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"TAR5 - The HawkEye 10 - Episode 1"
dajaki 1454 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beef Jerky Spokesperson"
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07-07-04, 09:56 AM (EST)
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"TAR5 - The HawkEye 10 - Episode 1" |
Before presenting the first HawkEye 10 of TAR5, I would just like to say that this group of racers make TAR4's Kelly and Jon look like the ideal genetic pairing of Marie Curie and Albert Einstein. What a bunch of idiots! Oy vey, ay caramba, holy cow, sacre bleu! Let's get going . . .1. At the Santa Monica Pier, Bob couldn't find the hood release. What else might Bob have a hard time finding? 2. As Marshall and Lance ran to the LAX shuttle, one told the other to "pick up the paste." What other office items might be picked up during the race, by whom and for what purpose? 3. Who, besides Jim, will definitely require medical care before the race is over? Why? 4. The U.S.A.'s most famous coastal statue tells the world to give us your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. What does Uruguay's coastal statue tell the world? 5. Brandon said, "What Nicki needs to understand is that we're trusting the Lord and God's got our best in mind." After episode 1, what does God think is best for these two? 6. What can Bruckheimer do to make the route markers more eye-catching? 7. Which part of the Carcas Carrying task was the funniest? 8. Which male racer is the biggest tool? Defend your choice. 9. How could "across the street from the blue and white hotel" have been made more specific? 10. If Charla had allowed Mirna to play one game of blackjack, what would have been the result? Bonus: As Brandon came down the zipline, Nicole exclaimed "Look at that butt!" Since we know Brandon has no ##### to speak of, to what was Nicole referring?
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anotherkim 14420 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-07-04, 10:45 AM (EST)
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1. "RE: TAR5 - The HawkEye 10 - Episode 1" |
LAST EDITED ON 07-07-04 AT 10:48 AM (EST)
1. At the Santa Monica Pier, Bob couldn't find the hood release. What else might Bob have a hard time finding? his ass with both hands2. As Marshall and Lance ran to the LAX shuttle, one told the other to "pick up the paste." What other office items might be picked up during the race, by whom and for what purpose?a stapler for Mirna's whining mouth by Charla the Beef-Toting Wondergirl and a paperweight for Donny to bash Alison's skull in with. 3. Who, besides Jim, will definitely require medical care before the race is over? Why?the twins to remove that sneer that they both share 4. The U.S.A.'s most famous coastal statue tells the world to give us your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. What does Uruguay's coastal statue tell the world?I'm still sort of speechless that there is a gigantic hand sticking out of the sand, so I can't think of a decent answer. 5. Brandon said, "What Nicki needs to understand is that we're trusting the Lord and God's got our best in mind." After episode 1, what does God think is best for these two?a decent haircut and taking a cab 6. What can Bruckheimer do to make the route markers more eye-catching?short of leading them there himself, I just don't think he could help them anymore. 7. Which part of the Carcas Carrying task was the funniest?Charla the Beef-Toting Wondergirl upstaging Mirna the Whinemaster 8. Which male racer is the biggest tool? Defend your choice.I'm going with Brandon "Let's trust in God". He didn't come out and SAY that Nicole has to submit to him, but it't obviously rattling around in that nappy head of his. 9. How could "across the street from the blue and white hotel" have been made more specific?give them GPS devices, a personal escort and neon arrows. 10. If Charla had allowed Mirna to play one game of blackjack, what would have been the result?Mirna would have had to take off her shoes to count to 21. Bonus: As Brandon came down the zipline, Nicole exclaimed "Look at that butt!" Since we know Brandon has no ##### to speak of, to what was Nicole referring? He's an ass, no doubt about it.  Miscellaneous Ramblings
--such good questions! You had an incredible wealth of material to work with....how did you ever narrow it down.
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Sunny_Bunny 5597 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-07-04, 01:31 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: TAR5 - The HawkEye 10 - Episode 1" |
LAST EDITED ON 07-07-04 AT 01:33 PM (EST)"I'm still sort of speechless that there is a gigantic hand sticking out of the sand, so I can't think of a decent answer." lol, they did a great job of digitaly enhancing the fingers, so that ALL the fingers were extened, rather than just one. 
