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"RTVW Official Summary: Hell's Kitchen - Season 2, Episode 8: - Kiss My Grits"
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mysticwolf 10692 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

08-05-06, 07:49 PM (EST)
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"RTVW Official Summary: Hell's Kitchen - Season 2, Episode 8: - Kiss My Grits"
LAST EDITED ON 08-06-06 AT 09:34 PM (EST) by SurvivorBlows (admin)

Last week on Hell’s Kitchen the beautiful and talented Snidget bailed out a chagrined mysticwolf, who somehow managed to forget how her VCR worked – Doh.

Oh, no… That was in real life…

In our fantasy of reality on television Garrett wanted to kill Keith for taking Virginia on a road trip to see the new restaurant in the making while he and the rest acted as fumigators. Prevented from making that kill he compensated by trying to kill a restaurant customer when he decided it was much easier to serve raw chicken than it was to cook it. After that no one else’s performance really mattered. Ramsay is not about to end his career bankrupt after being tied up in court by the actions of some DAW. Garrett had to go, so he did.

In tonight’s continuation our four remaining DAW’s file into the kitchen with Keith in the lead. “Yo… I got my beyotches, now.” Right, Keith... They’re all yours. In your dreams.

Virginia, is upset with the fact that she can cook (she assures us of this in CT), except she can’t cook in a kitchen when actual customers want to eat her food. Yes, you heard that right. Even she has figured out that she svcks at this. She promptly melts onto her bed in tears looking to Sarah for comfort. Yeah, you heard that right, too.

Sarah, for her part, is more than happy to comfort poor, sobbing, Virginia – smirking all the while. See, Sarah isn’t afraid of Virginia. Virginia can’t cook. She’s no threat at all. (Ummm… Sarah, remember who won with big breasts the other day, and came in second on the reward challenge yesterday? It wasn’t you. I think the person’s name began with a “V”.)

Meanwhile Keith and Heather bond, with Keith declaring himself to be a pimp – Ayup, no disagreement from me, dude. He recognizes that Heather is his strongest competition, but he’s certain that he can take her. Heather threatens playfully to punch him in the throat if he wins today. Neither of them are worried about Virginia, either. (Can you hear the editors snickering yet?)

Ramsay says they all must be incredibly proud and asks who thinks they’re the strongest chef. Keith says he is. Heather says she is. Sarah thinks she is (Ramsay: “Thank God you spoke up, missy.”) Virginia stands mute. She doesn’t want to brag after her performance last night. Ramsay doesn’t want someone who doesn’t think they belong there. Duh. “We have 3 strong chefs and 1 * shrug *?” Virginia gulps and says nothing. “Well, go on then. Get out.”

Oops. That shakes her tongue free and she starts to babble as the others roll their eyes. She tells Chef what she told us earlier. She’s a strong chef when it comes to food, but she’s weak when it comes to a kitchen. (Where the heck does she think a chef works? Don’t the two kinda have to go together?)

Chef thinks they’re all strong chefs because they’ve gone to Hell and back and are still standing there. Now, today’s gonna be even tougher. They’re each going to get their own restaurant. (Keith has been planning his since he was a little kid. * boggle *)

They’re reminded how phenomenal the rewards they get have been, but today’s reward is priceless. No, it’s not a credit card. It’s automatic inclusion in the final three. Exemption from elimination, no matter how badly they screw up in the kitchen tonight. The opportunity to screw over and sabotage your fellow contestants with impunity. (No, wait, someone’s already had that one. Oh well, maybe someone else, who’s name is not Sarah, will get a shot at it.)

He’s right. It’s a HUGE reward. Both Virginia (who is determined to win it) and Heather tell us so.

The restaurants will be at different locations and they’re all blindfolded for the trip. (Now, me? I think that putting the blindfold on after I’m in the car would be easier than trying to make my way out of the kitchen and into the car without breaking something – like a leg. But, neither they nor Ramsay seem to remember that they already know where they’re starting from, so they put the blindfolds on in the kitchen.)

And… Awaaayyyyy we go. In CT Heather is just bubbling with excitement. She’s in her manic phase, so we all know a depressive phase is coming up soon. Sarah just loves to lead a team, so this is the time to show her stuff. (Hmm… I don’t remember Chef saying anything about staff, do you?) Virginia is smart enough to realize she has no idea what to expect, but she claims that she will not be intimidated if it’s a high-end restaurant.

Now, stop a minute and think. Unless Ramsay has gone out and purchased 4 buildings, renovated and stocked them as restaurants, hired all the staff, and gotten all of the permits; the only way for this to be a high-end restaurant (or, really, even a low-end restaurant) would be if 4 restaurant owners agreed to hand over their restaurants, along with their reputations to 4 RTV DAWs for an afternoon. What are the odds of that happening, do you suppose?

Anyway, the “restaurants” end up being side-by-side catering trucks, each with a DAW name and HK logo on them. They will be catering lunches for construction workers, who will be deciding who wins. And, no, they don’t get staff to help them.

Sarah is giddy with joy. It’s “awesome”! She’s “alllllwaaaayyyys” wanted one of those. Well, if that’s her hearts desire I sure hope she gets one. That way no one will ever be forced to work alongside her ever again. They’re one-person trucks. Heather’s excited because she loves construction workers.

They have one hr. to prepare to serve their menus to 100 construction workers.

And, the menus are…
Virginia: Turkey, Proschiutto , and Feta Cheese Sandwiches
Sarah: Seared Quail w. Micro-green salad and fresh berries
Keith: Poached Lobster and greens
Heather: Grilled Chicken Sandwich and Fries

While Heather, eyes wide and in full-blown manic mode, asks the camera “Who doesn’t like a chicken sandwich? … And French Fries!”, while Chef checks to make sure the construction workers aren’t, any of them, vegetarians. They’re not.

