LAST EDITED ON 07-29-04 AT 01:55 PM (EST)

5 Card Stud: Jokers and Queens are Not So Wild

Here is the rather short summary NBC has on their website for this special wildcard edition of LCS2 -

"Returning Comic Revealed!
9/8pm Thursday

Tuesday, the five ousted comics got a another shot. Corey, Bonnie, Jay, ANT and Todd all performed in a special Wild Card episode for the chance to get back into the game. America watched and voted. Now, see the live Thursday event to find out who you decided should come back!"

Hmmm, does this entice you to at least look at the last 5 minutes of this show coming up on Thursday night? The battle for Tuesday and Thursday viewership forges on. I wonder who will return to the "almost" palacial mansion to live with the other 5 losers finalists to battle for the title "Last Comic Standing 2". My best guess would be Jay London or ANT. Definitely not Corey, Bonnie, or Todd, although this is not spoiler information, just my opinion.

Last episode: Tammy won immunity for pitching an Italian sitcom, mostly because the slobbering wolves in the focus group were hungry for Italian. This pleased her so much, because her goal was to make it to the final five to please her parents. I guess all of those novenas requested by the family at the local parish didn't go to waste.

Then Tammy receives flowers from Todd and Bonnie, who have written their congratulations on notebook paper with a magic marker: To Whom It May Concern. How personal!

Corey gets the boot, and we're down to the Final Five.

___________________

Jay Mo explains the Wildcard concept again - 5 previously eliminated comics get a second chance to come back into the "almost" palacial mansion to compete for the title of Last Comic Standing. This time America will choose. Aren't we lucky?

At the historic Alex Theatre Jay Mo gets lots of applause and cheers. The final five house comics are in the audience. Jay explains that each of the comic wildcards will get 4 minutes before they give them the hook and drag them offstage. Well it was either a hook, or they sound a gong. I wasn't really paying attention. Jay kids "Life is tough. Wear a cup." He admitts to using the same joke last year.

He explains that there are three ways you can vote and it's like we're being talked down to, for some reason. Apparently, we have to wait until the end of the show to hear the directions on how to vote, or we might all try to phone in our favorites before the show is over and the polls aren't open yet.

Thursday night is the big reveal show. Power is shifted to you, yeah YOU! Jay talks about second chances, wishing he hadn't told his wife she had a big head after seeing her new haircut. Enough of his stupid marital problems! Anyway, he thinks men should have do overs. Yeah, I think someone should do you over, Jay, starting with the bad haircut.

Jay introduces the 5 finalists in the house, who are sitting all together:

1. Alonzo Bodden, who smiles and waves to the camera, amidst lots of cheers and applause.
2. Gary Gulman, who smiles, waves, mouths "Hi Mom!" (look out girls, he really is a momma's boy), with more cheering and applause from the girls in the audience.
3. John Heffron, who makes the sign of the bull, or I love you sign
4. Kathleen Madigan, who makes the "ugh" sign with her facial expression, I think in reaction to John's sign.
5. Tammy Pescatelli, who is naked except for the pink necklace around her neck and cuff bracelet on her arm. Really. I'm not lying. Well, she looks naked because they only show her bare shoulders on up. That and NBC is trying desparately to improve their ratings. I don't know why they didn't mention naked Tammy in their summary, though.

Competing for a place in the house - out walks this girl from her sophomore year at college - wait! It's Bonnie McFarlane with a new do and a new way of dressing. Gone are the flippy freshman skirts and boots. She is followed by Todd Glass, who still looks like a middle ages insurance salesman, ANT, who will tell us later that he lost 31 lbs, Jay Lo, who is letting his hair grow, and Corey still looking like a rat from the ghetto.

First up - Corey, who talks about how it hurt to be the last person eliminated from the house. He was shocked that he didn't win the last head to head, because he worked so hard. This wildcard opportunity motivated him to come up with some killer material, or so he thinks.

Corey's set: If he had a rich GF, he wouldn't mind if she had another BF living with them in the house. Corey would supply the loving and the other guy could talk to her afterwards. Some other kill me now killer material about relationships that I won't bother boring you with here. On being p-o-u-r (his spelling, not mine), his family was so pour, they had turkey flavored toast for Thanksgiving dinner. At Christmas, they couldn't afford a tree, so they had a green blanket thrown over the coat rack. Ends by appealing to the women to meet him after the show because he has drink money.

Jay Mo tells us to call 1-800-FAT-POSER to vote for Corey Holcomb.

Bonnie McFarlane, in her new look, tells us she thought she could beat John Heffron in the H2H. Really?! Get over it! She thinks it's almost impossible to lose by 94 percent and that meant almost no one voted for her. No one wanted you in the house, either, Bonnie. That's why you were first out! Just get over yourself!

Bonnie's set: Comes out asking where her 6 percent is at. She likes to people watch and plays a game where she tries to figure out if someone is a lesbian or a midwesterner. When someone says "Pleasure to meet you", she wants to say, "Give it a minute." Note: Bonnie has her very own laugh track in the audience, sounding like a cackling hen. I think it might be a member of her family.

She says she takes Spanish from 7 AM to 9 AM, or at least while the house next door in still under construction. Says if she gets too many drinks bought for her during the night, she will sell the extras to the ugly girls. (Oh, well, there goes the ugly girl vote for Bonnie.) She goes naked jogging at night because the perverts out there would think she is already being chased.

We get a shot of Bonnie's family as the set is over. Jay comes out and announces Bonnie's call in number: 1-800-BITTER-BITCH

Next we have Jay London, who thinks that getting voted back into the house would be the apex of his career.

Jay Lo's Set: TY, TY, TY, <one liner>, TY, <one-liner>, TY.

Motel 6 in Amish Country - do you think they keep the light on? I'm self employed. I manage my own hair. I get all my hair products from Petco. I'm thinking of joining a support group - welfare.

Shot of Jay Lo's friend clapping for him.

Jay Mo tell us to call 1-800-CRO-MAGNON to vote for Jay Lo. What? - I can't steal his joke?

ANT tells us he slept better after being eliminated. It was hard to keep the alliance together, yada, yada, yada. If America votes him as the wildcard, he will be extremely flattered.

ANT's set: He has lost 31 lbs, thanks to Atkins and crystal meth. He's spent 117 days sober, but not in a row. Does the joke about his Greek mother being from the island of Lesbos. He recycles his joke about boxing from the last season of LCS - Gays invented boxing. Two topless men, in silk shorts, fighting over a belt and a purse.

Some of ANT's buff friends are shown clapping and cheering for him.

Jay tells us to call 1-800-STAR-TOURS to place our votes for ANT. Did we mention he's working as a tour guide?

Todd is next, and he tells us about having a hard time realizing that Tammy had won the H2H. He thought he had a good show. May the best man win tonight.

Todd's set: TY, call in votes now, no one is ever honest when they are late. Repeat jokes about late night infomercials. *yawn*

Call 1-800-LAME-O to vote for Todd.

The highlights of all 5 comedy sets are shown, along with the vote in numbers. Jay Mo explains the voting procedure, 2 hours to vote by phone and text messaging, until 1 PM ET the next day for online votes.

All 10 comedians are on the stage - the 5 wildcards on the left side and the final five on the righthand side of the stage as you are facing it. ANT is waving wildly as they say goodbye, giving a rainbow flag to Todd, who passes it on to Bonnie, only to have it snatched back by ANT. Hugs between ANT and Kathleen, and Todd and Kathleen.

Until next time.

Silvergirl
*tap, tap* Is this thing on?