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"Famous Food."
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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07-08-11, 08:40 PM (EST)
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"Famous Food."
So who thinks 'Boogie' Mike Malin is doing this for revenge? 'Once I was a lowly Big Brother contestant. But now I co-own multiple restaurants. I'm rich! I associate with celebrities all the time! I'm one of the few alumni from my series who hasn't landed in jail!'

And now he gets to live the dream of so many former contestants: move into the host chair. Make up the rules himself. Possibly change a few of them as he goes along. He gets his very own contestants to abuse -- and they're low-level celebrities lining up for the honor of having him take their money! That's right: the prize for the winner? Is the right to hand him a check. The show makes him money and then he gets more. Whether his latest eatery succeeds only matters for Season #2. Which means he'll make sure it does succeed, because he's smarter than anyone on NBC. (Which is not hard. But still.)

...no, I'm serious. Our low-level celebs are competing for the right to give Mike money. They design a restaurant together and the winner gets to invest in it. Admittedly, these are very low-level celebs, so this might feel like an actual prize to them -- even if they have to borrow money to make it pay off. Sure, a very large percentage of new places fail, and the one Mike's handing over might just be a recent fall-apart in need of revamping, but hey -- camera time!

How low can we go? Look at this lineup.

Heidi Montag (Has restaurant experience in the family.)
Ashley Dupre (The official show site joke is that she knows customer service. If the name looks vaguely familiar, it's because she was involved in an NY gubernatorial scandal.)
DJ Paul and Juicy "J" (members of the rap group Three 6 Mafia. Oscar winners.)
Danielle Staub (Oh, look, a Real Housewife. Wonder if she can Really Cook.)
Vincent Pastore (Continuing the Rodman Quest to do every reality show there is.)

And...

...wait for it...

...those of delicate constitutions may wish to leave the room now...

...Jake Pavelka (needs no introduction.)

Is there anyone there you can root for? Will you show up just for the train wreck? Would you dare to eat the food? Who just wants to see Jake fail in a new medium? And can the resulting place close faster than Soul Daddy?

Sundays at 10 p.m. EDT on VH1. BYOHI.

(Bring your own health inspector.)

Heidi looks like the clear favorite to me.

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: Famous Food. qwertypie 07-10-11 1
   RE: Famous Food. Estee 07-10-11 2
       RE: Famous Food. qwertypie 07-10-11 3
           RE: Famous Food. Estee 07-10-11 4
 Premiere. Estee 07-11-11 5
   RE: Premiere. qwertypie 07-11-11 6
       RE: Premiere. Estee 07-11-11 7
   RE: Premiere. weltek 07-13-11 8
       RE: Premiere. Estee 07-13-11 9
 Episode #2: the script comes out. Estee 07-18-11 10
   RE: Episode #2: the script comes o... weltek 07-21-11 11
 RE: Famous Food. mrc 07-25-11 12
   RE: Famous Food. weltek 07-25-11 13
 Spoiler alert! (skip as necessary) Estee 07-27-11 14
   RE: Spoiler alert! (skip as necess... JessicaRN 07-27-11 15
       RE: Spoiler alert! (skip as necess... Estee 07-28-11 17
 Episodes #3 and #4: the race so fa... Estee 07-28-11 16
   RE: Episodes #3 and #4: the race s... weltek 07-29-11 18
 I think we have found the reason... vince3 08-03-11 19
   RE: I think we have found the reaso... Estee 08-04-11 20
 Episode #5: the joy of mutiny. Estee 08-04-11 21
   RE: Episode #5: the joy of mutiny. weltek 08-09-11 22
       RE: Episode #5: the joy of mutiny. Estee 08-09-11 23
           ROFLMAO! weltek 08-10-11 24
               RE: ROFLMAO! Estee 08-10-11 25
 Episode #6: everything but the edi... Estee 08-11-11 26
 Notes. Estee 08-25-11 27
   *boggle* weltek 08-26-11 28
       RE: *boggle* Estee 08-26-11 29
           RE: *boggle* weltek 08-26-11 30
 Opening night. Estee 09-01-11 31
 Finale: Apprentii. Estee 09-08-11 32
 Update. Estee 08-24-12 33

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qwertypie 9721 desperate attention whore postings
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07-10-11, 00:43 AM (EST)
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1. "RE: Famous Food."
The fact that Mike Boogie is involved means I will not be watching. That 'man' makes my stomach roil.
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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07-10-11, 08:32 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: Famous Food."
Get back here, ya wimp.

Jake wants to call his place The Broken Rose.

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qwertypie 9721 desperate attention whore postings
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07-10-11, 11:46 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: Famous Food."
Surely, you are joking.
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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07-10-11, 12:30 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: Famous Food."
I'm not joking.

