Skating with Celebrities: Episode 2
Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Judges?

It’s Week 2 of Skating with Celebrities. Last week Fox pulled one over on us and gave us a semi-decent show. Can Fox keep it up, or is the joke on us?

Scott promises that tonight will be fun. Summer reminds us that the pair with the lowest combined score after tonight will be sent home. Bummer.

The current standings:
Jillian Barberie and John Zimmerman: 51.8
Nancy Kerrigan and Dave Coulier: 49.3
Tai Babilonia and Bruce Jenner: 48.8
Kurt Browning and Deborah Gibson: 48.0
Jenni Meno and Todd Bridges: 47.7
Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler: 47.5

Only 4.3 points separates the top pair (Jillian/John) from the bottom (Kristy/Lloyd), so Scott tells us that tonight isn’t about winning; it’s about avoiding elimination. Game on.

Tonight’s Element: In addition to the spin with three revolutions from last week, skaters must do synchronized footwork, which Scott says involves skaters doing tricky steps that must cover at least half the length of the ice. What Scott means is that skaters must do some sort of movement that may or may not resemble actual skating without falling down.

Tonight’s Musical Theme: Music from the 70’s

First up: Kristy and Lloyd

Practice:
Lloyd thinks Kristy can do it, but Kristy’s worried because she can’t act her way out of it. Lloyd wants to make her feel comfortable. This is a really boring practice video. Their skating together has improved, though.

Tonight:
She’s wearing a blue…ummm…thing. They’re pants and a shirt with fringe, I guess. He’s wearing a matching blackish-silverish thing with a silver vest. They’ve got headbands on. The song is Boogie Fever.

They start with some hip swiveling. They take a couple of steps, then some more hip swiveling. This time the hip swiveling borders on grinding with his hand placed firmly on her bottom. Moving on to the footwork sequence. We’ve got three turns (kind of). We’ve got glides with weird leg kicks. We’ve got arm movements. We’ve even got a stop. Nothing terribly difficult, but they looked good doing it.

More dancing. A grapevine on toepicks. Then there’s this thing that’s I almost mistook for a bounce spin in a funny position, but then I realized that it was because her trunk muscles weren’t tight enough to keep her leg in one spot. She comes out of it poorly (her blade was almost perpendicular to the direction of travel) and almost fell, but I’ll give her points for having the guts to be spun around without having any appendages on the ice. It’s a scary feeling. The spin is longer than 3 revolutions, on one foot, and with a decent free leg position. Her arms are even above her head, which makes things harder. My night is getting better already.

More dancing, then a lift that used a spiral as an entrance. Her spiral is not so good, so that’s probably not the entrance I would have chosen, but I guess it worked. The position was so-so. He puts her down, dips her, and it’s over.

The judges’ comments:
Dorothy Hamill: She loves the 70’s. Great connection.

Mark Lund: Wonderful energy, wonderful program.

John Nicks: He thought the last program was deplorable, but this week was good. Lloyd is a strong skater, and he showed it. No comments at all about Kristy’s skating…

My comments: So much better than last week. Kristy really needs to work on her flexibility and core body strength, especially if they’re going to be doing lifts. I can’t get over how much better they look this week.

Scores – (Scale of 1 to 10):
Technical Merit:
John Nicks: 8.5
Dorothy Hamill: 8.4
Mark Lund: 8.3
Total Technical Merit= 25.2

Artistry:
John Nicks: 8.6
Dorothy Hamill: 8.5
Mark Lund: 8.4
Total Artistic Impression= 25.5

Combined Score (Tonight): 50.7/60.0
Combined Score (Last week and tonight): 98.2

Next up: Nancy/Dave

Practice:
There’s challenging choreography in the new program. He made Nancy fall. WHHHHYYYYYY?????? Why did he do this to poor Nancy? Why her? Why now? So many questions, but there’s one question I can answer. I watched it in slow motion twice, and there is no evidence of a big black pipe.

Uh oh. After Nancy fell down, Dave apologized and tried to help her up, but she says she can’t move her leg. WHHHHYYY???

