Dave (tapping microphone): Is this thing on?Paul: I don't think you need it, Dave. There aren't many people here.
Dave: I thought that babe in the blue dress told us there would be a good audience if we showed up.
Paul: Do you believe every babe in a blue dress?
Dave: As long as they're not trying to break into my house. I'll just wait to present the list until more people show up.
Three hours later...
Paul: I don't think anyone else is coming.
Dave: Let's just get this over with, then...from the home office in Push, Nevada...the Top 5 Reasons No One Is Watching "Push, Nevada".
Paul: Where is Push, Nevada? I don't have any music to play, because I don't know where it is.
Dave: Well, that's one blessing.
Paul: And why are we doing only 5? We normally do 10.
Dave: First, it's not on the CSI network...
Paul: You mean CBS, don't you?
Dave: No...have you looked at our lineup recently? And second, since the blue dress babe promised us an audience and no one's here, she's lucky I'm not cutting it down to a Top 3. So here we go!
#5...Not a single J-Lo sighting in the first two episodes.
#4...It's produced by Ben Affleck, but the audience was hoping for a show produced by Casey Affleck.
Dave: Wait a minute, who's Casey Affleck?
Paul: The cuter one.
#3...Viewers are now waiting in diners, trying to curb an inexplicable urge for cherry pie and some damn fine coffee.
#2...Viewers who watch "Survivor" at 8pm Thursdays are entranced by the power of Ghandia's cleavage and can't change the channel at 9.
Paul: Oh, so that's why CSI gets such good ratings.
And the number 1 reason no one is watching "Push, Nevada"...
With a name like "Push, Nevada", the viewers were hoping for porn.
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*smooches to TriGirl*
From the book of Survivor 5:4: Gonedia, when you play with fire, you get burnt.
Koko was on the porch, trying to catch mosquitos on the screen, the problem being that they were all on the outside. "And you're supposed to be a smart cat," Qwilleran said.