Welcome to the Episode three summary of My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé, the show that seeks to answer the question: Randi Coy, what were you thinking?????

Before we get started, some general analysis of the state of reality TV is in order. There have been several times during the Reality TV craze where viewers have wondered how much lower the networks would stoop. Many thought Cupid was the low point. Some TV stations wouldn’t even air it. For others, Married By America was the ultimate in tasteless TV production.

Along comes MBFOF. Will this show put the others rest to shame? After all, this time the goal is to terrorize unsuspecting outsiders, YOUR PARENTS, into thinking you are making the worst mistake of your life. At least with the other shows, the participants were willing and knew what they were getting into. This got me to thinking about some other possible Reality show concepts that would be right up Fox’s alley. Network executives – feel free to use my ideas; all I ask is an attribution in the credits.

Here are my two favorite reality show ideas:

But I Want to be a Woman - A married heterosexual man must convince his wife he has decided to undergo a sex change. To win the ultimate prize, she must agree to stay married to him, proving that love truly conquers all.
Don’t Look Now,But Dad’s in a Coma - Father and child team up to pull the ultimate practical joke on Mom. Child must convince Mom that Dad is in a coma resulting from an auto accident, and likely will never recover. To win the prize, they must obtain her approval to pull the plug before the week is up!

Anyway, on to the Episode 3 Summary:

Last week on MBFOF –

* The bride to be tries on her wedding dress
* Randi has come up with a list of improvements for Steve – an organized girl, that one
* A visit to the sex therapist makes the prudish Randi uncomfortable;
* And finally, Randi’s friend Anna shows up for dinner at the estate, which is where were left hanging

Randi’s friend Anna has arrived at the estate. She will be the happy couple’s guest for dinner that evening. Randi’s job tonight is to convince Anna that in the course of the last few weeks she has fallen in love with Steve, and that he is the ONE. After anticipating this moment for the last week, Steve makes his grand entrance, joining Randi on the patio where dinner awaits the three of them. As he enters, his walk and his mannerisms remind me of Chris Farley. In fact, he’s built just like Chris Farley. Maybe Steve is his younger brother. Steve greets Anna “Hello, Anna best friend”, and there is definitely a look on Anna’s face. Is it disbelief, fright, or the memory of her in-flight meal? There’s just no way to tell for sure.

Off camera Steve comments that Randi fears he’ll do something stupid. Of course her fears are justified as Steve manages to knock a wineglass off the table shortly after being seated. It looks so natural I almost wonder if was, indeed, an accident. That is professional acting! Randi comments that, of course, “Steve was Steve”, and we also learn that Anna was suspicious the whole time.

Dinner tonight is fondue, and this is good because fondue is just inherently funny. Food on sticks has many comedic possibilities, and the fondue gear makes the table quite cluttered with plates of food, cooking implements, and of course, the hot fondue itself. Steve makes the most of the opportunity to play with his food while trying to appear interested in Anna. He asks Anna how long she and Randi have known each other, but isn’t listening to her answer. He’s quite preoccupied with the fondue – it’s like his personal adult-sized happy meal toy. He’s making funny faces and funny noises while Anna tries to tell him that she and Randi have known each other since the third grade. Steve waves his fondue sword towards Anna who exclaims “it’s gonna burn me”, and I don’t know why, but the way she says this strikes me as really funny. Steve has moved on, he’s now trying to get top secret information from the skewered shrimp, saying “we have ways of making you talk”. (LOL) Randi is trying to capture his attention without Anna seeing, and givers him a signal to dial it down a bit. Steve, his mouth stuffed with shrimp fondue asks Anna if Randi’s parents will like him. Anna starts to reply, searching for the right words, and conveniently, we get a commercial break, which makes the suspense absolutely unbearable.

What will Anna say? I can’t wait to find out.
Luckily, my TiVo lets me skip quickly through the commercials, and seconds later we get Anna’s reply. She says that yes, Randi’s parents will like him. After all, he’s open, with a big smile and a big happy face. BIG does seem to be a recurring theme in her opinion of him. Privately Anna confesses that Randi’s parents will be shocked! Fortunately, dinner is over. Randi can’t wait to see her best friend leave. See is starting to really feel awful about the deception she’s playing on her friends and family, but hey, the money will change their lives, so it’s all good.

Part 2 – The Answer is: “Yoga Fart”.

Question: Name two words never before used together in the course of a conversation.