Dave has trouble remembering programs. No word on Nancy’s injury, but she’s back on my TV, so I guess she’s ok, but they’ll probably only get the silver medal because of it.

Tonight
She’s wearing a blue dress. He’s wearing jeans and a black shirt and sunglasses. They’re skating to Get Up Off Of That Thing.

She starts on a stool. I wish she’d stay there.

They do forward crossovers. They do backward crossovers. He hindersassists in a camel spin that moves so slowly that I’m not entirely sure Nancy’s moving. He sits on the stool. Since when are props allowed? What kind of competition is this? While sitting on the stool he tries to dance in that horribly awkward looking way that only sober white guys can do. Nancy skates around to try to distract from his dancing and to make the judges forget that one of them isn’t skating.

I think the next thing that happens is the footwork sequence. I say “I think” because Dave doesn’t do anything except glide on two feet. There’s a change in direction, but it’s still just a two-foot glide. Nancy, on the other hand, does a waltz jump…but no footwork. Oh, wait. That’s right. The footwork has to be synchronized, so that can’t be it. They just did essentially nothing for a full length of the ice because Dave can’t skate. Sorry.

Nancy does a death drop, but nobody died. Sorry about that, too. The spin is on two feet and slow. Really slow. Painfully slow.

Oh, the real footwork sequence! Let’s see what they do. Dave does an inside spread eagle, but he isn’t flexible, so his knees are bent and he’s hunched over. Nancy does a spiral behind him, which is kind of brave considering Dave’s skating ability. Dave sits down on the stool and dances again. Nancy sits on his lap to make him stop. They end a second or two before the music, but it feels like an eternity. Wait. That wasn’t a footwork sequence.

I’m so confused. I’ll rewind the tape and check on this synchronized footwork thing. Yep, it definitely said “synchronized.” Now, I skated on a synchronized skating team, so I know what synchronized means. It means that you do the same thing at the same time, not that one of you glides on two feet while the other one does things that aren’t much more difficult, but a little more difficult.

I’ll rewatch the tape again to make sure. Oooohhhh, I see it now. It’s that 3 second long time where there are moving dots on my screen because the camera is so far away. Okay. They did a footwork sequence. I can’t see what exactly they did, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t hard.

The judges’ comments:

Mark Lund: He was thoroughly entertained last week, but this week he was thoroughly not entertained.

Dorothy Hamill: It looked like they were having trouble getting in synch, but they look cute. Obviously Dorothy and I did not watch the same program because “cute” was not in the top 100 words I would use to describe them.

John Nicks: Nancy, good skating. Dave’s hockey skating helps some things, but not the artistry. He needs to work on his upper body and get some elegant moves. Where is him feminine side? Funny, I wanted to ask Nancy that same question…She used to be a fairly elegant skater. Now, not so much.

My comments:
Please go home. Now. They were boring. Beyond boring, even. They didn’t do anything, so I can’t comment on technique. It’s pretty hard to screw up sitting on a stool…though they came close.

Scores – (Scale of 1 to 10):
Technical Merit:
John Nicks: 7.9 For what? Name one thing that was hard enough for a 7.9, John. Just one.
Dorothy Hamill: 8.0 See above, but add more emphasis.
Mark Lund: 7.8
Total Technical Merit= 23.7

Artistry:
John Nicks: 7.9
Dorothy Hamill: 8.0 Dorothy, I wish you had been a judge for my competitions because I would have won every competition I entered. I love you, but you gave them an 8.0 for artistry? I would have given them something along the lines of a 2.0.
Mark Lund: 7.8
Total Artistic Impression= 23.7

Combined Score: 47.4/60.0
Combined Score (Last week and tonight): 96.7

Gather your teddy bears and pillows, folks. It’s story time. Scott tells us that the 70’s was a great decade for our next pair. Not so great for him though. He was in high school. *Cue sad music and sorrowful faces* Puberty, pimples, bad hair. Scott, why are you telling us this? Do we care? Do we even want to know at all?

