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"Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working"
OYnot 4 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"
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01-10-06, 02:22 PM (EST)
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"Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
I don't think that spouses sleeping in different rooms/beds is 'a sign of trouble in a marriage'. There are legit reasons for it, such as the one spouse snoring, one needing to get up very early for work (or coming home very late from work), or medical problems. In fact, I think it could even SAFE/help the marriage (just because they don't sleep in the same bed doesn't mean they aren't intimate). I also don't think a wife (or husband) 'living off their spouse's money' is 'unheard of'. It wasn't that long ago when a wife/mother working 'outside the home' was 'unheard of'. Now it seems as if we (as a socity) have swung the pendlum (sp) to the far other side (were the wife 'needs' to work 'outside the home'). I don't think it's 'leading on the spouse' or anything like that. There ARE reasons for why the spouse isn't working 'outside the home' (hate that phrase - wasn't isn't used when talking about a MAN), including their raising children, health problems, going to school, and yes, they 'just don't want to'. My husband and I don't sleep in the same bed, for health and scheduling reasons (not to mention he snores ). We're happy with it. There are advantages to it (such as I can stay up and read or watch TV when he's asleep). And I don't work - due largely to health reasons. (I might not have been able to convince the disability insurance that I'm unable to work, but that doesn't mean I'm not! (I think they have made it tougher (almost impossible) for people to get on disability insurance because of the number of people that have abused it in the past - but that's another issue)). I do what I can around the house. I don't feel I am 'spounging off my husband' (I once HAD a roomate (pre-marriage) who DID spounge off me. They had all sorts of money for whatever THEY 'needed' (wanted), but when it came time to pay bills, 'they were broke'. They also didn't do a thing around the place, other than to REDO what I had do as 'I didn't do it right'. They were perfectly able to hold down a job (and did 'when it suited them'). To me, THAT'S 'spounging', not when they ARE doing whatever they can). And to be very blunt, unlike a roomate situation, it isn't 'your money vrs. my money', it's OUR money. I don't think there's an issue with her 'spounging' off of her husband that cheated on her (or that she's 'punishing him' by not working or not sleeping in the same bed (for 20 years?)). I do think there is an issue with the fact that THEY never discussed the issue of his cheating and really put it behind them. But I don't think that they can or should conclude that 'everything she has done since finding out of the affair is because of it'. I don't thing the life coaches' behavior at that group meeting was right (Iyanla's 'fainting' was the worse) I think they totally mocked Lisa A. and was highly judgemental with her. I don't think Lisa A. deserved that sort of treatment (no one does). Granted some of it might of been for 'TV drama' (did we really need it?), but still I don't think it was right. I don't think Lisa A got the real chance to explain herself.
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SOAddikt 96 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square"
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01-10-06, 09:05 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
I definitely like to spread out in my own bed, but I love sleeping with my BF too (we live separate, so I get to do both). He snore so loud, it almost makes the cottage cheese fall off the ceiling, so I wear earplugs. They really work to keep the sound of his snoring and other outside sounds out, and I get a great night's sleep!
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beckettrep 814 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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01-10-06, 02:39 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
>I don't think that spouses sleeping >in different rooms/beds is 'a >sign of trouble in a >marriage'. There are legit reasons >for it, such as the >one spouse snoring, one needing >to get up very early >for work (or coming home >very late from work), or >medical problems. In fact, I >think it could even SAFE/help >the marriage (just because they >don't sleep in the same >bed doesn't mean they aren't >intimate). > >I also don't think a wife >(or husband) 'living off their >spouse's money' is 'unheard of'. >It wasn't that long ago >when a wife/mother working 'outside >the home' was 'unheard of'. > Now it seems as >if we (as a socity) >have swung the pendlum (sp) >to the far other side >(were the wife 'needs' to >work 'outside the home'). I >don't think it's 'leading on >the spouse' or anything like >that. There ARE reasons >for why the spouse isn't >working 'outside the home' (hate >that phrase - wasn't isn't >used when talking about a >MAN), including their raising children, >health problems, going to school, >and yes, they 'just don't >want to'. > >My husband and I don't sleep >in the same bed, for >health and scheduling reasons (not >to mention he snores >). We're happy with >it. There are advantages to >it (such as I can >stay up and read or >watch TV when he's asleep). >And I don't work - >due largely to health reasons. >(I might not have been >able to convince the disability >insurance that I'm unable to >work, but that doesn't mean >I'm not! (I think they >have made it tougher (almost >impossible) for people to get >on disability insurance because of >the number of people that >have abused it in the >past - but that's another >issue)). I do what I >can around the house. I >don't feel I am 'spounging >off my husband' (I once >HAD a roomate (pre-marriage) who >DID spounge off me. They >had all sorts of money >for whatever THEY 'needed' (wanted), >but when it came time >to pay bills, 'they were >broke'. They also didn't do >a thing around the place, >other than to REDO what >I had do as 'I >didn't do it right'. They >were perfectly able to hold >down a job (and did >'when it suited them'). To >me, THAT'S 'spounging', not when >they ARE doing whatever they >can). And to be >very blunt, unlike a roomate >situation, it isn't 'your money >vrs. my money', it's OUR >money. > >I don't think there's an issue >with her 'spounging' off of >her husband that cheated on >her (or that she's 'punishing >him' by not working or >not sleeping in the same >bed (for 20 years?)). I >do think there is an >issue with the fact that >THEY never discussed the issue >of his cheating and really >put it behind them. But >I don't think that they >can or should conclude that >'everything she has done since >finding out of the affair >is because of it'. > >I don't thing the life coaches' >behavior at that group meeting >was right (Iyanla's 'fainting' was >the worse) I think they >totally mocked Lisa A. and >was highly judgemental with her. >I don't think Lisa A. >deserved that sort of treatment >(no one does). Granted some >of it might of been >for 'TV drama' (did we >really need it?), but still >I don't think it was >right. I don't think Lisa >A got the real chance >to explain herself. I would like to know who invented that a man/woman had to sleep together once they were married - probably a MAN.....LOL... I sleep on the couch - my husband sleeps in bed - and I LIKE it that way. I don't want to share my space (limited as it is) with ANYONE - never have liked the idea, never will....
