Let me just start by saying that once, just once, I'd love for all the girls to stand up and unanimously say they're out of there at a Pick 'n Kick (also known in such glowing terms as the "Rose Ceremony".)That aside, here's the lowdown on last night's shocking (ha!) episode:Helene - Aspen
Helene's been my personal fav from the get-go. Maybe it's her slightly irreverent attitude to the whole show, maybe it's her confidence, then again, maybe it's because she's the only brunette left and therefore a kindred spirit. Aaron and Helene meet in Aspen, Colorado for a mountain fantasy date starting out with a big, enthusiastic hug from Aaron. He does seem more natural (if there is such a thing) around Helene than any of the other girls. They picnic on the mountain slope and why they couldn't have picked a level place, we'll never know. Must have been hard to balance food, glass, and not slide down the mountain. He comments that he doesn't know much about psychology -- duh, obviously!
Helene deliberately lingers over lunch to avoid the next task, horseback riding. She's never been before, and despite his bravada, the few shots we get of him riding declare him to be a rookie as well. I do love when he tells her to "Giddy-up, cowgirl" as I think that it will portend some interesting interplay later on in the date. But, I digress.
At dinner (at Caribou Alley, an excellent restaurant by the way), they awkwardly discuss having kiddies and the whole will she/won't she stay at home issue. Then, the envelope from Chris-the-host-with-the-most-worthless-role-in-reality-TV is opened. For brevity sake, I will tell you that Aaron suckers each of the women the same way with the old, 'let's just go check it out, have a hot tub, and then if you want we'll go back to our separate rooms and meet for breakfast' routine.
A fabulous $4 million Aspen home is their "suite" and Helene declares it's her dream home as it is for 99.99% of all viewers. They pop into the hot tub, Aaron in the same swim trunks that we've all seen before and may I say, what's with that humongous hair clip in Helene's hair? It's almost bigger than her head! Aaron sticks with his no-lie policy by being noncommittal when asked about the future. Of course, he asks her first and gets the right answer. Kissy, kissy, nothing racey. Back to the couch in front of the fire for some spooning, kissy, kissy, and it looks like they both fell asleep.
Gwen - San Francisco
The preview before commercial break shows Gwen from the previous Pick 'n Kick saying she has something (gasp) shocking that she needs to reveal to Aaron. I'm thinking, unwed pregnancy, gender change surgery--all the biggies. We'll see what this is at dinner during their fantasy date.
Again, starting off with a picnic. Was that all the producers could think of as romantic? More kissing than with Helene, but definitely much more stiff. This could be because Gwen bugs me. She looks too much like a Kewpie doll with that thin hair and that unbelievably big forehead. But, I digress... She seems quite nervous. He says that he sees them together in the future (could this be a lie, Aaron?)
Dinner at the Fairmont reveals the big shocker...she was married six years ago at age 24. She says she knew it was mistake two months before the wedding and it didn't last long. They're divorced and the wedding was annulled. She insists that next time will be a keeper. Oh, so this is a better way to pick a mate than last time? Sheesh. More kissing. Cut to Aaron saying that he hoped that the secret would have been a way to differentiate who to keep and who to kick. Hmmm, perhaps some foreshadowing?
Again, the envelope, blah, blah, blah. They go up to a suite at the Fairmont. Why is it that my rooms never looked like that when I've stayed there? Same questions: "Can you see us together in the future," that he asked Helene. Boy, Aaron really has a formula, doesn't he?. The door is shown being locked and then some really poor camera handling with the final night photography shot of Gwen and Aaron looking pretty cozy indeed sucking face. Last comment from Aaron, "She could be the one."
Brooke - Kauai
Now that I know the scoop that Brooke's dad is a rapist and a pedophile, I'm more concerned about her decision not to find out what he did and that she's soooo proud of him. Yeah, I bet he can't wait to babysit her kids someday. Yeech.
They come up with a different way to start the date by going sailing and snorkeling. Aaron comments (to Brooke) that he went into this date from the others sure that he'd give a rose to each of them, but now it's not that easy. Brooke just keeps looking at him like she's about to burst into tears but manages to squeeze a smile out instead. Lots of smoochy, smoochy. Aaron dons the same geeky swim trunks and they blissfully sail off into the sunset...not yet, though.
Dinner is at a beachside ramada at the Princeville Resort (again, a place I've been to. Isn't it weird that they've picked all the spots I've gone? Hmmm, makes you think, doesn't it?) This time, he's the chatterbox but he says that he can't put her mind at ease, yackety, yack, yack. The envelope is whipped out. Same spiel about checking it out. And then, Aaron pulls the most hokey thing yet - he presents Brooke with one of those $19.95 certificates naming a star after her dead sister, and Brooke squeals that she can't wait to tell her daddy!
Hot tub time once again. And, for the best quote of the show, Aaron gleefully says, "...and they're all into me!" I guess that's a novelty for him.
Back to the Bachelor Pad
At this point I'm thinking Helene and Gwen. Aaron tells Chris he needs five minutes alone with each contestant. He asks them the same questions: can you see me as your husband, and how will you feel if you don't get a rose. They all answer pretty much the same. And, was it my imagination, or did Brooke walk in like she'd been rode hard and put away wet?
(Drum roll please.) Aaron seriously looks like he's going to throw up. Big sigh from him and then a tense pause before...Helene. (Personal yea from me.) At least Chris doesn't step in and say the obvious "This is the last rose" as if no one can count this time. Another long pause...Brooke. (Gasp! Shock!) Gwen holds it together and when he walks her outside, she nails him, and I'm sort of sad that she won't be around anymore.
But, not much.
Next week on The Bachelor...
The cats gather together and Aaron is foolish enough to show up. Psycho Christi claims she hasn't killed any rabbits and Texas Heather sees what all the girls said about her.
Can't wait.
REALITYcoholic
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