Woohoo! Finally, the Season 6 Bachelor Episode 3 summary! I know that you were all on the edges of your seats. I apologize for the delay. Also, if you happen to be someone I yelled at over the past few days while I was having a technology meltdown (my little sister, my roommates, and the friendly customer support people at Sony, Comcast, Dell, and Dreamscape) I apologize to you too. Now, to business…

We start out hearing from Byron about how much he wants to pick out the best aspects of the women or something like that on his next one-on-one date. Blah blah blah. Next, we go to Cheresse, who wants the one-on-one date to be alone with Byron since it is so difficult to get any alone time with him, what with living with him 24-7 and having him right in the next room and stuff. Unfortunately for Cheresse, the date goes to Andrea, who gets a note that says “Let’s fly away from here and share a sunset together on the coast. A memory that we will hold dear forever.” Shockingly, Andrea does not cry at this gag-worthy note, which is “just what she wanted” because she has “strong emotions towards him.” She makes it through those statements without crying as well.

Andrea getting the one-on-one date is not just what Jayne wanted. Instead, Jayne is pissy, because she and Andrea are so completely different from one another. So Jayne goes to talk to Byron about what he’s looking for. (Apparently it is not as hard for Jayne to get alone time with Byron as it is for Cheresse.) Jayne tells Byron that she is frustrated and “not into competing” (umm, hello, then why did you sign up for this show?) and is jealous because she hears about and sees Byron having physical contact with other girls. Byron reassures Jayne that he can’t imagine her not being here-he thinks about her, talks about her and asks about her a lot and also mentions that he is very attracted to her (come on, what else is he going to say?) They cuddle. Awwwww. In confessional later, Byron says that they have a special bond.

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Andrea thinks that she and Byron have a good connection, which means a lot to her. On their one-on-one date, Byron says he is looking to find out who Andrea is, what makes her tick and what her passions are. And what is the first thing she says in the limo? “This is my year. I’m going to find my soulmate, either with you or with someone else.” Awwww, Andrea, way to make Byron feel special. It sounds like domesticity is your passion. Of course, Byron only comes back with “Can you see it happening with me?” Andrea shakes her head yes, and then Byron kisses her on the cheek. In confessional she says “Byron and I are feeling each other-he kissed me and I wanted more.” She sounds a little psycho when she says it, and I want to remind her that she is the designated crier of the season, not the designated psycho.

So the date involves flying on a restored B-25 bomber and seeing the sights. The plane has the gag-worthy name of “Executive Sweet” (How much did they pay to get the plane named that? I can’t see our friendly pilot as the sappy type.) In confessional, Andrea says that she is really excited about the ride, although she looks about at excited as she would be for a root canal. As the plane takes off, Byron makes the comment of the night: “If we are soulmates, then we’re going down together.” Thanks for the vote of confidence Byron. (And for all the laughs as I read into that about 50 different ways)

During the ride, Andrea says that she is giddy like a little child, and says it was a great ride; very romantic. Byron thinks it was a perfect moment, apart from his little plane crash comment earlier. Next (after an interlude of back at the house-see below) they have dinner in the terribly romantic hangar, where Byron talks about being sad when he travels by himself and Andrea talks about how lonely she is. Tear. Over champagne and dessert in the romantic library off of the hangar, Andrea talks about how she feels like she is falling in love with Byron and voiceovers from both mention how excited they are that this might be it as they feed each other cake. Foreshadowing, anyone?

Back at the house…the women talk about who feels like they are getting a rose, who is on the fence and who is confident. Susie is concerned, Elizabeth says maybe because she hasn’t been able to observe Byron’s interactions with everyone else (duh Elizabeth) and Jayne says definitely yes. Cheresse is worried about being Andrea’s polar opposite-Andrea is domestic; Andrea has taken charge of the house like “this is her house” blah blah blah. We get our first annoying Krysta confessional of the night, where we learn that Krysta is intimidated by Jayne. I know. I am stunned too.

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Now it is time to focus on the second one-on-one date. Cynthia thinks it would be very important to get the time alone with Byron before the rose ceremony, because she, like Cheresse hasn’t figured out that he lives with them and is around all the time. she doesn’t think she knows him. Krysta, Cynthia and Cheresse are sitting around talking about the date. Cynthia tells Cheresse that if Cheresse got a one-on-one date again, that she would “hate her and put crumbs in her bed.” Oooh scary. Note to self, do not piss off Cynthia. They all agree that it is weird how you can have feelings for someone you don’t know. Just like me and Brad Pitt. Cheresse is excited that Byron was married before-her ex, also Byron’s age couldn’t commit. “Obviously he wants to have a relationship and can commit. He’s done it before and wants to do it again.” Of course, Cheresse, the fact that Byron is divorced totally means that he can commit. Cynthia wants a one-on-one date because she can tell a lot about a person by looking into their eyes, which is weird because I didn’t know she couldn’t see Byron’s eyes around the house. As the conversation is breaking up, Krysta mentions that she is on the edge of her seat and says: “I don’t give a ##### anymore. I want to talk to him, I want to hug him, challenge me and I’m going to kick your #####.” Good job Krysta, you, unlike Andrea, understand the role you have been chosen to fill on this show. Cheresse does not look pleased by Krysta’s statements.