Randi tells us that Steve’s body is big and out of shape. Fortunately, Randi apparently believes that he’ll be trim and fit as a fiddle after one good half-hour yoga workout. She starts him with some basic yoga moves/positions/poses, or whatever you call them. Steve bends his body to the right and wonders aloud if his “fat is supposed to fold in two right here?” Heh! Steve lets us in on a secret- they have a fart gag planned for Randi. Those of us who were once fifth-grade boys are expecting the artificial fart under the arm, but Steve is far too sophisticated for that. The show has obviously budgeted for such gags, and this one starts with a stink bomb in his pocket. He must activate it while she’s turned the other way. He bends and twists, and unleashes a ghastly sound It is a sound we all fear, (especially in a high rise elevator…..…when there’s only one other occupant……..and the sound is coming from you!) He admits “I totally farted” and the words are captioned on the screen just in case you’re not sure you heard him correctly. A mortified look crosses his face and Steve flees across the yard towards the house, professionally displaying new emotions – urgency, astonishment, and embarrassment. I must admire his acting ability. Randi can’t believe she has just seen a grown man have an accident in his pants.

Claudia makes her weekly cameo appearance (she actually appears several times this episode, which is more than most reality show hosts get). For some reason, I’m thinking there’s something unusual about the way Claudia looks tonight, but I can’t put my finger on it just yet. Anyway, she’s there to give Randi a little good news for once. Randi is going to give Steve a makeover.

First stop is the hair stylist, and Steve knows exactly what he wants. He asks the stylist to shorten the sides but keep it long on top. That Randi is a sharp babe and while she may lack common sense, she does have fashion sense. She vetoes the mullet and Steve acquiesces. Randi chooses a well-groomed look for him. Next up on the agenda is the removal of Steve’s back hair. I’m not sure exactly how they did it, as my hands were covering my eyes, but it sounded painful. Steve admits there was very little acting involved during this scene. Randi, however, is clearly enjoying his pain and admits as much to the camera. I’m wondering if Randi would feel better about their relationship if Steve called her “Mistress Randi” and wore a rubber body suit with a studded leather collar. The final stop for their makeover is a clothing store where Mistress Randi picks out a classy outfit for him to wear. Randi says that Steve is looking good; much more like a real guy she would date, and I must say I agree.

Part Three - Meet My Folks

Claudia makes a second appearance this episode, and now I know what’s odd looking about her – she’s not a real actress, she’s a character from the computer game The Sims! Now that’s what I call product placement!

Claudia Sims informs Steve and Randi that they will have to call their parents and explain that they’ve fallen in love on a reality show. They must convince their parents to join them at the estate sometime in the next few days. Steve goes first and has little trouble convincing them to come to the estate. After all, they are also actors holed up at a nearby hotel. Steve tells us that Randi will believe they are real people, but not like any she’s been around. People you hear about but don’t see in Randi’s hometown, Littleton, Colorado.

Next it’s Randi’s turn and the camera cuts to her parent’s house in Colorado. There must be two or three cameras there, so they are clearly aware that Randi is on a reality show. First on the line is Randi’s mom, who has the same big teeth and eyes that Randi has, and one can guess that this is what Randi will look like 20 years from now. The next scene is hilarious. Mom asks Randi “will I like him”, while the camera cuts to various shots of Steve being crude and obnoxious. Heh. Randi replies “you’ll adore him; he’s everything I ever wanted” which to me makes it sound like he was on her Christmas list or something. She also tells her mom she loves Steve, which sends shock waves through the Koy household. I almost wonder if this is one of those code words that some families have to secretly communicate that they are in trouble because apparently Randi has never used that word before in their house.

Now it’s Dad’s turn to talk to Randi, and here’s how it goes:

Dad – “Why are we coming out?”
Randi – “I want you to meet him”
Dad - “You want US to meet him?”

Wow, Dad, you’re really starting to connect the dots! Let’s recap: Randi wants you to come to the estate in California. Steve is at the estate in California. If you show up, chances are good the two of you will meet. Glad we cleared that up!

Alas, Dad has apparently reached this conclusion without the benefit of my summary. “Apparently, we need to go out to see her,” he proclaims to his family. He leaves out the part where if they go out there to see her, they will meet him, but this omission doesn’t appear to have confused anyone.

Indeed the family seems rather bewildered by Randi’s confession that she loves him. They are shocked and disappointed according to Randi’s brother. Mom says that the claws will come out and she’ll bring Randi home if she doesn’t like the guy. Sadly, Mom is almost in tears and she hasn’t even met Steve yet. At this point, it’s not looking at all good for Randi and the money. The pain she’s causing her family has just started, and there is no assurance of a cash payday.

