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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
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As entertainment critic Roger
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"LL12 Pre-GAS"
tribephyl 9688 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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05-15-10, 05:41 AM (EST)
 
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"LL12 Pre-GAS" |
LAST EDITED ON 05-15-10 AT 05:26 PM (EST)Welcome to the *bleep* annual Loser Lodge Gala Awards Show!...eventually!
My name is Lowell and I'll be your pre-show hypemaster of Teal Carpet ceremonies.
Once the glitterati have arrived and seated themselves I'll be passing the microphone to our special guest host...
Who, until just this very moment was unknown to everyone...including Captain Nepharious.
I hear he put feelers out for Betty White, Seth McFarlane, Leonardo DeCaprio and Justin Bieber.
Alas, the first-tier guest hosts all declined.
So Captain Nepharious reached farther into his pocket of obscurity, pulling out names of some semi-infamy or controversy...
Which pseudo-celebrity ended up filling the master-of-ceremony clothing?
I guess we'll find out a little later.
For now... Let's get to the matter of...
*cue fog machine*
The GAS Bandit.
Yes.
The flatulent felon has left a tell-tale mark on the lodge (and possibly the results show as well) by kidnapping the last of the trading cards you all held.
Well, I have some intel.
It all starts over here... *steps over to a big steamy pool of brown carp*     
  
But it's Green?
Hmmm...
I don't think I like the color green, in this case.
Nor the smell.
Anyways, I've been assured this is the spot, folks. The GasBandit has dropped all of your trading cards in this sludge pond.
I assure you, they're in there.
But I imagine you'll also find a floating carp or deuce. Now, once you start slogging through the cesspool, you'll notice that there is a slew of brown carp.
You'll have to throw these back as they are worth nothing (I guess they can certainly be saved as souveniers).
HOWEVER, and this note is for ANYONE, there are also 2 Big A.S.S. Carp swimming amongst the muck.
Find one of these, you'll receive 100 points. (limit one Big A.S.S. Carp per loser)
For the Big A.S.S. Carp, I must insist upon having them sent to my Private Mail Slot in order to verify the results of your find.
Oh and of course your trading cards are also in the sludge. If you happen to find your own trading card amongst the crud, post it as a reply below and I'll reward you with 50 points. (per card for those that have more than one)
As reference, the following is a list of who had trading cards and what kind they were.
_____  _____
CanDangler
Cat Conjuress
Frigga
MoleMeister
Pegasus
Royal Grouper
Sagittarius
Sarcastia
Skel-A-Rectile
Trixi Whip Lash | _____  _____
CanDangler
Caterwaul
Crimson Avenger
Hemiptera
La Femme Dakota
Royal Grouper
Sagittarius | _____  _____
Batgirl
Caterwaul
King Neptune
Skel-A-Rectile | _____  _____
Batgirl
Dynamo Dusk
Sarcastia | _____  _____
Frigga
Hemiptera
Phantom Blindside
Skel-A-Rectile
VVVixen |
Oh and here's a pair of these...
They came in handy when touching Russell. I imagine the're carp-proof.
What?
You were expecting more ... glitz?
That's coming.
Time to get dirty first.
Oh and if you haven't done so already, please go and visit the ZIPsters thread. He needs to be found, at once, too.
