LAST EDITED ON 10-29-08 AT 07:04 PM (EST)

Hello to all the fans of the Amazing Race. I’m Phil’s uncle and I’ll be your reporter for this leg of the race. To recap last week’s episode: The teams made their way from Bolivia to New Zealand where they were greeted at the mat by my brother, Phil’s dad. Marisa and Brooke were Philsdaddyliminated. For all the details, I suggest you read Dajaki’s excellent summary here.

That brother of mine, he’s such a DAW! His only line at the mat was supposed to be: “Hello and welcome to New Zealand!” But no! He had to tell the world he was Phil’s dad and now we’ve all been busted. You see, almost every “local” who has appeared on the Amazing Race has been one of Phil’s relatives. The ones that weren’t related to Phil usually got blurred out. Yes, even all the kids that helped out Meredith and Gretchen in South America were Phil’s little cousins, half brothers and sisters.What do you think happens when Phil’s dad and I scout a new area? The African woman that was such a big Romber fan? Phil’s nanny who was always considered part of the family. The woman who hijacked Gus and Hera’s cab and used it as a free ride home rather than helping them to the next clue? One of Phil’s exes who decided she’d get a little revenge by playing that trick. Do you remember that charming bedouin that rode in BJ and Tyler’s car? A distant cousin… Phil’s ancestor, Christopher Keoghan had set sail from New Zealand to find the way to India but made it to the Middle-East instead. The patrolman that arrested Colin? Oooops… Sorry, I wasn’t supposed to mention that.
<whispers> Great! I may have started a troopergate!<whispers>

Since he’s such a DAW, you may have expected Phil’s dad to accompany you on this leg but he’s a little busy. Consoling Marisa and Brooke is a big job but Phil’s dad is the man for the job. I’ll let you know what happens, dropping some personal comments along the way because this race isn’t what it used to be and production doesn’t want my ideas.

This leg starts in Phil’s backyard, Summerhill.
{Any sizeable offer will be considered. What? You think product placement is only for the sponsors?}
Ken and Not-Barbie are the first to leave but only after giving us a “Travelocity” commercial. They won a trip to Rio where Not-Barbie will enjoy the beach and Ken will have plenty of chances to cheat again.

Leaving at 6:03 AM, they learn that they have to go to Cambodia which means the producers have found a new, unspoiled destination just so that it can get trampled by a bunch of idiot Americans.
The teams have to reach the town of “See ‘em Rip” which could be a reference to the braless Divorcee. Better get the blur making equipment ready boys. I’ll keep a close eye on the situation and tell you when to activate it. Once there, they’ll have to find a gas station for their next clue.
{I know gas is expensive but isn’t that going a little too far for a bargain?}

Ken says: “We’re feeling young again. What’s an old man and old woman doing here, competing?”
We could hear Not-Barbie’s face crack as she grimaced. Ken won’t be getting any at the next pit-stop, that’s for sure.

At 8:19AM, Terrence and Sarah start their leg. Terrence hopes the race gets more physical because “Nothing can stop Terrence and Sarah.”

Ken and Not-Barbie arrive at New-Zealand’s international airport and are greeted by Phil’s second cousin on his mother’s side. She doesn’t know it but we don’t really like her so we arranged for her to have that job. The airport ticket agent gets all the abuse and she still remembers Schmirna and Mirna. Luckily, she thinks Phil is nice and she’s back for more abuse.

Kitty and Catty depart at 9:32AM. Kitty says that they’re both intelligent people when they stop to think, which I feel is a problem when you’re on a race but maybe that’s just me.
“I think we should head straight to the airport” says Kitten.
{Isn’t she smart!}

Not-Barbie reserves a flight to Singapore, leaving at 12:25PM and she’s unhappy that Terrance and Sarah could make the same flight. Driving along, Terrence is doing a good job until he gets stopped for speeding.
{I’m hoping he pulls a “Colin” here, throws a tantrum and gets thrown in jail but no such luck.}

Toni and her son, San Antonio, are the 4th to depart at 10:15AM. Toni tells us she has to use her head which is a good thing since San Antonio doesn’t know where Cambodia is.
Terrence and Sarah reach the ticket counter and find that Ken and Not-Barbie have preceded them and that the gate is probably closed already. That could cause a scene… but no, they get their tickets and are on the same flight.

Dingo & Starr leave at 11:34AM. Starr could get a job with the CBS mis-direction department. Her tears in the promos had led us to believe that her arm was broken but it’s only a bit sore.

