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"Gay Idol Journal - Disco!"
TODDLJ 421 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
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04-03-03, 03:46 PM (EST)
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"Gay Idol Journal - Disco!" |
Note to readers/fans/stalkers: This is my weekly Diva rant, similar to the popular and critically praised 'Gay Survivor Journal.' It is an exclusive to the RealityTVWorld American Idol board. Please note that my opinions are based solely on image, style and originality, not on voice. Some of the biggest selling recording artists of all time couldn't sing for crap. A short list of Stars with marginal vocal talent would include: Cher, Bette Midler, Britney Spears, Enrique Iglesias, Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Ricky Martin, Kylie Minogue... the list goes on and on. What they had was Star Quality... so what I am looking for is a DIVA (male or female) with that X-factor.This Week's Diva Rankings 1. Kimberley Caldwell Diva of the Week. In a week where she had little or no competition, Kimberley takes the DOW title (not to be confused with the DAW title, which she also holds) yet again. Her blonde hair was sleek and sexy, as was her barely-there black blouse. Some thought her black silky 3/4 pants and gold lame sash were a little bit Vegas-pirate, but I think they served her hourglass figure nicely. (Not to mention, a 'costumed' look is totally appropriate for this week's theme.) You go! (And now the revelation that she is dating former-Idol-hottie JD Adams... Diva Kimberley has it all!) One minor quibble for Kimberley: girlfriend, please FIRE whomever waxes your eyebrows. They are entirely too far apart, giving you a sort of 'smacked between the eyes' look! (And, when re-shaping your brows, for the love of God, Please don't look to your mother as an example for where they should be!) 2. Carmen Rasmusen Runner Up Diva of the Week. I must give 'perky Mormon girl' her due, she looked fierce this week. The extensions are both girly and sexy at the same time, and the cute little black blouse was subtle yet effective. I'm not sure if I would have paired the top with those tacky gold satin pajama bottoms, but I have to say, her cute little butt was served well by them. (Now that she's 18, I can objectify her sexually.) Plus, in a bad week, even a mediocre Diva performance can shine. 3. Trenyce Girl, you let me down! You are capable of so much better than this, as was evidenced by your Diva of the Week appearance on Movie Theme Night. Trenyce's rainbow tube top/ill-fitting-jean skirt combo (with tacky matching criss-cross belts) was topped off by an otherwise-cute red jacket that unfortunately didn't match (tonally) the colors in the blouse. Ouch! But, despite the letdown, I still have to rank Trenyce third, due to the horrific fashion disasters, which must fall lower on the list. 4. Ruben Studdard I am so sick and tired of the double-standard the judges seem to have when addressing Ruben! They hand insults to others, and then hold their tongues with him. Where are the 'you need to lose a few pounds' comments? Where are the 'you need to move more on stage' comments? Where are the 'you do the same thing every week' comments? Where are the 'we're f-ing sick of the 205 jersey' comments? Please be honest and tell him he is a morbidly-obese, image-challenged man who has a warm/rich (if dull) voice, little-or-no versatility, a brain the size of a walnut, and absolutely no fashion sense. That being said, he's still better than most of these other schmucks. 5. Clay Aiken My boy Clay looked flat-out awful this week, in a shiny diamond-patterned brown/gold blouse and mismatched, ill-fitting brown polyester pants. Very few people could pull this look off. In fact, I would venture to say, no one could pull this look off. Could it get worse than this? 6. Ricky Smith Yes, folks, it gets worse. Ricky took the stage in a too-tight red and purple polyester shirt that accentuated his big, jiggly tummy, and bell-bottom jeans that squeezed him in all the wrong places. To top it all off, he wore a comically-huge afro that, when combined with his round belly and round ass, made him look like some sort of urban Frosty the Snowman. I must also dock him additional points for removing the wig during his song. At least the comic relief was distracting. After the wig was gone, we were forced to actually pay attention to his performance. 7. Kimberly Locke Another dismal appearance for Kimberly Locke, who seems destined to dwell in the image basement. Sure, her balls-out performance was Diva-fierce... but only if you kept your eyes closed. With a huge fluffy hairstyle that accentuated her round face, a scarf-like pink silk skirt, and an unflattering tummy-accentuating cream satin blouse that looked like she attacked her nightgown with a Bedazzler, Kimberly was by far the worst-dressed of the week. 8. Joshua Gracin That is, except Josh. Someone needs to inform this style-challenged Marine that he should never, I repeat NEVER wear white again. The monochrome look served to highlight his stout body. And from the back, his wide, flat butt was just plain enormous. You could show a movie on that thing. Letterboxed. 9. Corey Clark Corey did not appear this week. This was, perhaps, the greatest moment so far on AI2. So long, pitch-challenged, nappy-haired, weed-smoking, do-rag-wearing, arrogant, sister-beating, cop-evading Corey. Good riddance!