*beat*

And stop calling me Shirley.

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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07-11-11, 08:00 AM (EST)
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5. "Premiere."
LAST EDITED ON 07-11-11 AT 10:26 AM (EST)

Like watching someone try out a roller coaster by taking the car over a life-size version of the blueprints. You know the paper isn't going to hold, you realize it's just a matter of time before you get a fatality count, and you don't understand why anyone would be stupid enough to try it anyway.

To watch Jake here is to wait for his on-screen demise: cause of death: eaten alive. Ran three businesses? Were two of them lemonade stands with the third Get Jake To Appear On Your Show Limited? His only contribution is to step into confessional and deliver lines in such a way that you can just about see the script hovering offscreen. In mainstream time, he does the same thing he did on his original series: he shows up and looks for an excuse to get his shirt off. And if the occasion requires that he stay clothed, he sits and waits patiently until the rules change. It's all he's got to work with and he's not changing his style now. If he had been recruited into Donald's script, the rest of the pool would be picking his last scraps out of their teeth. As-is, the others are still going to kill him: it'll just take a little longer.

Speaking of the dead... Vincent has learned nothing from his Apprentice demise. I'm now waiting for him to quit on this too. Or, optionally, for Danielle to kill him. (She'll murder him first. She'll get them all eventually, but he? Goes first. Priorities.)

I see Heidi's work standards haven't changed. The fair argument would be that they've been debating since 9:30 a.m. and it probably was about time for a coffee break, but wine generally shouldn't be included in that. Oh, and please stop mentioning your precious husband every three minutes. Some of us are trying not to change the channel.

Ashley is just -- there. Out of her depth, arguably cast as Victim #2. 'I have some kind of fame, so I'm going to parlay it as best I can!' She's trying, really she is -- but it's not as if the hosts are going to let her win.

Danielle is coming across as the classic control freak: it doesn't matter if the ship sails or sinks as long as she's listed under 'Captain'. And if someone else builds a seaworthy vessel without her at the helm? Torpedoes.

The rappers (who seem to work and think as a single unit) -- I feel they're committed to this. They really want to give this a serious shot. And they have absolutely no idea what they're doing. (BTW, you can have poles all over the place, but you're really working with more of a buffet.)

What would Italian-Soul fusion read as? Who are you selling it to? How quickly would NBC shut that chain down?

And how did the original occupant of the space stay open with that many code violations of all kinds in place to begin with? (Get a bigger envelope!)

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qwertypie 9721 desperate attention whore postings
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07-11-11, 12:09 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: Premiere."
LAST EDITED ON 07-11-11 AT 12:09 PM (EST)

(un?) fortunately, it's not running up here (at least not on the cable tier we are paying for). Sounds like poor Jakey is bemoaning the 'no shoes, no shirt, no serivce' rule.

How much the the extremely misogynistic-I-really-really-really-hate-my-mother-Boogie featured on this?

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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07-11-11, 12:18 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: Premiere."
He was on camera for about six minutes, introducing himself and his partner at the start, explaining what needed to be done in the twenty-eight days before opening (a long, long list), and appearing at the end to see what the celebs had come up with in terms of name and concept. (Which had to be redone -- Italian Soul Food wasn't an idea that could be finalized in four weeks, and the whole 'Fame' purple and gold went out the extremely large window.) Beyond that, the cast was left to their own devices.

Jake's contribution to fine dining was to suggest they serve hot wings and chicken fingers.

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weltek 16933 desperate attention whore postings
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07-13-11, 12:02 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: Premiere."
This is priceless. We get to actually see hamsters try to think and produce good ideas. It's like The Apprentice week eight, without having to endure Trump. I can stomach Boogie better than Trump.

I almost thought Heidi seemed the most sane at first. Then she uttered the words, "my husband, Spencer" and I was snapped back to reality.

The concept made me laugh a lot. And Jake did get a good line in about spaghetti wrapped chicken legs. Probably the only worthwhile thing he'll say all season. But at least they have him around to do the muscle work. He's going to be the loyal puppy dog and will stick around awhile. Any bets on how long it will take for him and Ashley to get caught making out in the walk-in cooler?

-A Tribetastic Creation

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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07-13-11, 06:08 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: Premiere."
I'd rather bet on Jake getting locked in the cooler. Oddswise, given the broken state shown in the season preview, that's got to be somewhere safely above zero...

Heidi did seem to be doing well. And then the drinking started. And the happy fun talk with Danielle. And as you noted, she brought up He Who Must Be Mulched. It all went downhill from there -- and she's still my favorite to take this thing just based on family experience. She has to know some people in the business -- right...?