Sarah wants God to be on her side, even while admitting she’s working for the Devil. (I don’t think that’s how it works, Sarah. But, then again, I don’t think God, or the Devil, for that matter, gives a rip about who wins a reality show contest. Any reality show contest.

Our chefs bounce, they run, they chop, they plate. Time’s up. Let’s see what they got. Heather tries to win with quantity, heaping them up with extra fries. Sarah decides that the way to go is to speak to the men in Spanish, trying to win them over and pointing out Ramsay so they’ll say good things about her to him. Virginia knows what works well. Remember those big breasts she won with? She puts them to use again, resorting to outright flirting and flattery.

Oh, in addition to quantity? Heather CT’s her secret ingredient. Looking at the camera, with an expression like one might wear when patiently explaining some simple concept – again - to someone that doesn’t get it, she tells us she put alcohol in the onions. She assures us that “Construction workers LOVE alcohol!” (BTW, did I mention these are iron workers. Working at great heights on girders? Nevermind. Everyone knows any actual alcohol will burn off in the cooking process. I’m sure it’s not Heather’s attempt to get a customer killed or anything.)

What our DAW’s don’t know is that the construction workers are sharing the food. Regardless of what they picked up at the window they are getting to sample each of the four dishes before choosing their favorite. And, we have one vote for Keith’s seafood. Each construction worker gets a ballot where they circle 2 colored blocks – one on each row of the ballot. One to show which food they liked the best, one to signify which they liked least. The winner will be announced back at HK.

Chef reminds them again that whoever wins goes straight through to final three. Somehow, I doubt they needed to be reminded. I know I didn’t. While Sarah and Virginia want to win the reward, Heather simply worries that whoever wins could throw a wrench into the kitchen, and Keith… Well, Keith already knows that he’ll be in the final three. The only reason he wants to win is so he doesn’t have to do the punishment.

The results are in and we’re going to start with the dish the construction workers liked least. Well, yeah… What else would you announce first. If you say what they liked best there’d be no suspense now, would there?

Well, surprise, surprise. It seems that these construction workers weren’t as big fans of chicken sandwiches, fries, and alcohol as Heather thought. Her dish comes in last. Her face drops, her head drops, her voice drops and turns into a whine. And, her depressive phase sets in.

And, the winner? “One-half of the construction workers picked one dish to win and it was cooked by…” (Come on. You know it’s time for a commercial break.)

And we can’t come back from a two-minute break without repeating whatever just happened. ‘Cause we might forget, y’know. So… “One-half of the construction workers picked one dish to win and it was cooked by…Virginia. Virginia, you are in the final three”

V: “Wow. Are you lyin’ to me? Is this a joke?”
R: “What?”
V: (Little girl sing-song voice while swaying side to side smiling coyly.) ”They liked it? I liked it. Did you like it?”

Yes, Virginia, it has officially become a joke – even if it wasn’t meant to be.

Ramsay looks stunned, Keith looks stupefied (of course, that’s a fairly normal look for Keith). After wiping his face with his hands Ramsay manages to get it through to Virginia that she is going through to the final three. Oh, and she’s going shopping. Still smiling and swaying she informs us that she “loves to shop”. Oh, Gawd help us.

While she is off shopping the rest are going to be picking crab. Crates of live crabs are carried into the kitchen and Chef tells them they are small and dainty and he does NOT want them smashed to Hell. He tells them to get to work, which, of course, means that the next scene will be in their bedrooms where Keith is trying to console a crying, whining, Heather, now in full-blown depression.

With tears flowing down her face she cries and whines for us in CT, too. “It just goes to show that sometimes you can be the hardest worker and it just won’t get you very far.” (Whaaaa…. Whaaaaa… Whaaaaa… No, Heather, it won’t. See, people that eat your food don’t care how hard you worked to prepare it. Unless they’re members of your family and you’ve prepared it at home. Then they darn well better care, and show it. But, in a restaurant? No. They don’t even see how hard you worked, or if you worked at all. All they care about is how it TASTES! Why is that such a surprise to you? Now, kwitcher whinin’ and go pick some crabs.

Heather and Keith are convinced that the only reason she won was because she was cute. She flirted with them so they voted for her. Maybe. Hey, guys? Ever think that’s part of knowing who your customers are? No, that would never occur to you. So, in typical good sport loser fashion Keith taunts Virginia as she prepares to go shopping, assuming she’ll be getting some pretty new shoes and purses. Gah. I’m liking all four of them less and less.
The announcer tells us that while Virginia has won the best prize so far, the crab-picking will be, arguably, the worst punishment.

Hey! Virginia isn’t shopping for clothes and accessories after all. While we see Heather, chef’s knife in hand, greet one of the crabs with “Welcome to Hell’s Kitchen” - which I think will be far truer for the crab, in terms of his end, than for any of our DAW’s - unfortunately – (Gee, I wish I believed in fire & brimstone, but I don’t, * sigh *), Virginia gets to go with Ramsay to ‘Sur la Table’, a very upscale chef’s store. Gourmet pots and pans, appliances, top quality chef’s knives, they’ve got it all. It’s always been her dream to shop here. So, let’s see what she gets…

I see kitchen towels, she wants a pasta machine, wine glasses, and “Ooooh! Pink spatula!” Purty. Chef seemingly can’t believe what he’s hearing. Standing in front of a glass case filled with gorgeous, top of the line, chef’s knives, Chef asks her which knife she’s going to get. “The big one. What’s it called, again?” Chef looks like he’s going to be sick and tells her it’s “A c l e a v e r?” (However hopeful he might have been, Virginia gives no indication that she’s familiar with that word.) She tells him that she’s going to name the knife “Chef Ramsay”. He looks ill and she assures him she was only kidding, then asks if he likes an apron.