The two guys… I can’t tell them apart except that the one with brown hair irritates me beyond belief so I’ll call them Dandrew. They leave at 12:44PM. Red hair Dandrew is another one that doesn’t know that Cambodia is in Asia. He says it’s the fault of Public schooling, I say it’s laziness.

Toni and her son San Antonio have a run-in with the divorcees at the airport’s ticket counter.
The KittyCats laugh at San Antonio’s haircut, saying it makes him look like “Teen Wolf”.
San Antonio mistakes their laughter for flirtation and says:
“The dames are always after me but these kittens have such pointy teeth that it removes any thoughts of oral exchanges.”
The KittyCats, Teen Wolf and Wolf Mother will all be in the same cage… I mean plane.

Aja and Ty are the last to leave at 3:04PM.
Aja says they’ll try to respect each other at all times.
Ty says he wouldn’t trade Aja for a Porshe, maybe a Ferrari but definitely not a Porshe.
{Now, that’s respect!}

Dingo & Starr make the same flight as the rest of the ménagerie.
The Dandrews arrive at the airport. Brown Dandrew starts doing a happy dance when he hears that there are quite a few Americans on the next flight. That dance ends abruptly when he’s told that there is no chance that they can make that flight.
{That’s good because we’ll have a race to the mat between the last 2 teams. We could have a fun episode.}

The Dandrews walk directly to the Emirates gate and are told that they will be accepted. Now, with these clowns on board, the circus is ready for take-off. Starr pulls out her tongue when she sees Dandrew.
{That’s how I feel about this reverse-Uchenna and Joyce trick. Now we’ll have no suspense for the rest of the show. I gotta talk to Bruckheimer about these plane shenanigans.}

The first plane arrives in Singapore at the time we see Ty and Aja leave New-Zealand. Immediately behind the first plane, the circus arrives in Cambodia. Yep! There’s Dandrew, Kitty and Crap… I mean Catty, Toni and San Antonio, Dingo and Starr. Seeing them all arrive makes Not-Barbie quite unhappy.

Meanwhile… way back… Ty says he hasn’t heard the fat lady just yet.

Hey Ty:

If that wasn’t enough, we have Aja telling us that Ty is really, really attractive: “Whenever I’m around him, I feel butterflies.”
{If you weren’t sure this team was done, that confessional should convince you.}

The pack arrives in Cambodia and starts looking for taxis.
The Dandrews find a way to be the last ones out of the airport.
Toni and San Antonio’s cab driver takes them to the Claremont Hotel.
Kitty and Catty asked to be taken to THE gas station, they arrive at a gas station but it’s not the right one.
{What were the odds!}
They need a clue box but they don’t have a clue.
Catty comments: “If that taxi driver was my husband, I’d divorce him right now.”

The Dingo/Starr combination drum up support from locals when they arrive first at the clue box.
They have to fill the 25 liter gas tank of a truck by using a hand pump that contains 5 liters.
{See! I would have presented them with the possibility of making a mistake of doing like Rebecca by having both regular and diesel available.}
Starr shows her smarts by calculating that they need to fill the reservoir 5 times.
Dingo/Starr have a good rhythm going as they pump up the volume of fuel.
They finish their task before anyone else shows up.
They must now ride their truck to “See ‘em Rip” Harbor on the shores of the biggest lake of South-East Asia.
{No, that doesn’t make it one of the Great Lakes}
From there, they must take a boat to a floating restaurant named “Cold as Death”.
{I can arrange a reservation if you’d like}

Kitty and Catty are looking for a clue in every gas station in town. That shouldn’t take too long.

Toni and San Antonio are next to arrive at the gas station, closely followed by Terrence and Sarah, Ken and Not-Barbie and the Dandrews.
Everyone is pumping gas now. Everyone? Well, not quite. Red Dandrew, proving once again that he’s mechanically challenged, doesn’t know how to operate the pump.
Mom and son finish in second place.
San Antonio, looking at the Dandrews, says : “It feel good to stick a finger in their academe.”

The KittyCats finally arrive at the diesel pump, expecting to have an attendant help them out but this is a self-serve.
The Dandrews go spy on other teams. They learn that there is no trick, that’s it’s like pulling a zipper down and letting her flow. They try again only to fail once more.
Red Dandrew sees that Kitty and Catty are doing just fine so he goes to check out how they did it.
{I think he’s checking their ass instead. Never happen boys! It’ll never happen.}

Ken and Not-Barbie leave just ahead of Terrence and Sarah and we get to see a thrilling race of big trucks.
Dingo/Starr in the lead, followed by Toni and San Antonio. 4 lenghts back we have the football player and his plastic doll. Bringing up the rear but closing fast is Terrence and Sarah…

The KittyCats finish pumping gas in 5th place just as Ty and Aja arrive in See ‘em Rip.
Ty believes everything is possible, Red Dandrew, still under an oil embargo, says “This is impossible” but we know… Yes, we know. Suddenly, acting like a madman, Brown Dandrew hits a gusher.