This is priceless. We get to actually see hamsters try to think and produce good ideas. It's like The Apprentice week eight, without having to endure Trump. I can stomach Boogie better than Trump.

Terrifyingly, there's an argument to be made for Malin as the less sexist.

And yes, this is going to be a major brainpower challenge: I just don't know if anyone in this group can get past buck private. Was the picnic idea any good, or was it grabbed just to keep from losing another day? Only the reviews know for sure...

This show should be incredibly easy to spoil -- if you live nearby.

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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07-18-11, 07:20 AM (EST)
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10. "Episode #2: the script comes out."
Last night mostly served as a nasty reminder of not only who's hosting this thing, but showed off his sewage-framed diploma from The Grodner School Of Blatant Show Manipulation. It started with his stupidly faked surprise at the cast's inability to get along. Um... right. The people you personally chose with the sure and certain knowledge that they would argue, fight, and fail to get anything done are arguing, fighting, and failing to get anything done. Really must have been a shock to see your plan working out like that: I realize that generally doesn't happen with your strategies.

And even with that to launch with, we still managed to head for higher/lower levels of blatancy when we hit the episode's task requirement. Hire a designer? Well, here's one we personally approve of! And he's going to cost you more than half your budget! That would be the budget we gave you to start with, figuring out dollar by dollar just what kind of total we could hand over and have it look like workable while forcing you to go down to your last penny three hours before you open. (Hope Vinnia has deep pockets, because he'll need to tap them a few more times before this fiasco ends.) That designer was sent in to put the cast in financial trouble and deepen the faux money drama. He may not be the last 'friend' to do so, either. Some may arrive to work cheap, some may show up to drain, and I have no idea where the pantry is coming from -- but this will go down to the last penny. Or it would if Danielle and Heidi hadn't already spent that on drinks.

(Jake seems to be the most aware of the manipulation. It's largely on a subconscious level -- but he's the Bachelor graduate: if anyone knows blatant scripting, it's him. His statement of 'ten thousand dollars in expenses that we don't even know about yet' was terrifyingly accurate from a business standpoint -- and a preview of things to come.)

As long as we're at Danielle, let's leave quickly. (If only she had.) I've known several people with her personality type: control everything, anyone trying to make a suggestion is attempting to control you, attack and claim existence provoked you, react to any response by claiming to be the victim. I have known several people just like that and I made it my job to known them for as brief a time as possible. She will threaten to leave, but she never actually will -- because that would put things out of her control.

Victim for life. Why, they forced her to be like this!

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weltek 16933 desperate attention whore postings
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07-21-11, 12:16 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: Episode #2: the script comes out."
I'm still watching, but find I have little to say. When these largely rehashed celebs act just like we know they will, there's often only so much to inspire our conversations I guess. I never could get through a whole episode of RHONJ, and now I remember why.


-A Tribetastic Creation

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mrc 10020 desperate attention whore postings
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07-25-11, 01:59 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: Famous Food."
I'm enjoying this show. What's not to like?

1. Jake is a shirtless non-entity.

2. Heidi pets her hair.

3. 36 Mafia appear to have no idea what white people like.

4. Vinny is a great custodial supervisor.

5. Danielle is delusional in so many ways.

6. Ashley actually has some sense.

7. Mike looks like a deer caught in the headlights most of the time.

8. Lonnie is someone I've never heard of, yet he makes sense most of the time.

A Slice of Manga

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weltek 16933 desperate attention whore postings
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07-25-11, 07:32 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: Famous Food."
Pretty much sums it up!

Maybe 36 Mafia should read http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/ They'd obviously learn Sushi-brunch-expensive juice-drive bar concept is what they should be going for.


-A Tribetastic Creation

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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07-27-11, 08:51 PM (EST)
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14. "Spoiler alert! (skip as necessary)"
Now that we have a finalized name for the place -- The Lemon Basket -- no reflections on the contestants intended, but fun to make up on your own -- it becomes possible to look it up. And I did.

Guess what? Not only did they get it open, but it didn't close down the same night. I'm having a hard time running down professional reviews for the establishment: everything I'm getting seems to be patron-written, which means there's a chance the cast did half of it. But if you want to get an idea of how it all wound up, here's a few peeks.

Interior:

http://www.liveopenly.com/los-angeles/lemon-basket-restaurant/

Menu:

http://losangeles.menupages.com/restaurants/lemon-basket/menu

Waitress uniform, serving plates:

http://www.examiner.com/events-lifestyle-in-los-angeles/waitresses-serve-appetizers-at-lemon-basket-photo

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JessicaRN 1070 desperate attention whore postings
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07-27-11, 10:35 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: Spoiler alert! (skip as necessary)"
I only watched the first episode, but I couldn't take Danielle's yelling. I did click on your links, and I have to say that the menu looks good and the other pictures look like a real restaurant.
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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07-28-11, 08:08 AM (EST)
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17. "RE: Spoiler alert! (skip as necessary)"
I couldn't take Danielle's yelling.