She puts on the apron and starts dancing around in it. He wants to know what it says on the apron. “Kiss the cook”, she sings. “Oh, * bleep *, is his response, spinning around and walking away from her. Next stop the glasses and tumblers, where Chef grabs a tumbler made for drinks on the rocks. As he looks into it - probably hoping a whiskey on the rocks will appear - he drops it. Thankfully, it bounces and doesn’t shatter.

In CT, Virginia tells us that she definitely got more comfortable with Chef Ramsay (coyly batting her eyelashes at the camera) “Gor-don”. ..”He’s quite charming, that man.” ( Coy head drop and sly smile. ) (Urgghhh… I’ll be right back * mystic runs away from the TV and computer towards the bathroom *)

(‘kay. I’m feeling better now. * takes a sip of water *) We’re off of Virginia and her obsession now (No, I do NOT mean her desire to win the contest, I mean her desire to win Chef Ramsay. Somehow, I don’t think that it’s entered her brain that if she wins she’ll be his employee. And, I doubt very much that he consorts with his employees the way she’s hoping. I actually give him the credit of thinking that he expects his employees to perform well in the kitchen. And, she’s already said, and proven, that’s not her strong suit. )

Time to look at what the crabs are seeing in the kitchen. And, the cameraman gives us some very nice close-ups of them watching. (Can’t help an aside… Crabs actually have very good eyesight. Much better than our own.)

What they are seeing are a lot of very unhappy people. Keith tells us that they are dealing with 6 bushels of crabs, and picking them is very tedious work. They’re dealing with live crabs. With good eyesight, and very strong pincers. I doubt any of them will escape the pot, but I can hope that at least one of the DAWs will learn to respect their eyesight and claws. Sarah says they’re mean. They’re not, of course, or, at least they don’t meet up with Sarah’s level of meanness. They just don’t like being on their backs while people prod at them. (Unlike, perhaps, our current heroine, Victoria.) And, they really just want to go back to the lives they lived before they ended up in the kitchen. (Unlike any of our DAWs.) But, then again, they did lead much more interesting lives than any of our DAWs, so I guess that’s to be expected.

But, of course, nothing could be more interesting than Virginia making a fool of herself, so we don’t spend much time with the crabs – any of them DAWs or arthropods, alike.

No. We need to see Virginia become an absolute buffoon. What’s gone before has just been an appetizer. She’s now decided she needs a cookbook. A cookbook authored by Ramsay. She can’t find any. She searches everywhere. Everywhere except on the table right in front of her. Or, rather, right behind her, when she finally tells Ramsay what she’s searching for and he, with a groan, points them out to her. As he’s inscribing the book for her she asks “Say something really nice. And, please don’t use the words ‘b**ch’ or ‘cow’” showing that she’s at least bright enough to realize that “Gor-don” may not be as infatuated with her as she is with him.

So, we have an apron, a pink spatula, a big knife, a book, a kitchen towel, and some glasses… at a grand total of $966.89. Virginia wriggles with glee. (I hope to heavens we didn’t see everything she bought. Or, that’s one hefty price to pay for a spatula.)

Back in the kitchen with the pickers they’re picking more than crabs. Virginia’s winning streak and lack of talent in the kitchen is being picked over pretty well, too. Sarah can’t remember Virginia ever being successful on a single station, but Heather says she was successful at fish – which they all agree is the easiest. Heather and Keith are sick os her winnin’ and grinnin’ ways, and Sarah puts it all down to her “knowing how to shake her moneymakers”. Hisssss… Mrooowww… Phtttttt!

And, in walks Virginia laden with her treasure. And a smile. Gee, no one is smiling back. Imagine that. Well, I guess she did imagine what their reaction to her win would be because, in an effort to win friends, she’s bought each of them something. Which they find out when Keith asks how much she had to spend and on hearing that it was $1000, tells her that she’d better have bought something for him. He’s such a class act.

But, wasn’t that nice of her? Maybe she got everyone a big knife. I would have. If I know I’m gonna have one in my back it would be nice to at least know that it’s clean. So, let’s see how nice she was. She gives Sarah her gift and tells her not to be mad, it’s just a joke. Ahhh, a porcelain cow. Hahaha. (Sarah’s not laughing? Why ever not? Virginia is laughing up a storm.) Heather gets a silicone oven mitt. And, Virginia feels she needs to explain what it is and how it’s used. To Heather. Hmmm… Heather’s not amused. (Maybe she shouldn’t have chuckled over Sarah’s cow.) And, for Keith? The guy that took her along on his reward trip, losing a friend in the process? Maybe he’ll do better. He probably should. He certainly thinks so as he tells her “Before you give me my present? You’d better have spent more money on me that this” (indicating the cow and oven mitt).

Virginia looks incredulous. She can’t seem to understand why they aren’t thrilled. After all, she didn’t have to buy them anything at all. Maybe she’s made a mistake. She starts to look a little worried, but she gamely unwraps Keith’s present. (Perhaps she should ask him to put down his knife before she hands it to him. Or, maybe just pitch it to him from across the room.) What is it? Oh! Perfect! It’s a crab cracker and crab fork! That’ll come in handy now. Except, as Virginia suddenly notices, “You guys have all that stuff now.”

Oops. It begins to dawn on Virginia that just maybe she made a wee mistake. Her jokes aren’t going over quite as well as she thought they would. The women, to their credit, keep their mouths shut and keep on working. Keith, however, calls her out on it. “Six dollars out of a thousand?” He thinks she should have gotten him an $80 knife, at least. (I think she just learned why her mother always told her to take price tags off of gifts before giving them. Bet she won’t forget that lesson soon.)