…Back on the road, Dingo wants to pull down some trees to block the other teams who are gaining ground. Terrence and Sarah make their move as they first pass Ken and Not-Barbie and then Toni and San Antonio. The draft from Terrence and Sarah’s truck helps Ken and Not-Barbie’s truck but not her face. As they pass Toni and San Antonio, Not-Barbie feels her face slowly peeling away as she tries to hold it in place…

Meanwhile, the Dandrews finish the task and head out, apparently just ahead of Aja and Ty…
{But we know… Yes, we know.}

…The cameras take us back to the action where Dingo and Starr miss a beat when sis stops the truck to ask for directions. 3 big blue trucks approach in the distance. They overtake Dingo and Starr who drop to 4th as quickly as a Hot Single drops off the chart.

As the teams hop on their boats I wonder what’s with Ken’s hat? That has to be the weirdest hat in the history of RealityTV since Colby’s bombadier hat in the Outback!*
Starr looks at her boat driver and yells: “Go! Go! Go! Fast! Fast! Fast!”. I hope the boat driver knows what she means because this is Family television. He does understand because they soon pass Toni-San Antonio and Ken-Not-Barbie.

Meanwhile, Ty and Aja finish pumping gas and the KittyCats arrive at the harbor. Looking at the poverty surrounding them, Catty remarks: “If my husband asked me to move to Cambodia, I’d divorce him right away.”
The Dandrews arrive to the boats.

Just as Terrence and Sarah spot the floating restaurant, the engine of their boat quits on them. Terrence has to use a long stick to push the boat along while Sarah… well she just stares and says she’s frustrated. Teamwork!

Dingo and Starr are first at the clue box and… There’s my Phil! He’s looking good isn’t he? He tells us that teams must choose between two Detours that will give them the experience of a village built on water:
- Village life, where the teams will have to find 3 items, a set of teeth from the dentist, a doll from a tailor and a basketball from a floating court. Each team member must make one basket before taking the ball away from the children and bringing it with their other items to the man at the dock in exchange of their next clue.

- Village work, where they will have to go some fishing grounds, wade into waist deep water and look through numerous fishing traps for two filled with fish. They must then bring the traps back, fill two baskets with the fish and receive their next clue.

Starr chooses… Village work!!!
{YES! Wet T-Shirt!} Hu Humm. I mean, yes, that could be a sound choice because it means less travel time.
San Antonio and mom also decide on village work, probably so that San A can get a look at Starr.
Ken and Not-Barbie decide on Village Life.
{Thank God! Well… It’s nice to see both detours, no? Especially since it was hard to convince that woman to stay in the dentist’s chair for the whole day. I hope the dentist had a lot of anesthesia.}
Terrence and Sarah choose village life even if their boat needs fixing at that detour involves three different locations. Smart.
Sarah cries out: “Broken Camel, Damnit!”
{OK! She may have said “Broken Boat, damnit” but it’s not as funny.}

Arriving in “waterworld”, our 2 leading teams jump in the muddy water. San Antonio hopes there aren’t any snakes or crocodiles.

During that time, Ken picks up a doll. Now, they are off to the dentist and Not-Barbie wants new teeth.

Dingo and Starr have their two traps and are heading back to the beach while Mom and son still have to get their second one. San Antonio is proud of his mom “for getting it done”. Ken and Not-Barbie spot the basketball court. Terrence and Sarah also spot it. Ken sinks his first shot but Not-Barbie is a little off, each shot going off to the left, telling me she could be lopsided.

It’s the KittyCats’ turn to spot the teams shooting basketball. They join them, probably thinking it’s a game of 3 on 3.
Kitty is happy because, as she says: “We’ll do this challenge quickly!”
- {Hummm! Girls, nice short cut but aren’t you missing something?}
Kitty, shooting free throws like Shaq, answers: “I don’t know… We’re clueless.”
- {Exactly}
Catty asks: “We don’t have a clue?”
Kitty replies: “That’s what I said, we’re clueless.”
Catty finally realizes: “But… we need a clue.”
Kitty: “Oh! A clue! Should we go back to the beach and start digging?”
Catty whispering: “When I do the last interview and say that I wouldn’t have done the race with anyone but her, I’ll be lying.”