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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-02-10, 11:00 AM (EST)
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35. "RE: LL12 Pre-GAS" |
tap tap tap…is this on? Can you hear me? No? Just as well, I’m going to give my speech to an audience, half of whom are passed out, half of whom are puking their guts up, and half of whom are trying to seduce the other half. Hello fellow losers. We meet in this sacred hall to celebrate my winning of the teller of the fishiest stories (a surprise award presented to me by me - hint to Belle et al…if the chinchy bastard that gives out stuff doesn’t give you an award, give yourself one. Make it a good one too-) as well as the award for having the biggest bat in the room, the million dollar check that goes with it, and the IronMan2® Summer Smash(ed) Award. I am autographing life size pictures of the “unit” that won me this here award backstage after the show. I worked very hard to earn your respect. I got on the sober wagon for 30 seconds one day, I straightened up and flew right (into a telephone pole) I stopped my lascivious leering at the naked female rugby scrums, (and I promise not to put the slo-mo bits on U-Tube –Hey, I never promised not to tape them – unless it’s done to promote naked Women’s Rugby leagues in bars or can make me a buck or two). And I retrieved all errantly flung underwear items from the women’s volleyball games. I have my reasons for not returning them, but I’m under orders from the CIA not to reveal them. Just know that they are all safely hidden under my pillow, TYVM. So, here we are in the hallowed halls of Loser Lodge for another gaudy self congratulatory ceremony that is absolutely no interest except to us. As it should be. Home at last. Update; ZIP, the Zombie Idol Poltergeist, who as we all know was driven mad after being carried around in Russell’s underwear in Samoa (an ordeal that would certainly send anyone around the bend) and who vowed to revenge himself on the world starting with the inhabitants of LL (us) with his scheme to hide an idol (Louie) somewhere on the island and leave indecipherable clues as to its location. He was defeated, first by Qwerty (take a bow Q) then by Michel, then but almost all losers who finally deciphered ZIP’s clues. You should all take your bows for your parts in defeating ZIP, I mean it can’t be easy to chug vats of daiquiris day and night, have non-stop sex with everyone else all the while sneaking peeks at Adman’s porn collection and getting attitude adjustments from Trixie’s den of pain, and solve those obtuse clues. Somewhere in the Jungle are the mystery postal sacks that contain the lost clues (Neuman!), but fortunately they didn’t prevent Louie from being rescued from his fate. And from developing excessive hair growth on his hands. I want to thank Lowell for his efforts, as well as our genial and generous host for the time and effort it takes to make this Island a hedonistic place to be. Thank you Tribe. 
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byoffer 15808 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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05-15-10, 04:40 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: LL12 Pre-GAS" |
*slips cards into Lowell's g-string*
*heads over to buffet table*
Hey, would you look as Betty's White muffin?! 
Thanks to Tribe, I R hung.
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jbug 16685 desperate attention whore postings
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05-18-10, 01:14 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: LL12 Pre-GAS" |
LAST EDITED ON 05-19-10 AT 02:37 PM (EST)I swear those carp are swimming around! 
Gotta rest for awhile.
BBL to try to catch another; but for now I'm getting tennis finger. E:
Yea! I finally found the other one!
 I discovered it was easier to throw the carp out onto the riverbank instead of back into the water.
But then a bunch of raccoons swarmed the whole area - what a feast they were having! 
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Molaholic 8451 desperate attention whore postings
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05-19-10, 10:43 AM (EST)
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15. "RE: LL12 Pre-GAS" |
LAST EDITED ON 05-19-10 AT 10:46 AM (EST)
Wow -- what a hunt!
Seeing all those carp reminded me of something from Monty Python...  Tribephyl has done it again.
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tribephyl 9688 desperate attention whore postings
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05-26-10, 00:42 AM (EST)
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20. "The Big GAS Ball" |
The GAS Bandit is incarcerated, the Teal Carpet is stained, but no SuperLosers were hurt in the process.
Speaking of The Teal Carpet!
With limos pulling up in quick succession it has become a virtual spawning stream of bedazzling Super-Losers!
Why there's Sarcastia with Sagittarius and La Femme Dakota as their escort.
I see Super Couple, Royal Grouper and Hemiptera!
My wife has allowed for me to sleep with either of them, if they so choose to do so. OMG, I'm like three feet away from them, I could just reach out and grab them.
*BONK*
Oh yea, I forgot about your Big 32", Royal Grouper.
You heard me? Anyways, coming down the carpet now is Frigga and Skel-A-Rectile!
Opposites do indeed attract. Now it's Phantom Blinside, looking like he might be a little frightened of Mr. Mannerwerkzug, or is he trying to split up the MoleMeister and his date, Trixi Whip Lash?
