Cheated is exactly how I felt after watching this week’s episode! You will too but we will have to wait just a few before we get to that.
After seeing the highlights of previous happenings, we begin this episode with the final eight…four men and four women. This week’s screen test will be “watery grave” as the potential stars will be held captive on a boat and tied up as the boat begins to fill-up with water. Will our breathless hopefuls survive? Hold your breath with me as we find out!
As usual, we start 72 hours before screentest! It’s 6:20am as the houseguest begins to stir. AS peeps are waking up, we are shown flashbacks of the prior night where the heavenly hopefuls were partying and getting drunk. Well, we are shown Jared passed-out on the bedroom floor naked (DAMN BLURS)! He gets up and jumps in bed, where Melisande is sleeping and he begins to spoon her! In a confessional, Melisande explains that she “accidentally” fell asleep in Jared’s bed and that her sister had asked her before she left, if she was going to be the b!tch or the slut of the show. She then says, “Am I the slut of the show?” Well honey, let’s take a look at the situation at hand…Jared has a girlfriend at and you know about her, everyone gets drunk, you go to sleep in his bed and he jumps in naked. DOES A BEAR CRAP IN THE WOODS? Hell yes, and you are the slut of the show!
Jim the stunt diver shows up to give the final 8 a lesson in diving. All bathing beauties and handsome hunks get into swimming gear. They tie ropes to the feet of the Dewayne Johnson AKA: The Rock wannabees. They pull the ropes to take the swimmers under water and they have to struggle to make it back to the top of the water. Mae decides that she has to hold her nose. Mae darling, no one cut the cheese, you don’t have to hold your nose! I can see Mae in her first starring role…just as a ship is about to explode or sink she screams, “Let’s jump! It’s the only way we will survive and don’t forget to hold your nose!” She would be our very first soggy brain star! Well, maybe no the first, but holding your nose?…GEEZ!
Up next, the Netzero High Speed challenge! Each speculative star will be wearing a blacked-out mask for zero visibility. They have to hold onto a rope that runs along the bottom of the pool and through a tunnel. At the end of the rope, a diver awaits with an air source. They take a breath and head back the same way they came. Each has no problems except Mae and Melisande. They can’t hold their breaths that long!
48 hours until screentest and the tension is mounting. Melisande, Mark and Jared are discussing “Mark and Jared in the morning” which is a little thing that Mark and Jared does as they act as morning DJ’s on a radio station. All I have to say is…I hope they keep their real jobs!
Hollywood stylist Brenda Cooper, sister to Elvira shows up with bathing suits for all! Is it just me or do they look just alike? Anwho, Elvira Cooper talks about how Corrinne will be a tough cookie because she is so insecure about her body. Elvira sends the men to body make-up…woo hoo…now we are getting somewhere! The men strip to their boxers and the temperature goes up about 20 degrees! *Walks over and turns-on air conditioning* Now, back to the show, John is told he has to shave his chest L and Sean has to have make-up applied to make his suntan look natural. WTF? IT IS NATURAL! John is shown in the shower all lathered up and being shaved. He has a strange resemblance to Jeff Stryker (a very well endowed porn star)! I wonder if John is…never mind…back to the show!
All the ladies are shown trying on bathing suits and then Elvira says that Corrine and Melisande that they need a boob job. Well, I am not one to advocate doing things to your body that changes what you were born with, however, their chests are as flat as pancakes!
Next up, Howard tells them to write their own goodbyes as they are going to die and this will be their last words. John is up first and does a very touching job, as I get tears in my eyes! Mae is next and does a similar job as John. Sean is next and just blows away everyone. He really gets into it and you can tell the feelings are real! I must admit Sean does the best. Jared is up next and what can I say…it was like an SNL skit and WAY overacted! Howard doesn’t like it either. The casting cards go to Sean and Mae, they will get to pick their teams for the screentest.
Sean goes first and picks Jeanne, Corrinne and Johnn. Mae is stuck with Jared, Melisande and Mark.
That night, Chef Juliano is coming to prepare them a very sophisticated meal and they are to dress nicely. Chef Juliano appears and is a cross between Richard Simmons and Liberace. I really can’t tell the gender we have here. The chef is wearing those Velcro cotton pants that were popular in the late ‘80s with a tank top and a pink shirt over the tank. Both shirts are skin tight and showing a little stomach. Chef Juliano’s specialty is developing menus made of uncooked ingredients. Juliano leaves and Jared ties his shirt around him similar to the way the chef’s was tied. Jared proceeds to make fun of Juliano and Corrinne, Sean and Jeanne are offended and:
Jeanne: “Why can’t you let people be who they are?”
Jared: “I am being myself.” (what? A flaming homosexual?)
Jeanne: “Juliano gave us some really good food and I don’t like the way you are making fun of him”
Jared: “Maybe you should remove yourself from the situation!”
Sean: “Lemme as you something?”
Jared: “I don’t want to talk about it right now Sean.”
Sean: “Excuse me?”
Jared: “I don’t wanna talk about it right now.”
Sean: “I am gonna ask you a f*cking question anyways, all right?”
Jared: “Your not gonna get an answer so why waist your breath?”
Jared: “I don’t wanna talk about it right now”
Jared: “I just said Sean, what’s so hard about that?”
Sean: “You know, you got a serious attitude problem you know that and one of these days, someone is gonna punch you in the mouth!”
Jared: “Is that a threat?”
Sean: “It’s not a threat, I am just telling you!”
Jared was a jackarse and Sean was very sexy being all upset and all.
8 hours until screentest and it is 4:30am with the contestants on their way to tape the screentest. The screentest is set in a huge pool with a fake boat in the center. Our victims will be tied to the boat until our hero arrives to rescue them. There will be a fight, victims freed and just before the boat explodes, everyone will jump from the boat. Of course, Mae will be holding her nose!
Mae’s team goes first and I thought was way overacted and not that good. Sean’s team up next and I think did the best! With Sean being our very sexy hero!
At the recap, Victoria, Louis and Alan watch “watery grave” to deterimine who goes home. They discuss the performances and determine Jeanne, Sean, John and Corrinne were the strongest team. Alan wants Jared sent home and Louis wants mark sent home. Alan and Louis disagree on the female to be sent home. Louis likes Melisande and Alan likes Mae. Who goes home tonight? STAY TUNED!
Call backs, Tina shows up with scripts for their next screentest.
First script: John
Next script: Corrinne
Third script: Sean
Next script: Jeanne
Tina says, “deciding which two would leave was a tough decision and everyone gets a call back!”
WTF? I have been cheated! Why make this show at all or at least condense into the next show! So, I hope you feel just as cheated to have to read my summary as I was to have had to watch the show!
Next week: Last kiss!
Director of Public Relations for GAWKUR!