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"HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
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OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings
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01-12-06, 11:07 AM (EST)
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"HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
(I looked back 16 pages and didn’t find any posts on this topic, so here goes…)

What are your thoughts on the SO HG’s value systems? Is SO setting values and then helping the women get there or not? Is this good or not? Should the LC set the values or the women?

For example: Lisa’s dating game. Rhonda let her get away with picking men to her current value system: rich, world travelers, etc. Is Rhonda setting Lisa up to discover that like the purses Christina had, you don’t know what’s inside value?

Or, Lisa gave IV a list of values she is trying to go for. They were solid values, okay. But then in talking with another HG, Kim I believe, she is speaking about previous dates. They young guy wasn’t good enough because he only had a futon. The older South Beach man was, “good thing he drives a Bentley”. Obviously the set of values she operates on are superficial still.

Christina has been told to be a woman of honor, then is sent to hustle on a street corner (but then making apologies makes it okay…IV). She tries to hustle cheap crafty art, and finds that too hard. Looks like maybe she learned that the hard way is no fun and not easy.

NuLisa is being told her entire life was a lie, that she had no values working. All according to IV’s interpretation of NuLisa’s life. ???

Are IV and RB saying to the women, “no, THIS is how you live” according to their own value system, discounting and/or not even taking under discussion the houseguest’s current value system? Shouldn’t they at least go over this? Or, maybe it is done on the other 23 hours a day we don’t see?

What do you think?

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... Baxtera 01-12-06 1
   RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... OklaBlue 01-12-06 2
       RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... flexy633 01-12-06 3
 RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... Pixeltalk 01-12-06 4
 RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... lovemydogdude 01-12-06 5
 RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... OklaBlue 01-28-06 6
   RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... Baxtera 01-28-06 7
       RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... quiller 01-30-06 8
           RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... OklaBlue 01-31-06 9
               RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... lovemydogdude 01-31-06 10
 RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... OklaBlue 02-14-06 11
   RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... 2Centz 02-14-06 12
   RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value ... lovemydogdude 02-14-06 13

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Baxtera 923 desperate attention whore postings
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01-12-06, 12:27 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
I think IV especially approaches things from her religious value system and has a very hard time when people don't understand or embrace her approach, like the yelling to the universe. That works for some people and if it does best wishes to you but not everyone is someone who stands out in the world and screams or even believes in the universe as a God to be worshipped. That's when I think it's very obvious that a set of predetermined values is put forth and demands allegience to regardless of what your personal belief system is.

Then you have the goal setting which often is unrealistic and values what the coaches value and not what the HG is seeking. I'm not sure Christina wants to be a woman of honor. I don't mean that as an insult but according to IV's definition I'm not sure Christina really wants that for herself but because it's IV's goal it now must be Christina's goal. In my mind perhaps the compromise is to get Christina a GED, some basic job skills and when she sees she has alternatives to being a hooker than maybe she chooses to be a woman of honor or she chooses to continue to be a hooker. However, IV in a sense has made the choice for her.

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OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings
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01-12-06, 12:40 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
Exactly. From what I have read about life coaching, the client is the one who is supposed to determine the goals, not the LC.
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flexy633 234 desperate attention whore postings
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01-12-06, 01:29 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
EXACTLY! The Life Coach is supposed to guide them towards their goals and ask the right questions - not give advice. Also, LC's are taught (and this is a BIG ONE) - DO NOT JUDGE. If you find yourself judging, you are supposed to refer the client to another LC. If you feel the person's issues are too deep, you are supposed to refer them to a licensed therapist.

In reality, Dr. Stan should be dealing with these women much more closely than Rhonda or IV are.

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Pixeltalk 644 desperate attention whore postings
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01-12-06, 06:18 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
It is generally true of therapists that they NEVER tell you what to do or WHAT TO FEEL (I think values fall under this category). If you are plagued by erroneous thinking (like "It's all my fault" or "I'm a victim"-when you're not) they might challenge you and force you to see that what you're saying is false.

I have begun to wonder if any of the housemates has been a religious Christian, Jew, or whatever. Towanda's father was a minister but I'm not sure how religious she was. I would think that Iyanla's goddess/universe/pseudo-Pagan stuff would not set well with a religious person.

Also, what was Christina's goal? Did it have anything to do with being "honorable?" I do believe she wanted to stop being a hooker (I'm sorry, ESCORT).

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lovemydogdude 1253 desperate attention whore postings
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01-12-06, 06:28 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
Nice thread..I agree with all. It is obvious to me that IY and Rhonda have their own prejudices that greatly influence the quality of their LC abilities. You never see them refer one of the HG's to the other LC admitting they are prejudice to their situation and cannot support them adequately. If they would..it would so benefit the HG's. They would need more than 2 councelors though I'm afraid in order to accomodate this need.

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OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings
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01-28-06, 00:08 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
How about on the newest housemates, Christie and Kim? Didn't the life coaches set their goals?

Today Rhonda helped Lisa 1 set some short term goals. She seemed to let Lisa 1 set them while Rhonda set the time frame. But who was it that set Lisa 1's final goal "soar", with what explanation of what that means. Anyone remember?

IV set up Christie's steps for her.

They talk about the steps and goals so infrequently now its hard to know what they actually are. And on the SO website, all that is listed for the newest four women is one final step.

