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"Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"	07-18-06, 02:55 PM (EST)
"Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"
Let's talk about shopping. Shopping is important for a head chef. In fact, it's absolutely (bleeped) essential, because if you don't have good ingredients, you won't get a good (censored) result. I've been thinking about that a lot lately, because it seems to me that a TV series is like a recipe, and I'm being asked to serve (bleeped) salad with a (censored) side dish and a (blurred) appetizer, because my ingredients are (don't even ask) and I can't change them. I can't even fire them, because someone else has the (censored) copyright on that. All I can do is roast them. Slowly. So get shopping already! I want you to come up with a three-course meal as you run around this incredible supermarket -- twenty minutes, people, or Sara, do you think that means forty plus two recooks? -- and then you'll have about an hour to make it for me. Amazing. You can all spend money. I knew you all had to have one talent. Let's see what the results look like. Garrett, I did not ask for a soup with extra shiv. Heather, your crepes are as soggy as your tear-filled eyes. Virginia, I get the feeling that either you or the editors are trying to tell me something, but I'm not sure what. It's very subtle. But the main course is very complex, so Red Team, let's go get the thing I need most to pick a final winner: lots and lots of alcohol! Oh, my (blurred) head. What happened last night? I remember that Virginia was talking... and talking... and I think at some point, she looked upon the expression of the common period and decided not to disturb it... Blue Team, what did I tell you to do for a punishment? Unload trucks? Garrett, I have a dim memory of seeing your middle finger raised in a salute. I don't think I like it. I do think I'll call for more trucks. Can we get a dinner service completed tonight? Maybe if you made your own menus... yes, let's try that. Go ahead and cook your favorites and specialties: we'll see if that works. My God. Something is happening here. Keith is turning into a leader again. He still needs a fresh haircut and clean underwear and someone to tell him that giant eggs generally do not run million-dollar restaurants, but he's taking charge. Appetizers are moving out of the blue kitchen. Entrees are moving out of the blue kitchen. Something I've never seen before that's made with lots of sugar and looks like it would be nice at the end of a meal is moving out of the blue kitchen. What is that? I've never (censored) seen it served here. A 'dessert'? Really. And what is it used for? Surely you must be joking. I have three potential pieces of non-(censored) at work! How about the other kitchen? Why did I ask? Sara, did you actually pick a dish based on your inability to cook it? Virginia, did you agree with that dish based on something I still haven't figured out yet? Maribel, can you speak up for yourself? No, not you, Sara. I don't want to hear you. I (blurred) said -- did you just disagree with me? Would you like to go home right now? I'd like you to go -- did the blue kitchen just finish? We're that close? Blue Team, get in here! Help these incompetents until we're clear! Thank you. We have completed a dinner service. I can die in peace. The rest of you will go first. Blue Team, there's no question here: you're the winners. Red Team: you're all at risk. Sara, I want you to stop talking. I want you to stop breathing. But I also realize that anyone who would talk back to me may have the central quality of a good head chef -- insanity -- so Maribel, you're boring and you're (censored) gone. We're making progress. We're actually making (blurred) progress. Maybe I can start to have hope again. After all, it's not as if these morons have nearly (censored) killed anyone...
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ginger 22511 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-18-06, 03:40 PM (EST)

1. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

All I know is, I'm getting the hell out of here and having a nice glass of whine. JP OUT!

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-18-06, 03:45 PM (EST)

2. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

Hold up. I'm buying.

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ginger 22511 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-19-06, 01:22 PM (EST)

4. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

You always want me to be wing man!

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foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-20-06, 05:18 PM (EST)

7. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

*stabs Phillipe in foot for Tom Cruise reference*

*swish* *zing*

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Cyndimaus 3117 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-19-06, 11:29 AM (EST)

3. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

I (censored)can't believe Sara is still here! Chef about yelled himself hoarse at her during dinner and yet she's still here. Don't worry Rachel, I haven't forgotten my promise to you. Sara is going down!

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Padme 39 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
07-19-06, 02:09 PM (EST)

5. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

Did you see how Chef Ramsay sat right next to me at dinner? He sat across from the rest of the bi**hes but he had to sit next to me. He was engaged in what I was saying and man was he mezmerized by me or what? It won't be long now, trust me. He's mine!

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Cyndimaus 3117 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-19-06, 03:22 PM (EST)

6. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

Mezmerized or in a stupor because you were TALKING so much?

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bystander 4967 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"
07-20-06, 09:33 PM (EST)

8. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

Your scatter-brained rambling made us all want to hit you on the back of the head. And Chef was engaged in my sexy black tank-top I was wearin.
Didn't y'all like the way Chef was encouraging me in the kitchen. He only yells cuz he likes me.
He'll never give a Snotty Crabcake like you the time of day sweetie.

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Cyndimaus 3117 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-21-06, 11:55 AM (EST)

9. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

The two of you are enough to make Chef consider Garrett! Get over yourselves already! Don't project greatness where there is none. Look at how crappy you guys did at dinner? My team had to come save the day after completing our own tables. Plus we had to stop in the middle to unload a truck.

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foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-23-06, 12:14 PM (EST)

11. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

Snotty Crabcakes?!
You have now offended even the smallest members of the CC of the PIS of BCp. If we catch you even NEAR the shore, all they'll ever find are your mean, stinking bleached bones.

Then again, who'd be looking?
(secret communique sent to Death Star, now believed to be sunk off Laguna Beach.)

