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"Be The Survivor: S30 Ep08: "Keepin' It Real Out In Left Field""
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RollDdice 5734 desperate attention whore postings
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04-08-15, 11:18 PM (EST)
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"Be The Survivor: S30 Ep08: "Keepin' It Real Out In Left Field""

Since Jenn played the Hidden Immunity Idol at the last TC to blindside perfection, Survivors have been attending refresher courses and breakout sessions on basic Survivor game play. Topics include: "Overconfidence: Hysterical to watch, but is smart?" and "Splitting The Vote: A beginner's guide."

Meanwhile, the contestants are scrambling like the first shift at Denny's, trying to find the next HII. Rodney admires Boston Rob, but plays more like "Boston Slob". Hopefully he can form an alliance with Tyler and Will so I can hurt myself reaching for a "Willie Tyler and Lester" joke that six people will get.

Until then we'll have to be content with the "Anchorman" Reward Challenge -- sadly, minus the scotchy scotch.




Mark "The Puzzler" Burnett

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 Rod just wants to keep it real (dum... kingfish 04-09-15 1
   RE: Rod just wants to keep it real ... suzzee 04-10-15 2
       RE: Rod just wants to keep it real ... kingfish 04-10-15 3
           RE: Rod just wants to keep it real ... suzzee 04-10-15 5
               RE: Rod just wants to keep it real ... kingfish 04-10-15 6
   RE: Rod just wants to keep it real ... suzzee 04-10-15 4
   RE: Rod just wants to keep it real ... kingfish 04-14-15 7

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kingfish 18202 desperate attention whore postings
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04-09-15, 03:45 PM (EST)
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1. "Rod just wants to keep it real (dumb)."
LAST EDITED ON 04-10-15 AT 09:04 AM (EST)


From the 60th floor of Survivor Island’s Rockefeller Plaza, and from the news desk of the CBN (Coconut Bob News) broadcasting system, it’s me, your anchor, Coconut Bob with the latest news and opinions from the Survivor Island forced labor camps. You’ll notice that I named the network after myself. Don’t hate.

My spies are all over the island gathering the latest and greatest spoilers and inside gossip. They are, as you’ve probably surmised, all undergraduates or graduates of the RRR R girls finishing school of magic, pick pocketing, and Moped thievery, and are like ghostly wraiths as they flit thru the shadows and slither through the sand gathering the information to thrill and amuse millions of fans with. Millions I tells ya!

This week we had a surprise visit from the Pope, it seems that word on our famed raunchiness and fun loving depravity had reached the Vatican and he felt that a trip to our little Isle of Funk-ville was in order. So the girls got to take time off of their regular surveillance, slithering, eavesdropping, kidnapping, extortion, village elder hoorahing (all the usual stuff) duties to entertain the Pope and his staff.

Apparently there is truth to the statement that 'Thy Holy Rod and Thy Holy Staff they comfort thee'. They certainly entertained my girls, I’ll tell you whut!

He laid a sacrament on them like you wouldn’t believe. And then he laid another. And another. And on and on. He’s an old man, no one expected him to go like he did, but he just kept laying that holy rod on them, and always accompanied with a sprinkling of holy water. I gotta find out where he gets that holy water!

So it’s been a whirlwind around here, but we still managed to, as usual, dig up all the best dirt and make the castaways weep with desire as they coughed up their innermost secrets and spilled their last beans. They were just quivering masses of ectoplasm when my girls were finished with them. Then they laughed at the pitiful masses, kicked sand in their faces, and made them say that they wanted more, please.

After the gathering came the delivering of the bounty of info to this desk by my pal Speedy Gonzales on his pet Iguana, Ralph.

Aye aye aye, arriba, arriba!

Holy Roller Spoiler #1: Mike, back at camp, began chiseling a monument to Jenn’s perfect play of the Hidden Idol. He is very aware that the HI has been misplayed (or mis-not-played) far more often than it’s been played well, and he wants to erect a statue to her.

But Rod blames Mike for Jenn doing that. The world is a strange place when viewed thru the eyes of Rod.

Holy Roller Spoiler #2: Speaking of Rod, the weekly spoilers would be incomplete without the latest from this mook, who we find fighting Will for last place in the latest challenges (watching Rod trying to figure out a Survivor puzzle is this week’s primary comic relief).

His latest declaration is; “Once Hali, Joe, Jenn and Shirin are gone, then the BC alliance will run the show”.

Really Rod? Once the entire opposing alliance is gone, your BC’s will run the show? Did you figure that out on your own? You didn’t need anyone’s help with that? Because an intricate conclusion like that sounds like Einstein, or something.

That’s just Rod, keeping it real (dumb).