Our roving report is going to be soooooooo easy. lol
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volsfan 19846 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-07-04, 12:48 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: TAR5 - The HawkEye 10 - Episode 1" |
1. At the Santa Monica Pier, Bob couldn't find the hood release. What else might Bob have a hard time finding? Red and yellow flags flying in the breeze because evidently no one can see them!2. As Marshall and Lance ran to the LAX shuttle, one told the other to "pick up the paste." What other office items might be picked up during the race, by whom and for what purpose? Tape...so poor Donny can shut up Alison once and for all! 3. Who, besides Jim, will definitely require medical care before the race is over? Why? Both of the twins because I am personally gonna strangle each of them with my bare hands! 4. The U.S.A.'s most famous coastal statue tells the world to give us your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. What does Uruguay's coastal statue tell the world? Come sit on this 5. Brandon said, "What Nicki needs to understand is that we're trusting the Lord and God's got our best in mind." After episode 1, what does God think is best for these two? That they not win the million dollars because they don't seem to think they can win it themselves. 6. What can Bruckheimer do to make the route markers more eye-catching? Make them out of Phil's sweaters 7. Which part of the Carcas Carrying task was the funniest? I found out there is a new way of catching mad cow disease...by carrying the meat in my arms! 8. Which male racer is the biggest tool? Defend your choice. Not Scott...have you seen his Playgirl pics...oh wait...wrong show. 9. How could "across the street from the blue and white hotel" have been made more specific?It's just around the corner 10. If Charla had allowed Mirna to play one game of blackjack, what would have been the result? Mirna would have won a bad case of mad cow disease. Bonus: As Brandon came down the zipline, Nicole exclaimed "Look at that butt!" Since we know Brandon has no ##### to speak of, to what was Nicole referring? Brandon does have and a$$ to speak of...isn't that Nicole?
 
Director of Public Relations for GAWKUR!
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buckeyegirl 5449 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-07-04, 02:00 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: TAR5 - The HawkEye 10 - Episode 1" |
LAST EDITED ON 07-07-04 AT 02:05 PM (EST)
1. At the Santa Monica Pier, Bob couldn't find the hood release. What else might Bob have a hard time finding? A kinder, gentler Marsha2. As Marshall and Lance ran to the LAX shuttle, one told the other to "pick up the paste." What other office items might be picked up during the race, by whom and for what purpose?
Permament Marker(I'm having spelling issues today)to help the other teams find the roadmarker 3. Who, besides Jim, will definitely require medical care before the race is over? Why?Aliho again...for her "heart" when Donny dumps her on national tv. 4. The U.S.A.'s most famous coastal statue tells the world to give us your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. What does Uruguay's coastal statue tell the world? Get the heck off our land, go from whence you came. 5. Brandon said, "What Nicki needs to understand is that we're trusting the Lord and God's got our best in mind." After episode 1, what does God think is best for these two? lessons on when to take a taxi." 6. What can Bruckheimer do to make the route markers more eye-catching? Have a yellow arrow with the words "The clue is here dimwits.but I like Vols answer better... 7. Which part of the Carcas Carrying task was the funniest? Charla carrying two backpacks, with Mirna stumbling.(I don't know if I could carry those two backpacks...) 8. Which male racer is the biggest tool? Defend your choice.
Donny. Aliho used him to get back on tv. He deserves the mil for putting up her. 9. How could "across the street from the blue and white hotel" have been made more specific? Have a path made from Phils sweaters pointing the roadmarker. 10. If Charla had allowed Mirna to play one game of blackjack, what would have been the result?Winning enough money so that Mirna can convince Phil to go out with her. Bonus: As Brandon came down the zipline, Nicole exclaimed "Look at that butt!" Since we know Brandon has no ##### to speak of, to what was Nicole referring?
the cameraman's butt, of course.  
-edited for overusage of bold
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Fishercat 4168 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"
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07-07-04, 03:15 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: TAR5 - The HawkEye 10 - Episode 1" |
1. Perhaps his birth certificate? I never quite thought that the retirement home's 5th most popular website was americansingles.com. Maybe it's just me.2. So many possibilites, so little time.
