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"Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
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OYnot 4 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"

01-10-06, 02:22 PM (EST)
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"Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I don't think that spouses sleeping in different rooms/beds is 'a sign of trouble in a marriage'. There are legit reasons for it, such as the one spouse snoring, one needing to get up very early for work (or coming home very late from work), or medical problems. In fact, I think it could even SAFE/help the marriage (just because they don't sleep in the same bed doesn't mean they aren't intimate).

I also don't think a wife (or husband) 'living off their spouse's money' is 'unheard of'. It wasn't that long ago when a wife/mother working 'outside the home' was 'unheard of'. Now it seems as if we (as a socity) have swung the pendlum (sp) to the far other side (were the wife 'needs' to work 'outside the home'). I don't think it's 'leading on the spouse' or anything like that. There ARE reasons for why the spouse isn't working 'outside the home' (hate that phrase - wasn't isn't used when talking about a MAN), including their raising children, health problems, going to school, and yes, they 'just don't want to'.

My husband and I don't sleep in the same bed, for health and scheduling reasons (not to mention he snores ). We're happy with it. There are advantages to it (such as I can stay up and read or watch TV when he's asleep). And I don't work - due largely to health reasons. (I might not have been able to convince the disability insurance that I'm unable to work, but that doesn't mean I'm not! (I think they have made it tougher (almost impossible) for people to get on disability insurance because of the number of people that have abused it in the past - but that's another issue)). I do what I can around the house. I don't feel I am 'spounging off my husband' (I once HAD a roomate (pre-marriage) who DID spounge off me. They had all sorts of money for whatever THEY 'needed' (wanted), but when it came time to pay bills, 'they were broke'. They also didn't do a thing around the place, other than to REDO what I had do as 'I didn't do it right'. They were perfectly able to hold down a job (and did 'when it suited them'). To me, THAT'S 'spounging', not when they ARE doing whatever they can). And to be very blunt, unlike a roomate situation, it isn't 'your money vrs. my money', it's OUR money.

I don't think there's an issue with her 'spounging' off of her husband that cheated on her (or that she's 'punishing him' by not working or not sleeping in the same bed (for 20 years?)). I do think there is an issue with the fact that THEY never discussed the issue of his cheating and really put it behind them. But I don't think that they can or should conclude that 'everything she has done since finding out of the affair is because of it'.

I don't thing the life coaches' behavior at that group meeting was right (Iyanla's 'fainting' was the worse) I think they totally mocked Lisa A. and was highly judgemental with her. I don't think Lisa A. deserved that sort of treatment (no one does). Granted some of it might of been for 'TV drama' (did we really need it?), but still I don't think it was right. I don't think Lisa A got the real chance to explain herself.

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... EnfanTerrible 01-10-06 1
   RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... flexy633 01-10-06 3
       RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... SOAddikt 01-10-06 17
 RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... beckettrep 01-10-06 2
   RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... flexy633 01-10-06 4
       RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... OklaBlue 01-10-06 7
   RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... PoohRocks 01-10-06 5
       RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... Baxtera 01-10-06 6
           RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... flexy633 01-10-06 10
               RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... OklaBlue 01-10-06 12
                   RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... flexy633 01-10-06 13
                       RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... MariJ 01-10-06 15
                           RE: IV Fainting Spell when LisaA te... OklaBlue 01-10-06 16
                   RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... Pixeltalk 01-13-06 33
       RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... lovemydogdude 01-10-06 8
           RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... lovemydogdude 01-10-06 9
               RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... Baxtera 01-10-06 11
               RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... beckettrep 01-26-06 37
 RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... L_11 01-10-06 14
 RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... DedeV 01-10-06 18
 RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... GoodnightLittleBear 01-10-06 19
   RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... Sues 01-10-06 20
       RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... GoodnightLittleBear 01-11-06 23
       RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... Pixeltalk 01-13-06 34
   RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... SOWayz 01-10-06 21
       RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... Pixeltalk 01-13-06 35
   RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... shawnar 01-10-06 22
       RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... catmagic16 01-12-06 27
           RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... shawnar 01-13-06 32
   RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... lovemydogdude 01-11-06 24
 RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... Cygnus X1 01-11-06 25
 RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... Kattrikk 01-11-06 26
   RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... Sues 01-12-06 28
       RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... whoitswhatsits 01-12-06 29
           RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... Cygnus X1 01-13-06 30
               RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... whoitswhatsits 01-13-06 31
 RE: Spouses sleeping in different r... Texas_2_step 01-13-06 36
 Locking - off topic Cygnus X1 01-26-06 38

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EnfanTerrible 1239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"

01-10-06, 02:32 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
LAST EDITED ON 01-10-06 AT 02:36 PM (EST)


It really depends on the intent. My ex-husband was a passive agressive guy, he would show his displeasure in silent ways, like staying out on the couch.

