LAST EDITED ON 09-05-04 AT 03:19 PM (EST)

Previously, Marvin kissed Diane, Cowputz snitched, Drew threw a hissy fit, Relationship sabotaged. Sleazy Di didn’t know whether to lie or pinky swear when Drew confronted her.

Despite non-stop babbling at Karen, Adria the FatHead Professional became the 2nd HG this season to be evicted by a unanimous vote. But leave without a fuss? Not Adria. She wanted everyone shuddering in their shoes from the awesome power she and her twin are about to wield from the jury.

Adria tried to hide her humiliation at being evicted by delivering a sassy speech. The attempt blew up in her washed out, bleary-eyed, ugly a$$ face when Marvin called her out on her lying, Bible-thumping ways. To add to the hilarity, Adria told ChenBot she’d “stood behind her team, the Twin Alliance, the entire time she was in the house but her team let her down.” LOL. How’d she do that? How’d she stand behind a team for the whole game when that team only existed the one week she was HOH? Adria will deny forever that Diane hoodwinked her into believing in a magical Twin Alliance. She refuses to acknowledge it was convened for the sole purpose of getting her to nominate someone other than Diane & Drew.

So, with the Alabama Twidiots out of the house, we turn our attention to the events of Drew’s 24 Hour HOH, won after a stupid chemical reaction competition. Julie has proved herself incapable of making correct calls, but what’s wrong with giving the HGs TRUE and FALSE signs to hold up? The beakers and the whole scientific hoo-ha was just another lame attempt to tie in “chemistry” i.e., DNA and dumba$$ relationships.

The HGs were suitably shocked to learn about the eviction due to happen on Friday, er, Saturday. Drew looked decidedly stumped at the prospect of having only 3 hours in which to decide upon his nominees. Yes, indeed, to save time and coincidentally force Drew to make decisions sometime this millennium, the normal events of an HOH reign have been squished into one 24-hour period for this episode only.

For the purposes of TV, everyone pretends that what we’re seeing is a “live” show, rather than a show taped on Friday night, with all its results already known by the Live Feed community. Those of us who frequent Live Feed forums know whom Drew nominated, who won POV, who went up as a replacement, who was sent packing, who is the current HOH, who the next set of nominees are, who won POV and who is the replacement. Most of this information is imparted tonight, the rest will be on Tuesday. It ought to simplify summary-writing. It doesn’t. I struggle not to reveal that which I already know.

But let’s get on with tonight’s emergency eviction, designed to manage the over-abundance of houseguests and still meet the deadline.

JulieBot Chen Toe has on a black top with the same kind of cut-outs as that red dress she wore the other night. Is Moonves making Julie cut back on her spending? Is she shopping at Sears? The main hole on top is exactly where her melons would be, if she had any. In what galaxy is this creature good-looking?

Recrap in B&W of Adria’s spew-a-thon. Consensus is everyone is glad the TwatHo is gone. Diane walked away for fear of opening her own big mouth. Karen mentions something about being under a rock and Marvin is probably still b!tching and complaining today: “Gimme a break! She wants to use the Bible to her advantage and then she comes in lying.” Diane thanks God that that’s the last they have to see of her. Won’t if be funny if Diane gets evicted? D’ya suppose Adria would finally spill the beans to Will?

Marvin made a pile of DRs (diary room confessionals) about all the lying the Twidiots did and then had the nerve to be pissed off at the lying of others. He has a point. Nak was happy Marvin drew attention to himself and away from her. She didn’t show a pinky, making a pleasant change.

Karen knew the answer but threw the HOH competition because she didn’t want a target put on herself. I think the truth is she didn’t want her first HOH to be a one-day affair. Diane says she would have been happy if Karen or Drew got HOH, but that’s easy to say when Drew is HOH.

Drew’s HOH room – hey look, more pictures from home, more Miami crap and another letter, this time from mom, dad and brother Ben. I wish they’d sent a picture of the alleged girlfriend.

“Ben is a hottie,” reports Diane. She couldn’t be in the same room with the two of them: “Too much hotness for me.” Good thing it’s unlikely to happen then, eh?

Drew reads aloud from his letter, prompting Marvin to hissy-fit in the DR about Drew’s letter being better than his. Gee, Marvin, that’s not Drew’s fault, you dipstick. I’ve enjoyed Marvin’s jokes and remarks, but I think he’s been in this house too long.

