Episode 6 of Forever Eden had my mind running around trying to determine which reality show I was viewing. My mind would lapse into a Survivor setting for a few seconds before being tossed over to Playing It Straight!

Before I get to the summary, lets recap the players…they rotate like a revolving door!

Neveen: Should NEVER be shown eating again!
David: Laid low this week and was very UTR!
Brook: Runs off when the arguing begins!
Michael: Go ahead and Osten already!
Kassie: Has a very flabby stomach.
Wallace: Little kinky devil!
Liz: Has a very flat stomach.
Matt: A true voyeur at heart.
Claudia: Doesn’t speak until the show is half over
Jason: Is he the only one telling the truth and does he know his brother Zach?

Previously on Forever Eden:

Paradise Hotel Theme: The guests were told to pair-up! Claudia arrived from Nashville and got to pick any man and she split up David and Liz. Jason made moves on Shawna but Wallace gave him the boot! At banishment Claudia got to re-pick and her decision was made to go after Wallace. Liz reunited with David, Neveen and Shawna picked Jason and Jason chose to stay with Neveen. Shawna was banished. As fast as the couples were formed last week, they disappeared this week! Not one mention of couples!

The beautiful landscape and waterfalls are shown giving me such a peaceful and serene feeling, then I am hit with the reality that I am really watching Big Bother (that isn’t a typo, sometimes that show is a bother to watch!) when given the title...It Is On & It Is On! The next scene has to be Monica jumping around with that finger in the air screaming, “IT’S ON!” However, I think the title should have been, To Have A Flat Stomach Or Not. Because half the show is an argument about flabby or flat! Another good name for this episode would have been, he said/she said. After re-watching, I think every new segment started with…so and so said this or that!

We are having a friendly game of volleyball as we get to see the beautiful bodies bounce around hitting the ball over the net. Then Jason has one of his brightest ideas ever! He decides to tell Kassie about a conversation that he and Liz had the night before. Jason starts by telling Kassie that he told Liz about Kassie wanting to knock Liz off her boat. Then Jason tells Kassie the response he got from Liz, “I’m sorry that my stomach is flat, sweetheart!” Kassie is shown in a confessional saying that she thinks that Jason is just trying to stir stuff up!

High School Reunion Theme: over at Matt’s place, Michael, Kassie, Brook and Matt are discussing Liz and why she would say something so terrible! Kassie says, “Don’t talk about me being fat, I will kick you’re a$$! Why you gotta pick on the fat girl?” Well, I know that Kassie isn’t fat but girlfriend is wearing a two-piece bathing suit that is white with red flowers. The bottom portion is one of those form-fitting bottoms in that there is a seam down the center to help make the butt look shapelier. Honey…it isn’t working! I must say that her a$$ looks more flabby than her stomach! Maybe Liz was looking at her backside instead of her front side?

NOTE TO KASSIE I went over to go ask Alice and here are the tips she claims will help you tighten up your flabby stomach:

Alice doesn't like to be the bearer of bad news, but it simply is not possible for every human being to have a stomach as flat as some of the models we see in magazine and newspaper ads, on the sides of buses, and, well, just about everywhere. The fact of the matter is that a really flat stomach may not be in your genes! Among many other physical traits, a person's genetic makeup determines the shape of internal organs (e.g., stomach, intestines, liver, kidneys). Depending on these organs' shapes and sizes, they may or may not contribute to a slight roundedness of our stomachs. Another aspect of body shape under genetic control is body fat distribution. Your body may naturally store more fat around your waist than in other areas of your body.
When done correctly, sit-ups can be a good way to strengthen abdominal muscles and the lower back. However, sit-ups alone will not burn fat of the stomach region specifically. It's a myth that a rigorous sit-up routine will guarantee a flat tummy. Instead of concentrating so much on your stomach, why not try an exercise program that works out a greater range of muscle groups and involves some cardiovascular fitness? If there really is fat to be lost around your stomach, running, swimming, or biking regularly will be more effective at burning it than only doing sit-ups.
You might also want to examine your eating plan and see if there are any excessively fatty foods and/or sugars that you might think about cutting back on or eliminating.

