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"Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The Boomerang"
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MTW1961 4029 desperate attention whore postings
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07-09-04, 03:47 PM (EST)
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"Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The Boomerang"
LAST EDITED ON 07-09-04 AT 06:41 PM (EST)

Outback Jack - Episode 3, The Boomerang (or what goes around comes around)

Welcome back to Outback Jack, where we find a handsome young Australian man named “Jack” who is searching for a soulmate; a life partner. Is there a better way to achieve this elusive goal than by selecting from 12 ultra high-maintenance women with whom he shares no common interests and who live half a planet away? Well, maybe not, but there are plenty of blondes among the 12, so maybe that’s good enough.

We start with recaps and precaps, and I’m sure we’ll end with previews. If you missed last weeks episode and want to know what happened, try Estee’s episode 2 summary – it’s much funnier than the actual show. If you want to know what’s going to happen next week, check out the week 4 summary Estee will be writing next week.

It’s time for Jack and the six remaining ladies: Maria, Mary, Marissa, Adrienne, Natalie, and Cortney, to ditch camp again and set out for their next destination. This time, they drive off in “bull catchers”, which are jeep-like vehicles, specifically designed to throw mud onto the vehicles occupants - just to keep them alert! They drive through rivers, meadows, and dirt roads. It looks like fun, but the girls find that it has given the term “getting dirty” a whole new meaning, although I’m sure at least one or two of them must have some mud-wrestling experience to draw from. Still en-route to wherever they’re going, they come across a big python in the road – awww it looks like it’s hurt! Jack stops to check it out, and decides they must get it to an animal sanctuary, STAT! But first, they all take turns petting the ailing reptile. Most of the girls like the feel of the slimy snake on her skins, except for Natalie, who hates everything about the Outback so far, except for Jack.

They make their way to a conveniently located animal rescue sanctuary that is nearby. Coincidentally, it’s a place Jack visits frequently and he has friends there. Mary comments that Jack likes animals, so she may have to put on her leopard g-string wile she’s here. Yea Mary, I’m sure Jack will appreciate anything that detracts attention from your face. (wow, that’s a little snarky even for me!) The girls ooh and ahhh over the animals so that we can be touched by their compassion. Predictably, though, Natalie wants no part of it – she’s not going anywhere near those creatures!

While Jack is occupied elsewhere, JD appears to tell the girls privately that for the next elimination, it will be up to the girls to vote out one of their own. Furthermore, they may not tell Jack about this turn of events. Immediately, Marissa knows she’s screwed, as the girls pretty much unanimously hate her, and it’s a secret to no one. I think she may have picked up this vibe when the other girls started cheering and giving each other high fives when JD announced the twist. Personally, I can’t believe this ridiculous twist. I thought this was a love show. Will the girls have Jack’s interests in mind? I doubt it.

Mary wants them to sit down as a group and catalog their differences, but no one else is interested in doing that (the decision has already been made). Of course, Marissa is Jack’s clear favorite, so the producers will do something to keep Marissa in the game, right? I’m looking for another twist later in this episode.

Natalie tells us it’s unfortunate Marissa didn’t make friends with everyone and now it’s backfiring on her. I can’t bring myself to take Natalie seriously though because every time she speaks, all I see are her huge, fake, collagen filled lips. They are so big and unnatural, you can actually see them move before she speaks! I feel like I’m watching an old Japanese horror movie that’s been poorly dubbed.


Camptime Fun

They arrive at their new camp, which doesn’t meet Maria’s approval, as it apparently lacks an open bar, room service, and terry cloth bathrobes. She is only giving it two lanterns (out of five). Mary tells us she’s never been “dirty like this”. Personally, I would like to know exact details of how Mary normally gets dirty. C’mon Mary, please tell!

While sitting around the campfire, the girls start to discuss how they are going to make their decision. But first, we get a gratuitous shot of Natalie fondling her own breast – the tag in her bathing suit is making her itch. How many hours of good film were dropped so they could squeeze in this scene? Anyway, Marissa asks “how are we going to do this”? Adrienne replies that it’s time to address the situation because she doesn’t like phoniness or games, although they’re playing one now since everyone knows Marissa is getting voted out. They just can’t bring themselves to just say it out loud in a group. She’s looking right at Marissa as she speaks, and Marissa asks her why: “it feels like there’s something between you and I – I had no clue”. So Adrienne, not liking games or phoniness, clearly describes her dislike for Marissa, right? Wrong! She plays coy. She condescendingly tell Marissa she was talking to the group, not her specifically. Marissa says there’s no need to be rude. Adrienne is channeling , the famous finger-wagging Survivor Outback b!tch. I think they may be sistahs. She turns to Mary: “Mary was I rude? (No.) “Cortney, was I rude?” (No.) “Maria, am I rude?” (No.) “Natalie, am I rude?” (No.) It’s unanimous, and also a little creepy. The girls look disturbed by Adrienne, but unwilling to break their self-imposed silence out of fear of retribution. Well Adrienne, I don’t know if you were being rude, but you are certainly being a bee-otch! Still, I can’t help but feel Marissa will get the chance to stay.