But, she’s not going to give up on this wonderful bonding experience. After all, no one could really be mad at her for winning $1000 shopping trip while they shuck crabs. No one’s ever mad at pretty little Virginia. So, when Sarah asks her what she bought herself, she says she’ll show them. (Of course, someone with a brain larger than a pea would have had the sense to drop thier bags in their room before going into the kitchen.) When Keith suggests that she bought a “thousand dollars of ****”, she pulls out her shiny new knife and waves it’s gleaming blade in Keith’s face. But…but… but… That’s what she should have gotten him.

He’s lovingly hefting the knife and drooling all over its blade when… Finally! The light bulb goes on. Maybe they are mad at her. Only way to find out for sure is to ask. So, she does. But no one bothers to answer. Woefully carrying her loot back to her room she whines in CT about how rude they are and how she expects them to be itchy in the kitchen tomorrow. She decides she needs to have her act together so she hits the sack at 12:28am. The pickers pick on. We fade from the kitchen as Heather and Sarah agree that it’s gotten to the point that you just can’t be friends any longer. Sarah’s parting words are that Virginia’s going to “go down hard”. (Obviously the editors are right. There is a need to constantly remind people what has gone before. Not us. Them! They’ve evidently forgotten that small detail of Virginia’s immunity. Hmmm.)

The sun rises over HK but a cloud hangs over Virginia. Still not quite getting what’s making her so unpopular at the moment she takes time out of kitchen prep to, out of the blue, promise everyone that she’s not going to try to ruin tonight’s service. Of course, this also reminds everyone that she’s immune to elimination and, if she wanted to set them up, could. And, there wouldn’t be a thing they could do about it.

Sarah, in CT tells us that she doesn’t care if Virginia is immune, or if she’s won the Willy Wonka sweepstakes. Virginia is just Loony Tunes. (I may not like Sarah, but she does have a point.) Sarah’s is going to take care of herself before she takes care of Virginia. (But, isn’t that what you always do? Has it actually helped you get anywhere?)

Keith is a little more practical with his plans. He’s going to try hard to make money food in a clean kitchen with his pants pulled up, for a change. (May be a bit more effective strategy, but can he actually work without the added air conditioning provided by having his pants at half-staff?)

Heather has already assured us that no one can beat her at service. That’s where she shines. (Well, sometimes.)

Chef calls them together to give them a pep talk, which results in a panic attack for Sarah when she finds out that tonight, for the First Time Ever, Chef has invited three top chefs to eat at the restaurant. Since our DAW’s will be cooking their dinner I’m not sure that this isn’t just a way for Chef to eliminate some competition. (But, no… If that were his purpose he probably would have kept Garrett around to serve his raw chicken specialty.) Just to feed the panic attack Chef informs them, in no uncertain terms, that that is one table that none of them are going to screw up. (Wanna bet? Who wants to set the odds?)

As diners arrive, the announcer intones each DAW’s station. Keith, seen busy shaking a pan, is on appetizers. Heather, busy with a magic marker, is on meat. Sarah, seen busy with, the grill, is on fish. And, Virginia, seen jumping up and down apparently doing a High School cheer routine, is on vegetables. Let the fun begin.

Our cheerleader is evidently also responsible for preparing an hors d’oevre to be served at every table. She’s moving faster than Chef has ever seen her. Chef is rattling off tickets, the DAW’s are responding to him and each other. Dishes are flying out of the kitchen. Anybody think that, for the First Time Ever we’re going to see a flawless service? Nah, I didn’t think so.

Keith is on a record pace with his appetizers and 30 minutes in they’re onto the entrees. Proving their earlier assertion that the fish station is the easiest station to man, Sarah is complemented on how beautifully her grill has marked the salmon. She says thank you. (Personally, I’d rather know who made the grill and if it comes in a home design.)

Chef decides things are going too well and jinxes it all by telling them that service is going better than ever. He asks if they can keep it up, and they all scream “Yes, Chef!”, thereby sealing the jinx.

“Six covers for table 30!” Virginia stops dead and stares into space, having completely forgotten that “cover” is chef talk for the hors d’ouvre she’s responsible for. Somewhere, deep in the recesses of her cranial cortex a neuron snaps to life. Just as Chef jumps in her direction and repeats the order she remembers she’s supposed to respond with the obligatory “Yes, Chef!” She starts to move. Maybe, if she just keeps moving, she’ll remember what she’s supposed to be doing. Or, maybe she’ll just get stuck on the response thing.

Chef rattles off another string of orders. Everyone responds appropriately. Even Virginia, now hurriedly preparing her covers. Except she can’t seem to stop. “Yes, Chef! Yes, Chef! Yes, Chef! Yes, Chef! Yes, Chef! Yes, Chef! Yes, Chef!…”

While Virginia moves her mouth, Heather is moving her body. She’s like a dervish. She’s here, she’s there, she’s cleaning, she’s cooking, she’s chopping, she’s everywhere. She’s stepping up her performance just like she told us she needs to do in her CT. Right now she’s ready in 45 seconds and needs to know if Virginia is ready. Virginia assures her that she’ll be ready in 45 seconds, then proves how ready she is by asking if anyone knows where the green beans are. (I dunno… Maybe they ran away and hid when you started your cheer routine.)

Heather is starting to get pissed. Her Wellington is ready. She needs Virginia to get the garnish out. Chef demands to know who is holding the table up. Heather tells him it’s Virginia. Of course, Chef knew this all along, but it gives him a chance to scream at Virginia, asking why she’s holding the table up. She tells him she’s moving as fast as she can and gets stuck in Yes-Chef mode again. He tells her to watch Heather for 2 minutes so she’ll know what fast looks like. (Of course, that doesn’t get Heather’s garnishes done any faster.) Heather delivers her Wellington to the window and Chef, evidently hoping to see if Heather is jinx-proof, tells her they’re amazing. They’re both cooked perfect and it’s the best start they’ve ever had.