Michael is lying around with all the girls as Kassie decides to come out and ask Liz about it. Kassie says that Jason said that Liz said that Kassie didn’t like the fact that Liz had a flat stomach (sorry for all the he said, she said, but I have to terrorize myself with it and you must suffer too!) The first thing out of Liz’s mouth is, “keep in mind that he is a potster”. Liz honey, even though he may have a little wacky weed ever now and then, he is telling the truth. We have seen the scene about 52 times by now and you clearly state that Kassie is just upset that you have a flat stomach! Kassie says, “So, you didn’t say it?” Liz shouts, “NO!” WHATEVER!

Nighttime at the pool table! Jason is looking all sexy in his black shirt and black pants with his hair slicked back! Liz is looking all shapely in her blue jean skirt and white skintight blouse that shows her really flat stomach! Liz starts in on Jason and tells him that she knows he just likes to trip-up people but he should not say things that hurt others. Kassie is in the background looking like a scolded dog. Jason apologizes to both women but insist that Liz did say it. Liz continues to deny it as the confrontation escalades. David can now be seen in the background as well. Liz is screaming like a maniac. Liz continues with, “Jason has said bad things about the guys like..I don’t like that guy, he’s fat.” Jason interrupts and says, “I’ve said those things?” Well, Jason we don’t know, have you said them? Liz replies, “No, I am being facetious, do you even know what that means?” Jason’s very smart and articulate answer is, “Oh, Okay!”

NOTE TO JASON: According to Merrimam-Webster Online Dictionary, the definition of facetious isn’t, “Oh, Okay”. Actually the Online Site has this as the official definition: Pronunciation: f&-'sE-sh&s, Function: adjective, joking or jesting often inappropriately, meant to be humorous or funny: not serious.

So, see Jason, there is a far superior definition than the one you have. I hope I have been of some help to you!

High School Reunion Theme continues until Liz is so upset she grabs David’s hand and they head off to the bar area. While at the bar area, Kassie decides that it is time to tell the entire story again of how Jason said that Liz said that Kassie was upset with Liz because Liz has a flat stomach. Liz comes out with, “who has been all about my body since we got here? Meatface!” She is referring to Jason as Meatface. I just don’t follow this train of thought. Her idea of upholding herself is to say that Jason has been all about her (Liz’s) body doesn’t really make any sense here at all. Is she just trying to rub salt in the wounds? Then, Liz goes on to explain that if she knew something would upset a person to the point of tears, she would never say it! Sister, your nose is growing faster than quick-rise yeast in a hot oven! Neveen tries to settle things by announcing that she is hungry and ready to eat! Are we finally over the flat stomach carp?

Well, just as a cue from Mark Burnett, dinner is served and they are entering the dinning area. Simon is greeting everyone as they enter. Liz sort of pats Simon on the arm and says that if she is sitting beside MEAT that she is gonna kill Simon! Simon just sort-of smiles and moves on!

I thought dinner would be a great way of changing pace and topics of discussion. NOT! John asks Liz what she actually said to Jason and Liz (with her very flat stomach) says she doesn’t remember. YEAH RIGHT! Liz knows exactly what she said, she is just urinated off that Jason told on her!

I have to take a moment here to voice some really troubling thoughts. For the first few episodes, the camera goes to Neveen to get her reaction to all the twist and turns. I assume they do this because she is the most dramatic. Well, the camera isn’t to flattering when we have our lovely darling gnawing down on some grub! Girl got those jaw muscles flopping like Kassie’s flabby stomach when she runs! It is not a pretty sight and I hope they save us from scenes like this in the future!

Let’s all get into a time capsule and go back to 1984, we are all seniors in high school. We are going to watch Brook and Kassie go to the bathroom to freshen up. However, Kassie got some major 1984 hair teased to Jesus! It looks like a Krystal Carrington creation that was all ablaze for a few years. She is wearing earrings that are dangling so low they are almost touching her breast! What the heck are those things? If she could tie the two earrings together she could use it as a belt to help hold her flabby stomach in place! Anyway, they are standing in front of the mirror putting on make-up and Brook says that Liz has not come out and said that she never said the things Jason is accusing her of saying. WHAT? I have heard her like 5 times say she didn’t…oh well. Kassie says that Michael believes Jason and she (Kassie) thinks she does too. Let’s get back in our time capsule and go forward to 2004!

Paradise Hotel Theme: We have Jason saying, “When I was a kid bouncing back and forth between parents, never really fitting in anywhere and never getting attention, my mom said she would come and pick me up and I would wait with my suitcase by the window and she would never show up!” Jason, would you please report to the doctor’s office for a blood test, we think we have found your long lost bro…Zach! Seriously, what is in the water in AZ? Does Zach know that he has a brother? Does Jason know that Zach is his brother? There is no way this same story can be told and the people not be related! Maybe this explains Jason’s behavior!