The visit to Randi’s house has left a dark cloud over the episode. We’re only halfway through the show, and I need something fun to lighten the mood. Fortunately, we are in for some fun, as Steve’s folks come to visit. Right after this next commercial break……..

Back to our program, and it is the next morning. Steve confides that this is the most ridiculous, but the most fun acting job he’s ever had. I think this is why the show work’s for me. He’s so obviously enjoying messing with Randi’s mind!

Next up is breakfast in bed for Randi, as only Steve can deliver it. She’s still sleeping as he enters her bedroom with a tray of breakfast food, and two big glasses of juice - tomato and orange. As she’s stirring and sitting up in her bed, he loses his balance and the tray goes flying. Steve brags that it went better than he even thought it would as far as actual contact with liquid goes. Even as I watch it for a third time, I am ROTFLMAO! Not bad since I expected to be NL,JROTF (not laughing, just rolling on the floor).

Downstairs, at breakfast, Steve asks if she’s gotten all the tomato juice out of her, and Randi shoots back a look that is ICE cold. Someone get me a blanket before hypothermia sets in. Steve brushes it off, though, and tells Randi that now it’s his turn to give her a list. These are things his parents would expect from someone who would want to marry him. It’s funny because they are all things he knows she’ll be uncomfortable with:

1) Play with his hair;
2) Be flirty;
3) Touch him three times around his family; (family = euphemism for a body part???)
4) Tell a dirty joke;
5) Must get into the hot tub if her family asks;
6) Must call him master and pretend she’s Barbara Eden’s character from the TV show I Dream of Jeannie

Okay, I made the last one up, but I think it would have been pretty funny. Heh! Randi isn’t sure how many of these she is willing to do.

Claudia returns to the room, and now I realize I was wrong before. She’s not a character from the Sims. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize her before –she’s one of the popular Bratz dolls, Dana. I know because my daughter has them all over her room. Here’s a picture of Big Head Dana so you can see for yourself:

Anyway, Claudia says it’s time to see the families, and Steve’s family is coming first. They will be staying until the wedding. Randi looks very worried. Steve notes that Randi is all set up to be hit with the Mack truck that is his family because she’s so worried about HIS behavior. His family drives up in a limo, and the family reunion is a happy one with smiles and hugs, and normalcy, all around. Hey, maybe this won’t turnout so bad after all. They seem like such nice, normal people. Randi gives us her first impression of the Williams family, they are charming, wonderful, and cute – not at all what she was expecting. LOL!

They head indoors, and already Steve’s mom and dad are exhibiting telltale signs of their “quirky” personalities. Steve’s dad welcomes the front door, which you really have to see to appreciate. They open a bottle of champagne and Steve’s mom proudly states that she’s going to get smashed. Randi is learning that Steve’s parents are “open and free”. They are the opposite of Randi’s family.

Randi tells us the plan was to keep the engagement quiet for now, then tell them later on in the day, and of course this is Steve’s cue to blurt out “Mom and Dad, we’re engaged” just minutes after they’ve met Randi. Steve starts laughing hysterically, and the look of shock on Randi’s face says it all. Steve drops yet another wine glass, which breaks on the floor of the living room. His dad thinks it’s hilarious, but Randi is perplexed. This is the third glass he’s broken. (Not to mention the vase).

Randi puts on her engagement ring and the girls gush over it. Steve’s mom gives Randi a big hug, and we learn that Randi is starting to feel a little guilty. After all, mom really likes Randi and really wants Steve to get married. She’s going to be kind of sad that Steve isn’t actually getting married. And then she says “I mean, he IS 29!” And just like that, I am no longer a fan on Randi Koy. 29? Oh my god, his life is ALMOST over. I guess his best bet now is to try for someone on their “second time around”. Hey, Randi, here’s a thought. Maybe Steve’s mom will be relieved that he’s not marrying such an uptight bi---. Oh wait, I guess I’m getting a little carried away; mom is just an actor. It’s not real. Must breathe, must think happy thoughts.

Privately, Mom is pleased that Randi bought their act, but she’s just seen the beginning of the Williams family. Wait until dinner.

Getting close to dinner time, and Kristina, Steve’s sister, enlists Randi to help them make dinner for the men. The Williams family has cleverly laid the groundwork for things to come as we are starting to find out. Steve tells us that his family is “all about invading people’s space”. I’m guessing this foreshadowing will loom large when the Koy’s eventually join them in the house.

