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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
posters IS required at all times. Jump in and play, and you'll soon find out
how easy it is to fit in, but save your drama for your mama. All members are
encouraged to read the
complete guidelines.
As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
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"Be The...Pirate Master 1.4"
tribephyl 9688 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-22-07, 06:29 AM (EST)
 
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"Be The...Pirate Master 1.4" |
*ding*dong* All Pirates to the quarterdeck! Let's get this roll call thing covered so's I can get straight to my chest.
Jay? Check. Loupert? Check. JoeDumb? Check. ...Hunh?...Nessa?
Wait.
Who's this Nessa person?
Gosh darn it MB! How am I supposed to be thourough at my job if you keep introducing new characters each week?! * gasp * drops jaw * watches Nessa jiggle around in wet and completely seethrough costume * adolescent giggle * subsequent uncomfortable change in bloodflow* Ole' Cap'n Leadhead's been at sea for awhile now and is really missin' his wife back home.
How much longer does this job last?
Eventually I'll need to get me some congugatin' done, but for now perhaps a cold shower is in order. *splash* Oh laaadieees! Hey? Where's everyone going?
Ooo...what's that? A crab race?
Ooo... get me in on that action.
5 dabloons on Kingfish, please. Next up? Treasure hunting with the crazy brit and lazy beetch.
(Due to this weeks treasure being sponsored by the French, don't get your hopes up too high.)
Captaigne Narcissism hid a mirror and marcque for the least bumbling of two teams. Can you dig it? bon voyage. Cap'n Crumpet missreads and misleads the black team and eventually gets them in a digging fury alongside the Red team.
Beyond Christa's rock discovery, however, they board the ship empty handed.
Meanwhile, Cap'n Loupert and his merry bunch of weaklings drag Joy, give a little grabass, carry Joy, jostle some coconuts, lug Joy and finally, with productorial guidance, find the booty. (I mean if Kendra found it, it would have to have been hinted at, right?) Congrats Red Team.
You win ... uh ... Diddly Squat! (That's French for $5,000. Which is, strangely, the same in english.) Oh and there's also a Royal Pardon. (A twist MB will probably use for Survivor:China as well.)
Something that will inevitably lead to some super-hyped let-down.
Interested? It'll cost ya'. Hope you're enjoying your time in the limelight Loupert.
No? What? You hate it?
Why you ungrateful piece of stunt casting.
I should have you removed just because you refuse to wear the hat. (It's still drugged, right MB?)
But dissing the jacket in public? *shakes head* tsk-tsk
Just not right to bite the hand that feeds you. Okay, front and center JoeDumb, Assmyth and *butches voice* Cheryl. Loupert has marked you three with black spots. But before we start cutting ropes, let's see who bought the Royal LetDown.
Yup, JoeDumb did.
Congrats. You didn't need it.
*ahem* Sorry Cheryl... you have been cut adrift. Alas. I hardly miss ye'. 
Don't forget your moustache bleach!
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-22-07, 07:24 AM (EST)
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1. "The admiral speaks. (And he is not happy.)" |
Yes, the hat is still drugged. It's just that we can't control people's reactions to the dosage. (I know. It's very annoying. The idea of having something around which I can't control does that.) Some people go power-hungry, others spontaneously develop accents, and a few more become vengeful and stupid. Very, very stupid...So you all thought you'd be playing for major money on every expedition? Of course you did, because Louie let everyone try on the hat. It's all play money anyway, and now that I've gotten you used to the idea of spending it to gain passage, I'll make you all give me your accumulated 'winnings' -- heh, heh -- at the end of the season, or I won't let you go back home. It's that or get stranded in Thailand, where I believe most of the original cast is still waiting to greet you. I say 'most' because our hidden cameras haven't picked up Clay in a while and although he might just be under their pickup range, there's a good chance they've eaten him. So how much do you love my Royal Pardon? Isn't it just so convenient that one of the officers who served under the legendary-and-completely-real Captain Steel thought to stick that in there? Wasn't that just the most cunningly obvious secret compartment ever? I call it The Chest Of Danni, and I'm not sure why. Yes, you can have immunity. Anyone can have immunity. Except for the people I say can't have it. Like the poor, because I hate them. And the captain, because I didn't say he could bid on it, now did I? No, this is the tool for the rich and despised to escape their fate, and yes, I only started thinking this way well after the third season of the show which stands a chance of being renewed. I'm beginning to have some doubts about this one. Maybe I should consider distancing myself from it. No, no one would ever do that with a show just because the ratings were weak -- right, Steven? Cheryl? I hate lawyers. I even hate my own lawyers, although I have to do it from afar because they do such a good job, and it physically hurt me to admit that. (Someone will pay.) But other lawyers? Especially ones I cast for my shows? Are there to be hurt. It's not your fault, really. It's Stillman's fault. But I don't care whose fault it is as long as you bleed your crocodile tears, and I'm not giving you any water in secret to power them with either. Can we get a little more blur on Nessa? Good. Can we get a little more fabric stuffed into Louie's mouth? Too late? Do it anyway. Maybe I'll just bask in the glow from my Royal Pardon for a bit longer. An Immunity that's strictly temporary, could be anywhere, destroys people's plans, and is almost impossible to keep... where did I ever find such a brilliant idea? Clearly the ghost of Captain Steel has been speaking to me in my sleep. He was completely real, you know. Would I give two minutes of television time to someone every week if they weren't completely real? ...more fabric for Louie's mouth. Now. 
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RudyRules 8360 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-22-07, 05:00 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: The admiral speaks. (And he is not happy.)" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-22-07 AT 05:05 PM (EST)Can we get a little more blur on Nessa? Good. The Pirate's emblem doth volunteer to be put on Nessa's naughty places in order to blur her.  Can we get a little more fabric stuffed into Louie's mouth? Too late? Do it anyway. Dear God, NO! You not be using your Pirate emblem in such a fashion. 