Still eating dinner and Jason is at a table by himself. Wallace and Matt come over to chat and Jason says he is used to being the outcast. Wallace says that Jason has chosen to be the outcast and that he should have never pitted the two women against each other. Jason agrees but stands by the fact that he is the one telling the truth. Now, I am trying to figure out if he is telling the truth about Liz’s flat stomach, or Kassie’s flabby stomach!

Surivor Theme: Michael and Kassie chatting outside. Michael talks about how scandalous Liz has been. Kassie has come to the conclusion that Liz is lying to her and that Jason is telling the truth. However, Michael ends the conversation with a, “I am ready to go home!” Yes folks, we have another Osten in the making. This is just some foreshadowing as to things to come!

A kinky thought always pops in every now and then! While discussing the upcoming person to enter the game, some think it is going to be a male while others think it will be a female. However, I think Wallace has the best idea of all! Wallace suggests that the next person entering the game be a she-male! A brilliant idea Wallace! Nothing would shake-up this scene better than Jenna Jeremy (a combination of Jenna Jamison and Ron Jeremy)! FOX, are you watching? HINT HINT!

We are off to the banishment area for the next huge announcement. The females enter first and then the guys. They are entering in slow motion for dramatic purposes only! Ruth awaits them in a nice ensemble of a black dress with spaghetti straps. She is wearing a freshly cut flower on the left strap. She does look so elegant tonight! Ruth announces that it is time to meet the new guest. What if the new guest knew everything about you and you knew nothing about them? We have a commercial break! OH.THE.DRAMA!

After the break we have Ruth informing everyone that the new guest will be given the Granny Smith Apple and all its’ powers. As she is saying this Simon walks in and stands beside her wearing dark pants, blue shirt and gloves (to protect the apple!). Ruth says that the new guest has been there all along. As she is speaking, Simon hands her the apple and starts to strip! Now we are getting somewhere as I am standing in front of my TV with dollar bill in hand! WOO HOO! He takes the gloves off and then goes for the shirt. He takes the blue shirt off to reveal a black tank top showing off some nice guns! The strip tease is over! URGH! Ruth announces that this is the new guest of Eden. However, his real name is not Simon, it is Chris. Now would someone please tell me WTF FOX was thinking to change his name? Either way it makes no difference, does it? He will always be Simon to me but in order to make sure we are on the same page, he will be referred to as CHRIMON (pronounced chra moan; this is what he does when he is around Wallace)!

Chrimon is finally given his 4 chocolate coins by Ruth. Oh wait, we have the Granny Smith thing to do here. As we all know by now, the apple can bring good and bad. It brings good for Chrimon but bad for everyone else. Chrimon has to decide on one of the banished to bring back. Who will it be? Will it be Mary, Craig, Khalilah, Jordan or Shawna? Chrimon has until the end of the night and must write down a name and put it in the box at the bar!

Playing It Straight Theme: We have Chrimon in his first confessional talking about how he never fit into any social group but is really good at blending in with all of them! Things are getting interesting to say the least.

Queer Eye For The Straight Guy Theme: While playing pool and everyone just hanging out, Chrimon is asked what he thinks of each person. Michael tells him to just go down the line:

Matt: “Is an absolute character, he’s loud!”
David: “I like the way he tailors his shirts!”
Neveen: “Oh my God, I’ll be straight-up honest with you, I think your totally awesome and off the wall! But, I will never take you out to dinner! Your pink pumps dear, you look like the Joker now.” At this time Neveen interrupts with a, “It’s not my fault you have no fashion sense.” Chrimon acting all cool comes back with a, “We will go open my Gucci suitcase in a little while, so my suitcase is full of Dolce.” What a fashion queen we have on our hands! This could get interesting!

In a private confessional Chrimon says that Wallace, “has an amazing body beyond belief, especially here in Eden.”

Playing It Straight Theme: All the next little quotes happen in a way that makes them look really queer. Chrimon blurts out that he is, “kind of a queen” and “a fashion whore.” Come on Mary, can you lay it out any thicker without saying I AM A HOMOSEXUAL? Why would you go into a game like this and within 15 minutes of being there you have called yourself a queen, fashion whore and you went Carson (Queer Eye For The Straight Guy) on Neveen! You are screaming down a path faster than Brandon’s swish from Survivor Africa!