You had a lot of company. (See below.) It's a bad season for RTV Danielles...

What we're seeing isn't necessarily everything the cast created (or watched being created). There's a chance they put together just enough that the Dolces were able to give the result an emergency overhaul. Still, that would mean producing something that could be salvaged, and the closer they eventually come to what we're seeing now, the better they did in overcoming the Housewife Handicap.

The menu size doesn't surprise me: the team's current model was far too overloaded. The prices do -- that feels very low for Los Angeles. The place may be relying on having some low-cost ingredients, lots of customer turnover during service, and drinks. Notice that they're only open for dinner? Six p.m. to close -- not a lot of time to make money.

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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07-28-11, 07:59 AM (EST)
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16. "Episodes #3 and #4: the race so far."
LAST EDITED ON 07-29-11 AT 02:49 PM (EST)

(The time switch threw me. And apparently got a lot of other people too, because this was the lowest-rated series VH1's had all year when it was on Sunday -- and that number nearly got cut in half for the first Wednesday airing. I'm not sure this thing's going to finish on cable.)

Rating the contestants on a 0-10 scale in two categories: Restaurant Factor (their chance of becoming the partner) and Redemption Factor (how well they're rehabilitating their image from prior media appearances).

Vincent: Fundraising by selling the old equipment: good idea. Doing so by standing around with a sign encouraging people to meet Big Pussy: possibly not the best tactic for that neighborhood. It's good to know that they're allowed to add into the budget and kudos for figuring out a method, but Vinnie really does need to update his tactics. (Going to Heidi for speed marketing advice... um...) Showing up and putting in his hours, but hasn't really had much to say and, as much as I hate to agree with Danielle, really does seem stuck a decade or two back. Or at least a series. It's hard to sell one role forever.

ResF: 3. At best, he's a figurehead partner who could be trotted out to meet guests and kept out of the way when necessary.

RedF: 5. A harder worker than he showed in his Apprentice run (although he's closer to his element here) and playing uncle to Ashley. Still gets into fights too much and starts as much as he responds. Danielle hasn't initiated everything -- believe it or not.

Ashley: Well, who can blame her for taking a couple of days off? (Other than the obvious.) How much time could you spend around Danielle before becoming worried about fatal dosages? Thoroughly abused by DJ (who at least admitted to it) and Danielle (who lied about it as if no one was ever going to see the footage) to the point where walking out was a reasonable response, not to mention one that wouldn't add in assault charges. Has ideas, but may never get some of them across due to the nature of half her audience. Should not have to put up with this crap.

ResF: 5. Would have to be educated on pretty much all aspects of running the place if she's expected to be an active partner, and the Dolces may not want to put in the effort. Still, she's capable of learning, and that puts her ahead of many.

RedF: 8. Will never completely shed the label as long as people stand ready to throw it in her face. Just might develop the maturity to walk away from them too.

DJ: Yeah, this is what everyone wants in their business partner: a hair-trigger temper from a potential abuser whose response to a woman telling him not to verbally abuse her is threatening to kill her via long fall to the street. Should I look up DJ's prison record? Because at this point, I'm pretty sure he's got one. When he's calm, he has a certain amount of charm. But we've seen the mask drop once -- and once is all it takes. Nothing he does from now on can ever put it back in place. Sure, he apologized. Yippee. Did it right on camera. One captured sorry. Way to spin -- out. Stay away.

ResF: 2. Is this the personality type you want associated with your establishment? As much to the point, how badly do you want to have an intense discussion with him about anything?

RedF: 0. All rappers are not thugs. But that doesn't mean none of them are.

JJ: Just -- there. Barely. Blends into the background until confessionals arrive, says a line or two, then turns invisible again.

ResF: 2. Comes with his partner.

RedF: 6. More of a stabilizer.

Jake: Hasn't quite become the reasonable one yet, but his XY bitch vs. Danielle's XX is interesting to watch. Yes, he's on a show where he can say someone else is making it all about them and mean it! -- but he would be the expert on that, wouldn't he? Has a point about leaders knowing when to follow, but he has the most business expertise of anyone in the room and he seems afraid to apply it. He reminds me of Piers The Snake in that Apprentice season -- wait for it to go wrong, then claim you could have done it better, and hope no one notices you didn't make a move to stop it. Surprising passive-aggressive streak, mostly with Danielle. Seems to have no idea how to really directly confront Scott or anyone else. (Hey, the designer our hosts recommended is creating difficulties, wasting the budget, and giving the cast additional problems to overcome! Go figure!) Oils his way around the floor.