Inside the tent, we get more shots of Natalie; this time she’s complaining about the bugs. (her lips are painted with a bright pink lipstick, just in case you were interested) It seems like the producers are going out of their way to point out how uncomfortable Natalie is in the Outback. You’d think if the girls REALLY cared bout Jack, they would send home the one least likely to be his selected mate. Eh, mates?

In the morning, we get the Outback’s version of the obligatory hot tub scene – it’s the swimming hole scene, complete with beauty products they badly need – razors, aloe, mud for mud baths, and Mary’s Stars and Stripes bikini. Across the nation, male viewers are standing at attention, and I am developing a warmly patriotic feeling. I would definitely pledge my allegiance to her flag!

It’s time for Jack to spend some alone time with each of the girls, starting with Natalie. He likes her personality, and they are opening up to each other. Their alone time ends with a warm hug.

Adrienne – they connect spiritually. He is spiritual, she is way up there spiritually, and she’s a top, four-star Sheila. She nods her head and smiles while he does all the talking.

Mary wants to know…..if they end up together, will he move halfway across the world to be with her, or will she move to Australia to be with him. Jack looks like he’s thinking any relationship with her will be a long distance one. He tells her it’s a good question that will be decided in time. Warm hug. NO sparks.

Cortney – she’s here for him more than the adventure. He thinks she has a special hard to find quality – is he referring to her NATURAL blonde hair? There areplenty of blondes left, but she may be the only natural one. He leans in for a kiss, but she turns her cheek slightly. She’s not ready to kiss him just yet.

Maria spends her time on Jack’s lap and asks what he wants out of this experience. He replies “love” and she can’t help herself as she leans in for a kiss. Actually, it’s pretty hot! Maria is my new favorite! Jack, let me know when you’re through with her!

Marissa is next. Jack says there’s something special about Marissa. They have a lot of energy between them. And it’s true. They can’t keep their hands off each other or their faces apart.

Back to camp and we learn one of Mary’s deepest secrets – she has never done her own nails. Then, in a revelation that is sure to send shock waves across the Outback, Mary reveals that some people DO perform their own nail care! What kind of world do we live in where there are people who can’t afford manicures? Marissa is hanging out with Jack and they are hugging and kissing right out in the open.


Jack’s Special Friends

Jack tell the girls it’s time to pay some special friends a visit. As these friends approach, we see they have white stuff painted over most of their bodies. I’m sure every mom in the viewing audience is pleased with their concern for sun safety and their responsible use of a high SPF sunscreen!

Side note – this is what sometimes happens when you are using a wireless keyboard. Can anybody figure out what I was trying to say here? Seeeeettf tnd ercall otglav cte f csack’s fffed a w,ws apeaae aayAmcabcs fergasrains. Okay, back to the summary.

The Aborigine males perform a strange song and dance number while the females clap their big sticks on the ground. Mary tells us that, as a singer, she can appreciate their performance. Later, the girls are asked to participate in a ritual cleansing ceremony in which the Aborigines grope the girls and caress them with leafy branches. We learn that the chief wants to take Natalie to become his goofy son’s virgin bride, and if the castaways don’t cooperate, they’ll lose any hope they have of getting rescued! Oh, sorry, I’m confusing this scene with one from Gilligan’s island.

At any rate, the Aborigines will choose one girl for a private date with Jack. JD secretly tells the girls that whoever they choose is automatically safe from elimination. Well, there it is! There’s Marissa’s ticket back into the game! I tell you, this show is so predictable, it’s just plain pathetic. Marissa goes all out to do some major Aborigine butt kissing, but Mary is chosen as most compatible with Jack. Wait a second. They chose Mary? Did they misread the script? It was supposed to be Marissa! Mary, Marissa, Maria – I can see how they might make such a mistake. The girls and Jack return to camp. JD breaks the news to Jack that he won’t have to eliminate someone tomorrow because the girls are doing the honors instead. Jack is stunned by this turn of events and retires to his tent. An emotional Maria runs to Jack’s tent to console him – a move the other girls find unforgivable. They’re not supposed to go to his hallowed tent and they can’t believe she has broken this taboo. They may vote Maria out tomorrow instead of Marissa!.

