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"Be The Survivor: S28 Ep03: "It's Our Time To Whine""
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RollDdice 5688 desperate attention whore postings
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03-13-14, 01:30 AM (EST)
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"Be The Survivor: S28 Ep03: "It's Our Time To Whine""
LAST EDITED ON 03-19-14 AT 05:17 PM (EST)

With Brice Butterfly gone, the remaining Beauties have to get by on Dinosaur Eggs Benedict. J'Tia nukes any Brains chance of winning a Challenge that doesn't involve a No. 2 pencil, and Tony Brawn continues to treat Sarah like a snitch on the cold streets of Aparri Beach.

But we're young... let's pound on it.
======================================
Jeremiah Is A Bullfrog (And not a good friend of mine) -- Following their first visit to the Tribal Council family counseling center and gift shop, Morgan finds herself on the bottom-- and not in a good way. She rallies from being "emotionally paralyzed" enough to call Jeremiah on the sandy carpet, and accuses him of being a chicken livered coward who jumped ship. Basically, poultry in motion with a nautical theme. In the Season of Group Therapy, Morgan doesn't even have the decency to bad mouth him behind his back; she asks Jeremiah why he voted out Brice in front of the entire tribe. Of course Jeremiah goes with Survivor justification Greatest Hits: Brice was a social threat, a snappy dresser and the inventor of Brice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat.

RC-Blind Man's Oof -- The Losin' Brains tribe receives their Reward Challenge clue from poetry corner and deduce that they will be blindfolded.

Despite her track record as a hotheaded rice burner, J'Tia often has sage advice for others. She urges Spencer to "start visualizing now". Snap zoom to the Reward Challenge where Jiffy explains the Blind Man's Buff course and shows off his rooster and hens. Winner gets the birds with second place earning a dozen eggs and third place garnering a goose egg... nothing. Tasha is calling for the Brains, while Alexis and Cliff have the duties for the Beauties and My Little Brawnies.

Well, you can't make a Reward Challenge without breaking a few eggs and we witness a medley of painful collisions between obstacles and crotches while Stevie Wonder sings "Agony and Ovaries" gently in the background.

It's a close one between Brains and Beauty and it looks like Tasha may stroke out while she yells at her blindfolded team. It appears that Brains has a lock on second place, but when the tribe flag falls off the lifting platform, J'Tia fails her course requirements for Spatial Studies. Apparently, she's going to take an extra semester to figure out how a stick with a piece of cloth attached to it might fit on a rectangular platform. J'Tia's panic allows Tony and Lindsey from Brawn to muscle their way into second place.

What Came First, The Public School Education Or The Kardashians? -- Back at the Beautiful Sheeple's camp, Jeremiah reaches into the feed bag but isn't Doug Henning enough to conceal the clue to the HII hidden inside and pulls it out while saying, "Oh, a note." Given that this is the Beauty tribe, the "clue" is more of a step-by-step illustrated guide to finding the Idol. Fortunately, LJ already has the HII and the clue doesn't lead to his pocket.

It seems that despite being Ovo-Americans themselves, Alexis, Jefra and Morgan have no idea how roosters and hens meet through Hatch.com and create offspring-slash-hatchlings-slash-Denny's breakfast. LJ is confessionalizing that he's in a stereotypical Beauty tribe and sounds both understanding and wise until he announces that the Egg came first. His reasoning is that dinosaurs had eggs and dinosaurs pre-date chickens. Seconds later, CBS receives nearly three million tweets at #Survivor #SterilizeContestantsNow.

After tucking into the chicken dinner, Morgan confesses that she doesn't care for Jeremiah, saying that he's "as dumb as rocks and a big fat liar. I don't understand why he's on this tribe-- he's not that beautiful and we're supposed to be a beautiful tribe." That's the ex-NFL cheerleader competitiveness leaping to the surface. You have to steal the other girl's chicken cutlets if you want to keep shaking your pom pons.

Meanwhile at Brawny Town, Sarah and WooChild have a meaningful discussion about Cliff having a balanced investment portfolio and not needing any money nor the sense of accomplishment that would come from winning Survivor. Woo declares to Sarah, "We're young. It's our time to shine. Let's pound on it." Rather than signaling a jungle sex party, this seems to indicate that WooChild has aligned himself with Sarah. But if Sarah is the foot soldier, the fungus on that paranoid foot's little toe is Tony. Tony and his tribal tattoo confess, "I'm here to lie, cheat and steal. I'm here to drag people's dreams through the mud so mine can come true." (Also available in a needlepoint pillow design at survivor.com)

Fast Break IC --Brawn receives tree mail announcing the Immunity Challenge, which will have a "anybody here know how to play basketball?" theme. Before the Challenge, Sarah shops a Throw The Challenge strategy to Woo and Trish in the hopes of voting Cliff out before any merge.

The Immunity Challenge involves diving down to retrieve five buoys, all tied at different depths. Once retrieved, someone (*snort* Cliff) will shoot the buoys into a basket. First two tribes to sink all five win. Losing team goes home with Dick Vitale.

As with most basketball games, it all happens in the last two minutes. J'Tia can't swim, dive or breathe in a coordinated manner. Parts of the Brawn tribe are trying to throw the Challenge, and the some members of the Beauty tribe think this just might be a swimsuit photo shoot. Despite that, the Beauty tribe dominates the Challenge with Jeremiah scoring all five buckets before the other two tribes have all of their buoys back. When it's all said and done, J'Tia's incompetence is too much for even the Brawn tribe to overcome and Cliff finally sinks all five shots, forcing the Brains tribe to Tribal Council. In the confessional words of Sarah, "Dude, we tried so hard to blow that Challenge. That team sucks."

