LAST EDITED ON 08-29-04 AT 10:57 PM (EST)

Previously on Big Bother 5, Marvin won HoH and nominated Lori and Holly. This long-lost recap of a Tuesday episode is brought to you by me because Webby likes a complete set of recaps. Producing a recap so long after the fact has its own set of pros and cons. On the one hand, it’s very interesting to recall dynamics and early relationships. On the other hand, it’s difficult to refrain from spilling all sorts of beans.

However, you need to understand that I use certain nicknames because by late August I’ve developed a severe dislike of certain people, which manifests itself in derogatory nicknames, namely Cowpat for Michael the Non-Savant Cowboy and TwinBeast for Adria/Natalie.

The episode begins with diary room (DR) whining. Brainiac Lori thinks she was nominated because of the $10,000 she accepted. It’s probably as much if not more to do with putting everyone else on the PB&J diet as a condition of winning that money, Lori, you complete idiot.

Jase, the leader of the Four HorseExcrement Alliance, considers Lori to be a “gamer,” who has allies. No "gamer" I know of would have taken the stupid $10,000 and still remained perplexed as to the reason for her subsequent nomination for eviction.

Diane either thinks the plan is to get rid of Holly or wants the plan to be to get rid of Holly. Will thinks he can pull together enough votes to get rid of Holly. Sweet Holly. What could possibly make these HGs want to get rid of her?

Holly, the subject of these whirling DRs, is feeling sad. She isn’t completely stupid. She senses something going on. She’s not sure what but her animal antennae are quivering. It might just be the breeze that blows everytime she moves her giant empty head, or it might be something is definitely happening and as far as she's concerned, it better be something that puts her in the centre of attention. She lives to be the centre of attention.

Holly takes time to talk to Cowpat. I’d forgotten about that about her. Holly has done all the math and worked out all the permutations. She has come to the conclusion that Nakomis wants to vote her out. (Nakomis is she who appeared in the cast list as Jennifer but nobody has called her Jennifer since week 2.)

Cowpat, with his ear to the ground (as a Neanderthal he pretty much has no choice) tells her it won’t happen and she’s safe. The Horse-Plops have votes lined up like drunken ducks to keep her in the house. But have they? The Steaming Pile runs to Scott and Jase to share the benefit of his deep Household connections:

Cowpat: “I dun lurned Holly could maybe the one to be leavening on ‘Viction Day! What’er we gone do?”

Scott instructs Cowpat to control his sister. “Half-sister, and Ah doan know’er. How kin Ah conterroll her?” bleats Cowpat. He has been a joke from day 1 as far as I'm concerned.

Cowpat is willing to try and he's stupid enough to believe he can pull it off all suave-like. He botches the job. Nakomis may look like a loony, but Cowpat actually was dropped on his head at regular intervals throughout childhood. The two of them “discuss” the vote. She asks him whom he will be voting out. He says the plan is to get Lori out, not quite a whole answer to her question but one that would have satisfied him, had roles been reversed.

Nakomis explains in a DR that they want her vote but won't give her all the details about what’s going on. She’s “not cool” with that. I end up liking Nakomis, but her voice is kind of dead in these early episodes. I want to call her Inacomis, since she sounds like she's kind of in a coma.

Will Takes A Stab At Strategizing. Will DRs he and Karen have come up with a brilliant plan. It is called Operation Security Blanket. Pause for laughter. They will tell the Horsetwats that they’re going to vote unanimously to evict Lori but then they'll spring a surprise. They will vote to evict Holly instead! Brilliant, eh? But wait, there's more!! After Holly is gone, the Anti-HorsePooheads will insist they did vote to evict Lori. The intended result is the Four Horsed!cks will be arguing with each other about who betrayed whom and they will nominate each other or attack each other with knives and somebody will be removed Justin-style from the house.

Will and Lori are very pleased with themselves and feel certain Lori will remain in the house and Holly the Annoying HorseTwat will be sent packing.

Filler Segement: Cuddle Bunnies. It’s amazing to recall that Diane & Drew were an item as early as Week 2. In these early heady days, Diane used to bore whomever would listen about how beautiful Drew is. He also reads the Bible (not a turn-on for me, but maybe for some of you?)

Will also enjoys gazing at Drew,and says he's “like a diabetic in a candy store.” Blech. But note that Diane DRs they’ll keep Drew around as long as possible; she generously sees him being “the last man standing.”

Pseudo-Strategizing Sessions. Everyone gathers (except the nominees it appears) to talk about whom to evict. Diane doesn’t care who goes and she’ll vote the way others want her to.

Filler Segement: Anti-Cuddle Bunnies. In walks Scott and arguing commences. It was boring then but funnily enough, it's not quite as boring in retrospect. Scott and Diane are at each other’s throats so much that I think there is actually a junior high-school attraction going on.

Here’s what I mean: Diane rebukes Scott for interrupting the intellectual conversation they were having. He questions her presence if they were having an intellectual conversation. She replies if he acts like that he’ll never get a girl like her, just the whores he normally gets. Scott says he doesn’t usually talk to trailer trash.