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bystander 4967 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"
07-24-06, 01:25 PM (EST)

12. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

CC of the PIS of BCp.???
How dare you talk to me like that. I'll PIS on your CC of BC anytime I want. Grow the Fvck Up! I'm a lady and no one talks to me like that (Unless its Chef giving me some encouragement!)

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foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-25-06, 12:23 PM (EST)

14. "RE: O yeah?"

LAST EDITED ON 07-25-06 AT 12:27 PM (EST)
See what happens to YOU when you mouth off at us? I can hardly wait to peer out from your eye sockets, after a few others have cleaned out all the sneakiness, snottiness and dirt from your skull. Might be quite a job.

I hear you're getting the boot next week. Come forget your pain, and relax by the shoreline. A nice quiet beach like Paradise Cove would give us plenty of time to crabcake you be perfect. Hmmmmmm?
etf: Crabs can't spell. So what? Sara can't cook. *shudders at word*

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bystander 4967 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"
07-25-06, 01:00 PM (EST)

15. "Yeah!"

LAST EDITED ON 07-25-06 AT 01:04 PM (EST)
You don't scare me. I've been working on a new recipe for Chef. He's gonna love it. Since I know you crabs are dumb as mules I've put the recipe in picture form for you. See if you can follow along:

STEP 1:

STEP 2:

STEP 3:

Any questions?
And for those allergic to crabs I've an alternate
ALTERNATE RECIPE:

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foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-23-06, 04:29 AM (EST)

10. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

*Spins Lightsaber with glee* Yes! Roast that corn, burn those bell peppers! Hardly worth being slaves of the Empire. As for tomatillos and especially spinach, both mush under my feet!

*swish* *zing!* YOU, Virgina, shall get foot stabbed until you fall over on your own hook for mashing the Earth potatoes. Monster!

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-25-06, 10:31 AM (EST)

13. "RE: ...getting a little frisky aren’t we, Sara?"

LAST EDITED ON 07-25-06 AT 11:59 AM (EST)
We’re getting a little frisky aren’t we, Sara? Here’s a hard butt PINCH.
I hope that serves as warning not to take the name of the PIs of BCp lightly, or use the term disrespectfully.
And a triple PINCH PINCH PINCH for the use of the term for (ugh, we take a moment to shudder uncontrollably, then regain composure) the Devil’s recipe, crab cakes (we have evidence that Beach Rats, those mean little mousies, invented this particularly evil concoction).
Now, we join claws and pledge;
THE Crab Brothers and Sisters of the land, of the beach, of the tideline, of the crotch, of the reef, of the sea depths, and of the hermit society (also, pending the completion of paperwork, of the Robo-crab order).
... WE do pledge to defend ourselves against boiling, frying, baking, crab-caking, de-carapacing and soft shell preparation. Also, against the use of any of us for fish bait. Wait..(holds ear piece for a moment..OK, OK) OH yeah, also, no Crab Soup... that's definately out too.
... WE do pledge our devotion to the cause of causing severe crotch rashes for the devil named Sara.
... WE pledge to devote our united efforts in meting out devastating pinching punishments to those who would dis us and who would prepare us for their repast.
... AND WE pledge to defend our right to a peaceful life for all of us of the Crab-dom, with the expectation of unmolested carrion eating, the procreation of jillions of offspring, beach scurrying (our national sport), and evil-doer pinching. Especially Sara.
SO say we all.
(Beware our secret anatomical weapon of 'a$$' destruction!!! Our hermit crab order has a secret bone bleaching punishment which we understand is quite painful).

Crabs everywhere unite!! One claw for all!!

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bystander 4967 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"
07-25-06, 01:13 PM (EST)

16. "RE: ...getting a little frisky aren’t we, Sara?"

See Post#15 above and be very afraid!

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foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-25-06, 02:37 PM (EST)

17. "RE: ...getting a little frisky aren’t we, Sara?"

LAST EDITED ON 07-25-06 AT 03:27 PM (EST)
Oooooh, I bet you've got those Earth crabs tewwified!
*communique recieved from crab allies*
Mojo disruptor: ON
6 5 4 3 2 1 bye-bye!

*swish* *zing!* Another strike for the Potatoes of Earth!
eta: Mules hate you, too.

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-25-06, 08:33 PM (EST)

18. "RE: ...getting a little frisky aren’t we, Sara?"

Communique to Hermit order:
Operation: Death Star - Fried Sara Parts
First step: Fry Sara!!!

Yield:
1. (10) Fried Sara fingers.
2. (.003g) Fried Sara Brain (reserved for Hermit Bro/sis).
3 (1) Fried Sara Skull (also reserved for Hermit bro/sis. for use a mobile home and mantle trophy).
4. (2) Fried Sara eyes.
5. (40lb) Fried Sara Butt steaks
6. (1 lot) Fried Sara guts
7. (2) Fried Sara Drumsticks (reserved for our lobster affiliate, Maine Branch - apparently they were told by a little birdie about the Sara plans for their bretheren).
Per your request you may charge your Mega-Capacitors and fire at will.
PLan B: Free tickets for fun in the sun on ~~Crab Beach~~ Skin-Creature Paradise Beach.

I may have to actually watch this show now.

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-27-06, 02:55 PM (EST)

19. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #5: What Is This Thing Called 'Dessert'?"

We love the smell of Burnt Sara in the morning . . . Smells like . . . well.... burnt skin-creature.

Crabs everywhere unite!! One claw for all!!

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