One hour into service, with 35 out of 100 diners eating their entrees, and the powerful arrive. Since they are special guests of Ramsay they don’t get to choose their meal. The kitchen will choose for them. Usually, this is because the kitchen knows, what the freshest ingredients are, what is most likely to impress the most, and, not the least, because it gives the kitchen a chance to show what they’re best at preparing. In other words, this custom is designed to give the special guests the best meal possible. There should be no reason for it to be anything but the best. A special kitchen treat for special guests. Then again, this isn’t exactly a special kitchen. (Well, it is “special”, but not necessarily in a good way, ifyouknowwhatImean.)

So, what are we going to offer our special guests? Two of them are major players in L.A. One, however, is a smashing success in Vegas. Where their restaurant is going to be. So, it better be good. Keith offers up spaghetti-lobster. Accepted. Chef tells him to make it the best he’s ever done. What about fish? Sarah says she’ll serve them 1 monkfish and 2 scallops. Silly cow, they’re all supposed to be the same. Forced to pick she chooses scallops. Chef orders 3 Scallop St. Jacques. Heather, unsurprisingly, chooses Wellington. Three, of course. Time to show them what they’re made of.

It’s Keith’s turn to be jinxed when Chef pushes him for three stunning spaghetti-lobster. Keith does the Yes-Chef and promptly sets his station on fire. Keith puts the fire out and, without changing pans, adds more sauce. In CT he tells us that he’s been killing it on the line so he has nothing to be nervous about. Nothing at all. I certainly wouldn’t be worried if I tasted the spaghetti, after I’d already placed it in the sauce, and found it undercooked. No need to start over. Just scrape the sauce off as best I can and slide it back into the pot to continue to cook. Chef Ramsay didn’t see it, so all is good. There’s no way three world-class chefs could tell. Sauce covers all sins. Right?

Meanwhile, as the twice cooked pasta leaves the kitchen, Sarah isn’t ready on the salmon. She needs three minutes. Chef wants to know why she hasn’t been calling it and, in spite of the fact that we haven’t heard her voice in awhile, she tells him that she’s “been sayin’”. (If I had to guess, I’d bet that she’s so rattled about the scallops for the chefs’ table that she forgot she still had other tables to feed.) Chef demands to know why the salmon is so slow and Sarah rattles off some excuse about setting something on fire. She owns that it was her mistake and tells him she still needs 2 minutes. Chef tells her she is the Weakest Link, and Heather has to put her perfectly cooked duck back in the oven to reheat.

Showing that he has been paying attention, Chef warns Sarah that she’d better not sabotage this service. (For once, of course, she’s not trying to. She just managing it without trying. Old habits are hard to break, I guess.)

Back to the chefs’ table it seems that, who’d a thunk, master chefs are able to tell the difference between cooked, overcooked, and undercooked pasts. All three of which they got in the same dish. The partially eaten dishes come back to the table with Jean Phillipe and Keith is called over to get his review. They are not impressed. Chef tries to give him a pep talk and, in response, Keith sets his station on fire. Again.

O.K. So Keith isn’t doing so well with the appetizers. There’s still Sarah and her fish station. Remember? The easy station? Right now Chef needs 2 salmon and 1 turbot. Sarah asks Heather if there is any more salmon in the house. “WHAT? WHAT IS GOING ON?” Ramsay reminds Sarah that HE is the head-chef, and she’d better be talking to HIM. Reluctantly, Sarah tells him that she doesn’t have enough salmon to get through the night. Chef can’t believe his ears. He suggests she run out and buy some and she asks if she can substitute with the “turbo”. He suggests she ask the maitre d’, asks for her. Jean Phillipe says he’ll check and Chef sends Sarah back to her station muttering “useless cow” under his breath as she scuttles back into her corner.

Unfortunately for Sarah, instead of hustling her buns she starts sulking. Actually, that’s not the unfortunate part. The unfortunate part is that Chef notices and calls her on it. He screams, “You’re finished, aren’t you?”

Now class, pop quiz. After this many weeks in Ramsay’s kitchen what is the appropriate response to this?

A) “NO, Chef!”
B) “yes, Chef.” (handing over your apron), or
C) “Awwww, Chef, come on…”
And, for part two of the quiz can you guess what our useless cow’s response was?

Yep. Sarah picked “C”, and when I said Chef screamed the question at her? He wasn’t really screaming. Now, he’s screaming. And his face is turning red. And he’s standing like a bull readying to charge. And, Sarah starts to whine about having had a problem but she told him about it, and now it’s being resolved. And then she starts to argue with him, screaming back that she only had 2 salmon, (sticking her fingers into the air for emphasis and, luckily remembering that she needs to use more than just her middle finger to represent 2), but she has turbot, and, essentially saying, “what’s your problem, Chef?”

Oops, I guess I was wrong again. He still wasn’t screaming. But, I’m pretty sure that’s what he’s doing now. I don’t think he can get much louder. The veins are starting to pop out in his forehead. The cords are standing out in his neck. His face has now reached a very nice shade of purple, though that could just be because the red is blending with the ever-thickening blue vapor hanging over their heads from the string of profanity issuing from his mouth. And, he does charge, looking very like a bull, backing Sarah up and getting his face about 2 inches from hers.

But, really, all he’s trying to do is get her to see that the mistake was her fault, and that he’s not going to accept excuses and challenges from her in his kitchen. And, she’d best not sulk about it, either. That’s all he’s really trying to say. He’s just doing it at a very high decibel level.