But I have been with my honey for 7 years and occasionally we might fall asleep in the same bed after one of our frequent "visits", but we almost always do the actual sleeping in seperate rooms because we keep each other awake otherwise. I can't sleep through his snoring, and he can't sleep through my tossing & turning. I grew up poor, 3 girls to a bed til I was at least 12. Now I like my space! We travel a lot, and we get 2 beds if we can. I recommend it for any couple if you can possibly find the room. At the very least, a big bed with seperate blankets. Too many couples are mean to each other all day just because they're tired.

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flexy633 234 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"

01-10-06, 02:41 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I LOVE sleeping alone, but there are times that I miss sleeping with my guy, so I do cuddle up to him in bed. It's hard to deal with his snoring and many times he wakes me up during the night with it. So, sleeping in another area is much more to my liking! Plus, I'm so used to spreading out and having my own space rather than being all crunched up in the fetal position when I'm in bed with him.

I don't understand why a lot of people think that's a problem to be sleeping in separate beds when married or living together.

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SOAddikt 96 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square"

01-10-06, 09:05 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I definitely like to spread out in my own bed, but I love sleeping with my BF too (we live separate, so I get to do both). He snore so loud, it almost makes the cottage cheese fall off the ceiling, so I wear earplugs. They really work to keep the sound of his snoring and other outside sounds out, and I get a great night's sleep!
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beckettrep 814 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"

01-10-06, 02:39 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
>I don't think that spouses sleeping
>in different rooms/beds is 'a
>sign of trouble in a
>marriage'. There are legit reasons
>for it, such as the
>one spouse snoring, one needing
>to get up very early
>for work (or coming home
>very late from work), or
>medical problems. In fact, I
>think it could even SAFE/help
>the marriage (just because they
>don't sleep in the same
>bed doesn't mean they aren't
>intimate).
>
>I also don't think a wife
>(or husband) 'living off their
>spouse's money' is 'unheard of'.
>It wasn't that long ago
>when a wife/mother working 'outside
>the home' was 'unheard of'.
> Now it seems as
>if we (as a socity)
>have swung the pendlum (sp)
>to the far other side
>(were the wife 'needs' to
>work 'outside the home'). I
>don't think it's 'leading on
>the spouse' or anything like
>that. There ARE reasons
>for why the spouse isn't
>working 'outside the home' (hate
>that phrase - wasn't isn't
>used when talking about a
>MAN), including their raising children,
>health problems, going to school,
>and yes, they 'just don't
>want to'.
>
>My husband and I don't sleep
>in the same bed, for
>health and scheduling reasons (not
>to mention he snores
>). We're happy with
>it. There are advantages to
>it (such as I can
>stay up and read or
>watch TV when he's asleep).
>And I don't work -
>due largely to health reasons.
>(I might not have been
>able to convince the disability
>insurance that I'm unable to
>work, but that doesn't mean
>I'm not! (I think they
>have made it tougher (almost
>impossible) for people to get
>on disability insurance because of
>the number of people that
>have abused it in the
>past - but that's another
>issue)). I do what I
>can around the house. I
>don't feel I am 'spounging
>off my husband' (I once
>HAD a roomate (pre-marriage) who
>DID spounge off me. They
>had all sorts of money
>for whatever THEY 'needed' (wanted),
>but when it came time
>to pay bills, 'they were
>broke'. They also didn't do
>a thing around the place,
>other than to REDO what
>I had do as 'I
>didn't do it right'. They
>were perfectly able to hold
>down a job (and did
>'when it suited them'). To
>me, THAT'S 'spounging', not when
>they ARE doing whatever they
>can). And to be
>very blunt, unlike a roomate
>situation, it isn't 'your money
>vrs. my money', it's OUR
>money.
>
>I don't think there's an issue
>with her 'spounging' off of
>her husband that cheated on
>her (or that she's 'punishing
>him' by not working or
>not sleeping in the same
>bed (for 20 years?)). I
>do think there is an
>issue with the fact that
>THEY never discussed the issue
>of his cheating and really
>put it behind them. But
>I don't think that they
>can or should conclude that
>'everything she has done since
>finding out of the affair
>is because of it'.
>
>I don't thing the life coaches'
>behavior at that group meeting
>was right (Iyanla's 'fainting' was
>the worse) I think they
>totally mocked Lisa A. and
>was highly judgemental with her.
>I don't think Lisa A.
>deserved that sort of treatment
>(no one does). Granted some
>of it might of been
>for 'TV drama' (did we
>really need it?), but still
>I don't think it was
>right. I don't think Lisa
>A got the real chance
>to explain herself.


