LAST EDITED ON 09-09-02 AT 04:13 PM (EST)

alright. Just cuz there's no episode is no excuse to not have a bit of a recap, now is it?

Previously on BB3, nothing happened.

What I mean to say is, we’ve just endured a whole weekend without an episode of our favorite show that we love to hate - the show most of us feel obligated to see through to the end, no matter how much Shapiro tries to make us stop watching it.

And since there has been no ep in a week, um, well three days, this recap will draw somewhat on the Live Feed (“LF”) reports to help “round” it out and “bulk” it up. If this is a short recap, it’s only cuz nothing much happened. But you will very soon understand why nothing much is happening.

As I mentioned, we did not miss much this week. Last Thursday Jason was crowned Head Beanie Baby Counter, and he proceeded to do the math so he could nominate Marcellas and Amy. He didn’t do any preparation for the Post-Nomination Interview, so was unprepared when Marcellas in turn did some math and became upset with him, “What The Fuc* - why is my black ass up on the block and not Lisa’s white one? What happened to Jason & Dani & Marcy hurrah?”

Jason’s response to this very legitimate question was not the more honest, “Oh me & Dani decided Lisa is a better partner for F3, so you’re fucked.” No, when questioned by Marcellas as to whether there had been a “miscount” Jason said, “No, I have no alliance with Lisa - I err umm err - I’m afraid of Lisa.” He does have trouble telling lies, doesn’t he?

This time around, however, POV is not ordinary POV. It is now called The Golden Veto. What makes the Golden Veto golden is the fact that the Beanie Babies may veto themselves if they are lucky enough to be holding it and unlucky enough to have been nominated in the first place.

What Jason HoH would be complete without him being the last to know Something Important? This time he is learning that Dani made another of her Deals Drawn Up While Taking A Dump. One day while she & Marcy were both in her office, the Bathroom, they agreed that she would take Marcy off the block if she wins POV. Not sure what Dani would get, unless it’s the same in return. Of course, Marcy is much more likely to be put up, since Dani already has F2 partnerships with every single Beanie Baby left in the game. Let’s not forget to mention that she also had F2 agreements with several of the evicted BBs whose carcasses are strewn up and down the walk to the Interview Trailer.)

As usual, the revelation sends Jason’s head into a tailspin. So why was Dani asking Jason to put Marcy up in the first place? Could it be to deliberately sow seeds of discontent (for we see Marce “swearing revenge” and ready to put Jason up on the block when he is next HoH, i.e., next week?) When is that virgin gonna wake up & smell the No. 2s?

But first, the food competition. The BB staffers were obviously having a day off on Saturday. First they left the microphones on, so LF reporters were able to overhear Jason being coached in how to make it sound like he hadn’t been coached on how to say his lines. Special attention was paid to his pronunciation of the word “hell” another tip-off that the regular staff was MIA. Jason played along, pretending that he has never said “fucked” or any derivative thereof in his life, at no time, no sirree, and certainly not in this house. He was reported to have been blushing stammering stuttering and spluttering all over the “dirty” word. Oh my heck.

This week the Beanie Babies had no chance to win food. In a startling change-up from all previous food competitions, the “Dinner Party From Hell” required the Beanie Babies to get dressed up in their finest attire, so that they could puke up a horrible dinner all over themselves. Even if your #1 favorite food is sheep’s stomach and pig’s feet, there is no way you could have eaten the heaping portions served up and required to be consumed in the allotted 30 seconds.

So the whole group, even Jason HeadHoG, has to eat PB&J for a whole week. The “week” begins on Saturday midnight and by Sunday afternoon, after a mere 5 hours of being awake and knowing they could only eat PB&J, the group was pissed off, fed up and bored. Even Jason got cranky! Oh My Heck!

It didn’t help that they were in a marathon lock-down, which lasted longer than the one for Sheryl Crow. Bright & relatively early, say around 11 or so, the Babies had been screamed awake and told to get ready for the Veto Challenge. Amy put on make-up, Dani selected a nice outfit, etc.etc.. And then from 2 p.m. until 12 midnight they sat around, twindling their thumbs and playing movie trivia game. Had Roddy still been in the house, he’d have popped an eyeball or a blood vessel at having to listen to their happy prattle.

We in LF Readership Land were waiting & waiting for the Golden POV Competition. Every time FOTH appeared in the Live Feed Reports, we were excited. Is that it - are they gonna do the Competition now? All evening I monitored the reports. By 11pm I had to nap. I awoke at 1:47 a.m. and ran to the computer. I was certain that by now a winner must have been determined. Nope. In the Land of the Cloudless Sky, darkness doesn’t fall until midnight, and that’s when it would be held. No results til 3 a.m.? F*ck it, back to bed.

The nature of the Competition itself required lasers and stepping under things and over things and that's about all I could gather from the LF reports. At least I've saved a lot of time by describing all this other crap. Too bad also used up most of my jokes too, while I was about it.

Short story long, Marcellas emerged triumphant and has finally & totally upstaged Jason, by being the only Beanie Baby to get to wear what I have decided to call the Golden Shower Veto. He will almost certainly take himself off the block, although it will be funnier if he doesn’t. Wouldn’t it be a great laugh if Marcey was so over-confident that he decided to “go up against Amy” and stay on the block with her, and then he got the Golden Bootie? I think so. I personally am hoping for something unexpected to happen, after all the hype.

As for this being “terrifically” exciting, let’s just say that the response on the Boards where I post could be characterized as “Cranky Gratitude” as in, 'about f*cking time'. Can we say “slow on the uptake”? Why the hell didn’t Shapiro set up the POV this way in the first f*cking place? As you can see, PB&J is getting to some of us in TV land who don’t even actually have to eat it 24/7.

Speaking of PB&J - I am one who hates this childishly stupid concept and have since I first began watching this steaming pile of doggerel. I have this to say to Shapiro. You’re alienating your audience. If my pal & vid-capper extraordinaire BABALUGATS is sick of you & your stupid show, can the rest of us be far behind?