Chef orders Heather to take over the fish and Sarah yells “No, Chef!” (Where were those words when she first needed them? Challenged, she whines to him that she doesn’t need to be replaced. After repeating this to Heather on Chef’s orders, everyone returns to their original stations, and we go into CT with the cow. (slightly sanitized to fit our PG-13 rating)

“I screwed up 1 f’ing table with 1 f’ing salmon. I wasn’t beat, don’t get up my crotch about bleep.”

So, now that Sarah is thoroughly rattled, it’s time for her to work on her dish for our special guests. She should certainly be able to redeem herself if she at least pulls that one off. Can she? The scallops look good, which is a good start. But, to impress a chef (or any diner, really), it’s how they taste that counts. At least one chef thought they were too salty, but the others liked them. So, she did better than Keith, but still not a perfect score.

It’s now Heather’s turn in the frying pan with her Wellington. (Which, btw, is not an easy dish to prepare correctly. The last time I ordered it in a restaurant the meat was not only raw inside, it was still frozen. Hmmm… Maybe Garrett used to work there.)

Heather’s been on a roll, but unlike Keith and Sarah, her dish also relies on Virginia’s vegetables. Heather is calling out times and orders to Virginia. Virginia is calling them back to Heather. Incorrectly. Heather repeats the orders and the time left before she’ll need them. Two minutes to hot plate. So, of course, it’s now Virginia’s turn to set her station ablaze. And, she can’t find her ingredients. Chef send Heather to get whatever she doesn’t have from the back and Heather races off at top speed to get Bok Choy. As she disappears from sight Virginia realizes that she’s also out of cream. She asks Keith if he can run back and get her some cream and Keith looks down his nose at her and refuses.

Heather takes over making her own remaining garnishes and Chef demands to know if Virginia is screwing up because she’s safe. She insists it’s not. Heather races her garnishes back to plate her meat and it leaves the kitchen.

The chefs are impressed. With the Wellington. The peas, however taste like carbon from flame hitting them. (Guesses on what Virginia set on fire, anyone?) The plates come back because the peas are unappetizing and burnt. “Thank.You.Virginia.” Heather is now pissed. She has another Wellington ready to go. She needs the salmon ready, and she needs the peas ready. She tells Virginia not to burn the pan this time.

Chef is also pissed. He’s heard the news about the peas. He tells Heather that whatever she needs she should plan on coming around and getting it herself. Otherwise, she may be going home, because Virginia is obviously trying to sabotage her.

In CT, Virginia tells us that she was working her hardest and she just doesn’t understand why everyone has to be so harsh. (Well, I can’t speak for the others, but if I were Heather, now working your station as well as my own, harsh wouldn’t come close to defining my treatment of you.)

As I mentioned (hey, if they can repeat things, so can I), Heather is really moving. She is working her butt off to get her tables served. And, as meat takes the longest to cook, Sarah and Virginia need to be ready when she is. Not the other way around. Sarah doesn’t seem to grasp that concept and she tells Heather to slow down. So, once again our Holstein (I guess that’s what she is, dressed in black and white) fails the pop quiz. Chef calls her over to tell her that she’s got a lot of nerve telling Heather to slow down with 10 tickets left. Sarah apologizes to him, then to Heather – after Chef points out that she’s talking to the wrong person again. She doesn’t sound sincere enough to Chef who orders her to apologize like she means it. Pointing to her eyeballs to show her sincerity she repeats her apology to Heather.

Now Sarah and Heather are in synch and Virginia loses it completely. “I can’t you guys! I can’t”, she cries, fanning the steam around her head with a pot lid and tongs. Heather utters an obscenity, for which no one would blame her. Virginia begs somebody to help her or for them to slow it down. Unlike Sarah’s apology it is apparent that she’s sincere. She’s in full-blown panic mode.

Chef, his voice starting to go, tells Heather that she’s being screwed. Virginia asks for 2 more minutes because she’s burnt the cabbage. Chef screams for Heather to take her meat back while they wait for Virginia to catch up. Chef’s had it. “Hey, Virginia. Look at me. I mean it. You’re. No longer. Safe.” That’s right, Chef is reneging on his word. He’s taking her safety away at the last moment.

And the only sound you hear in Hell’s Kitchen is the sound of necks cracking as everyone stops dead and stares. Virginia looks like a deer caught in headlights. Sarah and Keith look stunned. And, Heather decides that God exists.

Virginia is now randomly calling out times. “Two minutes. No. One minute.” (No one knows why she’s calling out times. She just is. Maybe it’s the countdown before her nervous breakdown begins.)

In CT, Virginia admits that this has been her worst service ever. She hates it. She wishes she were a server right now. In the kitchen, however, Heather is helping her, but riding her like a championship bull-rider, demanding to know where her cream and flour for the sauce she’s making are. Sounding forlorn, yet not seeming to understand that this might be a problem, Virginia tells her that she doesn’t have any flour. (She may not see a problem there. Chef certainly does. He turns away in disgust, calling for his deity of choice. (Which, in spite of the name of his kitchen is not the Devil. Perhaps, it should be, because I’m sure he’d like to introduce Virginia to Him, at the moment.)

In spite of all the problems the kitchen manages to complete their second consecutive service, and Chef compliments Heather. And, he sounds sincere.

Lined up in kitchen it’s time for critique. Ramsay starts out by reminding them of what it felt like before he jinxed them. Then calls the rest of the service unbelievable. And, he has another surprise for them. Those chefs didn’t just send comments back to the kitchen. They filled out comment cards, with mixed reviews for the appetizers and the fish. “However, they loved the Wellington.” Heather blushes and smiles with pride as Chef tells her that was her best performance ever. She was easily the best chef in the kitchen. So, she’s safe. And, she gets to choose two nominees to face elimination.