Stapler: The obvious one, many people could use this on their mouths (or maybe Jim on his leg)
Duct Tape: Well, duct tape is almighty, everyone uses duct tape
and
Light Bulb: Namely, because Chip, Kim, and the twins, don't seem to have the common sense to read the directions to where to find the clue 3. Alison, her ego will get too heavy for that small cranial space (that would normally hold the brain) to contain, she will subsequentially fall down and be unable to get up. 4. A reality show is being filmed, drowning is the less painful option. 5. God thinks that the best for them would be a swift departure, as shown by the two previous religious groups (the Pastorial group and the 2352 year virgins in MillChuck.). God still loves you though 6. He needs neon flashing signs, it cannot be much more obvious then it is currently though. Perhaps he should put the clues in braille, some people are blind on here you know. 7. Although I may have missed it/they didn't show it, the butcher's reaction after getting Willy Wonka's side of beef had to be priceless, all dirt covered and such. CBS will be getting a bill from the butcher shop. 8. Donny, if only for the fact that he cannot compete with Alison in a battle of wits (think about it...there we go) and it seems he will get into a childish argument next week. 9. A "get the ******* clue" sign at both options of the detour? I can't think of much 10. She'd hit on 20, get 21, then hit. Then the Oompa Loompa would kill Willy Wonka and take over the race. Bonus: That person in the pool who seems to get everyone out of their harness of course. I give Brandon and Nicole 6 months more before they split ways, where they will each find people of their own kind. Nicole will screw a C-list celebrity hosting a local beauty pagent and will live happily ever after, while Brandon will try and hook up with a Chia Pet, he may succeed.
---
 <== A Missionhockey21 creation
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kpod 125 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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07-07-04, 06:00 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: TAR5 - The HawkEye 10 - Episode 1" |
1. At the Santa Monica Pier, Bob couldn't find the hood release. What else might Bob have a hard time finding? You don't want to know how long and hard he looked for the "any" key on his computer. 2. As Marshall and Lance ran to the LAX shuttle, one told the other to "pick up the paste." What other office items might be picked up during the race, by whom and for what purpose? Actually, they were talking about tomato paste -- the pizza parlor doesn't restock itself, ya know. But I guess for them that qualifies as an office supply. Alison would want a dozen ballpoint pens for all the autographs a celebrity such as herself will be asked to sign. She'll also want a highlighter so she can mark the parts of every clue that Donny fails to read. And the twins could use a couple of post-it notes for impromptu name tags so that we can start calling them by their names. 3. Who, besides Jim, will definitely require medical care before the race is over? Why? The Pizza Boys (Team D'Ough), coronaries.
Alison, after being brutally assaulted with a checkpoint box, under mysterious circumstances that were inexplicably not recorded on videotape.
And me, to reconstruct my vocal chords after blowing them out yelling at my TV. 4. The U.S.A.'s most famous coastal statue tells the world to give us your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. What does Uruguay's coastal statue tell the world? "Deep down, we Uruguayans are a really, really creepy people." Either that, or "pull our fingers". 5. Brandon said, "What Nicki needs to understand is that we're trusting the Lord and God's got our best in mind." After episode 1, what does God think is best for these two? A new hairstyle for Brandon, courtesy of the Queer Eye guys. 6. What can Bruckheimer do to make the route markers more eye-catching? It's not the route markers, it's the racers. Bruckheimer needs to cast a TAR with people from The Casino. They're always magically just where they need to be at the right time. 7. Which part of the Carcas Carrying task was the funniest? When the show stopped in the middle of it to briefly pretend that the Yield was a new and exciting addition to the show. If you don't consider that part of the task, then I'd nominate where the locals got into the act and offered the racers water as if they were marathon runners. 8. Which male racer is the biggest tool? Defend your choice. Well, given how happy he and Kim are together, I'd have to say Chip. Oh, IS the biggest tool? Well, tools enable you to do things, and I can't think of anyone who's more of an enabler than Donny. 9. How could "across the street from the blue and white hotel" have been made more specific? "Across the street as in, not inside the hotel. Morons. I'm a piece of paper and I'm probably smarter than half of you. I'll bet one of you manages to lock yourself in somewhere on the way up to the roof." 10. If Charla had allowed Mirna to play one game of blackjack, what would have been the result? One of the other teams would have come in and been fooled into thinking that was the task. Bonus: As Brandon came down the zipline, Nicole exclaimed "Look at that butt!" Since we know Brandon has no ##### to speak of, to what was Nicole referring? The last syllable of her remark -- "hole" -- was inadvertently edited out. 
