Kerry now knows what mr todd likes and he’s seen her strong talents. She can’t wait to show him more. cq can definitely wait to *see* more.Shannon, Mr. Todd’s assistant, delivers an invitation to two of them to each invite two more teammates to go on some trip. Rob invites Mike and David to go. Some sort of golf thing. The girls are going on some yacht trip. Kerry, Elli, and Whitney go.
This yacht quality time was “engineered to reveal a rather unsettling side of their new boss.” He offers them a small token of his appreciation for joining him on the yacht. Danielle, the fake daughter, gives each of them a really skimpy bikini. They girls weren’t sure how to react to that. They thought maybe it was inappropriate. Hmm… ya think? Estee is offended. Not at Mr. Todd. At the bad acting by his “daughter.” She didn’t even scream and yell “where’s MY bikini? You don’t LOVE me any more!” like a genuine rich brat would do. Sigh.
Then the sorority chicks in them bust right out. He invites them to get changed and come into the jacuzzi. Elli says she will sit this one out. It’s a job interview. She says it’s not appropriate. And a few minutes later, she changes. They go below decks and change into the bikinis, anyway! What is wrong with these women? Oh, yeah. Sorority sludge ruins the brain. Joisey smirks at the gratuitous boobage. So does cq.
Elli considers changing her mind. She says he skeeves her out. Well, someone’s thinking. That guy gives cq the heebie jeebies, too, sista.
The dudes are really excited to be playing golf. But they suck.
Back to the boat… Mr. Todd jumps into Lake Michigan. Ick. Perhaps the people who live nearby can confirm or deny this, but to cq itt looks dirty. And they jump in. But Elli won’t. Good girl. So she hangs back while they swim and frolick. Elli changes back into her clothes and sulks on the boat while the flaky girls come back and are towelling off, all kinds of chipper that they just had so much fun swimming in a dirty nappy lake.
Mr. Todd had to tell the boys he would be late. Right in front of the girls he tells the dudes he’s working on a business transaction.
He then reveals via confessional he’s not going to show up on the golf course at all. As in, ever.
*** commercials ***
7 pm. Still on the yacht. So Mr. Todd makes a point of spending more time with the girls. Whitney saw the softer side of him so it makes her realize he’s more of a person. He didn’t listen to her at all. He said “that’s fascinating” about 1,000 times. She didn’t seem to notice. She loved hearing it. Every time. The way he looked at her when he said it made her feel warm. She admitted these things in a confessional later. He went on and on until “one would think” it was clear that he was not listening. But it wasn’t clear because Whitney is dumber than rocks. They part ways.
Meanwhile, the boys are still on the golf course at 9 pm. “I hate non-punctual people. My biggest pet peeve,” says Michael. Come the hell on. Non-punctual! Four hours late! That is a bit beyond non-punctual, indeed. Stupid frat boy.
The girls go back home. The guys come rolling in around 9something. They waited for him. The girls noticed the guys were not in a good mood. They waited for him forever. The girls say they were there and said not to say anything. The dudes say if he just told them there were girls that would’ve been fine, but he didn’t say anything. It would’ve been fine? It would’ve been fine that he was hanging out with the girls who are competing for this job and ignoring the guys who are also competing for this job? Wow. Fraternity funk affects the brain adversely, as well.
So around 10 pm, Mr. Todd calls the house and Whitney answers. It’s what he calls his billionaire’s version of a “drunk dial.” Well, we all know what that is, don’t we? He sounds drunk. She tells him he doesn’t sound too bad. He starts telling her about the drugs he had taken that night with drinking. The medicine came from an operation he had on his testicles. He asks for Whitney. She says, this is Whitney. He calls her fascinating again. He hangs up. The rest of the actors start laughing their asses off. Elli is peeved when Whitney tells them all he called just to say he had a good time. The rest that are nearby seem to think it’s pretty ridiculous. Elli seems really mad. She must not have been in a sorority, or she’d have a better handle on her Ugly Girl Insecurities Manifested as Jealousy.
They all arrive at the offices and wait for Mr. Todd to show up so they can find out what their next challenge is. Someone walks in in a suit with a big fat owl head on. Someone else comes out in a suit and what appears to be a big pink flamingo head. The big fat owl head unmasks. It’s his “son.” He’s playing kent todd. I know what you’re thinking. “I slept my way to the top. Well, all jokes aside… because I’m new, David’s going to explain what we do next.”
So he identifies the team boss. They move the men’s leader to Damian. David, you will recall, is supposed to be gay. He stares at Damian for a really uncomfortably long time. I mean, so long that cq felt awkward about it and was trying to figure out something to say to break the ice. Instead, though, she just burst out in hysterical laughter as Damian had that “deer caught in headlights” stare going on. They finally move on. And I stress the word “finally.”
Kent gives a crap speech about corporate PR being necessary. We need to put a new face on the company. Kent says there’s a company they do business with. They produce hydrocyanic acid. None of them can recall the name properly. Kent explains it’s in everything. Hydrocyanic acid is another word for cyanide, which cq is very glad FOX told you all, or she would’ve had to explain it here. Saved me some time, and you all a chemistry lesson. It also “happens” to be toxic, explains Kent. Their job is to create a company mascot for Drycon, the company that makes the hydrocyanic acid. They have to perform a presentation for a group of 8 yr old kids and their parents. David will observe the men. Kent will watch the ladies. He looks at them like {another} drunken frat boy. Definitely Daddy’s little boy.
