LAST EDITED ON 06-09-05 AT 10:41 PM (EST)This summary is rated
for filthy language. Just be warned!
The setting for this new show is in 
where 12 brave souls will be competing to win the restaurant of the same name as the show. The restaurant is set up like no other place ever. The dining room is one big sitting area with very modest furniture and dishes. The kitchen is what makes the place unique and is divided into two different cooking facilities. Each kitchen can serve 50 people each and is such a coincidence that the place will only hold 100! WOW! How lucky were the producers of the show to find a place like this?
The catch? They will be judged by England’s best chef for 9 years running! Great isn’t it? No, the man is a beast with a foul mouth that uses every name in the book for his contestants. The man is better knows as Gordon Ramsay and he will be berating this dolts on any given topic he sees fit. Just wait…you will see what I mean. Ramsay will be helped by two of his favorite Sous Chefs, Scott and Mary Ann. Scott is a 34 year old chef from LA and has a striking resemblance to Christopher Meloni while Mary Ann would not give her age; she is from New York. Also helping Ramsay will be his assclown Maitre’D Jean Philippe.
I can’t link the pics from the FOX sight so I will give you brief run down of the names and a little bio.
Andrew: A 24 year old office assistant from Livingston NJ claims to have over 10 years in the restaurant industry. I don’t know if child labor was involved but he doesn’t look much older than 15 now. He is a cutie but let’s see if he has it takes.
Carolann: A 33 year old server from Dallas TX says she doesn’t have any professional cooking experience. However, she wants to someday open her own place. RUT RO! She could be in trouble when she meets up with the devil himself.
Christopher: A 35 year old freelance executive chef has a dream of owning numerous restaurants. UM…could someone please clue me into what is meant here by freelance. Freelance? He is doing this for his customers until something better comes along? This could be interesting because I think Christopher may come across about as arrogant as Ramsay himself.
Dewberry: A 33 year old baker from Stockbridge CA has to eat all and then some of what he bakes on a daily basis. Just keep in mind that this may be the last time you see me call him by his real name!
Elsie: A 40 year old executive assistant from Maywood NJ doesn’t have any cooking experience other than cooking for her 6 children. I would say cooking for six children should give her enough experience to compete with these guys but can she even come close to pleasing that mean man?
Jeff: A 28 year old finance manager from Orange NJ actually has 8 years of experience in cooking he just took a year off and now realizes he wants to be back in the service industry.
Jessica: A 29 year old employee headhunter from Huntington NY says she has some experience but not much professionally. This little lady may be well over her head.
James: A 25 year old purchase supervisor with an intense interest in cooking. He says he brings energy and enthusiasm to the table…um isn’t this like telling someone that the blind date they are about to go on has a nice personality? Can someone smell something burning?
Mary Ellen: A 27 year old culinary student from Belmont MA. This would be the type of person Ramsay is looking for (IMHO). Let’s see.
Michael: A 27 year old executive chef from Fort Collins CO seems like he is just laid back and lets things happen and then reacts. A person like this might do well in the restaurant industry.
Ralph: A 36 year old freelance chef from Livingston NJ. This guy comes across as more mature and understanding of how the industry works. Let’s watch to see if this type of experience is a benefit for him.
Wendy: A 32 year old marketing consultant from Milburn NJ says that cooking is a passion and owning her own business is another one. I don’t know if she is tough enough for this competition.
WHEW! I am exhausted just after the introductions. I don’t what happened with casting as we have many contestants from NJ and NY. Maybe it was just the types of peeps they were looking for.
The 12 arrive at Hell’s Kitchen to be greeted with cold champagne to celebrate getting this far in the game. Andrew says that he has two dreams, 1) to be a state senator 2) to own a restaurant. If the restaurant doesn’t work out he says, “welcome to politics”. I Andrew should start kissing hands and shaking babies because I don’t think he is going to be long for this game.
Jean Philippe shows up to make sure they remember they are in a game. He says that the pimple on Satan’s ass will be arriving in 45 minutes to judge the contestants signature dishes. The dishes should give some type of insight to their personalities. The sous chefs are with Jean and they scream out that everyone should get to cooking…the game is on!
As the herd runs into the kitchen, Wendy goes postal because she can’t find a set of knives. Someone has already claimed every set she picks up. She runs from one side of the kitchen to another screaming that she HAS to find a set of knives. Bitch is tripping!
Then we flash over to Elsie (why do I have a huge urge to make a cow joke here?) as she is letting her knife fly through something. She makes an unpleasant face as we learn she has cut her finger. Wow! This didn’t take long, 5 minutes into the show and someone has already sliced his or her finger. Something tells me it won’t be the last.
Mary Ellen is glowing as she is shown preparing her dish. She is making an endive salad with roasted walnuts. Okay, I have no clue how Mary Ellen defines salad but her dish has 2 ingredients…endive and walnuts. This is going to be interesting but I would not call it a salad.
Time is up and they must have their food plated. Ramsay makes his grand entrance and introduces himself and begins to judge the food.
The first unlucky person to face the chef is Andrew with a plate he calls Andrew’s absolute penne. Well, it looks like penne pasta in a tomato basil sauce covered with Parm cheese. Ramsay takes one bite and says, “that is absolute dog sh!t!” As all faces look like a deer caught in headlights. The only question I have is how does Ramsay know what dog sh!t tastes like? Ramsay tells Andrew the 10 years of experience he has was wasted. Then tells him to “get back in the f%^&ing line!”
Mary Ellen and the endive salad are up next and Ramsay can’t be bothered with it. It’s boring and he moves on!
Wendy and her fried rice and Chinese sausage are up next. Ramsay asks, “Chinese sausage?” Wendy claims ignorance to the fact that Ramsay was coming. Had she known, she would have used lobster. UM…who in the hell did she think she was cooking for? Jackie Chen?