Holy Roller Spoiler #3: Again, a cheap-ass reward. Zip lining. 30 seconds of semi-terror. Everything’s a blur, there’s nothing to see with your eyes shut, no scenery or wildlife (you’re way too terrified, and your screaming scares everything off anyway), you just hang on for a few seconds, and it’s over. At least they fed them afterward. Local soda-pop, complete with unfiltered sewage water and pesticides, I’ve heard.

Shirin. It shouldn’t be a surprise that Shirin has no brakes. Not on the Zip line, nor on her mouth. Or on her whistler (she’s a pro-whistler, you know. She said so). Apparently those hand signals were her own private (Idaho) code, and she was signaling that she was coming in hot. Oh well, so what if she knocks the camera man and the Zip master out of the tree, she got to show off how she can wig-wag her hands.


Holy Roller Spoiler #4: Flippers never win Dan? I hear the slapping of fins as a herd of sea lions are charging out of the surf at you to argue the point. They see themselves as winners, and are willing to sink a tusk in your butt to prove their point.


Holy Roller Spoiler #5: BTW, “No Kardashian Parking” signs are mysteriously popping up on the island every night. Apparently somebody don’t want none of that s**t.


Holy Roller Spoiler #6: FlowerPower had a great addition to the Survivors handbook for solving slider puzzles, and here’s another. When looking for the hidden immunity idol, just follow whoever the cameraman is following. They always get it right.



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suzzee 5745 desperate attention whore postings
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04-10-15, 10:07 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: Rod just wants to keep it real (dumb)."
How did this slip by your network censorship/janitorial department?

"... entertain the Pope and his staff. "



>snicker<.


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kingfish 18202 desperate attention whore postings
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04-10-15, 10:09 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: Rod just wants to keep it real (dumb)."
We have a janitorial Department? I've been throwing my banana peels out of the window for nothing?

Bigger question, what's a censorship department?

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suzzee 5745 desperate attention whore postings
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04-10-15, 10:23 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: Rod just wants to keep it real (dumb)."
It's probably right next to the free cafeteria.



Bring on the carnage.

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kingfish 18202 desperate attention whore postings
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04-10-15, 02:22 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: Rod just wants to keep it real (dumb)."
Free cafeteria?

You mean I don't have to eat bananas for lunch?

I need to start paying attention to what's happening around here.

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suzzee 5745 desperate attention whore postings
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04-10-15, 10:22 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: Rod just wants to keep it real (dumb)."
LAST EDITED ON 04-10-15 AT 10:25 AM (EST)

Spilling the beans means no dinner for the castaways. Time for a tacky food reward.

Holy Roller Spoiler #1: Hail Dorothy! It's also Mike's fault that Rodney is still here.

Holy Roller Spoiler #2: An entire cottage t-shirt industry has sprung up trying to keep track of Rod's words of wisdom for the front of the shirts.

Holy Roller Spoiler #3: The guide said "BREAK!!", so she took one. That's why overexcited Survivor contestants having the Reward Experience" should never be left without a chaperone.

Holy Roller Spoiler #4: Worked for this guy.

Holy Roller Spoiler #5: The spaces for Kardashian parking spaces have to be a lot wider and it's a small island. Someone has to put their foot down.

Holy Roller Spoiler #6: Dan thought he could just talk Jiffy into believing he was right. Twice. Clever Jiffy knew he would be wrong, that guy is no Joe.


I can't get a coffee cup with my name on it.


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kingfish 18202 desperate attention whore postings
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04-14-15, 01:56 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: Rod just wants to keep it real (dumb)."
Holy Roller Spoiler #7: Here's the latest scoop from inside the "family". You want to wet your beak a little? Yeah? Well here goes, I know a guy, see, who knows a guy, see, and they tellin' me that next season will be da Goombahs vs. da Goomahs.

Challenges:

1. The baseball bat challenge, where they hold a stripper pole in one hand and swing baseball bats at each other with the other. Who ever lives gets one point.

2. The big hair mobster challenge, the Goombah's get to use pomade, and the Goomahs get to use hair spray. Highest pile wins one point. Widest pile also wins one point.

3. The Ring challenge, whoever manages to get the most rings on both hands wins one point. Rings on toes do not count.

4. The 'Dat Friggin Guy' Challenge: whoever manages to say 'Dat Friggin Guy' using any variation of 'Frigging' the most times in one minute gets one point.

5. The Fugeddaboutit Challenge. Whoever manages to actually forget about it wins one point.

6. The Goodfellow Puzzle: Who ever manages to spell out the names of the top three stars of the movie "Goodfellows" in the sand first using eye mascara pencils or $100 dollar bills wins one point.



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