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flexy633 234 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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01-10-06, 02:43 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
But, on the old time t.v. shows, they ALWAYS showed the married couples in separate beds. Isn't that how they actually slept in the "old days" or was that just because we weren't supposed to see two adults on t.v. in the same bed?
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flexy633 234 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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01-10-06, 03:26 PM (EST)
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10. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
I didn't see it that way. What I saw was a very nervous, scared woman. Plus, she said it herself, "She's used to people being on her side." She was on the money when she said she felt the life coaches were making fun of her. That's what they do best on this show. IV and Rhonda sounded like a couple of high school girls talking behind the new girl's back right in front of her face!
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OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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01-10-06, 05:08 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
Why did they do that extreme, highschoolish crap? They didn't do that with anyone else, did they?
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MariJ 157 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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01-10-06, 08:43 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
I thought that was over the top, too, that IV faked fainting. My thoughts is what would happen if anything really DID happen to her? I've been around drama queens and after a while a person justs tunes them out.As far as nuLisa not working, I thought IV was judgmental about THIS too. Boy, I wouldn't want to be HER friend. I'd feel as though she'd put her 2 cents in my business every step of my life. Yes, I understand nuLisa came to the house for help so it's different than a friendship where boundaries should be observed. The fact is, I think both IV and Rhonda make up their minds about the HGs from the get go and than perform their little theatrical skits to attract an audience. I don't know about anyone else, but when they do this... my opinion drops each time it happens. If I was the nuLisa, I'd feel as if I was being made fun of too. When a new HG comes to the SOH, of course they're nervous. They don't need to be invalidated and made fun of. They want to be heard and given a chance. What happened to the theory of 'correcting with love'? Is this concept obsolete nowadays? I understand at times that being tough with an individual is the only way, but she has only just arrived in the house. I'd be hesitant, too, about sticking around for this abuse. Looks as though the antics of this season is going to continue.
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OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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01-10-06, 08:54 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: IV Fainting Spell when LisaA tells about hubby/sleeping/$$$" |
Would love to see this as a skit on either Saturday Night Live or Conan O'Brien!
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lovemydogdude 1253 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beef Jerky Spokesperson"
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01-10-06, 03:14 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
<"If it ain't broke, don't fix it.">I don't believe sleeping separately is always a sign of marrital problems. The stories I'v read on this thread all attest to that. There are definately many reasons this could happen and I think as long as the marriage is okay, relationship good..then there isn't a problem with it. Lisa A. however has come to this house with marrital issues. She's admitted something is wrong, has volunteered the information that they sleep separately and even provided a picture of her room. This, to me, means there is a problem with their sleeping arrangements..it must bother her and/or she knows it's not right (for them). I suspect IY might be right, she may be subconcsiously punishing her husband. Depends on how the sleeping arrangement evolved, and how long it's been going on..need to know more. Unforgiveness breeds bitterness, if they never resolved the issue of his affair she's been carrying that around for many years.
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Baxtera 923 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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01-10-06, 05:00 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
I actually do think many of these women could be helped by finding something in the way of vocational realistic training to help them have confidence in who they are as people. One issue may be that she doesn't feel confident that she has skills to go out and get a good job that would be interesting etc. and maybe that's part of where her personal self worth issues stem from. Hey if nothing else at least when she left SO she'd be better off than Christina and Lisa who still don't seem to have acquired any job skills after how many months in the house?
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DedeV 155 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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01-10-06, 09:33 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
I agree. When my boyfriend sleeps over I always end up on the sofa. Not for any reason other than I am not used to sleeping with someone (been divorced a few years) and another reason is he too snores! LOL He sleeps in there with my 185lb dog and they both snore and fart together and I get rest on the sofa ALONE!