The rooms they were in had all kinds of costumes and furry friendly things lying around for them to put together. They start brainstorming. Which means to the men that it took them 3 whole seconds to start dressing in drag. Right in front of David. Gawd. They all need their gaydars checked. Although it is my understanding that most frat boy rejects have at least one experience with faulty gaydar, so perhaps this is just a rite of passage. You know, like during hazing.
*** commercials ***
They have a focus group of kids and parents to come see the demonstrations. The kids and parents will vote which mascot/presentation they liked better.
First up is Captain Drycon. No relation to Captain Savem. They have this terrible story about the creation of the chemical. Captain Drycon comes in and it is a superhero thing. The mascot had to provide information about the chemical, explain uses, give chemical safety tips, and then have a jingle.
They make the side affect problems their own characters. Omg Bob dressed up as a girl. The kids are laughing their asses off. They pretend to kiss. The kids hate it. They’re grossed out. David liked the marketing. Of course. There was drag. And a kiss between boys. So now they are going to sing the Drycon thing. Drycon, drycon, everywhere you look! It was horrible.
Now the second team. Team 2 and Fergie the Frog. The girls come in and are bouncing around and being weird. Elli was the frog, I guess. But she’s not even really dressed like anything. She’s got freckles on her face, and big fat nasty buck teeth. Whitney is Scuba Sandy. They have a lot of characters that don’t make any sense. I’m confused. Who are these people? Oh wait, Elli wasn’t the frog. She was a big-toothed girl. Finally, Fergie the Frog comes out. It’s a big frog with a maternity dress on and a princess staff. Whoever is the frog… couldn’t remember the name of the chemical. Oh my heck. The kids are looking very confused. And like they want to die. The girls were pretending to vomit. Pretending to cough. Oh gawd. The kids looked like they were going to die. They sing the jingle. But it isn’t a jingle. It was like 20 hours long. It had *verses*. There are 80s hair bands with power ballads shorter than this. Finally, they finish. The kids barely applaud in politeness.
They have to vote for Captain Drycon or the weird pregnant frog. It looks rather close. Although I have no idea why. The girls team was absolutely awful with all those gagging noises. But, like, gag me with a spoon! The winners won by one vote. And it was… Captain Drycon. 20 – 19. Yeah, right. I’m telling you people, it was not even close. The frog was really messed up. It made no sense. The worst part of all was after the horror that was Captain Drycon, you couldn’t imagine how in hell the women could possibly lose. Cue the frog. Touche.
Kerry, I’ll see you and your team tomorrow in the office. Not the board room. Because _that_ would be wrong.
*** commercials ***
They ask Whitney to show up as the frog in the not boardroom. Mr. Todd comes in and asks her to take the hat off. He comes in and tells them they are weak losers. David says what he doesn’t like about the frog outfit. He says not seeing your mouth hurts it. Then he says on the guys side he could see David (Captain Drycon) move his lips and he was attracted to his mouth and was paying attention. They had a man-on-man kiss. That got his attention. Oh my heck. How are they not laughing??? Why would you put Whitney in the frog suit, asks an obviously peeved Mr. Todd. “You can’t hear her.” I believe in court they would say “asked and answered.” Then he also says you can’t connect with her fascinating eyes. Why would you put Whitney in the frog suit? He implies that if they have other uglier women available, why would they pick a hottie like Whitney to hide behind the frog mask? She starts explaining it with the frog hat on. He says she’s bubbly, has a good personality, etc. and you don’t put a Picasso in the closet. No, but Picasso burnt his paintings to stay warm. So here’s to hoping they need to make a fire really, really soon, and Whitney is nearby. Mr. Todd goes on… you don’t put a Whitney in the frog suit! Kerry names the two people to show in the final elimination. She says Whitney was first in skill and contribution this time around. Elli was last. She wants them in the not board room together. So Whitney can be the next leader. Whitney volunteered for this. So she could show him how gutsy she is. Because we know how much he likes busty gutsy women.
The rest leave. Now it’s Elli and Whitney. Elli, why should you stay? She says she hasn’t been able to show what she’s capable of. She created Scuba Sandy. Then Whitney says no, I created it. They start bickering. Elli tries to ignore her. They are speaking at the same exact time. Whitney is an idiot. She starts to say Elli is judgmental. Elli is speaking to Mr. Todd, and Whitney is speaking to Elli. Elli says they’re being sterotypical proverbial women. She says Elli is the biggest threat to them so that’s why they take it out on them. Meanwhile, Whitney is yelling a lot of “you, you, you, you, you!” and I really can’t understand her without my Beeotch – English dictionary handy. Thankfully, Mr. Todd boots them from the not boardroom.
Mr. Todd goes to talk to mystery boss. So, who is it? Duh. It’s a mystery.
*** commercial ***
The girls return. Elli, you stir the pot. But I like my pot stirred. Betcha. With an extra helping of T&A, please.
Whitney you came in here and it was presumptuous. You think you can play me like a junior executive. I’m insulted. He draws it out forever and ever more. He {once again I use the word} *finally* kicks Elli out. Bwhahahahaha! I bet they were completely shocked! But we weren’t!
Elli says he’s a pig and she didn’t learn anything from Paul. She tells the bouncer on the way out that he works for a jackass. She wasn’t told why she had to leave, just to leave. So it was ridiculous to her. She’s huffing and puffing on her way down the street, leaving the show. I bet she proclaims the loudest on the reunion show about how she is so much better and so much smarter, and knew all along that it wasn’t right. Whatever. Go to the video tape. You wanted it like the rest of them, Elli.
Next week on MBFOB: I didn’t pay attention. Sorry, guys. But I don’t have much faith that there will even *be* a next week, so I didn’t want to get my hopes up by watching the previews.
~ cq
glad *someone* is reading
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