LAST EDITED ON 10-04-06 AT 01:54 PM (EST)

font color=blue]The beginning of our fairy tale:
Edited to add: That I did most of this from memory as something's up with the DVR...I hope that no one is upset that I did the premiere.

Once upon a time in a far away place the Bachelor began in a magical place called Malibu. There were many women who were looking for their prince charming…some however just got stuck with a promise ring or a one way plane ticket…the network was beginning to tire of these showmances not going anywhere, and they searched far and wide for the perfect Bachelor and 25 women who were looking to find true love on national TV. After an exhaustive search, the producers were lucky enough to find an honest to goodness Prince-just what they needed to save their show, and found a few clueless women who were willing to leave at a moments notice to become a Princess.

The Prince

Our Prince is Lorenzo Borghese, is 34 and was raised as typical American kid and is a "cosmetics entrepreneur”. He never introduces himself as a Prince…people only find out that he’s a prince when his friends are trying to pick up girls and introduce him as “Prince Lorenzo” and he knows his night is ruined…his family’s name is family is Italy, and for some reason it’s impressive that there is a bishop and a Cardinal in his family tree. The Prince’s fathers reaction to his son being the next bachelor? “Mama Mia!” His mom just wants him to find the right girl, and says that he has a good heart, although he doesn’t show it all the time. We’re now in Rome, with the Prince speaking Italian, trying to find directions to a restaurant with his family’s name, and it’s just sinking in how important his family name is in this area, as everything seems to be named Borghese this or Borghese that.”
Before the ladies arrive, Chris has a heart to heart with our prince:

Chris:This castle is about to be in your family again…before they arrive, let’s have a talk. So Lorenzo, “what’s up with the Prince thing?
The prince: I guess it dates back to the 1600s..some guy gave our family the title.
Chris:What does it feel like to be a prince?
The Prince: It’s apart me..I don’t really think about it. Mom’s just mom, dad is just dad.
Chris: Do you know Italian?
The Prince: Um, not really.,..
Chris: There is a pope in the family…what would he think of you being the bachelor?
The Prince:I don’t think he’d frown on it if it was done the right way.
Chris:Why in the heck are you doing this?
The Prince:I want the American Dream..have a family, wife, house…etc.
25 women are on their way here: Dolphin trainer, doctors, teachers…believe me when I tell you that it’s tough meeting 25 women in one night. That’s why you get the whole night. When the sun comes up, a decision must be made.

Italia

Our host, the fearless Chris announces that when they decided to film the Bachelor in Rome they needed to find extra special women…que the women getting roses and being told that they had to “leave” what they were doing and immediately go to Rome.

The ladies

April 23, Model, Chicago, IL

Andrea-28, Hotel Concierge, Cincinnati, Ohio

Brit- 28, Beer Chemist, Columbus Ohio

Carissa, 25, Lawyer, Cattaraugus, NY

Claudia, 22, Restaurateur, Boca Raton, FL

Desiree, 22, Realtor, Salt Lake City, UT “I am going to kiss that cute little frog. I’m living in a fairy tale.” “He has a pope in his family!”

Ellen, 30, Realtor, New Haven CT

Elyse, 27, Physician New York City, NY

Erica, 23, Socialite, Houston, Tx –“they’d be crazy not to pick me. Luckily for me my housekeeper and mom were here to help me pack.” Erica’s mom: “Don’t bring fur, because of animal rights and stuff…”

Gina, 28, Ultrasound Technician Chicago, Il

Heather, 34, Registered Nurse, Aliquippa, PA

Jami, 27, Event Planner Galveston, TX

Jeanette, 23, Teacher, Bloomingdale, IL “Putting 100% into this, and when I do that I always get what I want. Princess Jeanette sounds pretty good..."

Jennifer, 24, Teacher, Pembroke Pines, FL

Jessica, 25, Assistant Buyer Charlotte NC

Kim 27, Interior Designer, Long Beach, CA “I do believe in fairy tales.”

Laura,29, Dolphin Trainer, San Diego, CA

Lisa, 25, Marketing Manager, Portland, OR

Meri, 27, Lawyer, Biloxi MS

Renee 30, Broadcast Marketer Baltimore, MD

Rita, 29, Policy Advisor, Richmond, VA

Rosella, 27, Make up Artist, Chicago IL “My father was born in Italy. This is a sign I’m meant to be for him."