ResF: 7. Could put a good 'face' on the business (so to speak) and knows enough about running things to make a contribution -- if he can stand to act.

RedF: 5. Comes across as being on the upslope for his occasional moments of insight and standing against Danielle -- but it's partially illusion.

Heidi: Getting it done. Found the right chef at the right salary (although personally, I would go to any place Brad was running just to have fun looking at and eating the results). Didn't kill Danielle after that appointment sabotage -- wait, that's not a positive... Knows enough about manipulating the editing that it's hard to trust her on camera, but she almost makes me want to believe her when she says she still has some pain from the surgery. Knew enough to get away from Danielle once the fangs came out. Becoming interesting to watch. And really should be on the menu team.

ResF: 8. Knows the most about the industry, even if she has trouble finding the words to describe that knowledge. As long as you can keep Spencer out of things, she could be effective -- but there's your problem. Still, the one to beat.

RedF: 8. Still ditzy and lacking in book smarts, but compare her appearance here to IAC. She's just about approaching likeable.

Danielle: Can interfere with everyone, but no one can interfere with her. Has no problems with open sabotage, concealed sabotage, admitted sabotage, and may be arranging to have the others killed right now: would you bet against it? Constantly on the attack, but no one is allowed to defend themselves. Hates the world and doesn't understand when the world returns the favor. Makes all her arguments based on 'I'm right, so shut up.' Is rapidly running out of people who will not try to punch her numbed face on first sight. Could easily overload the post text limit if I described every last thing she's done wrong since I started writing it. And finally explains why every last Bravo show has a fight scene, because clearly she's on all of them.

ResF: 0. Does not and will never understand that she is Cast To Lose in semi-human form. She was brought in to provide conflict and drama. And once the place opens, she'll be cut loose to prevent conflict and drama. No one could stand to work with her on anything -- and so no one will.

RedF: 0. You're kidding, right?

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weltek 16933 desperate attention whore postings
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07-29-11, 12:57 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: Episodes #3 and #4: the race so far."
I agree-Jake and Heidi are the two frontrunners right now. Ashley is running a distant third due to all the reasons you cited. The only way I can see them taking her on is for the noteriety (sp?) factor. She's just come off her time in the spotlight and is young. Her name has buzz appeal. The others have/are wearing out their time in the spotlight.

I'm loving this show. After a glut of "let's watch chef's cook" or 24 hour business turnarounds, this is refreshing. We get to watch the whole process in a short timeframe, but not as short as 24 to 48 hours.

-A Tribetastic Creation

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08-03-11, 11:25 PM (EST)
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19. "I think we have found the reason..."
Seems Boogie and his partner are being sued for embezzlement and then gambling/spending the money away...

http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/big-brother-contestant-mike-boogie-malin-sued-for-embezzlement-12540.php

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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08-04-11, 08:07 AM (EST)
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20. "RE: I think we have found the reason..."
So much for staying out of the Big Brother Alumni Jailbird Society. Is there any club he won't scam his way into being a member of? And this time, it may have even been literal!

*rolls eyes*

There are two problems with this accusation. The first -- and minor one -- is that it's Malin. It's very easy to believe just about any accusation anyone throws at him because his media appearances have not exactly led to a perception of high business standards. He may be lucky enough to get a fair trial in court, but he'll have a hard time finding one here.

The major issue: this just made me root for Danielle.

Think about it.

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08-04-11, 08:35 AM (EST)
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21. "Episode #5: the joy of mutiny."
If Danielle was a member of Congress, the country would be in default right now.

Remember who's running the show and why: the Dolces want conflict. Would it surprise anyone if the camera operators were supposed to let them know when Danielle and her minions were out of the room? Okay, we've got them separated: place that menu call and stir dissent. But in this case, dissent needed stirring because fury was the only thing cooking in the officially-illegal kitchen. Every dish proposed had been ala' Danielle, which meant it was not only inedible, but poisonous at any portion size. Throwing the task to the design team was the only way to save the schedule while making it look like the contestants still had any influence at all.

So Ashley took initiative. And then refused to take confrontation, which would normally lose her some points -- a partner has to be willing to get in there with claws out -- but in this case, avoiding Danielle is just a way of saying that you'd like to keep your eyes, thankee. And being out of the room when that fight went down also kept her away from Danielle's oh-so-charming post-battle words. You know the differences between Ashely's former profession and Danielle's current one? Not only was Ashley's more honest and sincere in intent, but at least someone got to enjoy it.