While Keith and Sarah wander out to the picnic table, Virginia calls Heather over to talk. She says she doesn’t think she deserves to be there any more. She’s not ready for her own restaurant. She can’t even run her own station, so she couldn’t possibly open her own restaurant. She repeats all of this for us in CT, in case we didn’t quite get it the first time around. Heather, in turn, offers her honest opinion. Heather is threatened by Virginia’s mind. Her ability to think of things. (Um, okay. But, hasn’t she noticed that most of what Virginia thinks of seems to slide, alarmingly quickly, around the back of her mind to slip out of her ear, forever lost in the stratosphere?) Virginia continues to ardently argue for her own elimination. She’s tired of sliding by. It’s time for her to go.

Heather tells her she has her respect. She reminds Virginia that getting into the final 4 was a huge accomplishment. And, knowing that Virginia is going to willingly throw herself under the bus, she goes out back to discuss who her other nominee is going to be. (Me? I’d have at least considered putting her up alone. Or, suggested that she talk to Chef and simply quit. But, hey, that’s just me.)
She tells Sarah and Keith that Virginia is taking herself out. So, she’s going to put up Sarah and Virginia, and… Wait just a minute here. Blowing cigarette smoke in her face Sarah wants to know what was so bad about her performance. (And, she actually manages to, not only, ask this with a straight face, she adopts her usual defensive tone suggesting that no one could possibly find fault with anything that she did.)

Instead of telling her the same thing that she tells us in CT, that she really messed up, she takes the cowards way out and tells Sarah that there was nothing wrong with her performance, but asks who else she could put up. (Well, Keith is the obvious answer to that. It would be the wrong answer, mind you, but the obvious one.) She says she thought Keith did okay. (In CT Keith admits to making one little screw up. He insists that it’s his first one. Yeah, right big boy. And, it was such a small screw up that he certainly doesn’t feel he should be sent home for it.)

Everyone convinces each other that, since Virginia is out calling the bus driver as they speak, Sarah has nothing to worry about. Sarah agrees but tells them that she’ll pack a bag, just in case. (I’m actually disappointed by this. It would be much more fun if she showed up unpacked and Ramsay actually eliminated her. But, there’s no chance of that happening. Right?) They end their little confab with a clink of the glasses cans and a “Cheers” to the final three.

So, one more time they file before Chef. And, one more time, the viewers are disappointed that they are not going to get to see the bus drive back and forth over Sarah.

Called upon to deliver her chosen two to the altar, Virginia is the first called to sacrifice. Based upon her performance tonight, and last night, she doesn’t have the skills. Virginia nods in agreement. The second sacrificial victim is, as we already know, Sarah – also based upon her performance tonight. (Which earns Heather a smirk of derision which she ignores.)

Sarah and Virginia are called out of line.

R: “Sarah. Why should you stay in Hell’s Kitchen?”
S: “I’m not gonna stand here and nit-pick about the various situations that went down here tonight.” (Flash to scene of Salmon fight.)
S: “I might make a mistake now and then, but I know I can hold my own.”
R: “Thank you.”
S: “Yes, Chef.” (Whatever happened to ‘You’re welcome’?)

R: “Virginia. Why should you stay in Hell’s Kitchen?”
V: “Well, I knew you were going to ask me that question tonight because I’ve been up here six, seven… hundred billion times. And, I had a good talk with myself tonight. You see, what kind of a kitchen can I run if I can’t even run a fricking vegetable station. (Flash to vegetable melt-down scene.)
V: “I don’t think I deserve to win Hell’s Kitchen.
Well, she did it. She kept her word and took herself out of the game. She gave up. So, once again, Sarah gets missed by the bus.

R: “What are you saying?” (Keith starts listening very intently)
V: “What am I saying?”
R: “Yeah”
V: “I don’t know. I don’t know.”
R: “You won the challenge. I guaranteed your place in the final three. And… I’m a man of my word.

(Um, hang on. I just got a call from someone. I need to run out for a bit and pick something up. I’ll take my laptop with me, and finish up after I take care of something. * mystic grabs laptop and races for the door *)

R: “If you want to go. That is your choice.” (Heather hangs her head)
R: “If you decide to stay, I’ll send Sarah home.”

(Sarah sneers and nods her head knowingly. She knew it all along. It’s all a set-up. Virginia is gonna get her kicked out of HK because she can shake her money-makers. ‘Cause no way would anything other than a set-up cause her to lose Hell’s Kitchen. ‘Cause she’s the bestest, most talented, chef that’s ever lived. And, Ramsay knows it. He just can’t forget those big breasts Virginia gave to him. So there.)

V: (very rapidly, whining, almost in tears) “I understand what you’re telling me, but I wanna be in the final three, because I deserve to be in the final three. Not because you’re a man of your word, or because of the… frickin’ challenge. I wanna be in the final three because I deserve to be.”
R: “I. Can’t. Help. You. Any. More. This. Is. Entirely. Your. Decision.

S: “May I ask a question, Chef?”
R: “Shut the f up for 30 seconds.”

R: “Virginia, come back to me with your final decision.”
V: “Well…” wipes her tears away “Hell NO. I don’t wanna go!”

Keith can’t believe what he’s hearing. (I can. ‘Cause I’ve got the keys, I’ve got the keys. Vrooom, Vroom.)

V: “Of course I don’t wanna go. I wanna stay. You wanna know why? ‘Cause I fing want to. * giggle * That’s why.” (Put it to Sarah, you mean. But, who doesn’t?)

Heather and Keith can’t believe their good luck. They know, without the shadow of a doubt that this means they will be battling as the final two. They can’t get their jaws back in place or stop grinning at each other.