I would like to know who invented that a man/woman had to sleep together once they were married - probably a MAN.....LOL...
I sleep on the couch - my husband sleeps in bed - and I LIKE it that way. I don't want to share my space (limited as it is) with ANYONE - never have liked the idea, never will....

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flexy633 234 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"

01-10-06, 02:43 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
But, on the old time t.v. shows, they ALWAYS showed the married couples in separate beds. Isn't that how they actually slept in the "old days" or was that just because we weren't supposed to see two adults on t.v. in the same bed?
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OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"

01-10-06, 03:12 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
That's old time TV. They didn't have babies either. Until Lucy and Mary Tyler Moore. I don't think they showed them pregnant either. Today they show from conception to birth.

I don't think people in the old days had the luxury of twin beds. They slept in one. Or like someone else said, several people (usually children) in one bed.

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PoohRocks 30 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"

01-10-06, 02:47 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms (he on the couch, me in bed) because he wakes up every couple hours due to medical reasons. He would drive me insane! Plus, I enjoy getting into bed, when I'm feeling tired, and reading with the TV on until I get drowsy. I don't have to worry that, because he's laying next to me, I'm keeping him up with my light on or TV.

I don't think there is anything wrong with this situation as long as the two people involved are okay with it. Sometimes the life coaches try too hard.

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

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Baxtera 923 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"

01-10-06, 02:56 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
This woman in my mind came off as having some issues and sadly the ones that got grabbed were ones that were hiding the bigger issues. There are plenty of healthy relationships that have one income or sleep separatly for a variety of health or comfort reasons. In listening to this woman's story I think IV was just being IV and the drama queen she is and trying to get under the cover story to what's really going on.

The simple fact is that the problems run much deeper than work or marriage and in this case they are just surface signs that she does have issues and she isn't going to want the work involved in dealing with them. Sadly I think she's another one that came seeking her 10 minutes of celebrity status and thought everything would be blamed on her husband because he had an affair etc. Did you see the way she drooled and hyperventilated when coming into the house. You would have thought she was visiting Queen Elizabeth or the Pope. I expected her to kiss IV's ring.

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flexy633 234 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"

01-10-06, 03:26 PM (EST)
Click to EMail flexy633 Click to send private message to flexy633 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
10. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I didn't see it that way. What I saw was a very nervous, scared woman. Plus, she said it herself, "She's used to people being on her side." She was on the money when she said she felt the life coaches were making fun of her. That's what they do best on this show. IV and Rhonda sounded like a couple of high school girls talking behind the new girl's back right in front of her face!
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OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"

01-10-06, 05:08 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
Why did they do that extreme, highschoolish crap? They didn't do that with anyone else, did they?
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flexy633 234 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"

01-10-06, 05:24 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I don't know, but it came off as immature, in my opinion. And IV falling on the floor - I just sat there shaking my head and laughing at her theatrics. Is she another wannabe actress or what?

Did you catch Rhonda and IV whispering in each other's ears? Talk about acting like a couple of high school girls. It reminded me of the popular girls picking on the "new girl."

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MariJ 157 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"

01-10-06, 08:43 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I thought that was over the top, too, that IV faked fainting. My thoughts is what would happen if anything really DID happen to her? I've been around drama queens and after a while a person justs tunes them out.