Did Danielle get anything right? Well, she got her usual dose of hypocrisy: sure, I'll go behind everyone's back and hire the chef I wanted all along with no other input. No wonder she felt it was a mutiny: she's believed she was the captain all along, and everyone else was just chained to the oars. And yes, she did a cute job of reading Jake's body language. Plus let's face it: she was undercut --

-- but there are captains who make mutinies necessary. And holding back the checkbook at a time when they needed it -- closing the only window they had for the sign placement -- forced the design team's hand. The new menu was the first shot: the trip to the bank put Danielle on the plank. All we need now is the sound of sawing.

(Another major question: should she have allowed anyone to meet up with her for the expenses required to get the kitchen back up to code? Sure, that could have been scheduled for later, but Keith can't start experimenting without a place to do it, and every day lost there puts its own cost on the menu. The time to strike was then and there.)

The amazing part: at least for what we saw on camera, no one ever managed to tell her they'd been spending 'her' money. There was probably a completely separate explosion which we were never shown...

'I insist that you text me all details!' They tried to call you and you ignored them. (Also, Ashley should be feeling that irony.) 'I insist that you wait for me to do everything! By the way, open my computer program for me, peon!' (Yeah, right...) 'I insist that I am the goddess of all creation, and you will worship me!'

Well -- no. But if you truly insist, I'm sure someone would be willing to find a straitjacket in your size. That's Troll Regular, right?

What would the world be like without Captain Hook? Let's find out!

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08-09-11, 04:42 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: Episode #5: the joy of mutiny."
Bonus Moment: Jake not understanding why Heidi called Mike "Boogie."

I keep wanting to call Danielle "Janice." Uh huh, THAT Janice.


-A Tribetastic Creation

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08-09-11, 05:10 PM (EST)
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23. "RE: Episode #5: the joy of mutiny."
She'd have to appear on at least six more reality series. And probably will... with the next one being Celebrity Rehab. I checked her Wikipedia page and found this:

"May 2011, she signed a 3 year deal with Scores Gentleman's Club as a fully nude stripper and star in adult online content.

Days after signing her contract for adult performances, Staub announced she is seeking psychological and addiction treatment and has "walked away" from the deal."

(Sorry for making anyone picture Danielle trying to arouse patrons. And beyond.)

This becomes at least twice as funny when you consider her interactions with Ashley. 'I decry what I perceive you as being because I'm about to take a subsection of the overall path and I'll be better at it!'

I'd like to think she walked away after the entire house at Scores did it on her.

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08-10-11, 12:29 PM (EST)
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24. "ROFLMAO!"
"Dr. Drew on line 4 for Danielle!"

I'm trying to think of a concept for a Danielle/Janice show anyone would watch. I'm not even sure a premise that has them both dying at the end would entice anyone to tune in.


-A Tribetastic Creation

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08-10-11, 02:28 PM (EST)
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25. "RE: ROFLMAO!"
I'm pretty sure people would watch that one just for the conclusive money shot. Or in that case, the final burst of full autofire. (For targeting Janice, that's armor-piercing bullets with acid cores. You need to take out the inorganics to have any chance of making this work.) But Celebrity Rehab... convince me Danielle wouldn't turn the group discussion into her own personal sport. 'Each time I bully someone into relapsing, five points! Twenty if they leave and fifty if they die!'

But given the filming time for the current series, this conclusively gives us one bit of reassurance: Danielle didn't win. Take out the ego factor and she'd have no reason to have signed that contract if she'd won -- and there's a chance that event might point to an Ashley victory. 'You think you beat me in my field? I'm going to go trump you in yours!' Which, as far as logic goes, bears pretty much no resemblance to any form of reality, but we're talking about Danielle's thought process and I can see her lying herself into it.

This could turn the rest of the season into A Portrait Of Danielle's Nervous Breakdown, Already In Progress. And that sales pitch should be worth at least three viewers.

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08-11-11, 06:57 AM (EST)
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26. "Episode #6: everything but the editing."
What do the Dolces control? All elements but that last -- which got proven last night to the nines. In light of recent scandal events, How much would Malin pay to have that 'genitals in the till' line removed forever? Too late, too late...

But they have a grip on every other detail, and all they do with it is try and ramp up the drama. Force Ashley and Danielle into the same room? Check. Push Danielle's 'it is okay for you to interfere with everyone, but no one is allowed to prevent it, do it to you, or commit any action that you find disagree in any way, including breathing' button? Check. (It's hard to miss, given that it's eighteen miles wide.) Have Scott, the designer they recommended, continue to act like a complete ass whose only role in this production is that of portable money sink? Check and check. Jake's inability to read contracts through all the way? Well, they cast him, so check...