You never see that guy coming. Huh?
Is that La Femme Dakota again?
But this time she's escorting the CanDangler. Very Interesting.
Either she is REALLY busy or there are two La Femme Dakotas. Someone on the inside should check that out. Before we get started with the awards let us now take a moment to pay tribute to those super losers who didn't make the long haul. You were missed.
 Damn you Gawdzilla! Okay, I've done enough chattering... on with the slaggies! First presenter up is... Dynamo Dusk
Thank you Lowell, thank you academy, thank you Justice Lodge...
Welcome everyone else to the show.
Yes, all the last minute finagling didn't result in an actual show host, so I, Dynamo Dusk, am just gonna pass the mic on to the next presenter after I've given away the first award. Pretty smart, huh? The nominees for the Biggest Brain Award are...
CanDangler
Frigga
MoleMeister
Phantom Blindside
Sagittarius
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, Sagittarius
*look for Sagittarius to use big words in her acceptance speech below.
Our next presenter is... Batgirl!
Spending my time favoring the shoadows, it feels weird to be standing here in the teal-light.
Unlike our next group of nominees, who all possess that certain jene se dawdom.
The nominees for the Kablooey Award for Most Massive Personality are...
Armed Trigger
Crimson Avenger
King Neptune
MoleMeister
Skel-A-Rectile
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, MoleMeister
*look for MoleMeister's bigger-than-life acceptance speech below. Our next presenter is... Caterwaul!
Hello, losers! Glad to be here!
It seems I was picked to present the next award because I can talk to cats.
Why that has anything to do with Alien Intelligence is beyond me.
Speaking of beyond understanding... The nominees for Alien Intelligence are...
Batgirl
Crimson Avenger
Frigga
MoleMeister
Pegasus
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, Frigga! *transmit Frigga's acceptance speech to SETI for translation. And now a word from our sponser... The nominees for the Fructis® Healthiest Hair Award are...
Cat Conjuress
La Femme Dakota
Pegasus
Sarcastia
Trixi Whip Lash
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, Sarcastia
*look for Sarcastia to wash, rinse and repeat below. Back to the show and up next to present is... Pegasus
Hmmm... seems I'm two nominations and zero wins so far. Plus, I've had to stay in this costume for almost a week straight now preparing for this presentation. I have to admit, if I don't win the next one I may just need to put a hit out on a certain host... ahem... I could ask any one of... The nominees for the Largest Muscles are...
Candangler
Caterwaul
Frigga
MoleMeister
Phantom Blindside
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, Phantom Blinside
*watch Phantom Blindside's flex his acceptance speech below. Up next to present is... King Neptune
Why I'm not nominated for the next catergory is beyond me, but The nominees for the Best Alter Ego are...
Dynamo Dusk
Hemiptera
La Femme Dakota
Trixi Whip Lash
the Voluptuous and Vicious Vixen
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, Hemiptera
*look for either jbug or Hemiptera to give an acceptance speech below. Oh and I'd like to introduce the next pussy...er...presenter... Cat Conjuress
A little fruedian slip there, michel?
Anyways, when it comes to inside jokes and secret codes, the lodge is the paramount receptor for all things innuendo-oriented and the usual suspects were up to the usual antics, but none compared to the following list of... The nominees for the Most Subliminal are...
Armed Trigger
Hemiptera
Pegasus
Procrastinatrix
Sagittarius
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, Procrastinatrix
*look for Procrastinatrix's acceptance speech to be phasionably late and full of innuendo. Time for another sponser break... The nominees for the Cialis® Longest Weekend Award are...
CanDangler
Dynamo Dusk
Phantom Blindside
Royal Grouper
Sarcastia
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, CanDangler
*Call your doctor if the CanDangler's acceptance speech lasts more than 4 hours. Okay, were back and I, Captain Nepharious, am your next presenter. Coming to you via Voice-Over from my spacious Sofa of Solitude.