This time at the elimination, there are six girls, but only five camels. Why doesn’t one of the girls just volunteer to walk? We also learn that while Mary can’t be voted out today, she also doesn’t get to vote! She thinks this is unfair – she should get two votes. This time it’s the girls turn to explain to Jack who they vote out and why. Adrienne is first. She’s voting out Marissa because Marissa did not embrace the group after all it’s all about them. Marissa – Adrienne because she’s classless and disrespectful. That’s it Marissa, go down fighting. You’ll never have to see her again anyway! Cortney, Natalie – they too are voting out Marissa because she doesn’t play nicely with the other girls. Maria has the hardest time with it all and seems genuinely sorry. She votes out Marissa because she didn’t get to know her as well as the others. A different take from the other girls and at least it sound a little more reasonable in my opinion. When Maria says Marissa’s name, it’s the clinching vote and Jack is visibly upset. Marissa and Jack share a tearful and intimate goodbye. They have made a definite connection. I can’t believe it. The producers actually let her get voted out. I think Jack may have it in the back of his mind that he now has options at the end of the show that don’t include the five women left. What a bunch of garbage this is! They’re trying to make a love connection, not win money or prizes. How can this retain any semblance of credibility if the decision-making is taken out of the bachelor’s hands?

The girls and Jack head off on their camels, with Natalie complaining about the camels’ breath and Mary making sure she looks her best, as she always does when traveling.

JD explains to Marissa the game is full of twists, and apparently there is one more. He never told the girls the one they eliminated would be GOING HOME, he just told them they would bevoting someone out. He also said they would be eliminating someone, which has meant sending them home until now. Marissa is the boomerang and will be coming back. JD tells her to wave goodbye to the girls who are clopping off in the distance. She does, and announces “what goes around comes around. I’ll be back.”



Handcrafted by RollDdice!

Comments? Email me at realityguy@usa.com

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The ... sleeeve 07-09-04 1
 RE: Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The ... dabo 07-11-04 2
 RE: Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The ... Estee 07-11-04 3
   RE: Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The ... MTW1961 07-11-04 6
 RE: Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The ... Puffy 07-11-04 4
 RE: Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The ... Deonna 07-11-04 5

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sleeeve 3456 desperate attention whore postings
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07-09-04, 05:08 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The Boomerang"
Hi MTW-

The help forum is intended for help-related questions only... the moderators all check it often so that we can help with site-related problems. Would you please re-link your joke to another forum. I've requested that your thread in the help forum get deleted. Thanks.

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dabo 25344 desperate attention whore postings
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07-11-04, 01:08 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The Boomerang"
Very nice summ, MTW, I thoroughly enjoyed it!

SMILES ARE FREE

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
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07-11-04, 06:40 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The Boomerang"
JD explains to Marissa the game is full of twists, and apparently there is one more. He never told the girls the one they eliminated would be GOING HOME, he just told them they would bevoting someone out. He also said they would be eliminating someone, which has meant sending them home until now.

Note to self: get lawyer to write any prospective marriage vows to JD.

Not that I want to marry him or anything. Just a good piece of general advice.

I'm confused: are you repelled by Mary or attracted to her? It's hard to tell. ;>

(I can almost guarantee two things: next week's summary will be longer, and it will not appear at that link destination. I only see the future: I don't operate there. By the way, I sense a twist coming...)

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MTW1961 4029 desperate attention whore postings
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07-11-04, 10:26 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The Boomerang"
BWAHAHA! About the lawyer thing.

Mary? I am wildly attracted to her as long as they are at least 8 feet away. When they go too close up, yikes!

She should be thankful reality TV is still filmed in standard definition. Then again,so should most reality TV show contestants. I know I would be.


Handcrafted by RollDdice!

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Puffy 6571 desperate attention whore postings
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07-11-04, 01:23 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The Boomerang"
Funny summary. You summed it up great! I agree re: Natalie's lips. They bug me. I'm waiting for everyone's roots to grow out. I wonder how much more product placement, besides Off and Skintimate, they'll come up with in the next few weeks...more beauty products for sure.


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Deonna 2425 desperate attention whore postings
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07-11-04, 02:19 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: Outback Jack: Episode 3 - The Boomerang"
Another great Summary!!

Deonna

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