See how lame it is, yet it feels fraught with underlying sexual tension, if you ask me. They’re both childish, they’re probably both attracted to each other but recognize it would never work. She wouldn’t want anyone to know she is turned on by someone as dumb as him and he figures she’ll never go for someone like him so he starts out aggressive and confrontational to hide his disappointment.

Or they just hate each other’s guts. It’s one of the two.

Diane cries a little while telling Karen & Lori about the incident. Why would she cry over it if she didn't have mixed emotions? Hmm. Interesting I think. The girls express shock that he would call her trailer trash. When Scott enters the kitchen Lori admonishes him for saying those not-nice things to Diane. He grins when Diane walks away. “If she can’t take it she shouldn’t dish it out,” he asserts. They’re made for each other, in so many ways. They're both kind of sleazy, although it wasn't as clear then as it is now.

Jase and Holly HorseTwat are having their own wee love affair. They join Diane in the yard. She tells them all about how much of an a$$ Scott is, and now I’m tired of it because she won’t let it go. The more she protests the more I think she just wants to jump his bones and have him be sweetly mean to her. Maybe she recognizes that she would not be able to control him and so she has rejected him before he would reject her.

Or maybe they really do hate each other. It's one of the two.

Jase has no patience for this b.s. Scott DRs that where he comes from, when you talk, you face the consequences. He says Diane was trying to talk tough and it’s pissing people off. Well, it's pissing him off, anyway. He says. At the time I think many of us were on Diane’s side, but in retrospect I think she was much more of a troublemaker with these guys than we realized.

Scott Was Also Dropped on his Head Just a Little Bit. Scott’s antics get a segment of their own. He smacks a golf ball around the yard, nearly hitting Holly & Jase on the heads. Or possibly hitting them - no difference could have been ascertained I'm sure. Then he tackles the punching bag. Will sees Scott as some kind of caged gorilla. He's not Will's type at all, but you don't really hear Will going on and on and crying to his alliance mates about it. Holly DRs, ironically, that Scott feels the need to be the centre of attention at all times. She would recognize a fellow attention whore. Diane has noticed he looks in the mirror 200 times a day. Funnily enough, she was at or near the vicinity of the mirror at least as many times herself, in order to catch him in the act.

More Strategy & Game Talk. Karen and Nakomis talk in the kitchen. Karen has lots of theories about what’s going on, but is scared to speak up. People being “scared” is definitely a running theme this season. And it begins to get annoying, about now. Trust me. You will be SO sick of hearing about how scared Drew is of everything and everyone. Remember, I’m writing this in August, just to help out.

Nakomis DRs that by being a “listener” she is finding out things without posing a threat. Nak shares with Karen that she doesn’t think she can hang with Cowpat because she can’t see them having anything in common. Obviously sharing a parent isn’t enough. Nak is in that rare situation of being able to choose her sibling. Sure he exists and all, but if she can’t stand to be around him, it’ll be rather difficult to visit weekly.

Nak DRs her family are proud people and don’t kiss butt, unlike a certain Cowpat we already know and loathe. She says (and I’m not 100% certain but I think it might have been both to Karen and in the DR) that she wouldn’t put him up for eviction but would vote him out. That’s an interesting distinction to be making. Nakomis has been dropping hints for quite some time that dammit, if someone would just nominate the little dungball, she'd be there to vote him out with bells on.

Lori wants to go home. Sounds like b.s. to me but on the other hand, how easy it makes everything. A pity-party and blubber-fest ensues with her alliance mates, Karen & Will. They’re all friends, real and genuine friends and they sob and promise they will meet up after the game. Sure you will. See ya'll at the Wrap Party.

Karen, Will, Adria and Nakomis discuss getting Diane to help them keep Lori. Make a mental note about this: Adria is involved with this group from this point, if not earlier. Adria even says that if the votes don’t come up the way they think they’re going to, she, Adria, is going to kick some a$$!!!

Karen wants Lori to understand she’s going to have their votes. Nakomis DRs she’s voting to keep Lori regardless of Lori’s stated wishes. Our Alliance, Right Or Wrong, I guess is what it is. Karen tells Lori she’s staying. Lori is still in poor-me mode and martyrs that she’s fine with going home. Karen finally gets it through her thick skull that they have enough votes to keep her and eventually Lori agrees to stay.

Adria When She Was A Favorite Person. There is a segment about Adria in this episode. She seems fit and the guys think she is hot. The Bible-inclined in the house (e.g. Drew) gravitate to her. Scott would choose her to be his sister.

We watch the TwinBeasts switching in the DR, the one filling in the other on everything the peabrain can manage to convey in 15 minutes. They feel confident they can carry off the deception and handle any situation. It’s difficult for both of them because they have to repress their natural tendencies to be their own person, and consciously work at ensuring they appear identical in every way. All together now, AWWW!