Next: Tai/Bruce

Practice:
They’re going to add rhythm and finesse to their program because of the theme this week. Bruce is a slave driver and makes Tai take a day off. He comes in and practices on his day off. He’s practicing a camel spin.

Last week he couldn’t do a two foot spin. Somehow I think that these tapes are being shown to us out of order. I know it was taped in September/October, but I’m confused because people are improving really quickly, but there were only 5 or 6 days between filmings.

Tonight:
She’s wearing a purple dress; he’s in purple pants and a shirt covered in swirls. They’re skating to Shake Your Groove Thing.

They start with some dancing, then the spin. Over three revolutions on two feet. They do a bunch of pull waltz jumps.

He does some forward gliding while Tai does a couple falling leaf jumps. Their synchronized footwork includes some three turns (real ones…I’m so proud) with lots of gliding in between. Not hard, but the three turns are at least true three turns done on one foot.

Lots of crossovers, then he assists in a camel spin…much better than Dave’s assist. He almost drops her on the final position, but it’s done.

The judges’ comments:
John Nicks: They tried very hard and have a good relationship, but neither are in the shape that they were in during the 70’s.

Mark Lund: The pull waltz jumps were wonderful. They give a lot more than the minimum, and that’s the mark of a great performance.

Dorothy Hamill: They make Dorothy want to do it. Skating, folks. Get your mind out of the gutter. Bruce is a very brave man. She loved it.

My comments:
I think part of the reason that Bruce looks awkward is because he’s tall and lanky. Tall people generally don’t look very good on the ice unless they have perfect form, and even then they tend to look awkward, especially guys. He could stand to bend his knees more and stand up straighter, but his technique is pretty good. He isn’t confident enough, so he looks unstable, but really he’s centered over the right part of the blade. Relaxing his shoulders would make him look like a whole new skater and give the illusion of confidence.

Scores – (Scale of 1 to 10):
Technical Merit:
John Nicks: 7.9
Dorothy Hamill: 8.3
Mark Lund: 8.1
Total Technical Merit= 24.3

Artistry:
John Nicks: 8.1
Dorothy Hamill: 8.4
Mark Lund: 8.2
Total Artistic Impression= 24.7

Combined Score: 49.0/60.0
Combined Score (Last week and tonight): 97.8

Next: Jillian/John

Practice:
Practice was going well, then Jillian pulled her groin “a little bit.” Isn’t it a strain if it’s only a little bit? The choreographer makes this out to be a big deal by saying that it could become a chronic problem and she won’t be able to skate, but people – especially low level skaters - skate all the time on strained groins. She stretches and says she’s okay. John thinks it could cost them the competition. I’ll bet him seven dollars that it won’t. She complains that it’s getting worse. I feel absolutely no sympathy for her, but maybe that’s the competitive skater coming out in me. Also, she whines. A lot. Granted, that could be editing, but if I hear her say “my pulled groin” one more time, I’m going to throw up.

Tonight:
She’s wearing a little silver dress. Emphasis on “little.” He’s in jeans, a white wifebeater, and an unbuttoned silverbutton-down shirt. They’re skating to More than a Woman.

They start with inside spread eagles in a circle like the little kids do at public skates at the rink, though they do a much better job than most of the little kids. John lifts Jillian up into a lift that requires no effort. Big surprise there.

The footwork is a mohawk sequence where Jillian’s feet are so far apart that I can’t tell if they’re open or closed mohawks. There’s a little toe hopping after that (often referred to as a toe-toe-down), then a double three turn that shows that Jillian still hasn’t learned about checking her shoulders. The next set of double three turns is a little better until the end, where she’s clearly leading with the wrong shoulder, and it causes a massive arm swing. Next up is another mohawk that I’m pretty sure was supposed to be an open mohawk, but only because I walked through their footwork on my bedroom floor and that’d be the most natural, not because I could tell by looking at Jillian’s feet.

The spin is a layback. She definitely gets points for being able to do it without too much traveling, but her back is pretty straight and her free leg is in a very awkward position and her foot is really flexed. It went more than three revolutions.