As far as nuLisa not working, I thought IV was judgmental about THIS too. Boy, I wouldn't want to be HER friend. I'd feel as though she'd put her 2 cents in my business every step of my life. Yes, I understand nuLisa came to the house for help so it's different than a friendship where boundaries should be observed. The fact is, I think both IV and Rhonda make up their minds about the HGs from the get go and than perform their little theatrical skits to attract an audience. I don't know about anyone else, but when they do this... my opinion drops each time it happens.

If I was the nuLisa, I'd feel as if I was being made fun of too. When a new HG comes to the SOH, of course they're nervous. They don't need to be invalidated and made fun of. They want to be heard and given a chance. What happened to the theory of 'correcting with love'? Is this concept obsolete nowadays? I understand at times that being tough with an individual is the only way, but she has only just arrived in the house. I'd be hesitant, too, about sticking around for this abuse. Looks as though the antics of this season is going to continue.

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OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"

01-10-06, 08:54 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: IV Fainting Spell when LisaA tells about hubby/sleeping/$$$"
Would love to see this as a skit on either Saturday Night Live or Conan O'Brien!
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Pixeltalk 644 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator"

01-13-06, 04:50 PM (EST)
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33. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
Their reaction was WAAAAY out of proportion to what Lisa2 was saying. It is not all that unusual for a husband and wife to stay together after one cheats, even if forgiveness is not present. Many people want to preserve the status quo or stay together for the kids or whatever.

Also, Rhonda saying "and she wants it that way!"--she obviously does not or she would not be at SO.

I don't think it is good for the housemates to see the LCs acting so overly dramatic and mean to Lisa2, since it is an issue for several of the housemates as well. Now that they have seen the LCs do it, why should they try to change their ways?

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lovemydogdude 1253 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beef Jerky Spokesperson"

01-10-06, 03:14 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
<"If it ain't broke, don't fix it.">

I don't believe sleeping separately is always a sign of marrital problems. The stories I'v read on this thread all attest to that. There are definately many reasons this could happen and I think as long as the marriage is okay, relationship good..then there isn't a problem with it.

Lisa A. however has come to this house with marrital issues. She's admitted something is wrong, has volunteered the information that they sleep separately and even provided a picture of her room. This, to me, means there is a problem with their sleeping arrangements..it must bother her and/or she knows it's not right (for them).

I suspect IY might be right, she may be subconcsiously punishing her husband. Depends on how the sleeping arrangement evolved, and how long it's been going on..need to know more. Unforgiveness breeds bitterness, if they never resolved the issue of his affair she's been carrying that around for many years.


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lovemydogdude 1253 desperate attention whore postings
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01-10-06, 03:25 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I don't think IY is saying it's a bad thing that Lisa A. doesn't work, after all of these years, raising babies, I would certainly hope IY and anyone would know she HAS worked, in the home!!!

I feel IY is referring to this in reference to now..this time in her life where she is questioning her marriage, feeling trapped in her circumstances. For a woman not having a job would greatly enhance this feeling.

I hope they don't focus on this too much, I hope they support Lisa A. by helping her and her husband deal with the affair, finally forgive and save their marriage. Whether or not she's working outside the home should have nothing to do with it unless she wants OUT of the marriage.

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Baxtera 923 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"

01-10-06, 05:00 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I actually do think many of these women could be helped by finding something in the way of vocational realistic training to help them have confidence in who they are as people. One issue may be that she doesn't feel confident that she has skills to go out and get a good job that would be interesting etc. and maybe that's part of where her personal self worth issues stem from. Hey if nothing else at least when she left SO she'd be better off than Christina and Lisa who still don't seem to have acquired any job skills after how many months in the house?
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beckettrep 814 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"

01-26-06, 09:24 AM (EST)
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37. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
>I don't think IY is saying
>it's a bad thing that
>Lisa A. doesn't work, after
>all of these years, raising
>babies, I would certainly hope
>IY and anyone would know
>she HAS worked, in the
>home!!!
>
>I feel IY is referring to
>this in reference to now..this
>time in her life where
>she is questioning her marriage,
>feeling trapped in her circumstances.
> For a woman not
>having a job would greatly
>enhance this feeling.
>
>I hope they don't focus on
>this too much, I hope
>they support Lisa A. by
>helping her and her husband
>deal with the affair, finally
>forgive and save their marriage.
> Whether or not she's
>working outside the home should
>have nothing to do with
>it unless she wants OUT
>of the marriage.
>
>


