Place our current thirteen in your personal order from least to most loathed, adding commentary as desired, and show what you currently think of this cast. (We've all pretty much given up on the casting.) My list:
1. Marilu. Intelligent, personable, and had the wits to say 'This isn't working. Let's use the tactic our Dark Lord told us we couldn't run with earlier', followed by whipping out the cell phone and doing the best you could to save your minicorp from its own leadership. Five thousand dollars for a bottle of water? We're all very glad you weren't selling gas, or that would have been more of a sneak preview.
2. Gene. Yes, you used your contacts incredibly effectively, and you're pretty much the only reason the men won that task. (Gawds know it wasn't Stephen.) You're getting second place because you had free and open license to go after every one of those contacts, while Marilu had to go behind her minicorp's back and risk the Wrath Of Voldemort. Still, you're playing that part of the game like an expert, and your little black book runs out to five volumes -- but it can't save you every time.
3. Jennie. Huh. I'm getting a distinct Stacy Rotner vibe off you -- and from me, that's a compliment. Like Marilu, you switched up the task as much as you could by bringing David Wright in (who just doesn't have a lot of cash on him), but you also said just a few strategically-placed words in the Boardroom -- and those words nearly swung the entire tide against Voldemort. If Donald didn't want so badly to keep your failed PM, you could have turned the whole elimination around right there. I'm waiting to see what you can do if we ever reach an actual neutral field.
4. Lennox. Seemed to have some natural charisma and flexibility, but also didn't come across as having much of a clue as to what he was doing here. You pretty much project 'big lovable lug' out to fifty paces, plus you've got the Accent -- but the Accent can only carry one person per series, and Sean was already here. For now, you'll work with the public well -- but we're all waiting to see what else you can do.
5. Trace. Didn't really do enough to register any kind of impression. Appeared vaguely happy to be here. Didn't sing.
6. Tito. Pretty much did less than anyone else when it came to screen time and displayed effort, which would normally place him in the 'meh' middle position. Moved up a little because a frequent reaction from people with friends, relatives, and lovers in the adult industry to their sudden appearance in public is turning bright red and fleeing for the nearest shadows. 'My girlfriend is in the business: what's your point?' is the right attitude to have -- so take a bonus place for it.
7. Nadia. And with that said: meh.
8. Vincent. You're going to be trouble, aren't you? Sure, you'll deliver cute confessionals, you'll slouch your way into the conference rooms and look like you're about to demand protection money -- but your personality doesn't mesh well with those of your companions. And frankly, we know your rep. You've quit before. When the going got tough, Vincent got going -- and if there's one thing we can't stand for any series, it's someone who leaves just because they realized there's a tiny amount of effort involved. You may have street smarts, but I'm not sure you have business sense -- and we all know you don't have staying power.
9. Nely. Oh, look: she wants to be Bellatrix. Somebody likes Voldy! Well, there's over six billion people on this planet: I suppose someone had to... It's not the worst idea to bring the Telemundo house makeup and dress styles into the Boardroom, not to mention the house hyperdrama style -- (what network was I watching last night?) -- but there are places where it won't work. So either make things adjust around you -- which I'm not sure you can do -- or prepare to adjust yourself -- which I'm also not sure you can do, at least not without the help of a scalpel. Executive producer of The Swan, huh? Looks like you're going for your own makeover into Be-Yotch In Training. Quick, hide all the mirrors.
10. Stephen. Has been on multiple reality shows. Has been completely and utterly useless on every one of them. Has exactly three expressions: Monkey 'Yipe!', Monkey 'Goody!', and Monkey Smirk. Won only because Gene lifted him up where he didn't belong, and like an eagle he flies, on the mountain high, where his brain once again runs out of oxygen and sends him crashing back to earth. Will stick around until the moment he actually has to make a contribution, at which point, he's gone. And looks like a low-rent Central Casting corner drug seller in that suit.
11. Voldemort. Well, we knew what we were in for when you got here. Slightly surprised you didn't just press the Dark Mark and bring in the minions to spend for you, but I guess they don't have any money (plus you may not have any minions) and you decided that if you can't summon, ain't no one gonna summon. Hauled out the double standards early -- 'sex will not sell, unless I am not selling it, in which case, you have done wrong and I will make you pay for it' -- and should have been called on it more than you were, but... Well, again, we know why you're here, and it's also why you're still here. Because Donald likes The Drama. You provide The Drama. Also The Hysteria, The Incompetence, the aforementioned Double Standards and ultimately, The Firing. You'll stay for as long as Donald can postpone his needs. And we all know he hates to wait...
12. Carol. Now with Voldy, we knew what she was: a be-yotch. With you, we got to find out the hard way. Donald called it: that was a horrible choice of location, and as the native, you should have known that. Your Boardroom struggles seemed to consist of your alternately being incoherent and then pouting when no one praised you on how flared out your hair had become under the stress of being incoherent. You're getting ranked lower than Voldemort because she's the established commodity: you're the newbie -- and let's face it: for all that we justifiably mock the Dark Lord, she is capable on rare occasion of bringing actual business skills to a task. What do you bring? So far -- nothing.
13. Piers. And bringing nothing is why you're in last place. Sure, it might be fun to watch you and Voldemort go after each other on just who's less known, although you're frankly no good at it. 'I have no idea who you are' followed by 'I watched your season and read your books' doesn't work: have you ever played an actual round of dozens? But you've got a problem beyond that, and it's this: you bring the anti-charisma. You cannot insult people when you're trying to get money out of them, not without being a lot more famous than you are so you can get to the point where they take it as a joke. I'll bring this back out from the ESCT: with your technique, you couldn't sell refined uranium to Iran. Gossip monger and talent judge: either way, you make a living using scant bits of barely-evidence to tear others down. Creating a business is about building things up -- and as such, until proven otherwise, you are the person least suited to be here. See the big red X over your head? Good. Now get off the stage.
Fired: Tiffany. Yes, in part, you were the sacrificial lamb for Donald's Altar Of Drama: he wants to keep the louder personalities in the 'game' for as long as possible. (It's all about the ratings. Isn't everything?) And you couldn't swing the blame for not using more contacts onto Voldy, where it properly belonged, not to mention bringing up the whole double standards bit on using sex appeal to sell. But -- Donald had a point. You only get a tomorrow if you earn one. Maybe Hugh would have shown up, and maybe he wouldn't. But you've got to try. Bring all your resources to bear every time -- or be the one who winds up in the trap.
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