Well I had a similar problem for a while with my husband, here is what I learned. First of all I had to love myself, I know it is hard to hear, but you first have to dig deep and find out what it is about yourslef you don't like that is part of your depression and own it. don't have to fix it yet, just own it.
Next step, is find a way to have a conversation away from kids or any interuptions where you are in an invoirment where he will listen to you, this means he has to have the time to do this.
You then lovingly, very lovingly, tell him how much you care about him and your relationship. Then you tell him about the things you have realized about yourself that you need to change, this way you are getting his full attention, and he is not feeling like he is being accused of anything.
Then, you again very lovingly, tell him what you need from him to help you make those changes, then you ask him if he can please help you. Now that you have involved and engaged him, and have his respect, you get to what you need from him, and what you would like to see him change.
When you are all done with this you both have to agree to calmly and nicely call each other out and remind each other you are doing it again, in a playful way, and to agree to not take offense to being called out on it.
It does always take 2 for there to be a problem, it is both of you that need to work together.
It won't be easy at first, it will be very hard. you will need to have this conversation more than once, and new things will come up.
If you can get through this, and be kind to each other when pointing out what it is that you each are doing and not take offense, it will work.
It worked for me, and I have now, a marriage that many people dream of. This is a marriage that was about to end in divorce a few years ago.
I hope this can help you.
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