I think Iyanla very definitely tried to make it seem like Lisa was sponging off the husband because she didn't work outside the home. Even her exercise with the swamp and having Lisa look up words that had something to do with parasites - I definitely got the impression Iyanla thinks Lisa is the parasite. Let's just hope this type of thinking doesn't 'catch on' because then we wouldn't have any more stay at home moms raising their own kids - they'd have to work outside the home and earn their own money lest they be considered a parasite or worse yet - have to kowtow to their husbands every whim in order to have any access to 'his' money.

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L_11 198 desperate attention whore postings
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01-10-06, 05:39 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I know of one couple who pretty much discovered on their honeymoon (this was the early 60's when...you know...you waited for the honeymoon ) that they weren't going to be able to sleep in the same bed. They went with twin beds until the kids were grown (all five of them), then went to seperate rooms entirely. They just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.

If that's what Rhonda and Iyanla are calling "problems" these days, I don't see good things ahead for Lisa A., either.

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DedeV 155 desperate attention whore postings
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01-10-06, 09:33 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I agree. When my boyfriend sleeps over I always end up on the sofa. Not for any reason other than I am not used to sleeping with someone (been divorced a few years) and another reason is he too snores! LOL He sleeps in there with my 185lb dog and they both snore and fart together and I get rest on the sofa ALONE!
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GoodnightLittleBear 461 desperate attention whore postings
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01-10-06, 10:02 PM (EST)
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19. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
Rhonda and IV proved to me that they are immature and extremely rude.

As for sleeping separately and Lisa A being a stay-at-home, you would have thought that IV had never heard of such a concept. Wake up IV! IV is probably pretty close in age to Lisa A and she should know that some women in the 60's,70's and beyond still stayed home and raised families and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. She's probably jealous because Lisa A is still in her first marriage and is able to stay home.

Also, people can have separate bedrooms and still get their groove on, Iyanla! They can be intimate without having to put up with the snoring.

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Sues 585 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator"

01-10-06, 10:52 PM (EST)
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20. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
New Lisa isn't sleeping with her husband because she's not happy with him, not because he snores. There's a world of difference in that.

I think the point they were trying to make (albeit in a silly way) is that by not working, she was 'settling' for staying in the marriage. (since she couldn't support herself) If she was truly not happy after the affair, she could have taken charge and left.

Which brings me to the real issue....still pissed off after 30 something years? Now that's an issue that needs unearthing! Her unresolved anger has reaked havoc on her whole family. THAT is something she needs to take responsibility for and work on. The blame game with the hubby is old news. Yes I feel for her going through that, but she stayed and there should take some ownership of that...

Should be interesting...

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GoodnightLittleBear 461 desperate attention whore postings
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01-11-06, 01:39 AM (EST)
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23. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I must have missed the part where Lisa A actually said they slept separately because she was not happy with him. Of course with all the whispering, falling down and acting the fool that the LCs did, it was hard to concentrate on all the dialogue.

All I heard from her was her acknowledgement of sleeping separately when IV asked if they were sleeping separately.

Even if it is because she is unhappy, it's no reason to fall on the floor, whisper into each other ears like 5 year olds.

Lisa A did take ownership for her actions after finding out about the affair, illegitimate child etc. She said she chose to stay to keep up appearances and that is what she is at the SO house for. I'm not going to judge her until I see how this plays out because the show is notorious for editing for the sake of drama. Many things that don't make sense now, will so in a few episodes.

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Pixeltalk 644 desperate attention whore postings
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01-13-06, 04:53 PM (EST)
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34. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
Yes, it is the REASON she is not sleeping with him that is the issue. However, I question whether she is punishing him when she is the one with the drab, lifeless bedroom.

I agree she needed to be challenged on her "victim-y" attitude, but if you attack someone like that the first time you talk to them, they are not ever going to trust you.