I remember being interested in them and liking them and cheering for them to make it to the point at which they’d be in the house together. Now I think of them as the TwinBeasts. But enough about them. Plenty more recaps will bring you up to date, as events unfold. I've spilled enough beans here.

POV Competition. About bloody time. Man, those early episodes really cram in a lot of information and tidbits, don’t they?

I really liked the twist they introduced this season, in which only the HOH and the Two Nominees, plus their selected alternates, are allowed to compete for POV. It tends to clear the field of extraneous people who would leave the nominations as they are. There is definitely as much drama now when the POV is not used as when it is.

Marvin picks Drew, Lori chooses Karen and Holly asks Jase. (Cue DR of Holly HorseTwat saying she chose Jase because he had told her he would save her if he won. Too bad one of the Best Friends Forever girls didn't think to make her that false promise and then renege.) Because the HOH is always competing for POV, he cannot read the instructions and so Marvin asks Will to perform that function.

This week the activity is entitled “Snag the Veto." Each person has a rope with a coloured Veto ring attached. It would be long enough to hang themselves with, but there are no trees in the Back Yard. Also, BB personnel tend to put the HGs on lock down so they can remove all the paraphernalia of the challenges. Sorry. By August I really hate certain people still in the house.

They have to untangle their rope from the others and feed it through four low walls until they can put their Veto ring on a post at the end. There’s a lot of fighting and struggling with the ropes. Jase wraps his around his arm as he untangles it, thereby making it easier to feed it through the walls. He takes a good lead, but then Lori also devises some kind of system and gives him a run for the Veto. Karen also seems close, but long boring story short, Jase wins.

Aftermath of Jase Winning POV. Will and Karen DR this was the worst possible outcome for Operation Security Blanket. I forgot all about that, but then this recap has taken longer to write than the episode took to watch. The general consensus is Jase will save Holly and Marvin will have to nominate someone else. At the time, Karen & Will were deluding themselves it might be Adria. They discounted the power of the booty.

Scott, Jase & Cowpat have what they decree to be a “meeting of the minds.” I’d forgotten that TwinBeast Adria/Natalie tagged along. She voices over that this is her strategy: lay low but find things out. She is unable to supply information to Jase (partly on account of switching in and out and partly because she doesn't want to help anyone too much), but she manages to blow him off by saying she sees a lot but doesn’t know a lot. (How true THAT statement is.)

Jase tells her that Will, Lori & Karen are together. The plan is to pull Holly off the block and split up the W/L/K team. Jase then visits with Marvin the HOH to instruct him that Holly will be coming off the block. Marvin says he will put up Karen as a replacement nominee. Marvin tells Jase he wants Lori evicted because he’s scared that if she wins HOH she will nominate him.

Holly DRs if Jase saves her, she’ll be safe this week. Wow, she really isn’t just a pretty face. Oh wait, there’s more. She realizes she will continue to be a target. She tells Jase she’s afraid that if he saves her, the person put up in her place will be mad at her and think she’s the mastermind behind it all. Oh yeah, that’s definitely a misconception that's bound to be made about Holly.

Lori hopes Jase doesn’t use the POV, and Karen even tries to exert her influence on Jase (of which it turns out she has none.)

Nakomis’ Mohawk also happened in this episode. I can see why the other person assigned this episode didn’t want it. The tidbits and segments never end. Holly watches the haircut, mentioning to Nak that she might consider donating the hair to Locks of Love, an organization that makes wigs for kids with cancer. Holly’s heart is in the right place; too bad her brain is still at the store.

Finally, POV Meeting. Not a moment too soon. Jase summons the HGs in his usual self-important way. He invites the nominees to beg and plead for their lives, a.k.a. giving him a reason to change his already-made-up mind. Usually this portion of the meeting is a waste of time. Has anyone ever been swayed by anything the nominees have had to say? The only surprise was when Marcellas didn't use the POV on himself.

Lori says Jase has already made his decision so she just hopes for the best. Holly makes a convoluted nearly incomprehensible speech about the incredible friendships she already has with everyone in the house (after only 2 weeks.) How can she and Lori be split apart? How can everyone in the house be forced to choose?! How can I stop my sides from splitting with laughter?

Jase saves Holly. Marvin nominates Karen, spouting some b.s. about paying homage to the level of gamesmanship that she and Lori are exhibiting. That comment obviously had a huge effect on Karen. She immediatley proceeded to hide her gamesmanship from view from that moment until late August, when in fact, it still remains to be seen again. Oops I suppose I shouldn’t say that, but if you are reading this in the Archives, then please, just deal with it.

Marvin DRs he was pissed about Jase saving Holly. He put Holly HorseTwat up because he wants Holly HorseTwatgone. Seeds of discontent were sown quite early, you'll be interested to recall.

Meanwhile, HorseTwat is crying about Karen's nomination. Karen isn’t fooled. She figures HHT is only crying for effect and appearances.

Lori’s unhappiness at Karen’s nomination seems more genuine, to me anyway. This original alliance was cut down before it had a chance to do much damage.

Next recap you'll find out who gets sent home and who is the next HOH.

Thanks for reading.