.My comments:
Wow. I’m really impressed. Sure, Bruce still looks stiff and needs some confidence, but he does the more difficult elements really well. Also, it’s far harder for a guy to learn to do lifts and paired spins than for a girl, so I give Bruce extra points for that. I’m glad to see the judges reward them.
Scores – (Scale of 1 to 10):
Technical Merit:
John Nicks: 8.2
Dorothy Hamill: 8.2
Mark Lund: 8.5
Total Technical Merit= 24.9
Artistry:
John Nicks: 8.5
Dorothy Hamill: 8.3
Mark Lund: 8.4
Total Artistic Impression= 25.2
Combined Score: 50.1/60.0
Next: Nancy/Dave
Practice:
Dave is too funny for Nancy. They’re going to try working hard but laughing more. Nancy’s never laughed so hard with other partners. I was not aware that Nancy had many other partners to compare Dave to. The choreographer is less than impressed with the amount of laughter going on at practice.
Tonight:
He’s in a black and gold dress with a red wig. She’s in black pants, a white shirt, a black vest, a black hat, and a black moustache. His dress looks like it’s stuffed with cantaloupes. Dave looks to be about a foot taller than Nancy. They’re skating to I Just Want to Celebrate.
They start of with dancing. Bad dancing. Really bad dancing. I can’t get over how bad the dancing is. After the dancing, there are crossovers. After the crossovers, there a lunge. It’s not bad, but then again, Dave’s dress and hair makes it hard to look at his feet.
Dave (in his dress) lifts up Nancy (in her suit). Nancy looks like a really little man. Dave looks like a monstrosity.
Oooohhh…spirals…kind of. More dancing. Please make it stop.
This song is getting annoying. They just keep playing the chorus. When this gets stuck in my head for the rest of the week, I will be very, very angry.
They do a throw axel, but Nancy screws it up. It was probably at least partially Dave’s fault, but I don’t have the stomach to watch this program again, so we’ll just assume that neither of them can skate, okay?
Dave’s…uhhhh…melons are at a funny angle. They’re perky to the point that they go almost straight out from his neck.
Yay! Footwork! It goes step, cross, step, turn, step, cross, step, glide, turn, glide, turn and almost trip, glide.
More crossovers, another bad spiral, a funny hold, a bad two foot turn, and an awful pose takes us to the end.
The judges’ comments:
John Nicks: David, David, David. At last Dave’s showing signs of becoming a figure skater. Throw the hockey skates away and come over to the other side. Either Nicks is good at being sarcastic, or someone needs to take his drugs away.
Dorothy Hamill: Dave’s a big-boned girl. It was fantastic, his skating skills are good, he was skating on one foot and had good balanced. She loved it. After all those years of hard work, dedication, and sacrifice, I’ve finally discovered the secret to skating. Wear something so atrocious that people will be too appalled by what you’re wearing to be able to watch your feet.
Mark Lund: He agrees with Dorothy. Maybe I should rewatch this because I definitely didn’t see anything that the judges saw. Nope. Not gonna happen. Sorry. I value my eyesight a little too much for that.
My comments:
I don’t even know where to start. I can’t say anything too awful about the technique because they really didn’t do anything. I’m all for fun programs, and I’ve seen really cute programs where the guy and girl crossdress, but this was awful. It wasn’t even comical because it was so bad. I don’t even have words for it.
Scores – (Scale of 1 to 10):
Technical Merit:
John Nicks: 8.0
Dorothy Hamill: 8.2
Mark Lund: 8.2
Total Technical Merit= 24.4
Artistry:
John Nicks: 8.4
Dorothy Hamill: 8.4
Mark Lund: 8.5
Total Artistic Impression= 25.3
Combined Score: 49.7/60.0
Next: Kristy/Lloyd
Practice:
Lloyd makes Kristy work hard. He makes her eat raw eggs. They do really hard things, but it makes her hurt. It’s hard to learn these things. Nobody else has to work this hard. I bet he makes her walk uphill both ways barefoot in the snow to get to the rink, too. She has a war wound from smacking her chin on the ice.
Tonight:
She’s in a silver dress; he’s in silver pants and a silver shirt. They’re skating to Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.
They start with a cartwheel, then some three turns and a really nice lunge. Next up is a lift that requires strength and balance from Kristy, followed by a lift that doesn’t require strength or balance from Kristy.
They dance for a couple of seconds, then Kristy falls skating forward. She hit the ice hard, too. They do some crossovers, but they aren’t together. There a fun little dip, them more crossovers and dancing. And more dancing.
He pulls her into a spin, but she goes forward over her toe instead of off her edge. The momentum pulls Lloyd forward, and Kristy hits her chin on the ice. She recovers nicely, and that’s the end.
The judges’ comments:
John Nicks: Kristy was ambitious, but the program was unbalanced. She’s in the air for over 22% of the program, and that needs to be corrected.
Mark Lund: Kristy went over her toepick, but recovered nicely, and both were in synch.