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SOWayz 179 desperate attention whore postings
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01-10-06, 11:03 PM (EST)
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21. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
Weird episode. I'm surprised that nuLisa didn't run away. Whispering in front of her (how scary is that!), and making fun of her. I mean, let's get off on the right foot, right? The LC'S have a very narrow vision of what they consider a successful female. I guess I'm a failure. We've always lived on my husband's income, he doesn't clean, sometimes we sleep in separate beds, and we pay our bills. We've been married forty-two years.
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Pixeltalk 644 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator"

01-13-06, 04:55 PM (EST)
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35. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
They were doing exactly what they tell the housemates NOT to do.
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shawnar 366 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Cooking Show Host"

01-10-06, 11:40 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I was shocked to see them make such assumtions about her marriage since it was the first time of her telling her story. I know that they were probably briefed from the producers, but they barely gave her a chance to speak when they started with all they're assumtions.

Thank you all for your posts about sleeping in seperate beds. I guess I never gave it great thought. I just assumed it was expected of a husband and wife to sleep together. I'm so used to it now I have a hard time sleeping without him. But I guess its pretty much the same that I would rather not shower with him because I feel its "my own personal time" since I don't get much of that with two young boys.

But, I did take offense as to her spongeing off her husband. They are plenty of wifes who stay home. Myself included. Does that mean I'm spongeing? We have made this agreement before the kids were born that I would stay home and he would work. But I would not say that I'm sponging. I work my @ss off 24/7 Even thou my husband is a great helper and we are a team and he always helps when he is home. But, he works late during the week so the majority of work falls on my shoulders.
Its crazy how the times changed and mom's are expected to work. Not that I think it's a bad choice if they do but I believe its to each her own. But I feel a lot of pressure from society if I don't bring in an income. Again am I spongeing off him?

For instance this year my youngest went to school. Everywhere I went people (friends,family and neighbors) where are you going to work? What are you going to do? The free ride is up girl! ( no kidding my neighbor actually said that) Once again we decided that I will stay home which is great because now I have time to be the classroom mom in both my kids classroom. As well as sometime for myself which is greatly appreciated. I'm sorry for the rant I was frustrated by the Lc's comments acting like a wife staying at home is such a bad thing!

And just to be sure I'm am in no way putting anyone down who goes to work or stays at home. Its a personal choice and what works best for them and their familes.And this was just our choice.

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catmagic16 3 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"

01-12-06, 04:27 PM (EST)
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27. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I'm a stay-at-home-MOM-.Every time I think I need to go get a job one of my kids seems to get sick.I tryed the work and be a mom thing in the begining. I felt guilty for not being there for them and the house was a nightmare to clean up. We decided together it was best for me to be home even after all 4 kids where in school.
I didn't want my kids growing up with some elses vaules .
Yes the extra income is nice but for me it wasn't worth is I was paying the sitter most of my paycheck.

As for sleeping in different beds is not always a bad thing.Your sleep is just as important as the other persons is. I don't think that they should have jump all over so fast. Some times I need my own space too recharge my batteries for lifes wonder hicups.Some days I would love to have my own bedroom.

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shawnar 366 desperate attention whore postings
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01-13-06, 04:09 PM (EST)
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32. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I agree! Cheers!
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lovemydogdude 1253 desperate attention whore postings
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01-11-06, 03:54 AM (EST)
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24. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
<She's probably jealous because Lisa A is still in her first marriage and is able to stay home. Also, people can have separate bedrooms and still get their groove on, Iyanla!>

SO true hehe

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
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01-11-06, 09:35 AM (EST)
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25. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I do know of situations where sleeping in separate rooms CAN be an indication/result of marital problems, so it can't be completely dismissed.

That being said, if it works better to be in separate beds or bedrooms, cool. My wife and I share a bed at home, but we often opt for hotel rooms with two beds (and we make appropriate accomodations at times ).

But the one time that was not acceptable? The hotel where we went for our honeymoon tried to stick us in a room with two beds. A little gimmick to get us to pay more for a room with a king-sized bed.


"Now the bed's too big without you . . ."

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Kattrikk 565 desperate attention whore postings
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01-11-06, 12:09 PM (EST)
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26. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I completely agree with everyone that this does NOT always indicate problems and is in no way reflective of the quality of the marriage.

