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"It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
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Tjsmyfav 10 desperate attention whore postings
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11-30-05, 05:45 PM (EST)
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"It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
I can't believe how she treats Jill, who so obviously adores her and seeks her approval.
What excuses are possible? The world is more difficult for black so you don't deserve to be treated with the same kindness and love as the others. It appears that Ilyana's anger (her own stuff) is just not even handed, and that is what makes a professional when it comes to therapy.
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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... iLuvTiVo 11-30-05 1
   RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... RealityLvr 12-02-05 9
   RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... truthhurtshuh2001 12-03-05 10
       RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... Milinda 12-03-05 11
 RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... Zoey 11-30-05 2
   RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... vibraessentia 11-30-05 3
   RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... scgirl 12-01-05 6
       RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... FairfaxLadybug 12-01-05 7
       RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... Milinda 12-03-05 12
   RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... okee07 12-10-05 17
 RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... notstartingover 12-01-05 4
 RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... AshLanie 12-01-05 5
   RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... Milinda 12-03-05 13
 RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... tough love 12-02-05 8
   RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... SeasonedRefinement 12-05-05 14
 RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... Alpharedhead 12-06-05 15
 RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... HitTheDeckBoys 12-10-05 16
 RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... faithnj 12-12-05 18
 RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... jean48 12-12-05 19
   RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... RebelToSociety 12-12-05 20
       About your signature Bebo 12-12-05 21
 RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyan... maryellen 12-13-05 22

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iLuvTiVo 3 desperate attention whore postings
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11-30-05, 06:36 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
Well, what occurred to me, is the whole inditment thing seems borderline racist. I mean, I am sorry, but why does the black woman have to be "arrested". I thought that was out of line, and IV should have spoken up when it was brought up. Unless she thought of it herself, in which case it proves your point.
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RealityLvr 6 desperate attention whore postings
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12-02-05, 02:57 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
What show are you watching? I haven't noticed this about her at all.
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truthhurtshuh2001 40 desperate attention whore postings
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12-03-05, 10:14 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
great topic and one person wrote jill is lazy and doesnt want to exercise i feel jill is on the wrong show she should go on biggest loser 1. lose the weight . two lose her mom three find her self.and is it to cold for the pool you have people working on losing weight water exercise is the easiest for over weight people get the pool warmed up ...
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Milinda 13 desperate attention whore postings
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12-03-05, 11:38 AM (EST)
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11. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
The doctors that Jill have seen advised her not to exercise, but to work on losing weight before have surgery, particularly since the fibroids are in the ovaries.
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Zoey 326 desperate attention whore postings
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11-30-05, 06:47 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
I respectfully disagree.

I remember plenty of times where Iyanla has been very warm and nurturing with Jill.

People say that Iyanla babies Allison but you also have to look at times such as "Get your a$$ upstairs".

However, I think Jill has not appeared as fragile and has been treated this way more often than Allyson. Rightfully so, I believe.

You treat people how they need to be treated. An example of this is Rhonda being overly dramatic when Lisa was an hour and a half late to sell her jewelry. Lisa needed that treatment, another HG may not have required such a harsh lesson. I felt Rhonda's actions were very staged, not for TV but because that's the demonstration Lisa needed.

Iyanla treats people according to their problems, in my opinion.

Iyanla was very caring towards Towanda, who was black, and even though they had their ups and downs, Towanda got it in the end. And by comparison, Towanda's problems weren't as bad as others who've been in the house but Iyanla held tight until Towanda gained what she needed from the house.

Also, although it may appear that Iyanla is harsh on other black people, you have to take it indivudually and in that individuality, she still may find that, culturally, black people *generally* respond to a different attitude than white people.

I should restate what I said earlier and say that I think Iyanla treats people according to their problems AND personality.

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vibraessentia 38 desperate attention whore postings
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11-30-05, 10:17 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
"get you're a$$up the stairs" was the only harsh thing I have seen Iyanla say to Allison. She has been babying Allison ever since also.
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scgirl 6 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"