All of a sudden someone shows up in a confessional that I had to look at her name because she had been missing the entire show! It was Claudia! How UTR is Claudia when you go half way through an episode and you have yet to speak? In her confessional she has all of a sudden come across some information that is making her look as smart as Einstein! Claudia says, “I think we have our first non-heterosexual in Eden! Trouble is a brewing!” WOW, and she came to this conclusion all by her little self! No on has to hit her over the head with a tiara for her to see the light! Claudia, my little dumpling, their called homosexuals!

Liz seems to pal up with Chrimon and ask some pretty good questions like, “what features do you look for in a woman” with Chrimon’s response, “that’s a hard one”. Liz ask Chrimon if he gets a lot of people thinking he is gay and he says that he does. Also, he says it seems to reason for people to think this since his roommate is gay!

Matt, Wallace and Claudia are sitting around the bar chatting about who Chrimon will bring back. Some interesting stuff here, in that I think they are playing a good game! Matt says, “what if he brings back Jordan because Jordan could have been gay” and Claudia jumps in and says, “I think Jason could be gay” with Wallace confirming, “Definitely!”

As night wears down, David and Liz are chatting at the bar and they come to the conclusion that Chrimon is gay. Liz says, “I love it! Maybe he can do our hair!” Liz, not all gay men can do hair! I admit that I know many gay men that can do hair but not all of us are so gifted. So, don’t just assume that he is so inclined.

Before the break, we have Chrimon talking with the guys about whom to bring back. Matt is very adamant about bringing back a female and that there is no reason to bring back one of the males. Matt asks Chrimon why he would even think about bringing back Jordan. Chrimon says that whomever he brings back, it will be for strategic reasons! Commercial break and time to rest from the drama.

The next morning everyone is sitting at breakfast trying to guess who will return to the game. The girls think it will be Khalilah and the guys think it will be Shawna! As the boat gets closer we see that it is Jordan! This is the scene where we get the title of the show. Jordan says that he is going to play the game different this time around and IT IS ON! He says this like 8 times! Matt is not happy to see Jordan and most of the men take a back seat and the girls act very happy to see him. They all go over and hug him!

Jordan receives his 4 chocolate coins and a scroll. The scroll is for Chrimon and Jordan. The scroll reveals that they are going to pick the male that is to be banished at the next ceremony.

Jordan goes to each person to ask what they think of how things are going and which male they think deserves to go home. Jason is first on the list and says that the other guys will say that he (Jason) must go because they don’t like Jason. Jason says that they don’t like the fact that he just tells it like it is! In a confessional, Jason says he is sure he will be the one leaving because he was responsible for Jordan’s first banishment!

Wallace is next on the list. Between his she-male quote and what he is about to say, I am beginning to wonder if we have one of those beautiful people with no brain thing walking around. Wallace said that Jason has to be the one to go because Jason doesn’t understand that they are all there to have fun and pass the time. They are not there to upset anyone! WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT? They are there to outlast everyone and are playing some type of game. Now, I admit that it is a loosely defined game, they are pawns to whatever twist and turn will happen in the next thirty seconds. With that being said…they are not there to lie out in the sun, play volleyball, eat, drink and be merry! However, Crimon is there to be Mary! Wake up cutie before you realize that your back home and having to rely on the pretty face to make a buck or two!

In all of the irony glory we can have, we get to relive the agreement that Jordan made with Matt about giving each other half their money when they leave. Jordan left and gave his money to Wallace. I am not so sure Wallace will understand the concept of the coins being converted to money but I am sure someone can help him with it! I hope they can anyway! Keep this in mind because this won’t be the last we see of this!

Jordan goes to the gym to workout. Matt approaches Jordan and would like to talk to him about his agreement and Jordan not living up to the specifics. Jordan tells him what he wants to hear and says he made a mistake. When he was forced to leave he gave the money to the person he felt the closest to. Whatever that means? Jordan, you make a handshake deal and you don’t live up to it! Either way, it is wrong! Matt is just dumb enough to think that this is a good excuse and everything is forgotten! The stupidity never slows down, much less stop!

