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"Be The Survivor" S35 Ep02: "I'm A Little Teapot""
RollDdice 5841 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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10-04-17, 10:13 PM (EST)
 
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"Be The Survivor" S35 Ep02: "I'm A Little Teapot"" |
Previously on Survivor: Sand In My Crack: On the Feelers Tribe, Cole and Jessica start their showmance and Alan is definitely off his medders with a psychotic break that's usually reserved for the Real Housewives of Crazytown. Mike was voted Least Likely to Be In Nature. Meanwhile, JP and Ashley have also bonded and it's making the natives restless.Tonight, JP becomes a full-fledged lobsterman and Patrick has crabs.
Mark "Surf 'n' Turf" Burnett
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Aruba 2628 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Survivor-themed Cruise Spokesperson"
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10-05-17, 06:52 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Be The Survivor" S35 Ep02: "I'm A Little Teapot"" |
LAST EDITED ON 10-05-17 AT 07:19 PM (EST)LAST EDITED ON 10-05-17 AT 06:56 PM (EST) This seems to be the only thread that gets any activity in the Basher Forum. As I understand, you have to “BE” something to play in this sandbox, so... I would like to officially announce the formation of...THE ARUBA COMMISSION.
This is a take on the “Warren Commission.” For all you non-history buffs...The Warren Commission was formed after the JFK assassination to determine possible credibility (or dispel) any and all conspiracies formed by theorists who were outraged and/or distraught over that tragic incident. OK, so much for the history lesson, The Aruba Commission’s findings after Ep. 2: FINDING #1 – From here on in, The Commission will refer to Joe as “Sluggo.” Sluggo’s continued bullying antics toward Mike have become difficult to watch. Yet anyone who even caught a portion of the recent BB19 season knows bullying is a behavior CBS not only tolerates, but heartily endorses.
FINDING #2 – The Commission has cited CBS for inequality. While female viewers are enjoying a generous dose of Cole’s 2% body-fat physique, Devin’s hair blowing in the tropical island breeze, and JP’s rugged looks...male viewers are deprived equal time admiring the ebony jewel Desi. Instead we are subjected to an excessive amount of—Fisherman Lauren?! This is an outrage! Should this contradiction continue, The Commission will use Affirmative Action to bring CBS up on charges.
FINDING #3 – Ryan joins a long list of recent castaways whose PRIMARY objective is NOT to win Survivor. It has become apparent to The Commission, Ryan’s hidden agenda is to acquire a writing gig for social media. To make up for lost time being stuffed in school lockers by the “Sluggos” of the world, Ryan proceeds to hog up as much narrative time as Production will allow.
His “B-Day Party” analogy caught the eyes of Executive Producer Jeff Probst. Speaking of Jeff’s eyes, the last time we saw them bug out of his head in a similar fashion at TC was when Billy professed his love for the skank Candice during the Premier in the Cook Islands season.
FINDING #4 – The Commission was sent scrambling to research the meaning of “Wild Banshee.” First speculation was some kind of animal, in which case, “Crazy Jackass” would be more appropriate. It was confirmed a “Banshee” is a female in Irish mythology who wails over a deceased family member. Whereas his red hair could denote an Irish connection, and Patrick could resemble a female more than Lauren, we are still scratching our heads to find an analogy as Banshee pertains to Patrick on Survivor.
FINDING #5 – The combined IQ of the Hero tribe is 175. The Commission concluded 174 points belong to Chrissy. We all know Actuaries are pretty smart cookies, yet the game smarts she exhibited in Ep. 2 was impressive as she worked over the four minions on her tribe. You’re not going to find a whole lot of former NFL players, Marines, firemen, and lifeguards carrying MENSA membership cards, hence the Commission’s finding—another “stellar” job by the incompetent casting/Production crew. It will be entertaining to see if/how Chrissy uses her game IQ to put a “powerless” idol in play.
FINDING #6 – How cruel to give practically no air time during the Premier to Simone when it was known her Survivor experience would end the very next episode. The Commission concluded it was to hide Production’s embarrassment over Simone being the best token Asian it could come up with out of all who applied/were recruited.
Poor Simone needed to hang her hopes on being a social butterfly (and what an attractive butterfly she was) to ensure her continuation in the game by trying to pull a rabbit out of the “MTV Real World” hat. She found out the hard way when you suck in the real Survivor-like aspects of a challenge, you better be great with puzzles...and in her case we’re talking “solve-a-rubric cube-in-less-than-a-minute” great. Sadly for our Sweet China Doll, it was not to be. The Aruba Commission joins Kingfish as a black bunting drapes over the entrance of his Nasty McBathroom to mourn the loss of the object of his desire this season.
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michel2 2225 desperate attention whore postings
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10-07-17, 01:41 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: Be The Survivor" S35 Ep02: "I'm A Little Teapot"" |
So this is it? You don't have a list? What am I going to do with my list? I think this is all part of a conspiration to keep us from bashing these players.