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Mistral 205 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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07-08-04, 00:38 AM (EST)
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7. "RE: TAR5 - The HawkEye 10 - Episode 1" |
>1. At the Santa Monica Pier,
>Bob couldn't find the hood
>release. What else might
>Bob have a hard time
>finding? (a) Anything under Joyce's hood. (b) Why would you store your luggage in the hood and not the TRUNK? >2. As Marshall and Lance ran
>to the LAX shuttle, one
>told the other to "pick
>up the paste." What
>other office items might be
>picked up during the race,
>by whom and for what
>purpose? Does Staples and Office Depot sell duct tape at any of their franchises? They will need to use this against their competitors to even compete. >3. Who, besides Jim, will definitely
>require medical care before the
>race is over? Why? The viewing audience. Why? Um..... >4. The U.S.A.'s most famous coastal
>statue tells the world to
>give us your huddled masses
>yearning to breathe free.
>What does Uruguay's coastal statue
>tell the world? That Uruguary won't be a serious competitor in the swimming portion of the 2004 Olympics >5. Brandon said, "What Nicki needs
>to understand is that we're
>trusting the Lord and God's
>got our best in mind."
> After episode 1, what
>does God think is best
>for these two? That they should explore alternative religions. >6. What can Bruckheimer do to
>make the route markers more
>eye-catching? How can they be more so? Neon signs that say "Hey dips*its, you need to pick this up first"? >7. Which part of the Carcas
>Carrying task was the funniest? to think that Meira(?) thought that she could actually catch Mad Cow Disease >8. Which male racer is the
>biggest tool? Defend your
>choice.
Dunno. All we know is that Brandon has a "butt." Um. >9. How could "across the street
>from the blue and white
>hotel" have been made more
>specific? I dunno. Maybe neon "Welcome to the Route Marker" ala Las Vegas style markers?
>10. If Charla had allowed Mirna
>to play one game of
>blackjack, what would have been
>the result?
We'd be on the "Casino" reality TV show with the dudes from the Golden Nugget in Vegas and they'd still be trying to justify camera time even for a crossover show. >Bonus: As Brandon came down the
>zipline, Nicole exclaimed "Look at
>that butt!" Since we
>know Brandon has no #####
>to speak of, to what
>was Nicole referring? do the cameramen have to do the stunts as well?
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Estee 57126 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-08-04, 07:58 AM (EST)
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8. "RE: TAR5 - The HawkEye 10 - Episode 1" |
LAST EDITED ON 07-08-04 AT 08:00 AM (EST)1. At the Santa Monica Pier, Bob couldn't find the hood
release. What else might Bob have a hard time finding? Based strictly on historical evidence, the word 'diesel' printed inside the door to the gas tank. 2. As Marshall and Lance ran to the LAX shuttle, one told the other to "pick up the paste." What other office items might be picked up during the race, by whom and for what purpose? 500lb wooden desk, by Alison & Donny, so Donny will always have a place to sleep and Alison will always have something available to hit her over the head with.
Inaccurate desk clock, by Jim & Marsha, so they can continue operating in personal time.
Personal calendar, for Bob & Joyce, so they can fill in nine episodes' worth of pages with 'Things to do today: wait in Sequesterville.'
Screen saver program, by Colin & Christie, who can have it stand in for them.
Digital camera, by Linda & Karen, to really slow them down.
Desk guillotine, for Charla & Mirna, so Charla can get rid of her biggest slow-down factor once and for all.
Magnifying glass, by Kami & Karli, assuming they can ever find the store across the street.
Post-it notes, by Chip & Kim, who can use them to leave a trail.
Packing tape, by all teams, for placement over Alison's mouth.
Desktop saint, for Brandon & Nicole. Maybe they're just aiming too high. 3. Who, besides Jim, will definitely require medical care before the race is over? Alison. Why? Final proof of the power of mass prayer. 4. The U.S.A.'s most famous coastal statue tells the world to
give us your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. What does Uruguay's coastal statue tell the world? 'Give us your thrashing masses yearning to stop breathing.' 5. Brandon said, "What Nicki needs to understand is that we're trusting the Lord and God's got our best in mind."
After episode 1, what does God think is best for these two? That they retire from the Race immediately and try out for Joe Schmo 3, because if they believe they're going to get divine help, they'll believe anything. 6. What can Bruckheimer do to make the route markers more
eye-catching? Have Flo stand next to them and complain about how hard they are to see. Oh, wait -- you said eyecatching...