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SOWayz 179 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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01-10-06, 11:03 PM (EST)
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21. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
Weird episode. I'm surprised that nuLisa didn't run away. Whispering in front of her (how scary is that!), and making fun of her. I mean, let's get off on the right foot, right? The LC'S have a very narrow vision of what they consider a successful female. I guess I'm a failure. We've always lived on my husband's income, he doesn't clean, sometimes we sleep in separate beds, and we pay our bills. We've been married forty-two years.
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Pixeltalk 644 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator"
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01-13-06, 04:55 PM (EST)
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35. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
They were doing exactly what they tell the housemates NOT to do.
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shawnar 366 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Cooking Show Host"
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01-10-06, 11:40 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
I was shocked to see them make such assumtions about her marriage since it was the first time of her telling her story. I know that they were probably briefed from the producers, but they barely gave her a chance to speak when they started with all they're assumtions. Thank you all for your posts about sleeping in seperate beds. I guess I never gave it great thought. I just assumed it was expected of a husband and wife to sleep together. I'm so used to it now I have a hard time sleeping without him. But I guess its pretty much the same that I would rather not shower with him because I feel its "my own personal time" since I don't get much of that with two young boys. But, I did take offense as to her spongeing off her husband. They are plenty of wifes who stay home. Myself included. Does that mean I'm spongeing? We have made this agreement before the kids were born that I would stay home and he would work. But I would not say that I'm sponging. I work my @ss off 24/7 Even thou my husband is a great helper and we are a team and he always helps when he is home. But, he works late during the week so the majority of work falls on my shoulders. Its crazy how the times changed and mom's are expected to work. Not that I think it's a bad choice if they do but I believe its to each her own. But I feel a lot of pressure from society if I don't bring in an income. Again am I spongeing off him? For instance this year my youngest went to school. Everywhere I went people (friends,family and neighbors) where are you going to work? What are you going to do? The free ride is up girl! ( no kidding my neighbor actually said that) Once again we decided that I will stay home which is great because now I have time to be the classroom mom in both my kids classroom. As well as sometime for myself which is greatly appreciated. I'm sorry for the rant I was frustrated by the Lc's comments acting like a wife staying at home is such a bad thing! And just to be sure I'm am in no way putting anyone down who goes to work or stays at home. Its a personal choice and what works best for them and their familes.And this was just our choice.
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shawnar 366 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Cooking Show Host"
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01-13-06, 04:09 PM (EST)
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32. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
I agree! Cheers!
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Kattrikk 565 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator"
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01-11-06, 12:09 PM (EST)
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26. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
I completely agree with everyone that this does NOT always indicate problems and is in no way reflective of the quality of the marriage. I guess the LCs have never tried to sleep next to a freight train with the added aggrevation of knowing you have to get up early and function all day. I would rather try to start out in the same bed, but on bad snoring nights- separation is necessary. It's a hell of a lot better than laying their letting resentment build. When a snorer keeps you awake, not so healthy thoughts run through your mind and that is not good for the relationship. Once again, the ball has been dropped. It makes me sick to think that there are thousands of women now questioning their otherwise healthy relationship because of these wackos' influence.
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Sues 585 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator"
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01-12-06, 10:15 PM (EST)
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28. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
My husband would disagree with ya'll...he loves sleeping with me My previous husband and I slept in seperate rooms becaused he slept with a fan every night and it drove me nutty....I have to say, I slept better but it didn't help build or keep up our intimacy (and that's not just sex I'm talkin about) But hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it!New Lisa has stated repeatedly that she is not happy with her husband. She also has stated that she doesn't want to take responsibility because she 'didn't do anything wrong'. I suspect her journey is to take a serious look at what she DID do then make the decision as to wether she stays in the marriage. Staying in an unhappy marriage is disastrous for the children, she needs to own that too. There's a certain comfort in being the victim. You get to be blameless and be angry. The problem with long term 'victimization' of yourself is that you eventually make victims of everyone around you. The longer you cling to that 'power' the further you get from the reality of what's going on around you....I hope she takes this opportunity to get that and move on.... Why should I believe you?
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whoitswhatsits 4 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"
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01-13-06, 00:27 AM (EST)
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31. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
My brother got one about 2 months after my hubby. He said they have masks now that only cover the nose and not the mouth.... he and his new wife love it. Hubby is fine with his though. Of course, I love sleeping in silence. At first I kept waking him up to make sure he was still alive...it was scary having him sleep so soundly!
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Texas_2_step 12 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Got Milk? Spokesperson"
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01-13-06, 05:42 PM (EST)
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36. "RE: Spouses sleeping in different rooms/wife not working" |
Well written comments. I to dont't sleep with my husband. he is up at 4am. I am a late night person and alway have been. I live with a man who cuts logs all night I have tried earplugs but that don't work to well. I hope Lisa fines her way though the process and be sucessful.
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