R: “Virginia. I respect your decision. Sarah.”
S: “Yes, Chef”
R: “Take off your jacket.”
S: “Yes, Chef.”

And the moment we have all been waiting for has finally come.

R: “And leave Hell’s Kitchen. And, listen. You’ve worked hard. I appreciate that. I think you know, deep down inside, that you can do it.”
S: “Yes, Chef”

And, with that Ramsay calls for the jacket. Sarah hands it over and receives a kiss from Ramsay. “Kiss my grits, Chef. Kiss my grits.” (She’s smiling when she says this. But, I actually know what that Southern expression means. And, you don’t normally smile when you’re using it.)

We watch flashbacks of Sarah’s life in HK, and are reminded why we don’t like her. She tells us that she can’t be mad at Virginie, ‘cause it’s been a heck of a trip. Then she breaks down outside and says that she came thinking she had what it took to win the prize. But, now, she’s afraid that maybe she just doesn’t have it in her to do great things.

Darn I wish she hadn’t started crying. She’s making me feel sorry for her. Or, at least about how she lost. I’m not sure I want to run the bus back and forth across her prostrate body. Oh, heck! Sure I do! Why? ‘Cause I just fing wanna! Vrooom, vroom, vrooooooooom, Screech!

Chef sends a now smiling Virginia back into line and commends them all for making the final three. He tells them that it’s been a phenomenal journey, but the hardest time of their lives is about to start, right now.

Virginia CT’s that she’s confident again that she deserves this and wants this. (Why, I cannot fathom. She still can’t handle a station in the kitchen.) Heather is a bit shocked. She thinks Virginia could actually be a bit of a threat to her, but she’s not going anywhere. Keith is convinced that he’s his own biggest problem. (Yep. Can’t argue that.) He’s not worried about either girl. (Now, this? I could argue.) Then he compares himself to grease rising to the top again. (Ewwwww)

Chef sends them to bed and tells us that “Sara is not good enough. She made so many simple mistakes she definitely didn’t merit her own restaurant.” And, as he impales her jacket onto the meat hook, with a little more force than usual, he shows us that he, too, knows what that Southern expression she used really means. Looking at her photo her tells her that she can kiss his grits!

Next week the cat fight between the girls begins in earnest, and, in turn, each of them takes Ramsays spot to run the kitchen and their competitors. The end will be the most shocking yet, and for the First. Time. Ever. someone will take on Chef Ramsay. (Yeah, yeah. Maybe you should go check that First.Time.Ever carp against some of the earlier tapes. Like this one, even)

See you later. I’ve gotta get this bus to the carwash, clean the tires and undercarriage, and remove my fingerprints before I return it. Who knew running over a cow would be so messy.


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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's K... Snidget 08-06-06 1
 RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's K... foonermints 08-06-06 2
 RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's K... TheFabulousLurker 08-07-06 3
 RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's K... archon 08-07-06 4
 RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's K... bullzeye 08-07-06 5
   RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's K... mysticwolf 08-07-06 6
       RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's K... Snidget 08-07-06 8
 RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's K... Cyndimaus 08-07-06 7

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Snidget 43862 desperate attention whore postings
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08-06-06, 08:05 AM (EST)
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1. "RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's Kitchen - Season 2, Episode 8: - Kiss My Grits"
*hands mystic the power washer and a bottle of bleach*

Great summary!


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08-06-06, 04:08 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's Kitchen - Season 2, Episode 8: - Kiss My Grits"
LAST EDITED ON 08-06-06 AT 04:10 PM (EST)

Rammie says:
Lvoed it!

FIVE double decker busses to make sure the evil does not rise again!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
ps:
>I don’t think God, or the Devil, for that matter, gives a rip about who wins a reality show contest. Any reality show contest.<


Right. We don't care. As long as it isn't the Poopert or chicken thieves.
I am KukulGod!

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08-07-06, 00:41 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's Kitchen - Season 2, Episode 8: - Kiss My Grits"
Nice summary, Mystic!

I have to admit, when Virginia was being so wishy washy at the end, I was bouncing on my bed yelling at the tv "STAY YOU IDIOT STAY!!!"

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08-07-06, 07:56 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's Kitchen - Season 2, Episode 8: - Kiss My Grits"
Fantastic Job Mystic!

Way too many great lines for quoting! Gotta wonder how a contestant can still be on a cooking show and not know what a CLEAVER is! Must be the CLEAVAGE that keeps her around... Or her bus driving skills... Whatever...

Archon

"You can get more with a 2x4 and a kind word than with just a kind word." (Marcus, B5)

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08-07-06, 11:59 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's Kitchen - Season 2, Episode 8: - Kiss My Grits"
Bravo! Bravo! Yet another great summary from the wolf!!!

"But, neither they nor Ramsay seem to remember that they already know where they’re starting from, so they put the blindfolds on in the kitchen."

I hadn't noticed that - too funny!!

BTW - what did they do with all that crab?


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08-07-06, 01:18 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's Kitchen - Season 2, Episode 8: - Kiss My Grits"
Good question! I'd forgotten to ask that. They certainly didn't seem to serve any of it for dinner. I hope they didn't die in vain just to punish a bunch of pouting DAWs. That would truly be a waste of my favorite food.


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Snidget 43862 desperate attention whore postings
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08-07-06, 08:33 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's Kitchen - Season 2, Episode 8: - Kiss My Grits"
Listening to the rerun they did a Crab Amuse Boosh (sp?) sounds like the fancy word for amuse the mouth or something like that appetizer that was served to every table.
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08-07-06, 06:45 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: RTVW Official Summary: Hell's Kitchen - Season 2, Episode 8: - Kiss My Grits"
Best.Bus.Movie.Ever!!

Another superb summary! I really, really enjoy reading each summary. Thanks for all your hard work.


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