7. Which part of the Carcas Carrying task was the funniest? The part where Mirna turned to the cameraman and asked 'Where did all this beef come from, anyway?', only to be told 'Did you ever wonder what happened to the Gutsy Grandmas?' 8. Which male racer is the biggest tool? Brandon. Defend your choice. Can't do it. On the charges of wasting precious seconds of Race air time, he is guilty, guilty, guilty! If your scenes aren't fast, you must come in last! 9. How could "across the street from the blue and white
hotel" have been made more specific? 'Move in a direction away from the building in which people temporarily stay while away from their own homes, across a long portion of blacktop used to give cars a smooth surface on which to rise. Be sure to use your legs, which are the things under your torso, the foot of which is generally found in your mouth. Using a steady forward motion, proceed towards any red and yellow objects you happen to see. The Angstrom frequencies of red and yellow are...'
10. If Charla had allowed Mirna to play one game of blackjack, what would have been the result? Charla would have had to flip over the cards for Mirna -- they're just so heavy -- and the initial draw would have been to twenty. Mirna would have then drawn two. Bonus: As Brandon came down the zipline, Nicole exclaimed "Look at that butt!" Since we know Brandon has no ##### to speak of, to what was Nicole referring? The editors cut her off. The last word was actually 'butthead'.
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Steen 1544 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Peanut Festival Grand Marshall"
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07-08-04, 09:00 AM (EST)
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9. "RE: TAR5 - The HawkEye 10 - Episode 1" |
LAST EDITED ON 07-08-04 AT 09:07 AM (EST)1. At the Santa Monica Pier, Bob couldn't find the hood release. What else might Bob have a hard time finding?
The trunk, clue markers, Joyce, the winners circle. 2. As Marshall and Lance ran to the LAX shuttle, one told the other to "pick up the paste." What other office items might be picked up during the race, by whom and for what purpose?
Someone is going to need paper, highlighters, and other fun office supplies to either Write in big letters WHERE IS THE FLAG? or just to have fun "arts and crafts" time in seqesterville. 3. Who, besides Jim, will definitely require medical care before the race is over? Why?
At least one of the Twins. Why? Because eventually there going to be looking so hard for that routemarker there gonna run right into it, being the fast girls they are. 4. The U.S.A.'s most famous coastal statue tells the world to give us your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. What does Uruguay's coastal statue tell the world?
Watch out for crazy Americans breathing free. If they blow a whistle to get you to stop, get a lead foot and drive away. 5. Brandon said, "What Nicki needs to understand is that we're trusting the Lord and God's got our best in mind." After episode 1, what does God think is best for these two?
I'll get back to you on that one. God missed the episode (But he tivo'ed it), and everything Brandon said, because of something "important". Yeah, whats more important than helping people win money? 6. What can Bruckheimer do to make the route markers more eye-catching?
Have money dangling off of them No that wouldnt work people would be over there snagging all the money. Maybe have them be sented and the teams can "follow their nose" to the clue. Mmm Fruit Loops. 7. Which part of the Carcas Carrying task was the funniest?
Seeing Charla carry it farther than neccesary. Knowing that now the teams smell funny. 8. Which male racer is the biggest tool? Defend your choice.
Scott. He wears shirts with his name on them and his overall cocky attitude, and that playgirl thing. Oh wait, thats BB. (ETA: Haha I didnt read anyones answers beforehand and I said basically the same thing as Vols!) 9. How could "across the street from the blue and white hotel" have been made more specific?
"across the street from the blue and white hotel, but first run up the hotel, come down in the elevator, go to the hotel's outside landscape, meaning the edge of the grass, cross the street being careful Not to get run over. Then see that box with the yellow and red flag? Go to it. Pick out a clue. Read it. You can read, right? Then go back accross the street, and do what the reading said." 10. If Charla had allowed Mirna to play one game of blackjack, what would have been the result?
Lots of money, apparently Mirna was confident about her 21-getting skills. But Phil would have to confisgate it because there were no instructions saying play blackjack. Then Phiil could have bought lots of cozy sweaters. Bonus: As Brandon came down the zipline, Nicole exclaimed "Look at that butt!" Since we know Brandon has no ##### to speak of, to what was Nicole referring?
She was staring at the guy in the pool helping the teams out 
Awesome J Slice Creation 2003
Im not very good at this, but at least I gave it a shot.
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