With all this, The Dandrews reach the restaurant and opt for the Village work detour.
{Yes! They could drown!!} I mean that’s a sensible choice for these guys.
The KittyCats choose village life and head back to the basketball court.
Terrence and Sarah pick up their teeth, Sarah cringing at the sight of that woman who’s still smiling despite the twelve inch pliers in her mouth.

Dingo and Starr arrive at the beach, Starr giving the attendant a nice boob shot as she unloads her traps. They learn that teams must now ride a tuk-tuk and go to the temple of Angkor Wat.
{Another sacred ground, the symbol of Cambodia, treated as a personal playground. That’s the symbol of TAR}
Ken and Not-Barbie are in third, closely followed by Toni-San Antonio and Terrence-Sarah.
The KittyCats make quick progress of the first two items but, arriving at the Dentist, Catty thinks she has to take the woman’s teeth!!!.
{Good Grief!}
The Dandrews load their traps on the boat before Aja and Ty arrive.

Arriving at Angkor Wat, teams are confronted with the Roadblock: One person will have to go on an exploration of the largest religious structure in the world. They must search the immense grounds of Angkor Wat for a small, illusive room, known as the “Chambers of Echoes”. There, they must stand on a specific spot, thump their chest in such a way to make the sound echo throughout the chamber. Then, the teams can pick up their clue.

Starr’s brother confidently heads out, followed by Ken’s wife who isn’t sure about this. San Antonio will do the roadblock as will Terrence.

Kitty and Catty pass in front of Dandrew at the end of the detour. Brown Dandrew says: “We keep finishing next to last… We’ll end up finishing last if we keep doing what we’re doing.”
{Please, let that happen soon!}

Dingo finds the chamber, does a Tarzan imitation {so respectful, that kid!} picks up his clue and hides it under his shirt.
He crosses both Ken’s wife and Terrence, asking them if they’ve found the Chamber!
{Finally, someone does something smart in this leg!}

The clue tells Dingo that he must make his way to the Bayou Temple.
{Isn’t there a place in New-Orleans by that name? I could listen to some good Blues! Some Sonny Landreth or Pinetop Perkins would be appreciated.}
Sorry, it’s the Bayon temple, a 12th century Bouddhist temple and it’s the pit stop for this leg of the race.

San Antonio and Terrence find the clue and head out of the temple, much to Ken’s chagrin. His wife is still wandering around without a clue. Not-Barbie isn’t having any luck finding the Chamber of Echoes. She walks right into the room without realizing it:
- “I need a clue”
- {a clue... a clue... a clue…}
- Where is the chamber of echoes?”
- {echoes... echoes... echoes…}
- “I’m so dumb”
- {you are... you are... you are…}

She still doesn’t see it and now Ken is really getting worried because Kitty-Catty arrive. Not-Barbie finally enters the room and gets the clue but Catty, helped by my Phil’s aunt Fern, is right behind. Not-Barbie now doesn’t know how to get out of the temple so Catty beats her to the exit.

We haed back to the pit stop to see Phil standing on the mat with a Boddhist greeter. That greeter was from Phil’s mother’s side. They are more… spiritual if you will on that side. Dingo and Starr are the first to arrive and Phil tells them that they won a trip for two to St John’s.
Dingo is happy to show that their win in leg one wasn’t a fluke.

The Dandrews finally arrive at Angkor Wat, calling it the original Playboy Mansion.
{Dumbass}

Toni and San Antonio reach the pit stop in second place with Terrence and Sarah right behind them. (Terrence and Sarah will get a 30 minute penalty at the start of the next leg for going over the speed limit)

Dandrew gets help to the Chamber, thumps his chest and picks up a clue.
{What happened to “stand in a specific spot”? Dandrew was not in the middle of the chamber}
Once again, the Dandrews leave just as Aja and Ty arrive. Ty will do the roadblock.

Meanwhile, Ken and Not-Barbie are logged in as team number 5.
Kitty and Catty greet the news that they are team #5 with a very disappointed look.
{Girls, you should be thankful after running around without a clue}

Ty picks up the last clue, the Dandrews arrive at the Bayon Temple and start looking around helplessly as Ty and Aja are apparently making up ground fast…But we know…
Yes we knew that Ty and Aja would be eliminated from the race.
Ty tells us he is moving to LA to be with Aja who says he redefines love for her. That’s nice.

Next week, on the Amazing Race, San Antonio makes a move on Starr.
She says: “There is an attraction there, at least I think.”
San Antonio says: “I’ll show that trollop what it means to go around the world. Her Pompons will get ruffled!”
And Ken finally snaps!

*In case you had forgotten about Colby's hat: