have ever seen. I love food and feel sorry for those who don’t appreciate it. Italy is the most wonderful country I have visited. One day I would love to venture through the Amazon rainforest.
That concludes this interview. Is there anything else we should know about you?
I will not take abuse from anyone. I tend to speak my mind. Fine with you?
<Kismet giggles and nods and then motions for GG to turn around and face the corner. The camera pans down and we get some nice 'kilt covered ass coverage'. The camera refocuses on Kismet.>
Thank you GG and thank you ladies and gentlemen. I will be seeing you again shortly with another episode of cornertime. Until then please be sure to visit the Blowsvivor forum.