I guess the LCs have never tried to sleep next to a freight train with the added aggrevation of knowing you have to get up early and function all day.

I would rather try to start out in the same bed, but on bad snoring nights- separation is necessary. It's a hell of a lot better than laying their letting resentment build. When a snorer keeps you awake, not so healthy thoughts run through your mind and that is not good for the relationship.

Once again, the ball has been dropped.

It makes me sick to think that there are thousands of women now questioning their otherwise healthy relationship because of these wackos' influence.


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Sues 585 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator"

01-12-06, 10:15 PM (EST)
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28. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"

My husband would disagree with ya'll...he loves sleeping with me
My previous husband and I slept in seperate rooms becaused he slept with a fan every night and it drove me nutty....I have to say, I slept better but it didn't help build or keep up our intimacy (and that's not just sex I'm talkin about) But hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

New Lisa has stated repeatedly that she is not happy with her husband. She also has stated that she doesn't want to take responsibility because she 'didn't do anything wrong'. I suspect her journey is to take a serious look at what she DID do then make the decision as to wether she stays in the marriage.

Staying in an unhappy marriage is disastrous for the children, she needs to own that too.

There's a certain comfort in being the victim. You get to be blameless and be angry. The problem with long term 'victimization' of yourself is that you eventually make victims of everyone around you. The longer you cling to that 'power' the further you get from the reality of what's going on around you....I hope she takes this opportunity to get that and move on....

Why should I believe you?

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whoitswhatsits 4 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"

01-12-06, 11:56 PM (EST)
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29. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
Cheers SueS! Finally someone gets it. I think that we ALL have someone like this in our lives. Someone who is the "martyr" in everything they do.
I'm no professional, however, I'm willing to bet some big money on the fact that she grew up living with a big SECRET.

I think what they are going to do with her is make her see that you can never truly live your life while keeping secrets.

I think Iyanla did what she did to SHOCK Lisa into realizing that the way she lives her life is her own choosing and not "pitiful" as it's clear that Lisa tells herself. In my family we all have to deal with martrydom because my mother is the queen of it, and now we all have to manage our lives without turning ourselves into "victims" of everyone elses decisions...

Also, if one lives with someone who snores loudly it would be wise to consider going to the dr. My husband snored so loudly when we met that people actually got mad at him when we would visit! I'm lucky enough to have an education about sleep apnea and I knew what his problem was. I couldn't bear not being in the same room as him though..I just so happy to be near him..I eventually learned to sleep through his snoring. When they recently came out with a way to test for sleep apnea without having to go to a sleep clinic (they now send you home with a little machine that measures how many times you wake up and how many times you stop breathing) he finally took the test and got his "CPAP" machine. He now sleeps silently and is a totally different guy. It's really important to realize that snoring is NOT normal...for anyone. So if someone is snoring, then there is a blockage somewhere. It could be simply from being overweight, or it could be more than that. While my husband is a big man, much of his weight was a result of not getting enough sleep. It turns out he has a deviated septum so not matter how thin he get he will always have a problem breathing until he gets surgery for it...but that's a whole other hurdle

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
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01-13-06, 00:19 AM (EST)
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30. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
I use a CPAP, and my wife just insisted I get a new mask after the old one broke and I had to jerry-rig it with the tubing.


She didn't leave the room, but she wasn't far from it.

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whoitswhatsits 4 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"

01-13-06, 00:27 AM (EST)
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31. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
My brother got one about 2 months after my hubby. He said they have masks now that only cover the nose and not the mouth.... he and his new wife love it. Hubby is fine with his though. Of course, I love sleeping in silence. At first I kept waking him up to make sure he was still alive...it was scary having him sleep so soundly!
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Texas_2_step 12 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Got Milk? Spokesperson"

01-13-06, 05:42 PM (EST)
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36. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
Well written comments. I to dont't sleep with my husband. he is up at 4am. I am a late night person and alway have been. I live with a man who cuts logs all night I have tried earplugs but that don't work to well.
I hope Lisa fines her way though the process and be sucessful.
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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

01-26-06, 11:11 AM (EST)
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38. "Locking - off topic"
This thread was mostly never about the SO-related topic.

And? Yours truly, before he became a mod, helped contribute to that.

*hangs head in shame, alerts himself*

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