Even with the amount of stuff scheduled for this episode, there is no escape from the repetitive remarks and B&W footage. Example: Drew re-DR’ing he has 3 hours to make his nominations and the HGs being re-told about the surprise eviction.

Drew Talks to HGs. First, Drew and Cowputz solidify their alliance with a fist-bop and an agreement to target Marvin. Cowputz actually manages to make sense without Jase or Scott pulling the strings on him. Has he been acting dumber than he really is? I know it seems impossible but truth is stranger than fiction.

Drew tells Karen he wants Marvin out. Karen helps by alluding to Marvin being tight with Diane: they talk. Drew’s face scrunches up for a second as this news stimulates the thought, “Yeah, just cuz I sleep with her don’t mean we’re tight.” Drew is dumber for having Diane and Cowputz as allies. Karen confirms Diane knew about Marvin’s “joke” to put Drew up for a taste of the block.

The quality of the confrontations reaches a new low when Drew confronts Diane about knowing about Marvin’s joke. He says she should have told him. She DRs she doesn’t know why he’s mad. I’m mad because she didn’t raise the issue of him not telling her about the Spy Screen in the HOH. What happened to good old-fashioned holding onto a grudge? Back in the HOH even Cowputz could figure out she’s lying: her story is changing with every sentence. “I didn’t know… I didn’t think you’d care… We didn’t pinky swear to tell each other everything! … Someone else told me!”

Drew tells her sometimes he’s scared of her. He is unhappy she let Marvin kiss her. B&W footage reveals that Diane did allow Marvin to hug her and she hugged him back. He planted a kiss on her forehead. This is very incriminating footage. True, they were standing up, and it wasn’t a hot’n’heavy petting session, but she is not above playing with Marvin’s feelings for her, of which I’m sure she’s been aware the entire game. She deserves a smackdown, in my opinion.

Diane goes outside to cry. Karen runs over to comfort her. Mr. Amai says Drew will put Cowputz up for telling tales. Mr. Amai doesn’t understand that Drew is madder at Marvin and Diane than he is at Cowputz.

Nomination Time. After ads, Drew is busy thinking about nominations and playing with the keys. I’m pretty sure I saw drops of sweat. 3 hours is a tight schedule for someone who needs 3 days to think through the ramifications. But look! He’s putting that pouch into that drawer. What a trooper! Drew calls the HGs to the table and the editors activate the time-lapse photography button on their cameras. It’s kind of pathetic with only 5 people taking seats, changing seats, getting settled.

Drew hopes they understand his reasoning. He hopes he understands his reasoning. He pulls Karen’s key first. Marvin looks unhappy – he must have been counting on Karen being a nominee. Karen pulls Cowputz’ and Diane wrinkles her mouth. I think it’s an involuntary response where Cowputz is concerned. She was also counting on him being a nominee. Cowputz pulls Nakomis’ .

It’s a surprise to some people, and deemed a bad move by others. Marvin’s big ole plan to split up Diane and Drew by making Drew jealous didn’t quite turn out how he hoped. Drew’s official reasons for nominating Marvin (that he’s a threat, a salesman, and athletic) have nothing to do with the real reasons we heard about in the Live Feeds. Drew was pissed off about Marvin ruining Adria’s attempt to exit the house with dignity (which, oh my f’ing god!) and he was also upset with Marvin hitting on Diane (which, yeah, I can see that.) Drew’s decision to NOT state his true reasons is probably wise. Being truthful on this occasion would make Drew look more foolish than he already does.

Diane is of course stunned to be nominated. It is just as well that he reminds her they “talked earlier” because his official reasons sounded like TwidiotSpeak: “You’re up because some people in the game you can’t trust and that’s scary for me.”

Marvin DRs that Drew is a spineless dude: it’s a joke that Diane is up. Marvin is just upset because he fully expected Diane to be in a position to work to save him and now she will have to work to save herself instead. It really isn’t spineless on Drew's part.

Diane DRs she has no idea what’s going on. It’s pitiful how clueless she is. She’s making Cowputz look smart. I hate her for that.

Marvin and Diane hug and he’s pissed, “That’s the thanks I get for not putting him up two weeks ago?” Um, right. Like Marvin was really going to put Drew up last time he was HOH. Nobody could have talked him out of targeting Adria. Marvin’s a fool for not realizing that this was going to happen to him at Final 5 no matter which alliance he tried to tag along with. He needed to make solid allies instead of Me-Too Agreements. He and Diane agree they both need to win Veto. Marvin still labors under the impression that Diane is on his side.