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Baxtera 923 desperate attention whore postings
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01-28-06, 08:30 AM (EST)
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7. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
I think it comes down to a couple of problems:

First I think they aren't choosing guests that are in their abilities to handle. Let's face it even with Dr. Stan to consult they are not therapists they are LC's. They are not qualified or licenced to provide therapy. They should focus on guests who have real issues they can help with changing carreers, getting a handle on financial issues, changing habits, etc. I'm sure there are plenty to choose from but lately most of the HG's have had real emotional issues that are well beyond Iv and Rhonda's limited abilities to handle and sadly I think it's obvious they are capable of doing more harm than good.

Second: The HG should be involved with setting the goals and the goals should be measurable and achievable. How does one know one's lived large or soared (unless Lisa's going to sky dive as a concluding exercise) The goals should have specific outcomes that can be seen or measured so the HG not the coaches can know they've achieved or not achieved them. They shouldn't be up at the podium guessing they should know I completed step one or at least I've done these three things to get me there. The goal are so nebulous and undefined I'm not sure the guests even know what they mean and thus always are realying on the coaches to tell them good job/bad job.

Third: The HG should also be involved in planning activities in reaching their goals and everyone should be doing something daily or their goal is to nebulous to reach. Much of the fighting comes from boredom and inactivity. These ladies should have more to do and less time to fight. However, they shouldn't be constantly waiting for these mystery exercise that they don't understand, they should be working in conjunction with Rhonda and IV to plan and participate in work that will help them understand the lessons they need to learn so they aren't playing guess what IV wants today. They should have an idea of what the goal is going into an activity and work their way through the activity to learn what it is they need to learn. They should also have days they have things they've planned to reach their goal.

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quiller 268 desperate attention whore postings
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01-30-06, 10:41 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
Baxtera, I totally agree that they are choosing people who are not really suitable for this venue and they are setting goals that are so nebulous that they can declar at any time that someone has reached their goals and is ready to graduate.

IMO, they easily could have given the HG more appropriate goals. For example; Christina's goals could have been to start a new life. Steps could have included getting the GED, applying for jobs; REAL job coaching including interviewing skills, appropriate clothing .... Personally, I think Christina did change during the time she was in the house - but did she "Become a Woman of Honour"? What is a woman on honour, anyway? Based on what values? Who determines what those are? I know people who think it is fine to cheat on taxes, I don't agree - so which of us is RIGHT? Christina could have been given a really valuable opportunity to really have a plan set up before she graduated but that didn't happen. Instead she gets a feel good, haven't you done well, celebration without any real plan for what to do when she leaves! This really frustrating to me.

And this applies to all the HG's current goals. Fill the empty cup?!? WTF does that mean?

Also, I think the LC's give away their lack of training with some of the things they say. I have heard Rhonda say on several occasions, "I can't change your life ..." Rhonda, here's a heads up for you. YOU can't change ANYONE'S life, only the individual can change their life. You can assist and facilitate, but you can't do it. And it scares me that they are working with these women and giving assignments that are often full of ambiguity. As others have said on several occasions. How are the HG's supposed to know that whether this is a time that you can so No, or not. Lisa2's most recent assignment could have included the information TO LISA that she could say NO to the assignments the other HG's gave her. Then that could have been a valuable assignment, IMHO. She would have had the opportunity to either practice saying no or to reflect on how difficult it is for her to say no and perhaps get some insight into that. Instead, it becomes an opportunity for the HG's to humiliate Lisa2 with stupid activities.

I am getting closer and closer to deciding to stop watching this show. While last year I watched and often thought about the assignments in connection to my own issues, now I am watching only for the entertainment value. Cause it is now just a soap opera.


cause this is what I do when I am NOT watching SO or posting on this board.

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OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings
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01-31-06, 00:49 AM (EST)
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9. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
"I am getting closer and closer to deciding to stop watching this show." LOL!!!
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lovemydogdude 1253 desperate attention whore postings
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01-31-06, 00:55 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
In Lisa's case she seems to be setting her own goals...PART TIME employment geesh...and giving herself a month...what a load of BS. The LC's goals seem so generic.

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OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings
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02-14-06, 02:09 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
Anyone else notice how much more calm the show is this week? With Dr. Stan. Without IV?

When Dr. Stan talked to the whole group today, it was so much nicer. I wish they would feature him more, like half the "advising" time.

He also seems to work closer to what the "patient/client" is saying, within their own structure than RB and IV do. He points out things they are doing and how what they are doing colors their emotions and reactions.

The LCs work more from their own value systems and try to get the HGs to do things that make their own points valid.

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2Centz 150 desperate attention whore postings
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02-14-06, 02:42 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "

Good point, OklaBlue.

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lovemydogdude 1253 desperate attention whore postings
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02-14-06, 03:25 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: HG Value Systems - or LC Value Systems? "
Yes Blue I agree this week has (so far) seemed much more calm. It does seem we're seeing more of Dr. Stan but maybe they're just letting go of all the drama and sticking to what we really want to see for a change!?

I didn't even miss IV enough to notice she hasn't been there lol..it is nice! Are they trying to redeem themselves? Today when Jodie went to Rhonda about her realization that she was associating Kim with her Dad, etc.. and Rhonda actually told her she DIDN'T need to tell Kim HELLO did I hear that right? Very true and very surprisingly refreshing. The most important thing is that Jodie realized it and began working on it. So far this week has left me with little disappointment. It would be nice to see more of Dr. Stan that's for sure!

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