TSI Episode 6: Farewell, Doh!-Boys

or Phil’s Dance Party

Hello and welcome to The Amazing Race, The Musical. No, I’m not going to write a whole bunch of song parodies. But I will be referring to the songs that went through my head as I watched these clueless wonders engage in such exciting tasks as playing in the world’s biggest sandbox.

Let’s start with Charla & Mirna. I do that so I can be finished with them quickly. Mirna kept up the priceless quotes this week, as she kept insisting that others in the Race were jealous of her. Now, I could see the Doughboys and the Twins being jealous that Mirna had a more capable partner than they could claim, but that’s about the only jealousy I could see there. And when she talked about Colin being jealous, well, I almost choked. I’d like to poll the men out there (get your minds out of the gutter, peeps)…how many of you would be jealous of Mirna? Especially if you are dating a beauty queen and don’t look all that bad when shirtless? Cmon, put those hands up high so I can see ‘em. Anyone? Bueller? Didn’t think so.

Let’s take a break to check the old mail bag:
Dear Miss Manners,

My girlfriend and I had hired a taxi, and before we were able to pay the driver or unload our bags, someone else sat down in the back seat and said it was her taxi. Were we rude for insisting that we be allowed to keep the taxi until we paid the driver and got our bags?

Signed,
Hating Midget’s Cousin

Well, every time Mirna opened her mouth (which was quite often), I just kept thinking of the country hit “Cleopatra, Queen of Denial”, because Mirna obviously is on her own little planet where everyone is jealous of her and Phil finds her attractive. What a pathetic little planet. Psst, Mirna, more people would be jealous if you didn’t whine that you were dying every time you had to make some effort.

Speaking of Colin, he and Christie were in their own little delusional land, thinking that their 7 hour lead would survive bunching. Um, Col, didn’t you watch any of the previous Races? You should have known better. It’s time to put another country song on the jukebox, because when Phil asked during the intro if the lead would hold up, all I could think was “What Part Of No Don’t You Understand?”

For the second straight episode, we have to listen to the twins tell us how stupid they are. Girls, we can figure it out for ourselves, really. But I kept hearing the Genesis hit “Land of Confusion” every time they appeared on my screen. It was fun watching Kami (or was it Karli? Who cares!) pick up the fossilized poo.

Then there are our flat-broke Bowling Moms, Linda & Karen. They were good sports about having to grovel for cab fare. I kept humming The Beatles’ “Help” to entertain myself while watching them beg, since I don’t like when Americans playing a game have to beg for money in other countries. It’s tacky. I really felt sorry for them when they made the mistake of telling the taxi driver that they wanted to go to the Old Airport, when they wanted to go to the Old Airport. It was obviously too difficult for him to understand.

Chip & Kim were so good-natured, it was hard to find fault with their enthusiasm. I did keep thinking about the scene from Naked Gun, where Leslie Nielsen and Priscilla Presley cavorted to music. That song’s a fitting one for our Racers too, so let’s all hum along to “Something Tells Me I’m Into Something Good”.

Brandon & Nicole have to have a song with a religious theme, since God is their co-pilot. When Brandon had no clue – this time, concerning what a scarab was – he prayed to the Lord for help. So I had no choice but to pick “Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life”.

BTW, every team except the pizza guys got a “What the hell is a scarab?” penalty for either uttering the words or not rolling their eyes when other teams did. Come on…I’ve known what a scarab was ever since King Tut made his first appearance on “Batman”. Better living through television.

And what about our now-departed Doughboys, Marshall & Lance? Well, since the eliminees are always treated to a mushy farewell, I’m going to throw in the obvious pick “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother”. I’m just so glad that CBS didn’t hype up the quitting aspect. So they peed in the sandbox because Marshall had an owie and they realized all of the other kids were long gone. That’s not quitting. It’s certainly not as bad as a physically fit man whining about damaging his temple after he nearly drowns and is frightened by pelicans and creepy lady scoutmasters. That’s quitting.

Oh, you wanted scores? Here are the scores, but they’re pretty boring. No team lost significant ground through stupidity. I also didn’t write much down, because I was so stunned at Mirna’s insistence that the others were jealous of her. I’m still trying to deal with that one. And you’ll notice that the Doughboys didn’t get penalized. They didn’t really do anything stupid this episode, Marshall was hurt. There’s a difference.

Team Totals:
1. Colin & Christie (1st in Race, 1st last TSI) – 4 Trumps, 80 Omarosas
T2. Chip & Kim (2nd in Race, 2nd last TSI) – 170 Omarosas
T2. Marshall & Lance (Eliminated, 3rd last TSI) – 170 Omarosas
4. Brandon & Nicole (4th in Race, 4th past TSI) – 1 Trump, 190 Omarosas
5. Linda & Karen (6th in Race, 5th last TSI) – 230 Omarosas
6. Kami & Karli (3rd in Race, 6th last TSI) – 1 Trump, 250 Omarosas
7. Mirna & Charla (5th in Race, 7th last TSI) – 2 Trumps, 415 Omarosas

Next episode…Mirna ticks Colin & Christie off. Again. Haven’t we seen this episode already?

Have whip, will travel.