TO: ALL EAST COAST-BASED SECRET AGENTS
FROM: MURDER LIMITED (A SUBSIDIARY OF WALMART)
SUBJECT: CODENAME PINK
It has come to our attention that the rouge agent known mainly as CODENAME PINK (much to our regrettable failures to turn him into CODENAME CORPSE) has resurfaced for approximately forty-eight minutes each week at predictable intervals. Close in immediately. The secrets he does not even remotely know cannot be released into the world, especially the ones he made up during the last five minutes. Maintain all communication on this frequency until midnight: the West Coast operations will need that much time to reboot from their last exposure to AGENT HANTZ.
(There was an error made in marketing AGENT HANTZ as a defoliant. Note that all attempts to explain the extinction of the redwood will be referred to CODENAME MASTER BSARTIST.)
We must not fail. CODENAME PINK cannot be allowed more than three additional weeks of intervals. Self-destruction is imminent. It is our job to make it immediate. Do not return until CODENAME PINK is terminated. Burn this briefing.
Then burn the briefs.