(Note that Scott did say he'd provide all services for a stated grand total -- and is asking for more money. He may not be in violation of the seating total (and doesn't know his own contract that well, period), but he might have thrown a chair through another clause or two.)

At some point, all these manipulated internal problems have a chance to turn into 'Check please' for a member of the cast. And now we've got the general manager -- who's worked with the Dolces before and is the person they would have chosen. Just like Scott! And how well has that worked out so far? Check? Check! Hey kids, this guy was at the last place when it closed! No coincidence there, right? Sure, nothing to worry about at all. At all. AT all -- are you buying this yet? At all...

And still we have Danielle, who won't believe her menu svcks until Keith says it to her face. Which he did. And she didn't believe it. Followed by a breakdown which lasted just long enough to get confessional time, attempting to destroy everyone else because they were interfering with what her deity clearly intends as her place, and she should know because she worships herself. An almighty power is mentally unbalanced. Gosh, that's gonna make services fun. I'm now waiting for her to Abominate chocolate.

Some faint progress was made in this episode, especially as regards the menu (some of those section titles made it to launch day), but last night's theme was all about the Dolces forcing things to become worse. Hey, if you want to work with them, you've got to expect regular screwings from your partners!

Malin would pay to have that line removed too.

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08-25-11, 10:27 AM (EST)
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27. "Notes."
1. The only things sadder than watching JJ's repeated drunken sprees are his partner's attempts to justify them as something cultural that the rest of us just don't get. And you wonder how alcoholics find support for continuing their addiction. The confessional cameras were merciless last night: go ahead and explain it away, because we'll relay every last word.

Actually, there's something even sadder than that. People will believe them.

2. Again: Danielle can scream anything she wants to about you, but no one can say anything about her or hers. Because that's wrong. Nothing else is. Only that. So you'd better stop right now so she can scream some more. You're interrupting.

3. And as long as we're on 'again': the Dolces are the ones who recommended Scott. Scott, who has repeatedly lied to the group. Scott, who only hears the requests that allow him to grab money. Scott, who delivers nothing he was paid for. Scott, who doesn't give a damn about the restaurant. Scott, who gets paid and leaves. A group which has been accused of theft from their partners recommended a designer who makes cash vanish. Think any of those missing dollars cycled back to them? But don't worry about Scott in that scenario: I'm sure they let him keep a percentage.

This show has had a very small audience. This means there's a good chance Scott will work again. Beware...

4. Dress rehearsal makes sense. Springing it on the group with a two-day deadline does not. This is another Dolce-scripted disaster about to be in progress, and it once again makes me question whether anyone is going to win this show -- and, given that financial scandal, whether they're all better off losing.

JJ may be the luckiest person there. At least until he drops dead from alcohol poisoning. (Next week.)

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08-26-11, 01:31 PM (EST)
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28. "*boggle*"

I really, really don't understand this Scott thing. Really, Dolce, you recommended him? Or is this just how it works in LA? Does his reputation mean nothing to him? The design was HORRID (I can't believe the team seemed to have no idea this is what it would look like), he obviously lied to them multiple times, and is a general a**. Maybe you are right...it doesn't matter given the viewership.

I agree with your JJ & Paul point. It really is sad.

Danielle is everything I hate about self-professed/wear it on my sleeve "strong women." I was actually impressed with Ashley keeping her cool.


-A Tribetastic Creation

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08-26-11, 02:38 PM (EST)
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29. "RE: *boggle*"
No matter who gets the partership-they're'-better-off-without, Ashley has won the show.

Scott... I have to wonder just how much shaving was going on there. Does his firm make the furniture themselves? Extra overcharge, because they can nail you on raw materials, manufacturing costs, labor... Forgetting just how many people were supposed to sit in the place may have been his way of driving the per-unit cost up. And then delivering damaged pieces (not injured in the rapper rampage) -- well, quality costs money, so why do you expect him to spend yours? And sure, someone should have been checking on his results. But that would have meant leaving the room -- and the Dolces were keeping the group too busy for frequent side trips.

There's a question of just how much sabotage is deliberate from the production side down, and there will continue to be one until someone forces Malin to lie on the stand. But this is the designer they wanted -- and so on some level, you'd think the results would be in the script too.

I still wouldn't be surprised by 'No one wins. Thanks for the cheap labor.' Unless, of course, the 'winner' has a lot of money for Malin to schedule dates with.

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08-26-11, 02:43 PM (EST)
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30. "RE: *boggle*"
Which reminds me...
Worst Dressed=Boogie

And that's saying a lot when Vinnie and DJ Paul's bling are in the room.