Randi and Kristina enter the kitchen, and Mom starts directing the preparation of dinner, asking Randi to cut the crusts off the bread. Mom plunges into the deep end by asking about Randi’s reproduction plans: Two kids or three? Do you want two boys and a girl? Do you plan to breast feed? Do you have big nipples? Randi tells us that “Steve’s mom is a little more open than I’m used to, which may be the understatement of the night. Mom keeps on going further and further, pushing the limits of propriety, explaining how she enjoyed breast feeding Steve until he was 5. Sadly, though, Kristina couldn’t latch on to the nipple. Then she asks Randi if she plans to deliver vaginally, and Randi is getting VERY uncomfortable (as am I. Can I even say ‘vaginally’ in a summary?). Finally, Mom “measures” Randi’s hips with her hands, doubting whether Randi is equipped for natural childbirth.

One of the funniest aspects of this show is the way the events and the interviews are intertwined. The next scene is a perfect example as the family sits down to dinner. Steve’s dad, Richard, is explaining that their next goal is to introduce Randi to the eating habits of the Williams family, starting with the horrible meal his wife has prepared. He tells us the food is just BAD, and close up video of the dishes she’s prepared are all I need to believe what he’s saying.

Steve is oohing and ahhing over the food as they sit down to the table, and he comments that this is what Mom used to make him for his birthday. There is a gloppy looking tuna casserole dish and something Randi refers to as bread soufflé. It looked disgusting when she was making it, and still looks disgusting on the table. Typically, Randi understates the situation, saying only that “the meal was different”, but goes on to liken it to a big white nightmare on your plate.

Of course, the entire Williams family is gushing over Mom’s culinary creation, while privately letting us know just how bad it was, Even Steve’s mom, Laura, confesses that two bites was all she could stomach. Of course, that doesn’t keep her from coaxing Randi into a second helping. Next, the burping starts, with the entire family taking a turn until they convince Randi to join in the fun. She manages a tiny burp, and though she’s shocked at their behavior, she seems to enjoy her successful effort.

Mom decides it’s time for the hot tub, and the whole Williams family agrees. Off to the hot tub they go. Randi can’t say no because it’s on Steve’s list. Mom advises Steve that he may want to borrow their Tantric Sex book, and their copy of the Kama Sutra. Steve thinks it’s a good idea. Shockingly, Randi is uncomfortable discussing the Kama Sutra with Laura and Richard, especially with Steve’s half-dead sister floating face down in the water.

Steve is taking this opportunity to “get closer” to Randi, and the loving, longing look in his eyes is really making Randi tense. At that point, Dad decides he doesn’t need his shorts anymore and discards them over the side. In what may be the funniest line of the hour, Dad comments that he’s “got one jet that’s treating me like a prom date.” I can hardly contain the laughter.

Needless to say, Randi is happy to bid the Williams family a good night. She is dreading the eventual meeting of her parents and the Williams family.

After Randi has a chance to regroup she tells us that she can sit in a hot tub with Steve’s naked Dad, and let Mom measure her hips for a million dollars. The real question is going to be how much is she willing to torture her parents for that money? Bratz Dana comes in again! This time she’s here to tell the happy couple that Randi’s parents are arriving tomorrow afternoon. Fortunately, the Williams family will be off on a day trip, so the Koy’s can get to know Steve first instead of being bombarded by all of them at once.

In the final scene, we cut to the Koy residence in Littleton, Colorado. The family is packing and is feeling defensive and uncertain what to expect. Dad notes that it must be serious since Randi has said she’s crazy about Steve. I notice that he changed Randi’s words from “in love with” to “crazy about”. Is he in denial, perhaps? Randi’s older brother doesn’t believe that she’s in love. The Koy’s are on the road now, and there are many camera shots inside the car. Where is mom? And one of the brothers? It doesn’t look like they're even in the car. No way! This whole scene is clearly being staged. I feel so manipulated!

The rest of the show focuses solely on the Koy’s reluctance to participate. They look like they are preparing for a funeral. Finally, we get scenes from next week where they meet Steve and his family. There will be laughter (ours), anger and despair (the Koy family), and tears (Randi’s). Although I object to the premise of the show in principle, it has absolutely had me laughing out loud more than most scripted comedies currently in production. I’m glad I’ve made the decision that my principles end where the remote control begins! I’m looking forward to next week’s episode of My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé!

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