LAST EDITED ON 05-16-15 AT 12:47 PM (EST)
Hello! It is I, Coconut Bob, here with the latest in solid gold spoilers delivered to you in 3D (you need special glasses) by my usual band of unruly but pleasant to look at from all angles girls from the Really Really Really Very Truly Raunchy Girls Finishing School of Down and Dirty Tricks, Moped Madness, and Much Ado About Nothing.
I have good news and bad news this week.
First, the good news; I am here at beach level having a merry old time partying with the Nut Gallery. I do not mind this a bit.
Bad News: I no longer have the 60 story replica of Rocketfeller Plaza on the replica of MainManHattan that I had built using the EPMB black card for funding. It turns out that a 60 story skyscraper on a deserted island sticks out above the coconut palms (the architect never mentioned this), and the EPMB finally noticed the bill I was running up. So he had the building and city towed away, and the black card cancelled.
Boo Hoo Hoo, someone better give me a new skyscraper, it’s my birthday, and you promised me. You promised! Boo Hoo Hoo. (My Rod imitation. Not bad, eh?)
But it’s fun anyway, The Nut Gallery are a bunch of nuts, and we seem to be on the same wavelength in regard to swearing an everlasting vengeance vendetta against the EPMB. We gonna get that sucka’. Someday, somehow, you can bet that when he least expects it, a machete will swing out from a dark alley and his pointy little head will roll into the gutter, be carried thru the storm sewers to the ocean and be eaten by crabs, who will begin eating their meal (with their alien mouth parts) with the eyeball in the most disgusting way.
So, no worries, mate, we be hoppy, mon. And we be deliver'n dese spoilahs too, mon.
3-D Spoiler #1: Dan demonstrates to Mike that he can indeed do the Math. He says, 5 voters can out vote 1 voter. He had to use a stick and do his figgerin' in the sand, and it took him an hour to do it, but he did figure that out. Nice cyphering, Jethro.
He actually had to go back to his post delivering days, saying “let’s see if you have six letters, and you feed one to a dog and deliver the others to people two block away...”
3-D Spoiler #2: This is the week of bloody obvious spoilers, where the EPMB obviously thinks his audience (you and I) are preschoolers, so he goes even obviouser:
1. 5 minutes in to the show, Carolin says “If Mike doesn’t win Immunity, he’s gotta go. Gotta go.”
(So, you know from that that Mike is going to win the Immunity Challenge. Done deal.)
2. Rod's new plan (or exercise in futility); "First Mike goes home at TC, or, if he wins immunity, it’ll be Carolyn." (Foolproof, right? Wrong. This tells us that Mike will win IC, and that Mama C will play her HI, because, since it’s Rod’s plan, both will be safe.)
(Back to Dan – let’s see, if I drop one letter down the sewer, and squirrel takes two into its knothole nest…)
3. Dan says “MIKE CANNOT WIN IC. PERIOD! END OF SENTENCE.” (If we haven’t yet been concussed already with the earlier spoilers, here is another that Mike WILL win immunity.)
(takeaway lesson; wear head protection. We want to avoid Dementia EPMBtia later in life. )
Pity Party Spoiler #3: Before the Reward Challenge even begins, Rod is wallowing in his pity party. Afterward, Carolyn shows she is no fool, she doesn’t let him have her reward. And Will isn’t thinking about it either. Actually, I’m calling a Production Slap there. Jeff should have called Will out about that. The kind of slap that involves a balled fist and Jeff's dimpled chin.
Pity Party Spoiler #4: Mike explains to Rod using simple words that Rod might comprehend; “You have to win the reward challenge to go on reward, Rod”. (Rod just gazes vacantly off into the distance, murmuring “Wuh? Whut is the Win thing you said? And look at the pretty clouds.”
Dan interjects “You see Rod, if you have some letters, and you don't feel like delivering all of them,…
3-D Spoiler #5: Comedic quote of the week: Rod – “When I come full speed, you better watch out!” This is from the man of a million futile plans. If bluster could win a challenge, Rod might have a chance.
By the way, Rod, you go all brain fart on the definition of ‘Trust’? Really, Rod? Rod, the tool, man?
3-D Spoiler #6: So Diva Dan, you considered the two vote advantage to be a Golden Ticket? Mr. Superior Math intellectual? This Golden Ticket, the one that gave you two votes but didn't give you any kind of immunity? The ticket that "changed the whole game for you”? The same one that drew a target on your back and enhanced your chances of getting the boot before you could even be a goat at F2 or F3 and pretty much guaranteed that you also would lose any chance of even coming in second?
And then, Diva Dan, you use both votes against someone who has an HI, immunity?
The two vote advantage that you paid $400 dollars for?
3-D Spoiler #7: Diva Dan, with all that you did wrong, you did accomplish two out of three of your goals for this season, you had fun (I’ll take your word on that), you became memorable (as a Dan the Dumbass Diva Dunce), but you didn’t win. So maybe you ought to think about that last item, and your assertion that that you wouldn’t do anything differently if you had it to do again. Maybe you should consider a few tweaks? The Golden Target-on-your-back Advantage purchase, perhaps?
If you didn’t win, if you lost the game and the Mill too, there are some things you should have done differently, Dan. Do the math.
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