Since I was the one to decide to make you all wear spandex in the first place, I figured I'd be the best judge of what you all looked like in the lycra-leggings. I certainly have my short list of shouldn't wear supersuits but I'd rather share... The nominees for the Sexiest Spandex are...
Cat Conjuress
Crimson Avenger
Dynamo Dusk
La Femme Dakota
the Voluptuous and Vicious Vixen
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, the Voluptuous and Vicious Vixen
*see the Voluptuous and Vicious Vixen slink onto the dais and reveal her acceptance speech below. Via Satellite link-up, our next presenter is... Armed Trigger
I don't have much time as this link is very sketchy at the moment so...
The nominees for the Ssnnicktt Award for Most Lethal are...
Batgirl
Cat Conjuress
Caterwaul
La Femme Dakota
Trixi Whip Lash
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, La Femme Dakota
*look through your aim-sights at La Femme Dakota's acceptance speech below. Up next to present is... Frigga
Granted, the lodge brings out the worst in ALL of us but with all the dazzling special abilities it became down-right scary at times.
Hopefully, we all can fight for the side of right. I certainly know my right side. *wink*
I share the wish "Beware the Bad-side" to... The nominees for the Most Likely to become a Villain are...
Armed Trigger
Batgirl
Caterwaul
King Neptune
Skel-A-Rectile
and the winner of the slaggie is... weee...my date!!!
Congrats, Skel-A-Rectile!
*keep your eye out for Skel-A-Rectile's turn to the dark side below.
Our last attempt at salvaging the budget...
The nominees for the IronMan2® Summer Smash(ed) Award are...
Armed Trigger
CanDangler
King Neptune
Phantom Blindside
Royal Grouper
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, Royal Grouper!
*put your 3D glasses on for the Royal Grouper's Big 32" below. Finally, to present the award for Loser Lodge Winner here is... Crimson Avenger
Crimson?
Oh, Avenger?!
Now, where did she get to?
*puts finger to ear*
Oh, I'm being told she's in the bathroom.
*turns head*
Mic her! Now!
.
.
.
are you %*@#^ing kidding me?
Get the %*@#^ out of here! Before I slice your right hand off!
.
.
.
Okay...
I can't wait.
After many months of dealing with horrifying disasters, mucking through carp, busting balls and Super Loser Logues, it all comes down to this moment. Despite the moniker of loser... The nominees for the Loser Lodge Winner are...
Candangler
Pegasus
Sagittarius
Trixi Whip Lash
the Voluptuous and Vicious Vixen
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, Trixi Whip Lash!
*look for Trixi Whip Lash's to bask in the glow of winning, as a loser.
*tribe, sans Captain Nepharious outfit, steps onto the stage and up to the microphone*
Thank you very much, folks. It's been an Incredible season. Some infamous times were had and ... what?
Oh yes.
I almost forgot.
The long awaited award for the Swoop-Master.
Yes, as Super-Losers are apt to, some of them can fly, and some of those that can fly can also swoop!
And we certainly had some super swooping going on!
All of those who swooped received 69 points, congrats.
But I wasn't done, then I threw your namesakes in a hat, twirled my hand around mixing the chits, then grabbed a slip.
The nominees for LL12 Super Swoop Star are...
CanDangler
Hemiptera
Sagittarius
Sarcastia
Trixi Whip Lash
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, Trixi Whip Lash!
*look for Trixi to show up at just the right moment and wow the crowds with her acceptance speech below. Okay, I really do have to go now as I suppose Caterwaul and Pegasus have grabbed King Neptune and Armed Trigger, forming a Captain Nepharious Lynching Mob. So tata for now!
*dissappears in a poof of phunny smelling smoke*
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jbug 16685 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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05-26-10, 09:21 AM (EST)
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21. "RE: The Big GAS Ball" |
Super Couple, Royal Grouper and Hemiptera!
Come on baby, strut your stuff; we're looking good on this teal carpet......now look over to your left, there's another camera; now to your right; now up above us, yes, there's one in the rafters; gotta get my every good angle. Oh yea, this is the life.
