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"Season #11"
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

03-12-13, 07:23 PM (EST)
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"Season #11"
So that's twenty cheftestants to start -- Gordon typically has six nervous breakdowns per cook -- each nervous breakdown occupies eight minutes of screen time...

...we're not gonna have any names until midseason.

I can't decide if he hates himself this much, needs the money that badly, or never read the contract.

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 Puppet? Estee 03-12-13 1
 RE: Season #11 jbug 03-12-13 2
   RE: Season #11 KoalaChick 03-13-13 6
 Episode #1. Estee 03-13-13 3
   RE: Episode #1. jbug 03-13-13 4
       RE: Episode #1. Estee 03-13-13 5
 Episode #2 Estee 03-20-13 7
 RE: Season #11 PepeLePew13 03-20-13 8
   RE: Season #11 Estee 03-20-13 9
 "To Be Continued"...the weeklong co... Colonel Zoidberg 04-03-13 10
   RE: "To Be Continued"...the weeklon... Estee 05-08-13 15
 Anyone seen a taxi? Estee 04-10-13 11
   RE: Anyone seen a taxi? Colonel Zoidberg 04-12-13 12
 Probation? Estee 04-17-13 13
 RE: Season #11 Estee 04-24-13 14

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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03-12-13, 08:57 PM (EST)
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1. "Puppet?"
Puppet?

Puppet.

Puppet...

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jbug 16685 desperate attention whore postings
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03-12-13, 09:26 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Season #11"
JP is back!
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KoalaChick 506 desperate attention whore postings
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03-13-13, 03:18 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: Season #11"
Yay! I've missed him and his "Uhhh-yeschef!"
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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03-13-13, 08:47 AM (EST)
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3. "Episode #1."
Less than comprehensive notes:

I have no doubt that audience was there on comps and very little doubt that most of them were there on liquor, but I can't argue that it worked. Having the introductions (too brief after editing, alas) and Gordon's criticisms in front of people prepared to laugh at anything definitely added something to the proceedings. Pity we didn't get hecklers.

It's a very polite reality show which, knowing the contestants will be describing each other as 'thrown under the bus' all season, provides the actual bus.

Rest stops are not inherently dramatic.

JP indeed! But where's Scott? Fired? Promoted? Retired? Food Network? *considers normal treatment of contestants* ...jail?

Celine Dion? That must be one comprehensive contract with Caesar's. Sing every night, greet who we want you to greet, trust that we'll get the cooking oil out of your dress later. Natural tie-in given the location of this latest job, but it may also be a sign that we're stepping up the rewards this year.

I kept waiting for the blue kitchen to get down to Zach. Then I kept waiting for it to get down to Zach's glasses, inching their way along the counter, pushing plates with the lenses. We've seen Gordon more trigger-happy than this, but asking two chefs (and James, whoever he is) to do the work of ten on opening night? Ouch.

Gina cannot leave soon enough. The puppet can stay. There's a brick oven in the kitchen and the extra fuel would be appreciated.

*looks at next episode preview*

Why are we watching Survivor on Tuesdays?

And Nedra? Whatever bra you were wearing during service, get six more for daytime use. Apparently there's challenges to run.

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jbug 16685 desperate attention whore postings
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03-13-13, 09:53 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: Episode #1."
Even DH was laughing at all the chefs being thrown out last night.

So Gina was having an anxiety attack or something?
Has she never watched before? Heck she had a melt down before Gordon even got to the kitchen!

Nedra is going to be the irritating one this season, right?

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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03-13-13, 11:20 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: Episode #1."
She's definitely going to be one of the narrators. She spent enough time in confessional to get the decorating rights.
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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03-20-13, 06:32 AM (EST)
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7. "Episode #2"
And Gina, master of scheduling, had her second nervous breakdown before reaching the challenge. Normally this wouldn't bother me and my main concern would be final disposal of the puppet, but Nedra might decide that she's the one who made it happen and she can do it again -- the later being the major problem. And that confrontation was mild for a classic Hell's Bitches throwdown. Imagine what would have happened if Sarah had been about. We all remember Sarah, right? The therapy couldn't have possibly gone that well.

***

One of the things which always irritates me about the series: the editing cutdown of Gordon's Cooking School. The man can hold a master class in just about any food subject, I'd personally like to benefit from his experience, and just when he's about to share the wealth is exactly when everything goes into fast-forward. I would have liked to learn how to get all the meat out of a lobster. I would have enjoyed learning about that a lot more than I had fun discovering how not to prepare lamb. I'm pretty sure that got more camera time.

***

Would you like some extra wine with those rubber disks?

***

Gordon was in a mood last night. Yes, how dare anyone have a drink of water on his watch! Night #1: swears they will complete service. Night #2: just swears. Wonder if Jalen Rose ever got his food. (And by the way, for future reference, the former NBA player isn't always the six-foot-plus guy in the room, but that's the way to bet.) It felt like Gordon went into that service looking to dump some chefs and my, did he ever get his desire. He'd better be careful or he's going to go full-scale Donald...

***

Remember what happened the last couple of times we had an injured contestant refusing to leave?

Right. Keep an eye on that one.