They do a couple more lifts that require lots of work from John and no work from Jillian except to point her toes, and she doesn’t do that, but whatever. They’re done now.

The judges’ comments:
Mark Lund: Loved the footwork and layback, but they didn’t have the same connection as last week.

Dorothy Hamill: They’re beautiful to watch together, they brought class to the 70’s, they look fine together.

John Nicks: It was a good performance, but a disappointing one. It was controlled and elegant, but not exciting. He didn’t see any improvement from last week. If they want to be successful in the competition, they’ll have to improve because the other pairs are catching up. Ummmm…right. What other pairs are catching up? Kristy and Lloyd, maybe. Everyone else, not so much.

My comments:
I’m hard on Jillian because to the average viewer she looks pretty good. She is definitely the best celebrity skater, but a lot of the basics need work. She really needs to work on checking her shoulders and pointing her toes. I didn’t really like the program. I would have chosen more upbeat music because when you compare a fast program to a slow program, the fast one is generally more entertaining and gets higher artistic marks.

Scores – (Scale of 1 to 10):
Technical Merit:
John Nicks: 8.4
Dorothy Hamill: 8.6
Mark Lund: 8.2
Total Technical Merit= 25.2

Artistry:
John Nicks: 8.5
Dorothy Hamill: 8.4
Mark Lund: 8.3
Total Artistic Impression= 25.2

Combined Score:50.4/60.0
Combined Score (Last week and tonight): 102.2

Next: Deborah/Kurt
Practice:
Deborah and Kurt practice in Canada. She didn’t like coming in forth. She’s now turning into a royal pain and yelling at everyone.

Tonight:
She’s in a black shirt and black pants. He’s in black pants, a white shirt, and an awful toupee. They’re skating to You’re the One that I Want.

She starts by sliding on the ice between his legs. It looks like they should have done a pull-through there, but they didn’t even attempt it, so it looked kind of weird. A couple of seconds later, they do a pull through. Interesting way to arrange things.

The spin is on one foot and is over three revolutions. She stepped out of it because she didn’t have a good free leg position. They aren’t doing much skating…it’s more dancing stuff.

Their footwork includes some one foot glides, some running steps, a two foot three turn, another two foot three turn, and a two foot glide with some hand clapping. Out of all of these, the running steps are the hardest.

They do backwards crossovers that are very marchy. Kurt’s pumping his arm up and down on each step of the crossover, and on every third one they lift their inside knee. I bet you can see Deborah saying “step, cross, step, cross, step, cross, knee” over and over if you zoom in. She also needs to point her toe.

Kurt grabs Deborah by the waist and directs her because she skates on a flat. It looks like it has the potential to be slightly painful. Kurt drags her around in a dip, they dance, and they do something that sort of looks like a pull waltz jump (although earlier Kurt mentioned a pull Arabian…that wasn’t a pull Arabian, but it wasn’t a waltz jump, either). They end with Kurt lifting her up and spinning her. You can tell that he isn’t a pairs skater, and you can tell that she isn’t a skater at all.

The judges’ comments:

John Nicks: It was just sort of okay, nothing special.

Mark Lund: Nice energy, nice spin at the end.

Dorothy Hamill: She loved it. It’s a tough call because they were captivating from the waist up. She’d love to see Deborah work on her footwork and skating and postions.

My comments:
I would support them going home at any time. They don’t skate, and they aren’t really so good at artistry, either. Kurt really got a raw deal since he isn’t a pairs skater, so they stand no chance against the better teams anyway. Deborah did have nice checked shoulders during her two foot three turns, though.

Scores – (Scale of 1 to 10):
Technical Merit:
John Nicks: 7.8
Dorothy Hamill: 8.2 Are you serious??? Please, please tell me where you’re getting these numbers from.
Mark Lund: 8.0
Total Technical Merit= 24.0

Artistry:
John Nicks: 7.9
Dorothy Hamill: 8.3
Mark Lund: 8.1
Total Artistic Impression= 24.3

Combined Score: 48.3/60.0
Combined Score (Last week and tonight): 96.3

Finally: Jenni/Todd
Practice:
Jenni made her husband come help Todd. They talk about shoulder positions, then take it off the ice to learn lifts. Jenni is brave.

