TAR12 Episode #7 Official Summary: “On the First No-NEL”{flashback} Christmas came in July this year as they announced that The Amazing Race was getting rid of the dreaded Non-Elimination Legs (NEL). Fans around the world rejoiced. Conspiracy theorists gnashed their teeth for what would they use as evidence the show was rigged if popular teams did not get saved by suspiciously timed NELs. {/flashback}
Two weeks ago The Amazing Race was delayed by football just like this week, funny how Survivor on Sunday gets to start on time, but I digress. Six teams started in Lithuania and went to Croatia. The Amazing Siblings lost their Super Powers and were delayed when their evil foe Business Class Seats got the better of them. Ron and Christina managed to have a leg where it looks like maybe their relationship has taken a new turn and they came in first. Nate and Jen’s continued on the same path to complete destruction we have come to know and hate. In the end the siblings Super Powers did not return, they did not vanquish the foe, the producers could not pull out a NEL because we aren’t having any of those this race and The Amazing Siblings were eliminated from the race. See TAR12.6 summary for full details.
Phil reminds us that we are starting in Dubrovnik Croatia we see the Stone Cross which was the last Pit Stop. You know after two weeks, spiked egg nog and Christmas cookies no one remembers were we left our heros last. Will Ron continue to let Christina step up and take charge without belittling her for doing so? Will Nate and Jen finally completely self destruct and let us film a double homicide so we can boost the heck out of our ratings?
Ron and Christina arrived at 2:19 pm so will leave at 2:19 am. They will take a bus to the coast and take a ferry across the Adriatic Sea to Ancona, Italy.
Christina continues with the idea that your finish in the race actually reflects the state of your relationship and since they were in first last time they are now healed, whole, and wonderful. They just need to keep it up and the million is theirs. Ron immediately complains that it isn’t fair the Italians speak Italian and tries to determine what Prego (the spaghetti sauce) actually means. He guesses, “Please.”
Bablefish thinks it means “I pray,” which is what I always do when I open a jar of sauce and hope it actually is edible.
The Goths leave at 2:55 am. Remember The Pink and Black Attack (TPABA) is going full force and they will always make sure the other is always their best. Kynt thinks that since Italy is known for fashion and grace that they should have no problem with the next leg as they will fit in quite well.
Nate and Jen leave at 3:45 am. They flashback to the boat where they spent more time beating each other with the oars than paddling. Jen says once they get riled up they can’t stop and it is hard to fix things once they go off on each other. She is unclear if they will be together at the end of the race, it is up in the air. After all a lack of a first place leg during the race has to mean their relationship is doomed.
Ron and Christina arrive at the bus station to see a clone of the kitty o’ death that made big news this year. Is this an omen? They find that 5 am is the first bus out. TPABA arrive to see Ron and Christina camped out under the ticket counter. Reading the clear schedule is not in the cards for TPABA so they find someone to show them which bus to take. Ron and Christiana comment on how everything is a Kabuki theater performance with TPABA. The random stranger wandering around in the wee hours of the morning agrees that the first bus out is 5 am. Nate and Jen show up and realize some people won’t make it on the 5 am bus and they are so happy to be back in first place. After all looking at Ron and Christina they realize they need a first place win to restore balance and harmony in their relationship.
TK and Rachel depart at 5:37 am. They get to the bus station and no one is there. Nicolas and Donald leave at 7:06 am. They are not all that happy about being last and that the other teams are all so tough. They hope for a bunching point.
{Cue Bunching Point}
All the teams are on the same ferry across the sea to Italy. TPABA prepare for the rest of the leg by making sure their makeup is intact. Everyone else is playing cards. They all get off the ferry in a bunch. Instead of a clue box the producers have the clues taped onto a couple of road barriers.
{Voice=Pompous Documentary Voice Over} Let’s watch and see if clues that are not in their proper niche called the clue box will confuse these creatures known as Amazing Racers. {/Voice }
Ronald asks where the heck the clues are just after they passed them. TK and Rachel at the back of the pack spot them. They try valiantly to hide the fact they found a clue when they are spotted lagging behind and the game is up.
They are to drive themselves to the town of Empoli and find Campo di volo Silvano Poli in Comune Di Cortenuova. Bablefish translates that as, “Field of Silvano flight Poles in Common Di Cortenuova.” Phil clarifies that it is an airfield they are looking for.
*Product Placement Alert* They have been given a Blackberry and at some point they will get a message. They may not use it for any other purpose than getting that message. Several teams seem shocked that these cars are stick shifts. After all just because most of the world drives stick shifts there is no reason to suspect that they might come across one during the race. TK and Rachel start off following Nick and Don. Nate and Jen stop for directions as do most of the other teams. Most of the teams are told to go to Bologna and then onto Florence. TK and Rachel are told to follow the all roads that go to Rome and then turn off towards Florence.