Jimmy’s pan seared chicken breast stuffed with mushrooms looks like a, “dehydrated camel’s turd!” Either Ramsay spends a lot of time in a zoo or he has traveled all over the world and seen some ugly animals.
Ralph’s seared tuna with hot and cold sesame noodles must be pretty good because all Ramsay says is they taste like, “sh!t”.
Elsie is about to have a cow as Ramsay holds out her dish and asks whose it is. Elsie is sweating as she rubs her forehead and steps forward slowly. She has made turkey tacos and Ramsay is impressed! He says that they are, “not bad”.
Next up? Blueberry…No Dewberry as he corrects Ramsay. I think Strawberry started out on the wrong side of the bed with this monster. Doughberry’s baked spaghetti tastes like, “children’s food.”
Chris has made salmon on a cedar plank. Actually, Chris turns out to be the plank because his dish is raw and inedible. Jeff’s dish gets a 1 out of 10 and Jessica has made Cajun crab and burns Ramsay’s mouth. LMAO! The spices are too bloody hot for the evil one! Then Michael is described as having a “pallet like a camel’s backside! Disgusting!” I think the officials need to be alerted and Ramsay needs to be investigated for bestiality. He has too many animal references.
Carolann’s chicken Parm dish was good and had gave great presentation. She passes the first round.
The wanna-be chefs are divided in two teams:
The Blue Team: Andrew, Mary Ellen, Ralph, Michael, Jessica and Wendy
The Red Team: Jimmy, Chris, Carolann, Blackberry, Elsie and Jeff
Scott takes them to the dorm where they will be living and it is just down a hallway. They will be living in the restaurant and are not too happy about the revelations. I think it is hilarious that they can’t even escape by going outside their living quarters without being reminded of hell.
Then they are told that they will be competing that night and the losing team will have someone go home. The restaurant will be open tonight and the team that handles it best will win. The loser will send someone home.
The Blue Team gets Scott and The Red Team gets Maryann as sous chefs to guide and not cook. The teams have 2 hours of training to learn how to make 5 starters, entrées and desserts.
Ramsay decides to tell Ralph and Jeff they need to go out front and meet Jean Asshat so he can train them to be waiters. The others will cook this time. Ramsay then berates Ralph and Jeff because they, “are obviously are walking too f*&^ing slow!”
When the guest arrives everything goes to hell in a hand basket. On a rant of my own, who the hell are the guests? These peeps are way more passive than I would be if a restaurant were running the way this one does. Were they paid for by producers? Are they paid actors? Someone please fill me in.
Back to the hand basket…when the first order comes in no one knows what to do. Guess they needed more than two hours of training. Ramsay drops the F bomb 15 more times in the first two minutes from the first opening of the door.
Elsie’s first dish is to make a risotto. She is as nervous as a long tail cat on a porch full of rocking chairs. Ramsay grabs the oatmeal/paste/glue plate and holds it perpendicular to the floor. The food doesn’t move on the plate. The plate with said crazy glue is thrown in the trash.
One hour after opening Ramsay has not let the first plate leave the kitchen. Everyone in the restaurant is just sitting there like pods.
The confusion and F bombs continue at an alarming rate. Michael lost a lobster pasta dish that made Ramsay explode! Michael is referred to as lazy and the only response he is allowed is, “YES CHEF!”
Finally, one of Ralph’s tables has had enough and says they want to speak to someone. Ralph tells them they are welcomed to speak to the chef! Two blondes ask Chef Ramsay if they could talk to him. He screams, “can you just shut the f&^% up for 30 seconds!” The ladies want olives but Ramsay tells everyone to “just ignore these bimbos!” The ladies are urinated off as they think he isn’t nice. YOU THINK?
Ramsay kicks it up a notch with his next out burst. Chris over cooked tuna and Ramsay grinds the plate into Chris’ chest. The evil one rants another 3 minutes talking about the piece of sh!t Chris tried to plate.
The F bombs continue until I thought they had hit bottom. Then a series of events occur that sends Ramsay even louder:
^ Andrew messed up a dessert
^ Elsie STILL can’t make risotto
^ Jimmy grabs a hot plate (getting it out of the oven) with his bare hand
^ Carol Ann is doing nothing (literally)
^ Jeff tries to place an order (even though that is his job)
All these things send the chef into screaming the F word and cursing. Frankly, all the bleeping is getting old!
Remember Ralph’s table that was upset and the two blondes were told to f&^% off? Well, this time around the other two women go to talk to the chef. He tells Jean asshat to escort the two bimbos back to plastic surgery! BWAHAHAHA!
The customers start leaving after 2 and half hours and Jean Assclown is forced to close the place. The funny thing here is that some of the customers were still upset that they didn’t get food. I would have left an hour earlier! JMHO!
There was one funny thing that happened right before the place got shutdown. Ramsay referred to Raspberry as a, “f&^%ing overgrown muffin!” I have to sort of agree with him here. Dingleberry got frustrated and never recovered.
Chef Ramsay declares The Red Team as losers and one of them will be going home. Elsie was told she was the least worst person on her team. Therefore, Elsie gets to nominate 2 peeps for eviction and Ramsay will make the decision.
Elsie the Hereford pulls Honeydewberry aside and tells him he is safe. All the others feel like they are in trouble. Elsie decides to nominate Carolann and Doughberry! What a lying bitch.
Ramsay doesn’t think these are two that should be there but decides to eliminate Carolann.
I enjoyed the show but to be honest Ramsay’s cursing gets old and not only that he gets to choose who leaves.
OH.THE.DRAMA.
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Silvergirl 
great job, Vols!
