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"Black Monday"
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Original message

Estee 55900 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

12-30-13, 09:25 AM (EST)
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"Black Monday"
Severed heads! Get your severed heads here! Special discounts for bulk rates! Reattach to your own organization for future guillotine results!

...yes, I know that makes no sense, but everyone does it...

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 The executed (so far) AyaK 12-30-13 1
   RE: The executed (so far) Estee 12-30-13 2
 The D.C. situation. Estee 12-30-13 3
   RE: The D.C. situation. Jims02 12-30-13 4
       RE: The D.C. situation. Estee 12-30-13 5
           RE: The D.C. situation. AyaK 12-31-13 6
               RE: The D.C. situation. PepeLePew13 01-01-14 8
 One slot filled AyaK 01-01-14 7
 Severed other parts. Estee 01-02-14 9
   Tampa at bay AyaK 01-08-14 11
 Munchak's the word. Estee 01-07-14 10
 Jay Gruden takes Redskins job. Estee 01-10-14 12

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AyaK 10294 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

12-30-13, 05:18 PM (EST)
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1. "The executed (so far)"
Already chopped: Gary Kubiak, Houston
No surprise: Mike Shanahan, Washington
Underachiever of the decade: Jim Schwartz, Detroit
Surprise: Greg Schiano, Tampa Bay
Shock: Rob Chudzinski, Cleveland
Screwed: Leslie Frazier, Minnesota

Frazier has to bear the price for the fron office's screw up on Christian Ponder, who simply does not have the stuff to be an NFL quarterback. But look at poor Chudzinski, who was stuck with an owner (Jimmy Haslam) who was an honest-to-God crook, a starting QB (Brandon Weeden) who made Ponder look competent, another QB (Brian Hoyer) who may have been the answer to Chud's prayers but suffered a season-ending injury in his third NFL start (all wins), a third QB (Jason Campbell) who had previously washed out in both Washington and Oakland and made Cleveland into his third straight disaster, a running game that traded its best player (Trent Richardson) on Sept. 18 (albeit in a great deal that netted Cleveland a first-round pick next year) which forced the team to bring Willis McGahee back from the scrap heap (where he belonged) -- and a budding superstar (Josh Gordon) whom Chud proved was an all-around talent. You've got to figure that he got fired because Haslam has some other crooked deal lined up, because there isn't any way to spin this that doesn't stink.

Schiano looked to be on the ropes early in the season, when Tampa Bay started 0-8, but Tampa Bay finished 4-4, despite a noncompetitive loss to New Orleans in the finale, and finally found an NFL-caliber QB in Mike Glennon. But if you're firing the GM, as Tampa Bay also did, you might as well fire the coach too, especially if he's generally expected to go to Penn State after Bill O'Brien takes one of the available NFL jobs (and, if nothing else, will come to the Patriots as a special assistant).

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Estee 55900 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

12-30-13, 07:23 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: The executed (so far)"
It sounds like O'Brien could be with the Texans by tomorrow (with the same story you got of Schiano taking his place at Penn State). So his Special Job with the Patriots will be the same as everyone else's: losing on cue.

I'm wondering what Haslam has on Mike Lombardi. (You'd have to think it includes a death grip on the negatives.) The Browns are said to be looking at Josh McDaniels, so go ahead and work out what's in his past that's currently being used against him.

By the way, the long national nightmare of several million True Believers has ended. With Black Monday comes job opportunities, and one of them has already been filled. Once again gainfully employed in some aspect of his chosen profession is -- Tubya.

No, seriously. ESPN just hired him as an analyst.

I guess his deity finally told him to relax his job standards. And possibly gave The Bristol Monolith a few marching orders at the same time. I'm just not sure how much good that'll do for actual football analysis.

Personally, my limit on hearing 'that play happened because God wanted it that way' is zero.


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Estee 55900 desperate attention whore postings
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12-30-13, 07:40 PM (EST)
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3. "The D.C. situation."
Look, let's just make this easy. Swyndler becomes the new GM and head coach. Then in three years, he'll fire himself, sue himself for breach of contract, take himself to court, assault himself on the witness stand, and spend thirty years in prison for attempting to buy off the jury. From both sides.