Chris gathers up the women and Byron and tells them that none of the women in the house will get the one-on-one date with Byron, and that he will instead go on a mystery date. He will find out what they are doing, where they are going and who it is with when he gets there. The women will get a videotape while Byron is gone to give them a clue as to what is going on at the mystery date. Cynthia is angry and ready to put crumbs in Chris’s bed because she is missing out on going on the date. Elizabeth wonders if it is someone that just left the house, or someone from his past. Cheresse thinks they get to watch what he is doing with other women, because they don’t get to see that in the house either. Exactly which house is Cheresse living in? Byron himself is pretty confused, but nevertheless excited about the chance to get away from Krysta.

Byron gets in the car and is let out in an alley a street in front of a red door with a question mark on it. (Oooh look Batman, the Riddler’s house!) He follows arrows to a lounge area and an elevator rises with two women in it, and then we cut away. Oooh intrigue.

Back at the house, Krysta finds the tape and runs back into the house. The girls see footage of Heather from Bachelor 2 (Aaron) first. (I’ll leave you with Krysta’s later comments on her in case you forgot who she is.) When she is shown crying again and again and again (hey, maybe she’ll get along with Andrea!) the girls laugh at her a lot, and Krysta, the supportive one, says “That ##### is going down.” Then, oh no! there is footage of a second former bachelorette-Mary from Bachelor 4 (Bob). After seeing the tape, the girls wonder is that it? Are they moving in tonight?

Krysta complains in confessional about the arrival of Heather from Texas, a cheerleader and pageant girl and says “too much. Too freaking much.” Krysta also mocks Mary, calling her: “Mary, hi, my ovaries, they’re drying up, gotta have a baby tomorrow.” She ends the confessional with “Give me a break. Game on. I didn’t like them when their shows were on, and I don’t like them now.”

Andrea says :These two women are an obstacle, because I feel like I’m so close to something I’ve been waiting for for a long time.” And know that I will find this year.

Back to Byron….he sees Heather and Mary walk in and doesn’t know who they are. Heather tells us in confessional that she came back because she’s been offered a second chance at love and why not go for it because you never know what’s going to happen. (I think I know what’s NOT going to happen Heather…) Mary notes that Byron is handsome (unlike Bob) and a really nice guy (unlike Bob), but coming back on the Bachelor was really scary for her. (Then why did you do it again???)

Byron says that he was surprised and assumed that it would be allies, friends, or family. (Who exactly are allies if they aren’t friends or family?) However, Byron is happy because “You two are much better looking than my family and friends.” Sorry Mom.

Byron in confessional-“Boy there’s going to be some upset women at home because these women are hot.” Well, at least Byron knows what’s going on at home. The women come home with him and move into the house. Heather says that she has an advantage because she’s been there before (how does that help??) but the others have an advantage because they have already started forming a relationship. Heather and Byron chat and she says that she is looking for someone to love her for her, and is looking to find love like him.

Back at the house…Cheresse notes that Heather and Mary are game players more than the other women in the house. The situation is worse than she thought. Krysta says that the fact that Byron is going out with new girls instead of the ones in the house (read:her) hit her in the stomach. She will wait up for Byron to come home to hear all about what happened on the date.

Back to Byron…..Alone with Mary on the roof. Byron says that he and Mary have an instantaneous connection which is calming and relaxing and crap like that. Mary tells Byron that she is single because she won’t settle-she has everything she wants and the only think that is missing is family. Byron says that family is important to him to and tells some stupid story about other bass fishermens’ kids. Mary thinks that Byron is there for the right reasons.

When Byron and Heather and Mary go back to the house, the other women are in the hot tub. Krysta and Andrea run out to hear about the date and meet the new girls, while Cynthia is busy putting crumbs in their beds. Krysta makes a big show about how she is “waiting up for her boyfriend” and in confessional says something about keeping friends close and enemies closer. Heather and Mary feel uncomfortable and that “there were a couple of girls that were put off that we were there.” Really? You think? I’m shocked too. I mean, I totally would have expected the other women to accept you with open arms and let you walk away with Byron. Who knew they would be mad? So Heather and Mary go upstairs to get away. Krysta mocks Heather some more, being the psycho one.

