LAST EDITED ON 12-21-15 AT 01:43 PM (EST)The final night, and the Finale is here. Finally. And for once this evening will live up to the hype.
Hello, your old friend Lumpy Stumpfeller here again with the biggest survivor spoilers of the season. It was a season highlighted by just two near deaths and only one survivor having to leave early because of a family emergency. While those events were sorta interesting, nothing can compare to the final night. As usual, these spoilers are brought to you by the intrigue of a bunch of very raunchy sex starved girl graduates of the Really Really Raunchy Girls finishing School of Undercover Spying and Making Men Cry. Really cry. Rivers of tears, and more than willing at the end to reveal everything they know.
They are sad that there are no more episodes to spoil until Season 32, but it gives them time to catch up on their Moped Maintenance and marauding skills, as well as getting their pinkie toes painted and other girly stuff done.
And I get time to rest for a change. All this laying around the pool, sailing during the day and partying at night is exhausting, and I’m in need of more nap time. Also I need to find a new spoiler delivery service, those camels spit too much, the iguana’s stare is unnerving, and the Galapagos turtles just don’t know how to hurry. For this last episode I tested a new service, the Cute Bunny delivery service. Eh, so-so so far. They did complete the delivery, but I have a bad feeling, they are just so cute and cuddly, they have to be planning something bad. Rip out your throat bad.
However, no time to waste, here are the last batch of Puff Ball spoilers.
Rip Out Your Throat Spoiler #1: The final three are Jeremy, Spencer, and (What was her name?). Family man, Brainiac, and Coattail rider. They didn’t bring Mr. Spit for brains, or Kelley, the woman who gave up a quarter of her weight during the course of the game (I bet she’d eat that Balute now, by cracky. And I bet pig brains look pretty good too), or that whining idiot douche Kimmi (who does so much to remind us of why we hated her in Australia). So it worked out alright. Personally I thought Kelley deserved a seat as one of the final three, but I just report the spoilers, I can’t control the game. Yet. I have been in negotiations with the EPMB, but for now I just observe. (Depends on how bad he wants his dog back)
Rip Out Your Throat Spoiler #2: Back at camp after the Abi ouster, Keith explains why she should not have been voted out, using the same reasoning that she should have stayed. Yeah, I didn’t get it either.
Rip Out Your Throat Spoiler #3: A couple of Spencer engineered Tribal councils for the record books. The Crème de la Crème began when Jeremy and Kelley played their HI’s. Then, when every vote went to them, no one was evicted. It was a tie of no valid votes. This is where Spencer comes in. He talked them into tying the ensuing vote. Only Keith and Kimmi were eligible to for eviction and the other four were voting. That went Two to Two. So they go to Rocks. Except that (somehow) Keith was the only rock. So Kimmi was booted. Or something vaguely like that.
It’s obvious that this had never been anticipated, and the producers had to start making up the rules as they went along. Fortunately they got it right in that Kimmi went home. Thanks to the above mentioned blackboard X’s and O’s explanation by Probst, we understand. No we don’t, but let’s pretend we do and move on.
I think this TC alone made this season the best season on a long time. Throw in the TC when Kelley used her HI (another HI) to nullify 9 votes to send her home making her lone vote against Kass the deciding vote. Kass received 1 vote, but it was sufficient to send her home. Again they got it right in a very weird way. Also, throw in the backward bent finger dancers, that this has been just about the best season ever.
Rip Out Your Throat Spoiler #4: The first plan of the evening was set out by Kimmi. So it was obvious that she was going to be the first to go. (The Kingfish Theory which states that the first plan mentioned in an episode is doomed to failure, and the planner becomes the prime target).
Rip Out Your Throat Spoiler #5: Again this season, no final walk of Shame for the final three. Again, no loss. Silly waste of time.
Rip Out Your Throat Spoiler #6: Kelley cleans up. Fattens a bit. Should have won.
Rip Out Your Throat Spoiler #7: Kelley and Keith make a Fake HI for Keith. The Ole Fake Idol ploy again. Never had a chance as usual, but maybe someday, maybe someday.
Rip Out Your Throat Spoiler #8: As predicted here previously, Jeremy does bring out the new baby ploy at final TC. And when asked what was the secret of his winning this time as opposed to last time, he said it was the baby and his wife Val depending on him. That’s what he said out loud. He didn’t dare say that it was Val holding him back last time. He was smart enough to not say that. He would have lost a half Mill in the divorce settlement.
That Tribe guy is a sig machine, I tells ya!
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