-A Tribetastic Creation

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09-01-11, 09:20 AM (EST)
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31. "Opening night."
Oh, Heidi... *sigh* You really could feel sorry for her if you wanted to. Does she overstate the danger of her life, taking bodyguards with her everywhere and being afraid to post her activities on Twitter lest nutcases track her down? Somewhat. Probably. But as we were so rudely reminded on BB, there are genuine dangers out there. Heidi has reason for concern and caution -- but living in fear is the wrong way to go.

Living in I-forgot-to-mention-the-place ditziness isn't helpful either. (Odds that she did say 'Lemon Basket' and had it edited out: low. I am curious as to just when that show airs on the West Coast, though.) A perfect promo opportunity and the ability to justify her absences while proving she deserved to be the partner, blown out of the water with a torpedo and nailed again with a missile before it could drop. Taking up a table the entire night was just bonus negative points on the meter. Heidi probably just played herself out of the competition. But at least her drink might catch on. I'm sure she's already had twenty of them.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Did last night's episode seem rushed? Test night, a few shots of the revamp, and then it's time to open? What happened to the intervening week?

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Given all the antics (Scott) they were personally either responsible for or directed others into, the Dolces are not in a position to be complaining about any patron acting up for the sake of the cameras. They're barely in a position to complain about someone setting their feet on fire. 'You finished with only $412 to spare!' And who figured out how much to give them? Who may have been telling certain people to rip them off at every opportunity while collecting kickbacks? The world will never know, at least until the testimony gets forced out.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

It might have been a good idea to tell the team they were responsible for filling the place a little earlier than opening night. Just saying. (And DJ's crew cannot afford to drop in every evening and spend the place into a lower level of red. One night of drawing card does not a deck make.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Danielle: dismissing everyone else's efforts in a single breath since the moment the oxygen first corroded her lungs. If Danielle had switched places with Ashley for all labor conducted, Danielle would have worked very hard. But Ashley did all that, so Ashley did nothing important and pretty much nothing at all. Thus spake the Danielle. May next week shut it up.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Diet Coke is suing the Dolces for sullying their brand name with their lips. 'We don't serve soda. It's a personal statement of taste.' That might have flown...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

So who wins? Personally, I think Ashley's dark horse is picking up speed.

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09-08-11, 06:24 AM (EST)
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32. "Finale: Apprentii."
Physical Abuser and Emotional Abuser for the win.

What happened last night, other than a desperate attempt to sneak the results in over the closing credits and a deliberate ignorance of all that had come before? This. 'Ashley, while you are the best possible choice from this group in terms of potential and the skills you might ultimately bring to the table, you have the smallest amount of money for us to steal. Therefore, we are going to go with the two who have the most bling and bank accounts, then rip both of them off. Double the winners, double the scam, and next week in Vegas, Malin has a double-date!'

It's just a theory, but I really like the look of it.

Yes, the results destroyed my 'Danielle doesn't win' concept. Not that I'm disappointed, since recent events suggest the best possible result for the players was not getting the dubious prize at all and Ashley really couldn't afford to be the victor. In fact, of the seven, if you wanted two people to be robbed -- well, some of y'all are substituting Jake in there, but DJ & Danielle are going to be near or at the top of the charts.

Did our chosen two really do that much? Claiming the menu was theirs is to ignore the original mess that Ashley ultimately made into something workable. And then you're ignoring all the screaming, and the throwing of furnishings, and said abuse, and -- well, generally to ignore that much, you've got to be in the editing room, but it all made the air and they ignored it anyway. The winners can't call their friends in to spend money every night. They're not necessarily going to dedicate themselves fully to the business. But they each have cash and they're going in mostly blind as to the realities of the industry -- especially the financial ones.

You could argue that Ashley lost for not having enough to steal. Jake and Heidi both may have gone out because they know business/restaurants well enough to spot a hole in their bank accounts. And Vinnie -- no one knows why Vinnie does anything, possibly including Vinnie, but his timing was retroactively perfect.

So farewell to the series as it wraps up its one and only season, good luck to Ashley in her future endeavors, and see you in the court records, because I really don't think any 'partners' got out of this unscathed.

Actually, there is a plus side to having two abusers standing at the end. What are the odds that one or both get to Malin before the judge does?

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08-24-12, 05:16 PM (EST)
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33. "Update."
After reading an article on Malin's approaching legal firestorm -- well, one of them -- I decided to check on what had happened to the Lemon Basket. Answer: it closed in October of last year, shortly after the season finished airing. The investors have been given vague promises that it might reopen in a new location because it's claimed the real problem was people not wanting to pay $20 for local parking. Nothing has come of those promises yet. I doubt anything ever will, unless you want to count additional lawsuits.

Again: the losers were the lucky ones. And I don't think we're ever going to see a Season #2...

http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/08/21/49472.htm

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