Howie: On-site reporter for the Weather Channel, working exclusively on tornados, blizzards, and hurricanes of Category 4 and up. Rachel: Takes her horse breeding experience to a new level by working on a way for Ivette to reproduce.
Ashlea: Magician's assistant, specializing in escaping from
tightly locked boxes without air holes.
Janelle: Fourth-season puzzle starter on Lingo, which still won't convince the Friendship that she's capable of handling something over four letters.
Michael: Contestant on Elimindate, Date My Mom, The Bachelor, Average Joe, and Boy Meets Boy. All at the same time.
Kaysar: U.S. Ambassador to Israel.
Ivette: Replaces Star Jones on The View, because there was only one person in the world more inherently repulsive than Star and if we're going to switch hosts, we're gonna upgrade.
Beau: Permanent emergency replacement part on call to Four Freedoms Plaza 24/7. There are days when Susan Storm gets a cold.
Eric: Gathers the scattered remnants of the Manson Family and teaches them how to put out fires. Six years later, he teaches them not to start them first.
Maggie: Gives up her job as a nurse and spends the rest of her life suing CBS for defamation of character, citing negative editing of the life feeds.
James: After several years of legal training, officially passes the bar and spends the rest of his life handling Maggie's case, playing to lose so he can bill her for as many hours as possible. Millionaire by 35.
Sarah: Gets fur implanted all over her body and settles down to a happy life as someone's lap dog.
Jennifer: Therapist who specializes in convincing her patients to dump all their problems in one easy shot. (The one right through the skull generally does it.) Retires early after mysteriously receiving a huge number of life insurance payouts.
April: President of the United States
Next contestant?
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