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"S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Jive""
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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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10-04-12, 00:36 AM (EST)
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"S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Jive""
Russell lacks the muscle. Abi starts a passive-aggressive tussle. Angie's brain cells don't even cause a rustle.

Like Russell, I'm having some trouble pulling myself up the ladder. Blame the jet-lag, the massive responsibilities of managing Survivor or just the pressures of avoiding the curriculum of the Really Really Raunchy Finishing School for Really Really Raunchy girls.

I need some time to digest the antics of the three tribes known as Moe, Larry & Shemp.

But like Angie, I don't know the meaning of the word "quit". Or a lot of other words, either.



Mark "The Tagalog Tastemaker" Burnett
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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff... SOAR64 10-04-12 1
   RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff... suzzee 10-04-12 2
       RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff... SOAR64 10-05-12 6
           RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff... RollDdice 10-11-12 12
 RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff... suzzee 10-04-12 3
 RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff... suzzee 10-04-12 4
 RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff... kingfish 10-04-12 5
   RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff... byoffer 10-05-12 7
       RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff... suzzee 10-05-12 8
           RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff... kingfish 10-05-12 9
  "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Job... Scarlett O Hara 10-07-12 10
 Whispers... kingfish 10-08-12 11

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SOAR64 136 desperate attention whore postings
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10-04-12, 08:02 AM (EST)
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1. "RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Jive""
Did you notice that after Angie was voted off it appeared to me that she became a completely different person. She smiled and wished everyone good luck. It was nice to not see the bitterness which so many players display when voted off.
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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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10-04-12, 04:02 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Jive""
Like most kids her age she was off to Spring Break Philippines and her first film for Girls Gone Wild. YAY! Some time in the future she'll realize that this was the closest she would ever be to fame and fortune.


What a lovely bunch of coconuts.

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SOAR64 136 desperate attention whore postings
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10-05-12, 07:39 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Jive""
I'm sure that there are plenty of rich and famous men out there who would not pass up a chance to get to meet her and get to know her first hand.
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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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10-11-12, 09:37 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Jive""
Or her second hand. Or her vah jay jay.



Hidden takeout, crouching cookie.
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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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10-04-12, 04:06 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Jive""
Thank you sir Pete, may I have another crumb from your table.

psst....I'm getting up there so I gotta get my "up" when I can.

well, that sounded raunchy


I am too a celebrity

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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10-04-12, 04:22 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Jive""
And what if Jonathan gives Jeff that other finger????


What a lovely bunch of coconuts.


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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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10-04-12, 08:15 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Jive""
LAST EDITED ON 10-07-12 AT 08:02 PM (EST)


I have some sobering news to report. Apparently the EPMB’s corporate jet that he bought with money he embezzled from you good folks went down in the jungle near the Survivor camps. It just so happened that my undercover (naked and undercover) Raunchy Girls (you know, the naughty little things from my finishing school for really really berry berry raunchy girls?) were taking notes on the goings-on on the island and they decided to have some fun with the crash survivors.

They haven’t spilled the beans yet on what exactly they did, but they seem to have become acclimated to island ways. They all had ears, pinky fingers, little meat marbles, and little weenie like objects strung on string and hung around their necks. Island jewelry.

I fear that our girls may have done something rash. And the pear sized diamond ear stud in one of the ears makes me think the EPMB may not have escaped unscathed. If those little meat marbles came from him, we may have a much calmer, more sedate soprano singing EP from now on. And if one of those weenie like things came from him, he may be a bit sadder too.

You will be able to tell if he was one of my girl's victims if he returns complaining of jet lag and acting like he needs to catch up. Also, be alert for his use of the name Shemp. All classic signs of someone who had the ultimate Brazilian.

Oh well. Raunchy girls will be raunchy girls, and only punishment we have for them is severe and prolonged sexual disciplinary action. But before I dive into that (literally), I’ll deliver the latest and very much the greatest spoilers to date.

Spoiler #1:
This week:
- Skupin gets hit with a coconut. Then he gets hit with another coconut.
- Skupin is bitten by a large land crab.
- Skupin gets his face caught in the propeller of Jeff’s motor yacht.
- A volcano opens up under Skupin as he sleeps.
- Skupin tries to kick a soft looking piece of granite.
- Skupin slices off his pinky when trying to clean his fingernails with the machete.

More next week. Actually there will be noticeably less of Skupin.

Spoiler #2: The production crew will show more RC tush shots. It would seem that they are in love too. Speaking of which, RC will have a crisis when she discovers that she has no places to hide clues, and realizes that she will have to borrow Lisa’s burka. (Bless Dang those pocketless and coverage challenged bikinis.)

Spoiler #3: Jeff will reveal how Survivor is like baseball. He will also reveal how Coconuts are like baseballs, how the machete is like a baseball bat, how crabs are like crabs in the baseball clubhouse shower, how monkeys are like baseball managers, how rain in the big leagues is like rain on the island.… etc.