***

I'm really not sure about the wisdom of arguing that your cooking skills need to stay around just in case people need to be lifted over another wall.

To be continued... or not.

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PepeLePew13 24731 desperate attention whore postings
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03-20-13, 06:36 AM (EST)
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8. "RE: Season #11"
LAST EDITED ON 03-20-13 AT 01:30 PM (EST)


They really are a bunch of terrible cooks - the men are absolutely clueless when it comes to teamwork. Jeremy's idea of teamwork is to fling guys over the wall in a way they can't control where they land (hello, busted ankle). Ahh, brings back memories of Colby tossing Jerri like a rag doll over the obstacle course in Australia...

And that might have been the strangest, most out of the blue quit I've seen with Gina. The army came in and roused the chefs, they all came outside, then all of a sudden, Gina has her arm up and said that she would not be continuing. Gordon, to his credit, didn't try to milk it for the ratings; he just said "see ya, go pack now" then carried on as if nothing happened.

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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03-20-13, 01:40 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: Season #11"
There's been occasional flashes of competence -- Ja'Nel stood out last night -- and some of the signature dishes gained Gordon's approval. But overall, we're looking at a whole lot of Cast To Lose in action. Same as pretty much every other season.

I think Gina was meant to be this year's Brandon: let's see just how quickly she falls apart and what she takes out when she goes! But the producers couldn't have been expecting it to hit in the second episode. And she didn't even pour out the prep work when she went. Total drama failure. Oh, well -- better luck next cast.

As for the males and teamwork... umm...

...maybe they need some spears. You know -- get back to their roots.

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Colonel Zoidberg 3645 desperate attention whore postings
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04-03-13, 12:39 PM (EST)
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10. ""To Be Continued"...the weeklong commercial break"
This week - and his absence in the previews - has "Jeremy mercy killing written all over it. That and, for whatever reason, he won't get rid of Jacqueline no matter how much of a pinhead she is.
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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05-08-13, 12:11 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: "To Be Continued"...the weeklong commercial break"
To Be Continued: The Epidemic.

I knew we had to have a few double-knockouts after starting with the slightly ridiculous number of twenty, but would it really have hurt to get it over with immediately?

I do wonder how much the show's producers have to pay a party planner to take the risk of hosting any kind of event there. Come to HK to have one of the more significant days of your life -- ruined...

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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04-10-13, 09:27 AM (EST)
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11. "Anyone seen a taxi?"
..nah. There's no way Gordon's dumping four at once, although I'm sure the episode count and many of the diners would appreciate it. This smells like a paired team switch. The participating parties have just had too much confessional time to go this early.

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Colonel Zoidberg 3645 desperate attention whore postings
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04-12-13, 07:57 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: Anyone seen a taxi?"
Frankly, if I were Chef Gordon, I'd dump them all but Nedra and bump her to the blue team to shake things up. The rest of them are effing useless, and Dan needs to go yesterday. A monkey would be an improvement over that twit. A monkey would talk less.

As for the actual result...you're probably onto something.

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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04-17-13, 10:59 AM (EST)
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13. "Probation?"
...probation?

One-risotto probation?

Seriously?

And that wasn't even the least stupid thing to happen last night?

Did anyone see shark's fin on the menu?

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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04-24-13, 09:30 AM (EST)
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14. "RE: Season #11"
Note to future casts: nearly killing the sous chef's spouse and unborn child? Bad. Somehow not bad enough to get your jacket confiscated because burning pizza crust is a greater sin, but bad. If things don't improve, we'll have to get rid of more than one at a time, Gordon threatens. Guess what? Things are not going to improve, mostly because we started with too many contestants at the outset and FOX had no idea Idol was going to screw the network over on their own episode count. I'm expecting anything up through a triple before the end of May. This group can't drop fast enough. And to date, hasn't.

(I was still surprised to see Dan go last night, however: Gordon's usual solution upon finding out an entire kitchen hates one chef is to send that person to the other kitchen.)

I do want to give Nedra credit for the most comprehensive phobia I've ever seen. Most people are just afraid of one species. Some expand it to a region: everything flying, anything in the ocean. Nedra? If it isn't bipedal, possessing opposable thumbs, and potentially trying to get into her parking space, it is Scary and Must Be Avoided. And if you can't avoid it, you Must Eat Up Most Of Your Team's Clock. Way to nearly destroy the entire red kitchen: three more minutes of screaming and the cooking challenge would have been a moot lack of points. And thus perished her tough image, as it's a little hard to be intimidated by someone who can be taken out by a hamster.

So are the men actually this incompetent? It's a tricky question, like 'is Zach actually this full of himself'? The answer is a natural Yes, but the editing still has to be considered. Sure, we're seeing a lot of it, but that's all we're being shown. If the blues were as bad as our exerts keep insisting, there would be two doors exiting the rear: one marked Garbage and the other for Corpses. On a nightly basis, they've generally been weaker than the females -- but that's a battle of American Beer vs. Nyquil: by the time you determine which has less going for it, you're already asleep.

Someone here supposedly has enough talent to at least fake their way through a figurehead year in Gordon's employ. They have yet to reveal themselves. They may never do so.

Meanwhile, Masterchef starts May 23rd.

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