Sadie, 23, Publicist, Carlsbad, CA “This is every girls dream.” “How do you shop to meet a prince?"

Sarah, 30, Journalist, Nelson, British Columbia

Tara, 24, Realtor St Augustine, Fl

The Ball Begins

The ladies arrive to meet win the prince’s heart….the prince is nervous and has a million butterflies, the princesses are arriving and you can hear high pitched screams of: Oh! My god! We are in a limo going to meet a prince.! A real, live a prince! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!” can be heard all across Rome. As the princesses get out of the limos to meet the prince, a few make the mistake of gazing up at the castle instead of at him, and one mistakenly thinks she’s on the Amazing Race, and says that she is looking for a tour guide..a few comment on how handsome he is, and make the mistake of asking if he’s lived in the castle before…he shakes his head, and says I’m from Manhattan…he asks the girls questions like: Do you do your own shopping? You came all the way from the west coast? Wow...he tries to impress the girls with knowledge of their home state..he asks meri if she’s a USM fan? She says no..wrong school...a few more women comment on the long walk from the limo, and he says” How dare they put rocks and stones in your way? I’ll have them removed at once. Chris! Chris! Get the production team out here asap and have these pesky stones away..they are annoying the girls.” Chris: “I am so sorry my Prince…but what do you think of all the beautiful women you’ve met so far? Are they to your liking? No? Don’t worry more on the way. <snaps fingers and more blondes appear for our prince>
One of the women tries and failes to impress our prince by saying “I understand that you are from my state.” He gives her a puzzled glance and says “what?” our princess says…you know the “sunshine state. Florida…” The production team screams in her earpiece: “No, no, no, he went to college there, he didn’t live there you stupid…” correcting herself, our princess Jen says: “Oh, wait you went to school in Florida, but you didn’t live there, right?” The princes nods yes, and gives the secret hand signal to Chris to get the next princess out here asap, so he doesn’t have to spend any more awkward moments with her, too late because she gushes: “I can’t wait for you to come back to…” and she is whisked off before she can finish her sentence…another princess says: “there are 24 too many women here..can you send them home for me?” The prince replies: “ Of course, my dear, I know people inside.” “Chris, yo, come here…What can you do about those 24 other annoying women inside? They are annoying what’s her name..” Chris replies, “Now, my prince, you know you have until sunrise and then you will get to break half of their hearts. It’s the best I can do.” The prince sighs, and says, I really don’t want to hurt their feelings, but sunrise will do…”

The Ball

The Ladies exclaim: He’s so handsome, so cute, and so nice!”
Chris announces that there is a single rose that comes with diamond earrings, and he can give it to the one women who wins his heart that night.

Lady Heather..the prince is to die for, he looked right at me when he came in the room!
Lady Erica: He’s so sexy and so cute….
Lady Sadie: I am in this castle in women, and met a prince..I can’t believe that I am here.
The Prince: Thank you for coming to my ball, I’ve seen many beautiful people before, but I can’t believe how beautiful you all are. Thank you for coming far and wide to meet me. The ball shall begin now! <to chris> Start the music now!!
Jami: I could only feel my heart pounding…Holy crap! This could be the guy I could marry.”

Lady Erica: Most of the girls have tattoos, and like didn’t go to college. I have absolutely no competition. I’m like, totally in the top 3.
Lady Kim: It’s the most difficult situation I’ve ever been in.
Lady Rosella: I am Cinderella. I mean I sold my car and everything to come here. My parents were born in Italy…The prince is impressed, and asks her to sya we will speak only English tonight in Italian. Everyone is impressed except for Gina, who thinks that Rosella is stealing the spotlight…
He finds time to speak with Jen from Florida, and she tells him that she teaches eighth grade English..and he replies that there are a lot of big words in English…and she argrees..