Survivor Theme: Next on Jordan’s list is Michael. Michael proceeds to tell Jordan that, “I am ready to leave and I am done with the game; mentally it is getting to me.” He says he wants to quit 3 more times. Jordan thinks about the money that Michael has and says that he would have to promise to give him the money and Jordan would send him home. Michael would be giving Jordan $14,000. Jordan says that he can’t do that and whom should he send home. Michael’s response, “Me”! Good grief Jordan put Osten outta his misery. No wait, put us outta our misery and let’s move on with someone that wants to be there.

The next two he goes to chat with is Kassie and Brook. They both basically say the same thing. David and Liz are the dynamic duo and need to be separated! They both say they think David should be sent home.

Jordan is so confused! He goes to his room and talks about how crazy everyone has gotten since he left the game. He also said that he thought he was playing the game the hardest when he left and now he isn’t playing as hard as everyone else!

NOTE TO JORDAN: Jordan my dear sweet potato, the people you are with in Eden are not that smart and can’t figure out what game to play! Wallace thinks he is there to have fun, Michael is ready to quit, Liz and David are there to make out and Kassie is just jealous! Why do you think any of them are playing a game? Where is Chrimon during your little interviews? Is he getting his nails done or having his chest waxed? The man is nowhere to be seen.

Survivor Theme: Michael approaches Jordan this time and tells him that he will give his 14 coins to him if he can get banished! Osten is ready to get out and that he is trying save the things he can take away from this game and not stay so long that he can’t take those things. HELLO! Would someone please tell me what Osten can take away from this game? The only thing that comes to my mind is that Liz is a b!tch!

The next few minutes are all jumbled in little 30-second snippets, here is the information I got from them:

Kassie is from a town in Alabama and her family doesn’t think it is right for black and whites to date. Kassie really likes Michael but can only be friends with him. Michael understands the background that Kassie has and says that he thinks she is a wonderful person to overcome this. I am sorry but I still don’t understand this! How can Michael understand when she is still being biased because she said she would not and could not date him! STUPID PEOPLE!

Liz and David go to Liz’s room and start making out. Everyone knows that they are in the room together. Matt goes to the room and barges in without knocking or anything. He catches them making out and starts asking how long they have been at it! Matt is an idiot for just barging in and not at least knocking first! David takes it in stride and there is very little said about it! I WOULD HAVE BEEN FURIOUS!

Chrimon and Jordan are playing pool and strategizing. They talk about all their options and decide that they have three: Jason, don’t want to have to talk to him for another week and a half, Michael because he wants to quit, or David because Kassie and Brook want him gone to get back at Liz!

All the pretty people are dressed up and ready for the banishment ceremony. Everyone has gathered around the pool table and David confronts Kassie as to why she wants him gone. She at first denies it then realizes that she doesn’t care and sort of tells the truth in that if she were a male, David would be a threat. However, that is not what she said (originally)! David says if she thinks that way then everything is Okay, However, if she is doing this just to get back at someone it is wrong. David should have just come out and said Liz; he doesn’t have to play a word game. Everyone is in a tizzy and Brook just walks off during the argument between David and Kassi. Michael sides with Kassie and encourages her through the ordeal. The whole thing is just a lead into the banishment ceremony! The drama is killing me!

Everyone arrives at the ceremony and Ruth asks Jordan how he feels to be back in Eden. Jordan responds, “I don’t think this is Eden, I think this is Hell” turns and looks at Ruth, “That makes you the Queen of Hell!” Ruth quips, “you got that right.” As Chrimon (could be the Queen of Hell before all is said and done…thanks Rolldice ) and Jordan explain that they are doing the best they can with the info they have and Jordan saying you got to stand by your friends, they banish Michael! Ruth explains that is time for Michael to give half his chocolate coins to one person remaining in Eden. Guess who doesn’t get the coins! JORDAN! Michael gives them to Kassie. Jordan shown with a look on his face of utter shock! Then he is shown in a confessional that by Michael going back on his word means that he can’t trust anyone in Eden. EXCUSE ME JORDAN, you were the one that went back on your first of all with Matt! There is that old saying, what goes around comes around and Jordan got his!

Next on Eden: Neveen and Jason are shown arguing and Neveen says, “you’re making me look like a genius and I am not that smart!” WHAT…you don’t think you’re a genius? WOW, without that revelation, I don’t know how I could get another good night’s sleep!

Also, Chrimon’s sexual orientation is still in question and the others think that he (Chrimon) is really attracted to Wallace.

OH.THE.DRAMA!

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