The nominees for the Best Alter Ego are...
Dynamo Dusk
Hemiptera
La Femme
Dakota
Trixi Whip Lash
the Voluptuous and Vicious Vixen
and the winner of the slaggie is...
Congrats, Hemiptera
*look for either jbug or Hemiptera to give an acceptance speech below. Jbug: Thank you thank you thank you!
Hemiptera: Obrigado agradecem-lhe agradecem-lhe! Jbug: I am honored to accept this most altering award.
Hemiptera: Me honran para aceptar esta alteración de la concesión. Jbug: What an incredible season; so many wonderful memories; such debauchery and wantomness.
Hemiptera: Een welk ongelooflijk seizoen; zo veel prachtig geheugen; dergelijke losbandigheid en wantomness. Jbug: I'd like to thank all my friends and enemies for voting for me. Thank you thank you thank you.
Hemiptera: I' ; d aiment remercier tous mes amis et ennemis du vote pour moi. Merci vous remercient vous remercient. 谢谢
dank u
merci
danke
σας ευχαριστούμε
grazie
ありがとう
당신을 감사하십시오
obrigado
вы
gracias
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Wallflower66 2394 desperate attention whore postings
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06-06-10, 07:12 PM (EST)
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40. "RE: The Big GAS Ball" |
While my speech may not have been 4 hours long, I can pretty much guarantee that my "post" will last for more than 4 hours.Bwahaha! My kind of guy. ;) 
Recycled Loser sig from seasons past, since I was too much of a Loser to win anything this time...
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tribephyl 9688 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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05-29-10, 05:30 PM (EST)
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31. "Okay, okay, you win!!!" |
Congrats, Caterwaul!
Watch your back for Caterwaul's acceptance speech below...
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Molaholic 8451 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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05-30-10, 01:30 AM (EST)
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32. "RE: The Big GAS Ball" |
>>>WOW<<<
It is quite an ahhonor to receive this avard. I am very gratevul to all the little people (you know who you are) who voted for me and my shnake. I also vant to tank everyone who didn't vote for other peoples zinze it helped me to this viktoree. In mine earlier livetime, I vas just a small man mit a small job. Today I am big. Und my shnake is also big. Again, I tank you very alot. Mannwerkzeug would alzo like to say dankeshön for all the little ratzen that the Katzfolk chased into our cave. They were delishiuous. Now, to mine seat I go back to.
LL12 Award Season brought to you by tribey
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DearAbby 2959 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest"
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06-01-10, 02:30 PM (EST)
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34. "RE: The Big GAS Ball" |
First of all, I'd like to thank my date, MoleMeister, for bringing me to the GAS Ball after Atomic Coco never showed up with the limo promised by Captain Nepharious. And I'd like to add that Mannwerkzeug is one of the ... uh ... well ... since this is a PG-13 board, you'll just have to use your imagination!I'd also like to thank all of you losers for taking the name of the game quite literally and allowing me the honor of winning. And some of you made it a close game! Congrats to all. But most of all, I'd like to thank our beloved Captain Nepharious for all the phun times.
Something tells me I may not get an opportunity in this thread to properly accept the Swooptacular siggie, so I'll just say thank you now and put it away for future use.
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byoffer 15808 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-02-10, 04:19 PM (EST)
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38. "RE: The Big GAS Ball" |
allowing me the honor of winningpshaw, there are no winners here. Rather, you are just the Biggest Loser. No, wait, that is another forum. Then you are the Top Chef or loser lodge. Damn, that is another forum too. Can anyone Help!?! Wait, that is another forum too. Ah crap, I quit. Damn loserdom really festers in us like a phungus.
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p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
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and flip my fab hair. May I tickle your fancy?
.........I'm just so happy to see that all those months of P90X have paid off.....I really brought it! Congrats to all the other winners and it was a pleasure to play with all the other heroes!!!!!