Spoiler #4: Russell will blame the all of his tribe mates for their losses. He will also blame the weather, Probst, the pygmies, the coconuts, the sand, the sky, the sea. It’s obvious that a mirror isn’t among the tribe’s campsite gear. Oh yeah, and he will rip Angie for her reinvention of history after he explains how he didn’t quit, that really, he merely stopped competing. And he that wasn’t unable to climb up on the raft, that it was the raft that kept kicking him off. And how Probst kicked him off too.

Spoiler #5: Lisa will wander off in the jungle to be by herself and contemplate why she feels all alone. (Sorry folks, I like her too, but this is worthy of a bitch slap).

Spoiler #6: This photo was submitted with Angie's application to the Raunchy Girls finishing school.

What do you think, should she be admitted? I mean if she had an ear hung around her neck on a string, she'd be one of the girls. As it is, she does show a willingness to learn. And we’re willing to teach. Private lessons.


Tribetastic art.

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byoffer 15808 desperate attention whore postings
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10-05-12, 11:56 AM (EST)
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7. "RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Jive""
This week:
- Skulpin gets hit with a coconut. Then he gets hit with another coconut.
- Skulpin is bitten by a large land crab.
- Skulpin gets his face caught in the propeller of Jeff’s motor yacht.
- A volcano opens up under Skulpin as he sleeps.
- Skulpin tries to kick a soft looking piece of granite.
- Skulpin slices off his pinky when trying to clean his fingernails with the machete.

Pfft. Those are nothing. I've had much worse. In fact when I was a kid, I'd dream of days when only these things happened to me.

That said, I did guarantee myself of a million dollars with the lawsuit that will be going against the goggle manufacturer. And I will win the season, and I will be fan favourite. Plus, I will more than likely have other injury lawsuits before the season is over. I'll be so rich I will almost be able to afford my hospital bills!!

Maybe I should take a page from Malcolm's book and surround myself with "protective pillows". Hey RC...


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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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10-05-12, 01:39 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Jive""
Skupin, careful of that leaf. OMG watch out for the sand. I think you should definitely talk to a lawyer about that face mask explosion. You got rights buddy.

oh wow, careful that buff isn't too tight on your arm, you don't want it to cut off circulation or anything.


What about dried coconuts?

Now a word from my alter-ego: So there was this period I couldn't delete. I tried reloading, backspacing, highlighting. Nothing worked. Until I scraped that little black thing off the monitor. sheesh.


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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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10-05-12, 06:37 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: S25 Ep03 Be The Survivor: "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Jive""
Sorry, he couldn't hear you. Seems he accidentally got bamboo shoots stuck in his ears.

That was before he fell off a cliff.

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Scarlett O Hara 3259 desperate attention whore postings
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10-07-12, 07:27 PM (EST)
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10. " "Jeff Kent & The 4 Finger Hand Job""
Now, finally, I have all de power!

Eet is jes what I needed to take control of these game! Joo better be nice to Abi-Maria ... eef I don like joo, joo will be voted out!



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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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10-08-12, 01:40 PM (EST)
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11. "Whispers..."
LAST EDITED ON 10-08-12 AT 03:10 PM (EST)

Hello fliends. Thorry I hath thu talk thith way, but I got hit in the mouph with a Coconut that bounced off Thkupinths head. Hith luck ith contagthus, I thwear.

Ah, that’s better. One of the more raunchy Girls (a very very raunchy girl indeed) just gave me something that made my swollen mouth better again. I won’t say why they take such good care of my mouth, but, yeah, being a pretty mouth has something to do with it. And maybe because I reveal the best spoilers with it? Maybe? Maybe hell, that’s definitely a reason. One should remember, though, that these are very well educated girls from the Raunchiest School in the world, and that for them, all things are centered on their main reason for being. The Raunch. So…nuff said?

Anyway, a few tidbits to report, mostly overheard conversations this time:

Spoiler #1: There was one guy heard singing a song and asking where his cuddle mate had gone. He isn’t very bright, and his musical education ended early in life, so the only song he could think of was…

Oh where, oh where has my cuddle mate gone?
Oh where, oh where could she be?
With her pillows upstairs, and her cute little tush,
Oh where, Oh where can she be?

I saw her at the campfire last night, talking to Jeff,
She laughed and then she cried.
Then she seemed to walk away, I don't see her no more,
I wonder, where could she be.

Spoiler #2: Coconuts were overheard whispering about the “Who can hit Skupin the most times” lottery. They were, of course, competing with every hard object and sharp edge on the island.


Spoiler #3: The coconuts were also heard laughing about when Kent was mistaken for Skupin and hit by a coconut by mistake. Kent asking what the count was and which inning it was had them all in stiches.

Spoiler #4: Russell lamenting about how it was everybody else’s fault for not telling him to practice getting on a raft before they came to the island. They needed to give 100% like he was giving. Except in challenges, of course, and that wasn’t his fault either.


Spoiler #5: The Peter “The Yerk” Yurkowski saying “Yo, how come I ain’t been on TV more? I got these muscles, I got the Jersey attitude, why ain’t I up? And where do they keep the Vodka? And the Bronzer? And how come I didn’t get on a tribe with RC? Me and her, we’re the hot bods, so what’s goin on here? Check out these abs.



Tribal wampum.

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