Drew & Diane Round 362. In the bathroom Diane asks Drew if he trusts her, yes or no. He whispers, “Hold on.” They go to the HOH room. She feels like she’s talking to “a whole nother person.” He explains that he hopes by doing this they won’t look as if they are as close as they used to be. And also, “We need to stop sleeping together for game purposes.” She is truly upset but still stupid. “But you don’t trust me?” Drew explains, even more slowly than usual, that he didn’t tell her his plan so she would act naturally in front of the others. She wouldn’t have been able to cry in front of Karen, if she’d known his plans. She says, “Are you tryna put me thru hell?” He laughs but doesn’t actually deny it. He’s got a touch of the passive-aggressive himself; no wonder he felt such a bond with the Twidiots.

Drew DRs he can’t count on her. They tell each other they trust each other. Drew DRs he doesn’t want her to know he fully trusts her, because he doesn’t. From the Live Feeds, I gather he isn’t that interested in a relationship outside of the house. He’s using her to get to the end. She’s not sophisticated and worldly, really fell for him and is going to have a hard time of it when this is over.

When Diane leaves the HOH, we see Marvin has been outside the door, fiddling with something to disguise the fact he was eavesdropping. Now he knows Drew plans to get him out. Not that it matters but good thing the cold shouldering will only last a few hours.

POV Competition. In the Back Yard, Diane announces to Karen, Nakomis and Cowputz that she is gonna win Veto but won’t use it. She asks the others not to use it if they win. She wants no one up beside her except him (meaning Marvin.)

In keeping with the juvenile behavior of the HGs, this POV is skeeball. There is a big container of colorful children’s plastic balls. Drew reads from the sheet, “It’s a combination of skill, accuracy and speed.” Each HG takes a turn to bounce a different ball through 6 hoops and landing in a basket. Quite a few basket challenges this season - subliminal message that they're basket cases?

Each hoop "station" is decorated with a picture of an HG. The fastest wins POV. Afterwards, there will be milk and cookies in the storage room for everyone.

Marvin DRs Cowputz couldn’t hit the backside of a barn. Well, he could, he’s just out of practice from being away from April for so long. Marvin announces he’s put a voodoo shield of death around his picture, coincidentally the final target. Cowputz’ time is a whopping 3:47. It’s hard to believe he might be throwing challenges. He is so convincingly stupid and inept.

Karen has fun playing the game, and she’s done in 1:37. Inexplicably she hops on Marvin to celebrate.

Nak makes good time until she runs into Marvin’s forcefield. She clocks 2:07.

Drew is doing so well that the producers made Diane make a DR to say she’s worried he could beat Karen. His time is 1:29.

Diane takes her turn; my hubby notices her butt is getting big. Nevertheless, her time is the fastest so far, 1:20.

On his turn, Marvin lands the first couple quickly, then brings a couple of balls with him as he moves further away from the ball supply. He has problems with his own forcefield. Drew DR-explains something only Cowputz would have needed to hear: that Marvin getting veto is the one thing Drew is worried about, since Marvin is his target.

Marvin DRs he was thinking, “What would Kobe do? What would Jason Kidd do?” 2:02 isn’t good enough to win. He DRs he’s not as dead as fried chicken, but the grease is getting cold. And the jokes are getting old. And lame. Yep, stick a fork in Marvin. He's not tasty but he is done.

POV Ceremony. Prior to the Ceremony Marvin encouraged Diane to use the Veto on herself, so she could be a vote for him. He makes a linked pinky gesture. Marvin, making a pinky swear agreement with yourself isn’t binding on Diane. You’re not dealing with Adria here.

Diane stands before the Memory Wall. If it looked stilted and phony, that’s because it was. Live Feeds reported she had to do several takes to capture the right mixture of faux anger, faux angst and faux whatever else it was they wanted.

At the POV meeting Diane lets Marvin plead to be saved. He says there’s no reason for her to save him, and tells her to save herself. She turns to the group, makes a banquet of a speech out of a side order of fries. All she needed to say was, “I’m saving myself.” Drew puts Nakomis up.

Karen DR-reminds us that Diane said if she won POV she would not use it. I remember that, too. It’s like Diane is going out of her way to lie to people. I think it’s a ploy to be an ideal 2nd place person.

