LAST EDITED ON 09-22-09 AT 09:20 AM (EST)
Location: Loser Island.
Inmates: Losers. You. And I.
Prospects: None. All is Lost.
We were bad, and this is our punishment.
This year you get no points. You are losers, so you’re been banished to the Lowest Loser Institution in Outer Siberia.
All points are the property of the State. They are confiscated before you receive them. To own points is a crime against the State. Penalties are severe.
The state is all powerful, you are the inmates. You also run the institution, but the state is too chinchy to pay anyone to do it, so you get no pay. No points, no fancy symbols, all is dreary, the only color besides a puke shade of gray in this somber place is teal, a remnant of some long lost custom no one actually remembers. Our brains are numb, we are automatons, and like all good automatons we obey, we just obey. We are bricks in the wall.
The name of the state is Loser Lodge. There are bars on the windows, coal mines where beaches once existed in prehistoric Loser times, and chains on the wall. The chains are a leftover artifact from when leather clad Amazonian Women ran the show and had fun games like “I’m gonna whip your butt and you’re gonna like it”, “Lick my spike boots and tell me you like it”, and “Your bed is that spiked Rack, and you’re gonna tell me how grateful you are that you’re allowed to sleep on your back”.
You walk to meals of roach soup with a side of rat intestine salad and Maggot bread, head bowed in gratitude for the 20 hour/day 7 day work weeks that it is the pleasure of the State to allow you to work.
Every month you will be required to shower in ice water showers with de-liceing chemicals, followed by nail trimming and hair cuts with a dull axe.
Only one visit to the latrine per week is allowed, which, considering how many bowls of roach soup you won’t be able to keep down, will be more than sufficient.
You will repeat the Mantra “The State is All powerful, the State is All Good, the State is all knowing, I love the state” every hour on the hour.
OK, now that we know the locale of our Lodge this week, and the overwhelming possibilities this place has for hilarious over-the-top-fun and shenanigans, we’re required to sign up. And all losers will detail first:
“What I did I do this year that I deserve this punishment. And what I am willing to do for or give Kingfish in order to get out of this hell hole.
There will be no judging, this will be purely cathartic. Well, we might judge you privately, but aside from a snarky remark or several, no judgments. Unless you break the rules of the state. Then..Brrrr…I can’t help you, nor can I possibly predict what dire fate awaits you.
And, since our old host (what was his name anyway, Tribble?Trisket? Bribe? Trouble From the word Go?) is mysteriously absent this year, we are going to have to take up the reins from week to week, and we’ll have to share those reins. Just PM the weekly host (this week it’ll be me) and volunteer for the next week. At least in this first week, I can’t think beyond one week. First Volunteer gets the job, and I'll pass the extra names to him or her, and send PMS to those concerned with status.
Since for that week you will be the absolute thread-master, anything goes. Anything. Throw the guidelines out the window. Blue Peeps aren't allowed unless they post naked pictures of themselves. Naked pictures of female inmates in intimate poses are also encouraged.
(Actually I just wanted to say that. But the guideline still have to be respected, at least to the extent that we have in the past. This is still RTVW).
The weekly host is responsible for whatever they want to be responsible for. Make up an activity, make up a game, change the climate, relocate the lodge, change the rules, rewrite history, rewrite the future, totally rewrite reality. Anything goes from week to week, and the weekly host is totally in charge. The only rule that is universal is that women are encouraged to disrobe and obey anyone named Kingfish at all times, but even that doesn’t have to be a requirement.
<conscience elf with horns on left shoulder> “Go ahead..make it mandatory..you know you want to…
<conscience elf with wings on right shoulder> “Now now, you know it wouldn’t be right…
OK, its highly encouraged, but not required. (Pesky conscience)
Men are required to kill spiders and be naked volley ball game score keepers. Read that anyway you wish, we can go commander. Or commando.
Oh yes, you are required to volunteer, so don’t try and avoid duty. You won’t like the punishment for that. You may volunteer repeatedly if you wish.
(OK, you don't have to volunteer to be a loser lodge loser. It's open to everyone without any requirement other than you have to be a loser. It would help, however to have a thread, a place to post, so all the volunteer has to do, the only and most basic requirement, is that he or she post the title. After that you're on your own to be as short and sweet or long and boring as you wish. The preference would be medium and witty, but Losers can't be chosers. If you want Graphics added to you post, PM Agman, he's eager to do you a job).
Agman has indicated that he would help with graphics. And, thanks to him, the good news about Loser Lodge this week is...EVERYBODY GETS A SIG PICS...Yeaaaaaaa! As we all know (you can check Ebay auctions if you need proof), Loser Lodge Sigs are the most valuable there are, they go for big bucks. I personally keep mine in a bank safety deposit box, and I'm sure there will be acrimony among my survivors when I die for who gets them.
I don't know if this will fly, but since we've had so much fun in the past letting our cyber-selves go wild, maybe we can keep it going one more year.
Now, get to posting your essay and volunteering for duty, first volunteer will be the first follow up host. This year it's not just a request. It's a demand. Except for Emydi. For her and her sub-doms it a plaintive request from a lowly insignificant spot under their high spiked heels.
I hope this half-baked attempt at keeping the loser tradition alive works.