The footman comes in with the rose and diamonds…Desiree is going to swoon him…did she just say swoon him? To get that darn rose…
Lady Carissa-how dare some one interrupt my time with the prince? I only got in 5 words..how rude!
Lady Desiree shakes it for him (yes, she really did shake it!) and tells him that she bought her dress in Vegas…the prince says he normally doesn’t like girls like that, but she was the life of the party, and feels like she felt comfortable around him.
Lady Andrea: “It’s a Rose or die” situation…the next thing we knew she is singing opera…and Rita attempts to continue the conversation going by asking” do you live in the city?” Our prince ignores her and listens to the serenading…Lorenzo states that the serenading was a little weird, but hey this really is a fairy tale…” Heather, the drunken blonde, finally gets to talk to the prince and he asks her why she’s still single at 34, she asks him the same thing…he then asks her if she eats cheeseburgers…she says yes, and our prince replies “thank God..” Sarah and the prince try to steal a private conversation, and the only thing I remember from it is that he says that he always has long term relationships, and this is the first time in forever he’s been single and that there was another princess standing there trying to be included in the conversation, but she finally noticed that she was being included and wondered away…Sadie steals a moment and tells him she’s traveled to Paris…and looks embarrassed by it, and he tells her that it’s ok, because he’s lived in Paris before.

The Surprise
The ball is interrupted by Chris’s announcement that because they are in Rome, they are giving 2 local women a chance to win the prince’s heart.
The prince thinks the Italian Ladies are beautiful, but doesn’t know if they speak English..he asks them what they do for a living, one is a student and the other is a dancer. He asks the girls if they know what they’ve stepped into, and they say yes…

Agnese, Italian

Cosetta, Italian

The American LadiesDAWS are jealous of the beautiful Italians and interrupt the princes conversation with them…and ask him if they speak English, and he says yes..and the Americans ask them if it would be hard to be in a relationship with their limited English? Our prince leaves the Americans and goes back to speak to the Italians… Agneses asks him if he skies, he says yes, he asks her if she wears mittens, and she gives him a blank look? He tries to ask her a few more questions, but the language barrier is too much, and he gives up by saying your English is much better then my Italian.” She giggles and says no.

Our Prince then decides it’s time to give out the magical rose and earrings, He walks up to a trio of women, and apologizes to two of them, and asks the Lisa, the tree hugger if she would take the rose and beautiful earrings. She says yes, and she feels very special…and like she is living a fairy tale.
The other princesses wonder what the tree hugger has that they don’t have, and their beautiful faces turn into ugly scowls. Lisa doesn’t care what the other ladies DAWS think of her because she is here “only for Lorenzo.”

Chris tells everyone that the sun has come up, and it is time for the prince to make a decision…the princesses are nervous, and Claudia says that she could be a part of history, and she, really, really, really, really wants a rose.

Chris wonders aloud how the Prince is feeling, and what he’s thinking now that he has to make this most important decision…Our prince says that he is going to go with his gut, and even though it didn’t do Lex any good on Survivor, it will do good for him.
King Chris asks him about Rosella, and he says that she’s Italian and beautiful…asks about Andrea the Opera singer…he says that it took guts to sing to him like that…wasn’t impressed by Desiree trying to steal a kiss with him.. …he was excited about meeting the beautiful Italian Princesses and that they were here for the “right” reasons….he says that he has 11 roses to hand out, and that he feels like he has a ton of bricks on his shoulders, and doesn’t want to make the wrong decision by sending the wrong girl home because a lot is depending on it.

The Rose Ceremony

Chris welcomes the ladies to their first Rose Ceremony, and tells Lisa congratulations and that she is safe…but for the other 26 women won’t be so lucky..and that many of them will be on a flight heading back to the US in hours….now without further ado, let the ceremony begin:

Prince Lorenzo: No words can express my gratitude, thank you all for coming tonight. I had a great evening.

Roses go to:

Kim, Jeanette, Jamie, Ellen, Sarah, Desiree, Jennifer, Gina, Erica (I was so nervous, Oh my god! Thank you so much! Yea!) Sadie, (It’s too much, I couldn’t handle it. Thank you so much! Smooch! Yea!!) the final rose goes to:
Angesee, the Italian

On not getting a rose...

Heather: Not getting a rose is a blow to my ego. I wanted a fairy tale, my prince charming, but life isn’t like that.
It sucks to be that close and to be sent him.
Rosella: I sold my car to get here, and I feel like my fairy tale and the man of my dreams was supposed to be here. But I will find a man who will love me and take care of me.

A scary ARnutz..bouncy by IceCat