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Aruba 2628 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Survivor-themed Cruise Spokesperson"
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10-07-17, 07:20 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: Be The Survivor" S35 Ep02: "I'm A Little Teapot"" |
Hey MichelI didn’t think you’d be participating in a List Thread considering how sour you were about last season. Also, after two episodes I STILL have next to nothing to go on with a few castaways. Have Desi and Roarke had a confessional yet? We know Jessica is all horny over Cole, but have we heard from her yet as well? HHHHM, maybe this is Production's conspiracy to keep us from bashing their "Pride & Joys." Another task for The Aruba Commission. LOL IMO the two best players thus far are Chrissy and Ali. The two biggest boobs early on are Alan and Sluggo. Usually I give appropriate kudos to the most proactive player who successfully found the HII, but hard to do with this episode. Sluggo was too much of a lard brain to figure out the clue...and instead of “playing” dumb, Cole WAS dumb to solve it in the presence of Sluggo instead of coming back and finding it on his own. Also, I have a retirement dinner to attend next Wednesday, so probably wouldn’t be posting a list next week. But if you already have your list, by all means post it. I’m sure Kingfish and I will have something to say...
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kingfish 19913 desperate attention whore postings
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10-10-17, 06:33 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: Be The Survivor" S35 Ep02: "I'm A Little Teapot"" |
I like that. A commission. 'bout dam time. I assume there will be penalties involved. Severe, severe penalties. Whipping post penalties. Crab biting toe penalties for the crabophobics.
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kingfish 19913 desperate attention whore postings
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10-08-17, 01:43 PM (EST)
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4. "Kingfish takes a moment..." |
LAST EDITED ON 10-08-17 AT 01:52 PM (EST)Federales be dammed, I'm am going to take Nasty's place for a moment to express my disillusionment with existence on on this uncaring planet we call earth, and in particular with the reptilian humans who had the evil calloused insensitivity to boot ♪ Simone ♫ last week. Nasty will return in a moment to provide you with next week's super spoilers, but here's Kingfish, and I'm speaking from my heart through a cascade of tears. 
(ignore the teeth, unless you happen to be a small fish swimming nearby)
I hereby declare this a week of mourning for the fair and beautiful and everything that is good, ♪ Simone ♫, and expect all of us who have any sense of decency to wear as many black arm (or fin) bands as you have arms and legs and fins, such as the one you see here. 
Also, remember to kneel with raised fists (fins) at the beginning of all sporting events.
♪ Simone ♫
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kingfish 19913 desperate attention whore postings
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10-10-17, 06:29 PM (EST)
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5. "Sand in Whose Crack? " |
LAST EDITED ON 10-10-17 AT 11:04 PM (EST)
I'm a little late this week, but I had to kick an interloper out of my Palm treehouse. Kingfish was feeling a bit bitchy (hormones, I think) and seemed to think he could just drop in while I was out instructing my Sleuthy Spy Seal Delta teams in the fine art of using their womanly gifts to extract Spoiler information from unsuspecting Survivor crew members and post his petty grievance in this thread.
Well, he's in a cage in the basement undergoing the torture with pointy sticks that has been featured in the past when our EBMB fell for one of our punji stick traps. The girls (yes, those girls, the Really Really Raunchy Girl graduates of the Really Really Raunchy Girl's Convent for Wresting Cooch Holds and the fine Art of Attaching Colored Plastic Streamers to Chopped Vespa Handlebars) are having their fun with him, and, knowing his tendencies, he's probably at his peak of masochistic-sexual pleasure. Oh well, he's losing a lot of blood, so maybe he'll just croak and I won't have to worry about him anymore. Also, I think he ate the Jelly bellies I had on my desk. I put them out to kill the rats in the condo, so maybe we got one extra big rat. Anyway, I'm back, Nasty McBathrooms of the McBathrooms clan. I had to invent find a few really for sure accurate spoilers for this week, and here they are: Really For Sure Spoiler #1: The Island Cannibals spit back the first boot, Katrina. Said they preferred someone who was less stringy, it seems all those Olympic muscles and tendons were so tough they were indigestible. They specifically ordered Alan next week, or they were going to just raid a camp and pick the juiciest one there. They are actually drooling in anticipation of a slow roasted Alan brisket over a mesquite fire. Really For Sure Spoiler #2: In a lighter moment, we will all laugh uproariously at (not with, at, this is a hard crowd) Alan as he attempts to open a coconut. The irony (or, perhaps Tragi/comedy) happens when his thumb goes flying into the surf and is eaten by a porpoise they had been training to catch finger-fish for them. (Yeah, they actually thought that the fish fingers that you can buy in the frozen food section of the supermarket is a kind of fish. The porpoise is the IQ giant in that crowd. So it's fitting that he got the prize). Really For Sure Spoiler #3: The Hustler tribe has been complaining about the fire alarms that have been going off multiple times every night due to Pat's raging sunburn. This might have been a conscious strategy on his part to create a state of befuddlement in his tribe members so that they would forget that they hate his guts and are willing to throw the next IC in order to have a chance to boot him. However, he doesn't know that each one of his tribe mates has tattooed "Vote for Pat" on their palms so that they will remember. It's possible that "Token Surfer Dude" got confused and actually tattooed "Cowabunga", so the vote might not be unanimous. Really For Sure Spoiler #4: There's an example of the evil eye I am giving to the Hustler tribe who evicted ♪ Simone ♫ last week. 
I know, that seems a little harsh, but that's life. You screw with a McBathroom's woman, you risk the evil eye. Really For Sure Spoiler #5: The coconut gallery has yet to let us in on her evil plans for the idiot fodder that is this season's Survivors. I think that once her devastating opinions, evaluations, and predictions for these unfortunate souls are released, the grounds will be radioactive for some time to come. Maybe there will be a loophole, maybe not. Stay tuned.
Nasty McBathrooms
If it's yellow, it's mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. Also, flush it if it's swimming. Quick. The rats tend to think swinging overhead ball shaped objects are edible. .
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