In the morning, Heather and Mary still feel uncomfortable. Around the pool, the women talk about Heather and Mary. Andrea makes a potentially insightful comment when she says “It’s upsetting because they still haven’t found love.” Really Andrea? Do you think that it is possible that *gasp* most or all of the women in the house will leave without Byron and without finding love? You mean everyone doesn’t leave The Bachelor happy? Inconceivable. The girls trash Heather but don’t have as much to say about Mary, whom they only call traditional, and mention that she would make a good wife.

Byron comes out and wants to know the reaction of the women to the Heather and Mary. Of course, he asks Krysta because he knows she’ll spill. Krysta says “They had their chance. We’re possessive.” Good job Krysta. Make Byron feel really comfortable with you. Andrea says, “In my opinion, they’re not your type.” In a confessional, Amanda says that the girls are not happy that the new girls are here and are hoping that both of them do not receive a rose.” Thanks for summing it up for the slow people Amanda.

Commercial. I, for one, was very excited to see the show after the commercial break. I fast-forwarded my tape and everything. Not because I actually care about who is getting a rose, but because at every other commercial break we have seen this whole big production about “Which Bachelorette will do whatever it takes” and have seen pictures of Krysta swimming around the pool nekkid saying “I’m earning my rose” with Byron watching. I am so excited for him to see how nuts she is, I can’t wait. Just keep that in mind.

Ok, end of commercials. Bryon looks at the pictures and ponders who to pick, Chris gives him an option for three last chance talks and he picks Susie, Heather, and Cheresse. Krysta gets upset that Heather gets time with Byron that could have been hers. Heather and Mary talk and Heather notes that it would show interest if Byron asked her to stay. Thank goodness we have Amanda and Heather to explain to us what is going on.

Last chance with Susie-Susie asks Byron to trust that she has feelings for him but that she is uncertain about what he thinks about her and that makes her act more reserved. Byron notes that he heard exactly what he needed to hear from Susie and that his decision was validated.

Last chance with Heather-(right before, Heather and Mary agree that a last chance talk is probably a good sign) Heather notes that rose ceremonies don’t get any easier. Byron says that Heather is intriguing and thinks she is in it for all the right reasons.

Krysta and Andrea watch Heather and Byron’s last chance talk and Krysta now decides that she in not threatened by Heather. (Yeah, right, she’s threatened by everyone.) She thinks Heather is not genuine and analyzes how close Heather and Byron sit on the couch and notes that Byron does not kiss Heather. Andrea says “I can’t see her with him”

Cheresse wants advice from Jayne and Amanda, and is worried because she hasn’t talked to Byron since their one-on-one date. As she walks up to Byron, she says “Long time no see”. Byron worries about their once-strong connection that has vanished. He asks-were you even looking for me? Cheresse is now not sure that she will get a rose.

Spygirl Krysta assumes that Cheresse’s talk went bad because she looks sad. She talks to Elizabeth and says “I think everybody is wondering what is going on with Cheresse-she went into the bathroom and hasn’t been seen since.” Little miss fickle now thinks that last chance talks are a bad thing and is very glad that she didn’t get asked to go on one.

Byron is now confused and says that this is the hardest rose ceremony that he’s had. He blathers about how the women really need to say no if they aren’t feeling something for him blah blah blah, and he gives roses to…..

Andrea
Jayne
Elizabeth, who has a weird hairdo that looks like Cha Cha from Grease
Cheresse
Tanya (Tanya who?)
Mary
Cynthia (he calls her Cindy)
And the last rose, for those of you who are not good at counting, goes to…
Krysta.

Phew. What would we do without our resident whackjob?

Reactions from the women not picked:
Heather-coming back was hard. She had the intention of falling in love, but no tears.

Amanda-said something about not agreeing with the decisions and hard to not care enough or something like that. She was not that upset.

Kristie-was very disappointed and cried.

No word from Susie, who was right way back at the beginning of the episode that she was in trouble.

Scenes of next week were pretty non-specific since there is no show coming up. The theme was drama and there was lots of yelling. It looked like there was a female friend or family member (or ally?) there to help Byron.

So what about nekkid crazy Krysta???? As the credits roll we finally see the footage and it turns out that it was from the women playing Truth or Dare and she was dared to swim nekkid and Byron thought it was funny. Talk about anti-climactic.

Okay folks that’s all. (Which is good because I am really glad to be done writing this.) No show this week (which lets me be slightly okay in having this up so late) but stay tuned for spoilers and such. Will we have another episode with no tears from Andrea? Will Cheresse ever figure out where Byron lives? Will Krysta continue to be nuts? Will Jayne stay in even though she hates competition? Will the other women accept Mary? Will Cynthia fill everyone’s beds with crumbs? See, there are lots of pressing issues to be solved. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to write this, and sorry about the lateness again. (It won’t happen again-the chances of that many things going wrong all at once again are zero.)

Slice and Dice Chop Shop 2004