12-01-05, 09:25 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
I agree that she treats people according to thier personality. Jill is a lazy, unorganized person who wants to lose weight but not by any physical exertion. I don't get the feeling that Iyanla hates blacks- I think she has a disdain for ANYONE who is not willing to put forth any kind of effort to do for themselves. And remember this show is edited, we don't get to see the whole picture. What got me was that when Jill gained the 5 pounds, she was in shock-"It was the snacks" repeatedly kept coming out of her mouth. Well, yeah, if you're putting more in your mouth than you're exerting you're going to gain weight. I think all the women this season need to get their butt in gear, quit feeling sorry for themselves and take advantage of the FREE resources given to them to help them. I think some of the women who suffered from Katrina deserve to be in the SO house instead of a bunch of spoiled brats like we are watching on season 3.
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FairfaxLadybug 21 desperate attention whore postings
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12-01-05, 10:31 AM (EST)
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7. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
>I agree that she treats people
>according to thier personality. Jill
>is a lazy, unorganized person
>who wants to lose weight
>but not by any physical
>exertion. I don't get the
>feeling that Iyanla hates blacks-
>I think she has a
>disdain for ANYONE who is
>not willing to put forth
>any kind of effort to
>do for themselves. And remember
>this show is edited, we
>don't get to see the
>whole picture. What got me
>was that when Jill gained
>the 5 pounds, she was
>in shock-"It was the snacks"
>repeatedly kept coming out of
>her mouth. Well, yeah, if
>you're putting more in your
>mouth than you're exerting you're
>going to gain weight. I
>think all the women this
>season need to get their
>butt in gear, quit feeling
>sorry for themselves and take
>advantage of the FREE resources
>given to them to help
>them. I think some of
>the women who suffered from
>Katrina deserve to be in
>the SO house instead of
>a bunch of spoiled brats
>like we are watching on
>season 3.

Jill is not trying to avoid "physical exertion". The doctor told her not to exercise because of her anemia. When Jill first entered the house I also thought she was lazy...and at that point she was. But she's done a lot of changing and growing. She's willing to take on her problems and health issues, and she's doing something about it. I do think IV needed to be a little tougher with Jill at first because Jill wasn't getting the seriousness of her issues, but that's changed. Jill gets it...yes she has more to learn and more work to do, but she gets it. Allison, however, is getting nothing, except figuring out more ways to stay in the house. IV treats her like a baby. Allison is the one who needs the tough love. I thought IV was finally getting fed up with Allison last week when they had the confrontatin. But late IV just laughed it off and went back to babying her. Let up on Jill. She's putting up with a lot of junk from IV.

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Milinda 13 desperate attention whore postings
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12-03-05, 11:44 AM (EST)
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12. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
Iyanla's story is an amazing one. Just read her history and then investigate what she does beyond SO. You may conclude differently. She is a phenomenal woman to model.
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okee07 1 desperate attention whore postings
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12-10-05, 09:25 AM (EST)
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17. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
I couldn't agree with you more! I love IIyana....she has been so good for Jill. Great role model!
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notstartingover 82 desperate attention whore postings
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12-01-05, 02:34 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
>I can't believe how she treats
>Jill, who so obviously adores
>her and seeks her approval.
>
>What excuses are possible? The world
>is more difficult for black
>so you don't deserve to
>be treated with the same
>kindness and love as the
>others. It appears that Ilyana's
>anger (her own stuff) is
>just not even handed, and
>that is what makes a
>professional when it comes to
>therapy.

I always thought she treated the black housemates with disdain. Maybe that is why she overcompensates with the African clothing. She is trying to hide the fact that she hates being black, by pretending to embrace it.

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AshLanie 895 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"

12-01-05, 06:40 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
I disagree in that Rachel, season two, was treated with kid gloves by IV.

Rachel's Mom was white while her Dad was Black.


Rachel was treated by IV in the same manner IV treats Allison.

Course both had a cancer link now that I think about it....Rachel's Mom died of cancer when she was young and her step Dad about six months after the Mom of cancer and Allison had cancer. IV's daughter died of cancer also ar age 32 (?).


All I know is IV uses her daughter's death far too much to treat some (Those that have a cancer link) with kid gloves while she treats others as if they mean nothing.

I am wondeing if IV didn't complet her mourning process after her daughter died and this is clouding her views or is it just the oe mighty dollar she gets to put in her pocket everyday?


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Milinda 13 desperate attention whore postings
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12-03-05, 11:49 AM (EST)
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13. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
LAST EDITED ON 12-03-05 AT 11:55 AM (EST)

It takes much resolve to work with people who have a connection with one's own family tragedies. It is difficult to know and understand how to go on unless we have walked a day in those shoes. Some of things that IV and Rhonda have endured, would have some of us participating in destructive behavior for the rest of our lives.

These are professional women with education and life experiences, and expertise. The women are referred to other professionals when Rhonda and Iyanla feels that they don't have the skill to help in an area. Self-hating definitely is not a term to be used when describing this woman. Find out more about her and think that you are apt to revise that opinion.