"Please Don't Break Up With Me --" If Spencer had Occam's Razor, he'd probably have to walk across it. The simplest answer in this case is that he's a physical asset to his tribe, but he has to offer J'Tia up for the vote. On the minus side of J'Tia's résumé, she's bossy, she destroys her tribe's food, she is a physical liability at challenges and she doesn't play well with others. On the plus side... hmm, can I make a few calls and get back to you later?

But as the women talk, J'Tia makes a case for her loyalty. Tasha is swinging like a pendulum, while Cass just wants to make a decision and move forward.

Shrugs, Not Hugs -- When Jiffy greets you with a big shrug and a sigh... it's not good. While Probst drills into J'Tia's failings, Spenser tries to bolster his own position by talking up his strength in challenges and his loyalty. Tango and Cash crosstalk, but ultimately it's J'Tia that takes the long walk to the Ponderosa... and gets lost.



Mark "Duck. Duck. Goose me." Burnett
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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 While the beaks silently squawk... kingfish 03-13-14 1
   RE: While the beaks silently squawk... suzzee 03-19-14 4
   RE: While the beaks silently squawk... suzzee 03-19-14 5
 RE: Be The Survivor: S28 Ep03: "It'... Scarlett O Hara 03-17-14 2
 RE: Be The Survivor: S28 Ep03: "It'... suzzee 03-19-14 3

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kingfish 16933 desperate attention whore postings
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03-13-14, 10:54 AM (EST)
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1. "While the beaks silently squawk... "
Tonight,
We are young,
So let’s set the world on fire,
We can burn brighter,
Than the sun.

How Fun.

It's just so inspiring how full of bull crap those young folk can be. Reminds me of when I too was young and full of impossible dreams, dreams of having bevies of nubile nymphos at my beck and call. In my dreams they would be graduates of a school that I would run, called, oh, say for lack of a more descriptive name, "The Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing School of Real Raunchiness and Motorcycle Maintenance, Surreptitious Spying, Reporting and Whatnot". Little did I know then about the harsh realities of life, and how much stone engravers would charge for chiseling that title into the beam above the entrance to the school.

However, it was good that I didn’t know how impossible that dream was, because, as you see, it did come true after all. And on top of all of that I have the most nympho-maniacal nymphos, the best trained EPMB torturers, the finest collection of Vespa hogs that a bare babe’s bottom ever straddled, and the sneakiest spies with the earliest, snarkiest, and most accurate spoilers in Survivor history. Their resume does not stop there, but I will, because I just received the latest spoilers from my trained flock of homing buzzards, and time is short.

Spoiler #1: This year is not a slow year for castaway whiners.

- The bra straps of Morgan, Alexis, and Jefra are all complaining big time.

- The Mensa society is picketing the studios. Apparently the Brain tribe is giving them a bad name and they are threatening to sue over the misuse of the description “Brainy”.

- The FOP are suing the Brawn tribe over their portrayal of cops as lying, cheating, underhanded fools who have no cop instincts when it comes to conman-dar. Cops that can identify cops, but not cons. Which one would think would be useful for a cop. (Sarah, conned by Tony. Dumb dumb dumb).

They also deny any knowledge of or association with Shacks that can be used to monitor private citizen's conversations.

- Elementary atomic particles are embarrassed about J’Tia. They think she should do a pushup once in a while.

– Chicken heads will have the most legitimate complaint. Separated from their bodies, left to lie in the sand, beaks silently squawking while their bodies are plucked nude for all to view, the object of horror and revulsion for the Beauty Tribe, then having their eyeballs plucked out by land crabs and swallowed whole by the Island Chicken snakes.

Spoiler #2: The Island monitor lizards are licking their slithering chops - fresh eggs and chicken legs, yum yum.

Spoiler #3: However, whenever chickens are introduced to Survivor on an island far from the influence of PETA, inevitably we will have Super Chicken Woman, Shambo to the rescue.

Spoiler #4: Spencer has his brown sugar, his white sugar, but no rice. Oh well. He will have royalties from the sale of the “Survivor After Dark” DVDs.

Spoiler #5: The new Reward Challenge will either be titled “Blood and Balls”, or “The Emasculation Proclamation”.

Spoiler #6: The brain tribe should have ditched those violin lessons and computer camp and played soccer and gone to scout camp.

And J’Tia could occasionally do a pushup.




Tribe strikes again

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suzzee 5284 desperate attention whore postings
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03-19-14, 09:22 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: While the beaks silently squawk... "
It looks like Tony is plagiarizing the Hantz "How to lose a million" manual.

Tattoos-check
Ego-unchecked
Dumb girl alliance-check
Camera Hog-check
Idol in my pocket (and no I'm not glad to meet yo)-check
Delusions-double check

Hantz down, another winner.



Just call me Woo Hoo

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suzzee 5284 desperate attention whore postings
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03-19-14, 09:23 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: While the beaks silently squawk... "
But who gets custody of the rooster?


Just call me Woo Hoo

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Scarlett O Hara 3317 desperate attention whore postings
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03-17-14, 02:12 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Be The Survivor: S28 Ep03: "It's Our Time To Whine""
Fiddle.dee.dee. What's a girl to do without her partner-in-crime? I am going to miss you Brice - my good 'ole country boy. Who shall I attach to next. I know Jeremiah wants me and so does L.J. I'll just jiggle a bit and run around in a wet tee shirt. That should keep their attention on me, where it belongs!


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suzzee 5284 desperate attention whore postings
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03-19-14, 09:19 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: Be The Survivor: S28 Ep03: "It's Our Time To Whine""
I'm drinkin' the Woo-lade, join me around the happy campfire of Survivor Idiots.


Just call me Woo Hoo


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