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L82LIFE 5333 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-03-03, 04:18 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Gay Idol Journal - Disco!" |
Larry, you make me laugh every time I read one of your journals. However, this one went above and beyond the call of duty and had me busting a gut laughing out loud! A few comments that had me rolling:Please be honest and tell him he is a morbidly-obese, image-challenged man who has a warm/rich (if dull) voice, little-or-no versatility, a brain the size of a walnut, and absolutely no fashion sense. That being said, he's still better than most of these other schmucks. To top it all off, he wore a comically-huge afro that, when combined with his round belly and round ass, made him look like some sort of urban Frosty the Snowman. And from the back, his wide, flat butt was just plain enormous. You could show a movie on that thing. Letterboxed. So long, pitch-challenged, nappy-haired, weed-smoking, do-rag-wearing, arrogant, sister-beating, cop-evading Corey. Good riddance! Too.Damn.Funny. You're the best, Larry!
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Lancerdude74 165 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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04-03-03, 04:46 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Gay Idol Journal - Disco!" |
Larry I think this was the funniest one I've read yet! Keep it up!
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katem 3315 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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04-03-03, 06:20 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: Gay Idol Journal - Disco!" |
>8. Joshua Gracin > And from the >back, his wide, flat butt >was just plain enormous. >You could show a movie >on that thing. Letterboxed. >9. Corey Clark >Corey did not appear this week. > This was, perhaps, the >greatest moment so far on >AI2. So long, pitch-challenged, >nappy-haired, weed-smoking, do-rag-wearing, arrogant, sister-beating, >cop-evading Corey. Good riddance! ROFLMAO !!!!! You're insane Larry. I LOVE IT !!!!! Keep it up.
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drawde236 317 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Cooking Show Host"
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04-03-03, 06:29 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: Gay Idol Journal - Disco!" |
You have outdone yourself once again. I was laughing out loud and am still chuckling over the letterbox comment.
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anitatucker01 2 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"
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04-04-03, 08:37 AM (EST)
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11. "RE: Gay Idol Journal - Disco!" |
I agree with you almost 100%.....except for the top 2 ratings...they should be reversed....I mean, really, Kim C. needs to do something to her eyebrows...they are a mess and ruin her entire look....Carmen has it together and her diva side is emerging..... you crack me up....so true.... keep it coming...
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managerr 1959 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Herbal Healing Drugs Endorser"
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04-04-03, 01:40 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: Gay Idol Journal - Disco!" |
Larry, if the writing thing doesn't work out, please send an application to be in charge of wardrobe at AI. I'm convinced someone out there hates Josh Gracin and is choosing outfits that makes him look as fat as possible. He kind of does have that pear shaped body which he may not be able to help, but he is always wearing stuff that seems to accentuate it.
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ktstray 1 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"
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04-04-03, 11:40 AM (EST)
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13. "RE: Gay Idol Journal - Disco!" |
This is the first time for me to read this journal! FINALLY! Someone says what I am thinking the whole show! Thank you... where can I find the Survivor Gay Journal??????
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TODDLJ 421 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
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04-04-03, 12:04 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: Gay Idol Journal - Disco!" |
Thanks for asking, ktstray. You can find Gay Survivor Journal in one of three ways:1. Survivornews.net is the OFFICIAL home of my column, and I would love it if you would view them there, so I continue to have high numbers. 2. My website, GayComedyJournals.com, has an archive of all previous columns, going back to the Marquesas. 3. I post the column weekly on the RTW Survivor Bashers board. Thanks Larry
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carencey 263 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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04-06-03, 11:39 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: Gay Idol Journal - Disco!" |
Don't get me wrong, I like Ruben well enough, but this was the best summary of the judges' attitudes in regards to Ruben and Clay especially. I will go look for the gay Survivor Journal now.
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TODDLJ 421 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
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04-11-03, 02:44 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: Gay Idol Journal - Disco!" |
Thanks to the following loyal fans:L82LIFE, Lancerdude74, dajaki (who LOVES Clay's sparkle makeup!), toddE, katem, minitroll, drawde236, anitatucker01, GeorgiaBelle, SaphireLady (who has sexual fantasies about Josh!?!) managerr, BriarRosie, ktstray, Femme, and carencey. Your support makes this all seem worthwhile. -Larry Todd Johnson
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p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
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p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
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