Each person has to be treated according to her issue.

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tough love 6 desperate attention whore postings
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12-02-05, 10:32 AM (EST)
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8. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
Why does EVERYTHING have to be about race? You are w-a-a-a-y out of the box on this one. I think Iyanla has been very supportive with Jill and shown genuine joy at her accomplishments. I think both Iyanla and Rhonda have shown all of the house guests tough love. They have held and comforted these ladies like a mother would a child and scolded them when they disobeyed. With Rhonda and Iyanla's experience, credentials and expertise, I don't feel that they should questioned.
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SeasonedRefinement 1248 desperate attention whore postings
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12-05-05, 02:31 AM (EST)
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14. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
Sorry, I'm not seeing it either. Maybe we just expect Iyanla to bond more closely with black women because we assume there will be an instant cultural familiarity.

If you research Iyanla's background, you'll see what most people do. She is incredibly proud of her African roots and has embraced (and advertised) them in all areas of her life, including her spirituality.

I think she's been off her game this season. What I see in her, and really like actually, is a maternal quality (interesting enough, that is what her name "Iyanla" means). It isn't black, it isn't white, and not everybody appreciates it. That's what makes the world go round.

_____________________________________________________


An All Inclusive Greeting! Happy Holidays!

Unconditional love heals - big time.

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Alpharedhead 138 desperate attention whore postings
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12-06-05, 02:54 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
Hmmm... Not only do I not see that Iyanla hates herself, I think her treatment of Jill has been really pretty appropriate. She's tough when she has to be, kind when its warranted. She handles everyone differently. She could never talk to Christina or Allison the way she does to Jill because they couldn't take it. I thought Allison's head was going to explode in her babushka last week when Iyanla finally (FINALLY!) got up in her face and screamed at her. Jill would have just gone toe to toe with her.

She just doesn't let Jill get away with any crap, that's all.

~AR~

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HitTheDeckBoys 6 desperate attention whore postings
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12-10-05, 08:50 AM (EST)
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16. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
HUH??? lol LOL lol
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faithnj 39 desperate attention whore postings
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12-12-05, 05:50 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
Everytime I see this heading, I wonder why you see/saw things in this manner. It's been said that we see things not as they are, but rather as we are. So when you see a "self-hating black" person in Iyanla, it makes me wonder what's going on with you that you view things this way? I mean, surely there are self-hating black people in this world. Hmmmmmm.

It just occured to me that perhaps your view on showing love is that one person has to coddle the other person all the time? And that being tough, honest and serious is not the way one should show love to another? If that's the case, then I can see why you might thing Iyanla is showing hate rather than concern for Jill. But for some of us-- a little tough love is a great way to show real love or concern. It means we want the other person to grow and challenge themselves and get out of their comfort zone, rather than wallow peacefully in the same place where we found them.

Just food for thought.

Faithnj

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jean48 3 desperate attention whore postings
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12-12-05, 06:05 PM (EST)
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19. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
why did you use the word black. i only see women helping other women. she treats her in the reality of life,many BLACK women have a pity party in them like jill llyana is doing a great job
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RebelToSociety 9 desperate attention whore postings
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12-12-05, 07:36 PM (EST)
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20. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
It`s interesting that you believe that theory, although Jill has made the most progress out of all of Iv`s clients.
--------------------------------------------------
`Huey: And all I'm saying is, Ronald Reagon was the devil.
`Man: You are such an articulate young man.
`Huey: I'm trying to explain to you that Ronald Reagan was the devil -- Ronald Wilson Reagan? Each of his names have six letters? 666? Man, doesn't that offend you?

- - The Boondocks - - Ep.1 Garden Party

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Bebo 21083 desperate attention whore postings
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12-12-05, 10:05 PM (EST)
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21. "About your signature"
Please read our community guidelines - there's a link at the top of the page. We allow no more than 4 lines of regularly sized text as part of a signature.


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maryellen 67 desperate attention whore postings
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12-13-05, 05:45 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: It's crossed my mind that Ilyana is a self hating black."
Well, nobody is a saint just because she is a minority. Why does Iyanla have to bond with Jill. But I sense that Iyanla likes Jill. So, when something crosses my mind that I'm confused about, I asked the questions then allow the thought to cross my mind again.

Loving Jill is not to allow her to NOT take care of herself. Jill is changing! So is Jessica! So is Lisa! First a person gets messy because they are unsure about themselves as they begin to make changes. Once they recognise the mess they unlearn the behaviors that caused the mess.

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