It's a chance I'm willing to take, okay?

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Jims02 7402 desperate attention whore postings
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12-30-13, 09:02 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: The D.C. situation."
I'm just amazed that Jim Haslett still has his job. That guy must have naked pictures of half of the NFL owners, the way he keeps coaching jobs.


A 2003 IceCat original

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Estee 55900 desperate attention whore postings
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12-30-13, 09:48 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: The D.C. situation."
naked pictures of half of the NFL owners

*unable to decide if this is the crime or the punishment*

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AyaK 10294 desperate attention whore postings
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12-31-13, 04:35 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: The D.C. situation."
Or maybe it's more like this. . . .

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076723/quotes?item=qt1334994

Coach (Reggie): And remember I went up to your room afterwards and you were dressed in chick's clothes? Yeah, you had on this black bra with tassels! You were dancing in front of a mirror with this kinda zebra skin jockstrap.

GM (Joe): B!tch!

Coach: Remember how I screamed at you when you started coming on to me? And I just said 'Jesus stop it Joe, I'm ashamed of you!'

GM: Goddamn you.

Coach: I wanted to tell you I forgot the whole thing. Years have passed, now I'm sexually liberated. I don't care who's a fag no more. I mean who cares? It's natural, it's all around us.

Of course, now that it's starting to look like Aaron Rodgers might have a coming-out-of-the-closet party soon, this might not be as much of a stigma as it seems. Then again, Rodgers still hasn't come out. Maybe he's next to Tom Cruise in there.
http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2013/12/aaron-rodgers-gay-rumors-circulate-did-he-and-boyfriend-kevin-la/

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PepeLePew13 24967 desperate attention whore postings
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01-01-14, 04:55 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: The D.C. situation."
With such a big playoff game coming up, would you want to come out now and get hounded by the media while trying to focus on the game? This is more of an off-season type of thing.

(...and if it's true, I can think of few better guys than Rodgers to lead the way - highly visible, well-liked, tough, leader-type of guy)

Starting to wonder if the purported ex-BF/BFF/whatever of Rodgers was hired by the 49ers as he moved to California after the falling-out with Rodgers and the timing is interesting with the Niners coming to Green Bay for the game...

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AyaK 10294 desperate attention whore postings
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01-01-14, 04:23 PM (EST)
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7. "One slot filled"
As discussed above, Bill O'Brien has left Penn State to fill the head coaching slot at Houston.

But we're not going to talk about the college vacancies, because that's just a cesspool. I mean, who wants to take over at Texas? The better question is, who doesn't?

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Estee 55900 desperate attention whore postings
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01-02-14, 11:56 AM (EST)
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9. "Severed other parts."
Dear Geno Smith,

Before sending a picture of any normally-censored portion of your anatomy to another person, take a moment for accessing the odds of having that image turn up all over the Internet. If your chances can be expressed as a whole number, send flowers instead. This is not the way to keep your NFL career going, although it'll certainly get you a back page headline or twenty. Look to Jay Cutler for your model. He just got a seven-year extension and you might have trouble finding anyone in Chicago who can locate his pulse.

Meanwhile, Lovie Smith is once again employed. Anyone know why?

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AyaK 10294 desperate attention whore postings
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01-08-14, 11:23 AM (EST)
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11. "Tampa at bay"
IMHO, Tampa Bay made a huge blunder in hiring Lovie Smith if its goal is to win a Super Bowl. However, if they want a team that plays .500 ball year after year, they made the right move.

When it's time to fire Smith, it doesn't look like the Tampa Bay owners (the Glaziers, who seem much more invested in their ownership of Manchester United) will have to look very far, because Smith has already added two other ex-NFL head coaches to his staff: Leslie Frazier and Tony Sparano. I guess they can just chop one and move on to the next.

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Estee 55900 desperate attention whore postings
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01-07-14, 01:34 PM (EST)
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10. "Munchak's the word."
And the word is 'fired'.

The lesson: there is no security in having made it to Tuesday.

Any Tuesday.

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Estee 55900 desperate attention whore postings
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01-10-14, 01:51 PM (EST)
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12. "Jay Gruden takes Redskins job."
SUCKER!
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