Marvin DRs “for me to stay in the game will take an Act of God and an Act of Congress.” At least he’s going out with a pile o’ jokes. Not his A-grade material, but better than mumbling.

Stupid Fake Live Show. Julie is back pretending to run a live show. She sounds more robotic than ever. Being at work on a Friday night is not her idea of a good time. Nakomis and Marvin offer Patented Useless Speeches. Marvin knows he’s going and says he appreciates hanging out with them for the past year (feels like) and he’ll get them all a part when he gets his own sitcom on CBS this fall. He’s giving Cowputz a run for the delusional money. Marvin might be allowed to compete on Last Comic Standing. I'd enjoy seeing his material about the house.

Innacomis is back. No stranger to the block, she also knows she’s not the target and seems fed up with the BB b.s. She monotones, “You know how I am. Follow your hearts. Do what you want. (Her tone says, “I couldn’t give a f***.”)

Voting. Cowputz votes for Marvin. “I hayuv an’lliance with hiyum and ah’m spineliss.”

Julie voices-over some sh!t about Karen “Will Karen evict Nakomis?” Will Adria wake up to herself? Karen votes out Marvin.

Julie reminds us Diane promised Marvin safety. Diane votes to evict Marvin. So, if Diane makes a promise to someone, that should reassure us she will do the opposite.

By a vote of 3-0 Marvin you are screwed. Not in a good way. He hugs everyone except Diane and … just leaves? I could swear I read in the Live Feeds that he had tears in his eyes and delivered a tirade. Outside he looks back at the house and says Wow! Oh the power of editing and 20 takes.

He greets Julie with a kiss on her hand. He reports he enjoyed it, it was awesome.

In the house Cowputz congratulates Nak and says Marvin took it like a man when he just walked out. I'm really confused. Where is the tirade? Diane says Marvin hates her because she won’t give him the time of day. I’m still feeling gypped about the tirade.LF reporters are never wrong!

Julie wants to talk about Diane. Marvin doesn’t. He did think somebody would have given him a vote, but no hard feelings.

If he won’t talk about Diane, how ‘bout Adria? Marvin’s discussion of his beef with Adria is mostly a repetition of the fight material from Thursday. He has no problem seeing her in the Jury house. To finish up Marvin lays shtick on Julie about how lovely and talented she is. Puke-a-rama. My hubby says because Marvin is such a wildcard and so unpredictable they had to do a Faux Live Show in case he threw a tantrum. Which, as I may have mentioned, he reportedly did and we are going without here.

Ready Set Gone - the HOH Competition. Drew’s reign is over. Julie tells us that they’ve been secretly removing items from the house and wonders aloud how long it took them to notice. We’re shown the removal of vases and floor coverings, ottomans and the lazy susan on the table, among other items.

We watch Nak & Karen notice and whisper together. Even Cowputz notices and tells Drew. Apparently Diane is the only one too self-involved to notice, but others tell her. On the live feeds we learned Nak & Karen considered hiding extra stuff to screw the guys up. That would have been awesome if they did it.

Outside the gang stands at a makeshift game console. Each HG has a buzzer. Julie will ask 8 questions about the missing items and the first to buzz in with the correct answer gets a point. But buzz in and give a wrong answer and you’re out. Most points at the end wins HOH.

1. Without this item it’s hard to check your opponent. It’s the “chessboard” and a point to Cowputz.

2. Put feet up and relax. Diane earns a point for “wicker ottoman.”

3. This piece of art looks good enough to eat. Another point to Cowputz for answering “the pear.”

4. You could get cold feet without this item. Nak is on the board with “carpet squares in the bathroom.”

5. If you don’t use this item you could get caught with pants down. Karen has a point for “the occupied sign in the bathroom.”

6. Even though this item spins – Diane buzzes early and gets a point for lazy susan on the table.

7. Two items were removed… Diane buzzes too early and gives a wrong answer. And I thought Cowputz would be the one to knock himself out. Julie restarts: Two items were removed and then replaced. Which was replaced first, the toaster or the armchair? Nakomis correctly says the toaster.

8. Some in the house are missing swimming thru this item. It is the arch in the fish tank and that’s how Nak wins HOH. Later Cowputz claimed he knew both of the final two answers but Nak just beat him buzzing in. Whatever.

Next Tuesday you will find out who was nominated and who won the POV. Or check the live feed reports.

On Thursday I expect we’ll see both Marvin and Adria arrive at the Jury House. That should be a pile o’ laughs.

Thanks for reading.