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sporkman 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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06-22-07, 11:58 AM (EST)
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8. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.4" |
Umm, are you talking to me? You know I'm not Azmyth right?
I know I did a great job leading the red team to victory. I should have been named captain, but that's ok. I don't really want the spotlight on me. I'm fine working in the background.
*cameraman turns to leave*
HEY! Where are you going. I'm not done yet. I like being under the radar. I might have started the episode out showing my leadership abilities but then I like to fade into the shadows where no one can see me. If the crew doesn't remember me or think I'm someone else, that's just fine with me.
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qwertypie 9721 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-22-07, 01:11 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.4" |
And I want to thank you for wearing such skanky-when-wet clothes. I got to bring everyone's attention to your nekkidness-while-dressed and your flirtiness. Most importantly I'M BACK IN THE SPOTLIGHT!!!! Thank you Cameron (guess my late night persuasion was very persuasive)
Coconuts and me! Me being man-handled by the rest of the crew. Nice shot of me bringing my chest over the side of the ship. OH YA! (and I didn't even need a black spot this time).
I've been planked by Tribe!
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dreamerbeliever 3377 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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06-22-07, 03:14 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.4" |
"Captain onboard! All swabbies stand at attention. Captain onboard!"Thank you Officer Sean, you are now relieved to go make my breakfast. Officer Nessa, stay within an arm-lengths reach of Captain Louie, he may wish to grab your azz again. Arr it's good to be the captain. Scurvy dog crewmembers. You may address me as Captain Louie, Lord Louie, Emperor Louie, or King Louie, for I be your master! If Louie says jump, he wants to hear how high. There will be no more of this Loupert talk or comparing Louie to his long lost brother, for Louie’s greatness has now acceded his. He stands in my shadow. This means you pretty-boy Daddeo. Louie could easily replace you for an outsourced host from India and send you back to C list acting gigs. Wench pirates! If Louie’s hand happens to reach out to feel your assets, you will giggle and tell your lord how much you enjoyed his touch. Long John pirates! You will now grovel at the feet of your king and thank him for allowing you to remain on his ship and in his adventure. JD, you may go first and Jay you are exempt from this humiliation. Did Louie say kiss his feet JD? How pathetic. And there will be no talk of mutiny! Your Captain has spoken, now go back to swabbing his ship! NOW!!!
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vince3 17341 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-23-07, 02:29 AM (EST)
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26. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.4" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-23-07 AT 12:17 PM (EST)*does Spaceball salute* and yet I didn't get one vote! Maybe they actually like me?
ETA: Okay, I've asked around (went to the Voting History page on CBS.com), and it turns out I was the person who got the 3 votes. Daddio, you could have told me I was one vote away from not wasting this Royal Pardon!!!!!!!!! No, you had to let Azmyth twist in the wind....... *sigh* I'm in deep trouble! *wonders if I have enough to bribe the crew to keep me for a while.......* 
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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-24-07, 11:13 PM (EST)
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32. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.4" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-24-07 AT 11:16 PM (EST) Thinking
>is the captain’s job.
And since you are the captain, that makes this thinking thing very problematic  ! Just makin an observation captain!
Keelhauled by tribe edited to correct spelling errors and reword sentence so that it makes sense!
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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-28-07, 08:45 AM (EST)
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48. "RE: I'll make you a deal, Captain:" |
OK, it's a her. Bombaceous Boobs. I would accept a smackdown from her. Or two. I'm intrigued.And always was? I mean, the shoulders, biceps, forearms? even the waist seems more line backer than anything else. Steriod City, I guess. Still, not backing down on the smackdown invite. I understand she has friends.
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vince3 17341 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-28-07, 11:39 AM (EST)
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49. "RE: I'll make you a deal, Captain:" |
Why is it that it's almost always that people think that women with muscles = steroids?
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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-27-07, 03:27 PM (EST)
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39. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.4" |
Well, it's a fund raiser. Sneaking up on those skin creature and pinching them in their soft areas at night is expensive, we have been losing raiding parties to the ship cook's kettle. (Those despicable skin creatures actually like to EAT us, and it makes us really, really, mad). Someone mentioned having a crab track meet as a fundraiser, so we can buy the seaweed/kelp wreaths we need to honor the recently digested. We voted to give it a shot. Hermit crabs are in for the house weightlifting contests, and the ghost crabs compete in the sprints. Crabbus Giganticus compete in the shot put, discus, and javelin. And land crabs compete in the relays and long distances. Skittering is a open event, and blue crabs provide security. So fill out your entries, and/or place your bets. ANd get ready for the skin creature pinchinest weekend of your life!!! 
Crabs everywhere unite!! One claw for all!!
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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-27-07, 06:46 PM (EST)
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43. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.4" |
"*ahem* Sorry Cheryl... you have been cut adrift."But at least she was able to keep her integrity intact. (At the rail... Braaaack...Can't keep the chow down after that statement. What a dork.
Agman let me steal this!
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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-28-07, 08:36 AM (EST)
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47. "RE: Blech." |
(Handing out fish-dramamine to the troops.) The Spinning Guppy ploy is aimed at the skin creatures. After you take your pill, the guppy will look like this 
When they lean over they rail, we move in for the well placed soft spot pinch. Then we skitter away. WARNING: We have sterile suits for crabs assigned to pinch Louie and Azmyth. I mean, have mercy!! We're used to decaying fish guts and fetid rat feces, but even we can't go to the toxic unwashed nether regions of Louie and Azmyth without full carapace protection(mouth barfle at idea). Someone, buy them a bath, please!! Last time I caught a wiff of them, I almost shed my exoskeleton all over my computer. 
Snidget
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