Checking on MapQuest it looks like the shortest time route is the one most took
This looks like the route TK and Rachel were given which is the shortest distance route according to MapQuest.
Close up of TK and Rachel’s clue as they head back to the car. They decide to go their own way and not give up the information they have. Nate and Jen go into Forli rather than continuing on to Bologna TK and Rachel get to the turn to Roma and realize they do not have the clue with them. Close up of TK and Rachel’s clue back at the café. They check the car, they stop and check the car and check the car and check the car.
Chris and Ron, TPABA, and Don and Nick are shown taking the same exit to Bologna. After discovering the TK has no pockets they decide to go back for the clue. TK feels the need to explain to Rachel exactly what not having the clue means and she explains back that she fully understands that as she was, in fact, awake when they explained the rules of the race to them lo so many moons ago.
TK and Rachel finally make it back to the café. One of the people in the café has the clue in her bag and her hopes for making a mint auctioning it off on Ebay are dashed. TK claims that he is too mellow to handle stress and Rachel mistakes the clue for the gold stars handed out over on Kid Nation.
Nate and Jen get the first Blackberry message.
What could it be?
A clue?
A task they have to perform along the way?
Something, anything that has to do with the race?
It is a message from Nate’s Mom and Dad, “win or don’t come home.” Now we know he comes by his compassion and sweetness honestly. Ron and Christina get a message from Steph, her sister. TPABA get a message from Vyxsin’s Mom and Dad. Don can’t find the button to answer the Blackberry so they pull over. Looks like it is Don’s son and he tells Dad not to embarrass him. Um…..it may be too late for that. TK and Rachel get a message to Thomas Kyle from his Mom which they say they needed after the clue debacle. Now the TK thing makes all kinds of sense.
Nate and Jen are on a windy mountain road (I‘m guessing the Forli to Firenze one). Ron and Christina are at Bologna as are TPABA and Don and Nick. They are all detoured off the road just before the turn off to Firenze. Ron and Christina and TPABA take the detour. Don and Nick find out the road will be opened at 6 am and decide to wait it out rather than risk getting lost on the back roads.
Nate and Jen get to a turn off for Empoli The find a sign for the air field which opens at 7 am and take #1 of the tags by the gate. Ron and Christina and TPABA are on back country roads.
The sun rises ad TK and Rachel take the exit to Empoli. They get to the airfield and are worried they only see one other car there. This is shortlived as once they pull in they find out they are the second team to arrive. Nick and Ron are moving again now the road is open. TPABA seem to be lost and Vyxsin is getting quite frustrated with the long drive.
Seven am and the gates open. Two teams are there, bunching point failed. There is a Fast Forward and a Roadblock in the clue envelope. Roadblock has one person soar through the sky in an ultra light looking for a clue on the ground to the next destination. When they think they have spotted it the pilot will land and if they have the right answer they get their clue. The ultra light can only stay up for 30 minutes then it needs refueling. They can return to the search after the tank is filled. TK will do the task as will Nate. Jen wants to go for the Fast Forward, but Nate doesn’t want to. This will be the only Fast Forward for the entire race. As per usual the Fast Forward means you go straight to the Pit Stop after finishing the task. They have to find Fabio’s studio and participate in a sea faring tradition. They don’t know until they get there that the tradition is to get a tattoo. Jen still thinks they made a mistake not taking the Fast Forward.
TK and Nate up in the air to begin the search. Ron and Christina and Don and Nick arrive about the same time. Christina decides they are just doing the Roadblock. Nick thinks they should do the Fast Forward. Jen upset because they have won no legs. Ron goes off on Christina about waffling over the decision to go for the Fast Forward. Now they realize they don’t have the number and Ron is upset she hasn’t found it yet. Back on the Road Vyxsin is all stressed out and exhausted. Kynt takes over driving for awhile. Back at the Airfield Ron singsongs Duh duh duh duh when they finally find the numbers they need to go up in the plane.
Dear Santa,
I know it is really close to Christmas and awfully late to be asking for anything but please make Ron go up in the ultra light without being strapped in and let him fall to the earth so as to become fertilizer for the crops in Italy.
Sincerely,
Snidget
Rachel and Jen can’t believe how Ron is treating his daughter and when Jen thinks you are over the line you know it is bad.
Nate is getting frustrated with the search and copes by looking at the ground even harder than he was. TK is getting frustrated with the search and copes by putting his hands over his eyes and looking skyward.