Tonight:
She’s in a silver and black dress with feathers around the collar. He’s in black pants, an orange shirt, black vest, and is sporting a huge Afro. They’re skating to Jungle Boogie.

They start off with a lift. They’re standing still, so Jenni lives through it. It actually looks pretty good…Todd is strong. (And Jenni weighs about 2 pounds.) Next up is a really nice throw axel. Todd’s skating has improved a lot.

Some dancing leads to another stand-still lift.

Okay, maybe Todd’s skating hasn’t improved that much. He’s leaning forward and on his toes. The spin is on two feet and goes more than three revolutions, although there’s no finish to it at all. He also spins opposite. Interesting that 3 of the 6 celebrity skaters are opposite skaters.

Pull waltz jumps are big tonight, except when it would be Jenni’s turn to pull and Todd’s turn to jump, he just turns and pulls her again. This is probably a better idea than Todd jumping.

The footwork sequence consists of dancing while gliding on one foot and some mohawk-like things that I think were supposed to look like barrel roles, but they were too slow, so you could tell that they weren’t. They do one too many of those, and it makes Todd fall. Not a bad fall, but a fall nonetheless.

He gets up fast, but he skates too slowly to easily catch up to Jenni, and it shows a little. They skate around a little, stop, dip, done.

The judges’ comments:
Dorothy Hamill: She’s sorry about the fall. Todd’s skating has improved so much. It’s hard for a pair team to work after one fall.

Mark Lund: Just because Todd fell doesn’t make it a bad performance, and Jenni can dance.

John Nicks: Jenni did a nice throw axel. Todd was exciting and interesting, but he can’t skate. Todd is an ice accident about to happen, and tonight it happened.

My comments:
Jenni is brave for trying the lifts. Too bad Todd can’t stay on his feet. If he hasn’t gotten it yet, he won’t get it anytime soon, but the program at least had some difficulty to it.

Scores – (Scale of 1 to 10):
Technical Merit:
John Nicks: 7.9
Dorothy Hamill: 7.9
Mark Lund: 7.9
Total Technical Merit= 23.7

Artistry:
John Nicks: 8.1
Dorothy Hamill: 8.1
Mark Lund: 8.0
Total Artistic Impression= 24.2

Combined Score: 47.9/60.0
Combined Score (Last week and tonight): 95.6

Sent home:
Jenni Meno and Todd Bridges: 47.7

Next week: Nancy wears the pants in the relationship. Kurt and Deborah dance. Jillian shows that she can’t keep her legs closed. They show a clip that implies that Kristy has really strong abs, but I’m not 100% sure that it’s actually Kristy in practice and not a pairs skater (but I’m almost positive it’s not Isabelle). If it’s Kristy, I’m impressed. A lot. Jillian still can’t point her toes, even in an easy lift. Bruce and Tai fall down in practice. Kristy and Lloyd do a lift that requires lots of strength. Bruce and Tai do a death spiral. Kurt and Deborah do a not very difficult lift. Dave and Nancy do a not very difficult lift. Jillian does a sit spin and shows that not only does she not point her toes or close her legs, she also doesn’t turn her hip out. Kristy splits her chin open on an element they definitely should not have been doing because she switches edges and points her face at the ice, then goes over her toe. It looks like Lloyd is really leaning forward, which didn't help, but he did make a comment in an interview about how much heavier Kristy is than Isabelle. (Ed. note: That isn't derogatory, either...Kristy is apparently about 20 pounds heavier than Isabelle, and that's huge in skaters, especially when you're doing spins where the guy's edge angle counteracts the weight of the girl to keep them centered and him on his feet.) Dave and Nancy skate forward, John flips Jillian over, and Dorothy Hamill is proud of someone.

I can’t believe Fox gave us that much information in the scenes from next week. I’ve already got the summary half done.