Welcome to the season that never ends.

First: if Tony loses, he will be brought back as many times as necessary until he wins, with increasing degrees of cast rigging each time until we reach a point where he's on an island with seventeen blowup dolls. If he wins, he will be brought back as many times as necessary until he breaks Sandra's record, and he will be scheming against coconuts, which means they'll only be spotting him twenty IQ points. I know a New Jeff Favorite when I've been forced to keep seeing one. And in every case, he will enter the game carrying twelve idols, an iPhone, and Mark Burnett's personal number.

Second: once Kass loses, she is not going to go away. You know why? Because Kass is the sort of person who sues reality until it pretends to cooperate just to get rid of her. We made a mistake when she was brought into the season. We failed to look up her law firm. Guess what? She's a full partner in Stillman, Stillman, and Stillman. We will be hearing from Kass for a long time, and it's only partially because she never shuts up.

Third: the show is now in a Big Brother model. They have no motivation to get any better because the person in charge isn't going to be fired. For anything. So get used to Tyler Perry, Consulting Producer. Prepare for idols to be hidden in player laundry bags. Get ready for a secret power which allows the producer's favorite to dictate merges, tribal swaps, and steal Rewards just because? Producer's favorite. And remember, every season is the best ever, unless a woman wins. Jeff says so and it's not that he has any reason to lie: it's that he no longer gains anything from the truth.

Fourth: our preview and commercial edit models are broken. They caught on to themselves and thus locked us out. Get used to it.

Fifth: did you happen to see the site's original name when you came in?

Sixth: Rachel's going back into the hamster cage. Partnered with Elissa.

I know it's the wrong part of the site to tell you that, but you were in the middle of being tortured anyway.

Outscript
Outrig
Outright Manipulate

Wonder who's been chosen to win next season...

...oh, right. Tony.