{Voice=Pompous Documentary Voice Over} Let’s watch and see which coping mechanism is most advantageous for these airborne creatures. {/Voice }
Nate finds the word Vinci in big white letters, and he is happy. He gives the instructor the answer and gets the clue. They go to the birthplace of Leonardo Di Vinci. Jen is still hung up about not doing the Fast Forward and bemoaning that they aredoomed to perpetual second place status. TK returns to refuel and try his coping mechanism again. Meanwhile, back at the tattoo parlor they find out what the Fast Forward actually is. Don is not sure he wants the tattoo or not. He takes awhile to think and then agrees to it. Bzzzzzzzzzzz.
Nate and Jen get directions to Vinci. Sadly Christina does the roadblock and my hopes for Ron plummeting to the ground are dashed. She finds it quickly as TK continues to cope. Meanwhile Nat and Jen find a map to the place on the wall and decide they need a good 3K run. Back on the road TPABA find the sign they are close to Empoli. Bzzzzzzzzzz and our newly tattooed duo are off to the Pit Stop in Florence.
Nate and Jen discover they could have driven to the Detour. Invention: they assemble a crane as designed by Di Vinci, they use it to raise a rock and look under it with a mirror. Tradition: learn a local flag routine and when you get it right you get a flag with the next location.
Jen worries the 6 K run to the clue and back to the car will allow others to catch up. Ron and Christina are almost to Vinci. TK returns still not seeing anything in the sky or under his hands. TPABA arrive at the airfield and decide the Fast Forward is probably taken. Nick and Don arrive at the mat and are team #1. They get a trip to Cancun with spa treatments and a trip to the Mayan ruins. They show off their tattoos to Phil.
Nate and Jen get to the flag part of the Detour. Jen notices the pattern of doing things 4 times right away. Jen gets how to twirl the flag right away. Nate copes by trying to turn the flag pole and his arms into a pretzel.
{Voice=Pompous Documentary Voice Over} Let’s watch and see if the dominant male of this species can submit to the more able female. {/Voice }
Ron and Christina catch up to Nate and Jen at the Flag Twirling place. TK returns for a refueling and copes by wandering around saying he doesn’t know what to do. Vyxsin finds it on the first try. Jen tries to talk Nate through the routine after he messes up and that fails to work so she asks him to follow her as she does it and this time they get it correct. Ron decides they will do the flags as Di Vinci diagrams are too complicated. At the Detour Ron’s muscle will not cooperate with the flag. {insert dirty rejoinder here} TK finally looks at the ground for once and sees the big white Vinci.
Nate and Jen arrive at the pitstop and they a e team #2, in their new found spirit of cooperation and teamwork they hug rather than get upset at losing yet another leg of the race. Christina tries to talk Ron through the routine and they fail the first time. TBAPA and TK and Rachel on the way to Vinci as Ron and Christina complete the flag task. Ron takes off driving before Christina is in the car, surprising no one.
At the Detour clue box TBAPA chose invention as it is right there. TK and Rachel jog up to the clue as they apparently parked where Nate and Jen did. TBAPA look at the parts and immediately decide to go to the flags. TK and Rachel realize they could have driven up just like Nate and Jen did. They go for Invention as it is right there. Vyxsin gets lost and won’t stop the car. Kynt threatens to jump out. She gets out and lets him drive, unfortunately Kynt can’t get the car into gear, and Vyxsin gets back in the drivers seat and realizes the car is now broken. She backs into a parking spot and doesn’t know what to do. TPABA start bickering but decide to run for the flags hoping the replacement car will be there when they get back.
Ron and Chris arrive at the mat as team #3. TK and Rachel get the crane built and determine Di Vinci was buff. They realize they are in front of TBAPA as they see them heading for the flags on foot. As TBAPA are doing the flag routine, TK and Rachel blow a tire. The replacement car is there for TBAPA when they are done, they are still going for it because they don’t want to quit.
TK is changing the tire. They are playing up the tension of who arrives in 4th and it is TK and Rachel. They are so relieved. TBAPA come up and they are not shocked they are last, but this is the first of two NEL. Bad news, they will encounter the Speed Bump in the next leg. They don’t know when it is coming and it may put them behind. Vyxsin really should cry all her makeup off more often, she looks good with a more natural look. They feel beaten and downtrodden and are worried about the three-headed serpent named Fluffy Speed Bump will get them.
Conspiracy Theorists worldwide rejoice as they have gotten the best present ever, an NEL to use as proof that certain teams get breaks just to keep them in the race and the ratings up.
Next time on The Amazing Race.
TBAPA pull out all the stops to stay in the race.
They are trying to make sure another team gets on the wrong flight and they get on the right one.
Ron goes back to belittling Christina, which surprises no one.
Stockings hung by Sharnina with care
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