Dorothy Hamill: That looked like it hurt. In the beginning, Kristy was nervous, then she fell and was more nervous, then she let go and had fun.
My comments:
Ow. Honestly, the fall skating forward probably hurt more than hitting her chin. The fall over her toepick at the beginning was a stupid mistake, which shows that her mind wasn’t on what she was doing. I’m guessing that she was nervous about the spin at the end since she got hurt on it in practice.
Scores – (Scale of 1 to 10):
Technical Merit:
John Nicks: 7.9
Dorothy Hamill: 8.2
Mark Lund: 8.3
Total Technical Merit= 24.4
Artistry:
John Nicks: 8.2
Dorothy Hamill: 8.1
Mark Lund: 8.4
Total Artistic Impression= 24.7
Combined Score: 49.1/60.0
Next: Deborah/Kurt
Practice:
They want to attempt more difficult “tricks,” but Kurt isn’t a pairs skater. Deborah doesn’t really do lunges so well. Her sciatic nerve is not enjoying lunging, so she says she just isn’t going to do it. That’s a great idea, since it’s a required element. I’m sure the judges won’t mind.
Tonight:
She’s in a pink dress, and her hair looks funny. He’s in black pants, a pink shirt, and has no hair. They’re skating to For Once in My Life.
They start with a lift. Poor Kurt is obviously not used to this, and Deborah isn’t very strong, so she isn’t helping him out much.
They skate forward. They skate backward.
Yawn…
They move their arms a little. She does a slightly sad variation of a catch-leg spiral while Kurt holds her up, then he lifts her up and carries her around for a long time.
I’m bored.
They dance.
They skate forward. They skate backward.
They skate forward. They skate backward.
They skate forward. They skate backward.
To explain how boring this really is, please note that my cat loves watching skating because he attacks the skaters on TV when they move around. He does this for hours on end. He is currently sleeping.
They skate forward. They skate backward.
WAIT! They’re doing something different. They’re turning forward and backward like brackets, but on two feet and flats.
Resume napping now. I’ll let you know if anything exciting happens.
They skate forward. They skate backward.
They skate forward. They skate backward.
It’s lunge time! Deborah does something that I guess can be called a lunge, but she doesn’t go down more than a few inches.
They skate forward. They skate backward.
They dance.
They skate forward. They skate backward.
They dip.
They dance.
They skate forward. They skate backward.
They’re done.
The judges’ comments:
John Nicks: Deborah has improved. Kurt isn’t so great at pairs skating, but he’s a wonderful solo skater.
Mark Lund: He liked the opening lift, but the program wasn’t exciting. He felt like he was at a dance recital watching little kids.
Dorothy Hamill: This was her favorite piece of all they’ve done. Deborah did a great lunge. I’m going to assume that Dorothy’s gone blind and is just pretending to be able to see.
My comments:
Really, honestly, that may have been the most boring program I’ve ever watched, and I’ve watched toddlers that can only half skate/half walk do two minute long programs before. I wasn’t exaggerating with my summary of it. I hit paste every time they turned around. This is the first program that I’ve been able to do without hitting pause to type at all.
Scores – (Scale of 1 to 10):
Technical Merit:
John Nicks: 7.9
Dorothy Hamill: 8.1
Mark Lund: 7.9
Total Technical Merit= 23.9
Artistry:
John Nicks: 7.9
Dorothy Hamill: 8.1
Mark Lund: 8.0
Total Artistic Impression= 24.0
Combined Score: 47.9/60.0
Now, prior to announcing the scores, Summer told Deborah/Kurt that they needed a score higher than 49.1. That should make it pretty clear who’s going home, but Kristy isn’t very good with greater than/less than problems. She spends a full 16 seconds (I timed it) thinking that she was going home. At this time, Summer tells her that she gets to stay. Kristy looks totally confused and asks Summer what the h*** she’s talking about. It takes another 19 seconds for her to understand. Apparently Lloyd didn’t get it either because he thought they had 47.1. They look much happier now.
Sent home:
Deborah Gibson and Kurt Browning: 47.9
Next week: Flashier outfits, harder programs, someone will be evicted from the rink. Dave and Nancy fall in practice. Jillian looks like a rag doll when John lifts her in practice. Tai and Bruce fall in practice. Jillian hurts something (looks like a rib injury…they take X-rays of it) and goes to the hospital. Bruce gets a nasty cut on his eyebrow and goes to the hospital. It’s going to hurt every time Jillian moves. Bruce and Tai do a waltz jump in practice. Jillian and John do paired camel spins in practice. Bruce falls in practice. They show a short clip of the competition, but nothing exciting happens, so I’m not going to summarize it. Watch Fox for 15 minutes any time between now and Monday and I’m sure you’ll see it.
Email this topic to a friend
Printer-friendly version of this topic
Bookmark this topic (Registered users only)
Handcrafted by RollDdice (new angel)
