LAST EDITED ON 08-20-04 AT 11:32 AM (EST)
Previously, Jase’s Look of Abject Horror at reuniting with the Cold Sore and the Girl It Rode In On. Seriously, wasn’t that the Best? What’re the chances we’ll be given a replay of the Best Moment of the Season?
I was sitting here on the Saturday night before my assigned episode airs, savoring the memory and getting an early start on my recap. If you’ve ever wondered how some of us manage to write extra long-recaps, this is one way to do it. Start early and keep writing all week until events begin to unfold during the Ep In Question. If they fail to unfold, make stuff up.
I’m sick of the TwinBeasts. If they can make it to the end with their newest loyal ally, Cowpat, this show will be wet and not wild. It will suck cyclonically. We'll be watching The Three Criers find stuff to cry over since at any given moment since the start of the show, one of them has been crying about something.
Now that I’m Lathered up, time to Rinse and Repeat. ChenBot’s recrap begins with her struggle to find the camera while simultaneously struggling to uncross her eyes followed by struggling to her feet from that sitting position in those pants that hung on her last year. She’s no longer a complete twig but she has also learned the art of camouflaging the camel-toe. She's in black and it looks good on her. I forget to look for the camel-toe.
Adria (aka TwinBeast1) became HOH after a terribly difficult game of Push Your Luck, er, Puck. She had the cutest set of questions for those HGs willing to enter her lair and waste time sucking up. “Who shall I nominate?” followed by “Who would you save from the block?” What a philosophical quandary. Poor grammar is the least of the TwinBeasts’ worries.
Nicknames can get annoying after awhile, so with the exception of the TwinBeasts, Adrippa and Nardassly, I shall try to use their normal names. Well, except for “Cowpat” for that annoyingly loathsome little turd “Cowboy.” Oh and Nakomis, which cries out to be tweaked to Inacomis, because her voice sounds like she’s sort of in a coma. Not that she isn’t totally my favorite player, because she is. At least as much my favorite as Starvin’ Marvin is my favorite. He’s been extremely entertaining and Better Not Be Going Home tonight or there will be trouble.
Adrippa did not receive much in the way of worthwhile sucking up. Cowpat sucked up, but I said “worth while.” Being in an alliance with Cowpat is harder than it seems. Because you have to spend time with the little maggot and not even the TwinBeasts could completely disguise their boredom. And it can't be worth much when he brings NO skills to the table.
The TwinBeasts weren’t courted half as much as previous HOHs, or consulted, or even generally spoken to. I mean, folks talked about them, for sure. Tons. Endless moaning, whining b!tching and complaining. It has or will be covered later, here or in previous recaps or recaps to come, for this week.
Only her precious twin, Nardassly, spent quality time with Adrippa. They decided to nominate the black dude and the gay dude, to give them a chance to show what they’re made of, because those dumbnut TwinBeasts haven’t been paying attention All Game and taking note of the support that has come their way All Game Long. Instead, Adrippa preferred to let the Cowpat suck up and avoid his rightful due, which of course is being eliminated and sent packing to the jury house. If Adrippa meant what she said about sending the first juror in to be someone who wouldn’t poison others against her, she need have looked no further than the loathsome (to me anyway) Cowpat.
Will and Marvin were pissed because they really were hoping for some advance warning about being pawns and whatnot. Of course, they can't both be pawns, but they sure didn't expect to receive a Pep Talk as the explanation for their nominations. It’s childish to want a heads-up, but that’s what happens when you start with the advance warning b.s. in the first place.
And honestly, given the first few weeks when the Girl Power Group was busy being targeted and struggling, it really is a dumb move to not nominate Cowpat, or have a plan to nominate and evict him later. He was ALWAYS against the Pussy Alliance.
Quite a lot of time was spent whining about those b*tch TwinBeasts, who totally worked together on the nomination decision and yet totally want to be thought of as individuals. Which totally makes me choke on my Dasani. Actually, that working-together footage was mostly in the Live Feeds. There appear to be technical difficulties encountered whenever the prods come close to airing anything of interest reported by Live Feed Reporters in the actual episodes.
This week's POV “competition” must have been designed for Cowpat. However, he failed. How can you fail to select the correct stocking containing the POV? He must have forgotten the instructions given him in the DR. I mean, pick a box, then a stocking? What kind of dumbass competition is that? It was totally “special.”
Oh I almost forgot to recrap the completely lame Build A Burger Food Competition that resulted in half the house being on PB&J. The PB&J thing is old, lame and barely worth mentioning during the whole week. And I understand that people are cheating on it left and right. So it's just dumb. But I also feel it detracts from the overall show, because it makes people tired. And tired people tend to sleep. Which means they aren’t talking and strategizing or doing much of anything at all.
With the POV firmly clutched in her paw, Adrippa did her damnedest to beat around the bush in her version of encouraging one or other of Marvin & Will to suck up to her, make promises and give her a false sense of security. She wanted to dangle safety in their general direction. Neither of them bit. She probably wouldn’t have saved either of them anyway, even if she’d received promises up the wazoo from one or both of the nominees. Not even if she'd received a telegram from God.
I’m sure all she wanted was to make them grovel the way she’d had to grovel when she was nominated. She wanted whimpering and pleading and maybe even a few tears. Denied, denied, denied. That they didn’t give her what she wanted is perhaps the most awesome thing about the whole sordid week so far.
Adrippa tried to act self-important at the POV Ceremony but deep down she knew she was impotent and had failed as HOH. Let's face it. HOH is only worth the aggravation if you rid the house of someone the majority want gone, like Nak did in ousting Jase, or if you manage to please some people AND secure an “outsider’s” vote of safety for the week to come. Adrip did neither and was forced to refuse to use the POV. She sure looked pissy at the POV ceremony. I do not feel sorry for her. She made us lose a valuable and entertaining player in favor of keeping that waste of space Cowpat. I’m plenty pissed, believe me.
Perhaps I should try colorizing where the recrap turns into newcrap, to better reflect this stupid show. Naah, that’s just pretentious.
Tonight is a Live Eviction, which will likely involve the gang sitting around the living room waiting for CamelChen to call them one by one to go vote in the Diary Room. They should be forced to vote in front of the group, so everyone can discover who’s lying about what this week.
You do realize that the concept of Live Eviction was designed to give them extra hours in which to strategize, as well as to remove the boredom of knowing who’s leaving. According to today’s live feed reports, the HGs (1) got up; (2) attended to personal grooming; and (3) found somewhere to sit down. Live Eviction did not deliver the excitement.
I think that’s enough preamble, don’t you?
Yeah, here is the beginning of the "new" material. Adrippa’s nominations sent shock waves. Jeeezzzusss. This is essentially MORE recrap. We review the important tidbits. Again. Marvin "gots nobody, no alliances, nuffing." Feel sorry for him at your own risk, ya'll.
Will reckons all bets are off with “the team.” Karen knows there is no team. Diane plays both sides and cuddles with Drew. The TwinBeasts have been trying to intimidate everyone with Adrippa’s Power. Adrippa wants to be the tie-breaker. Did I mention how washed out Adrippa looked making her sniffily announcement at the POV ceremony? Although she isn’t shown crying, she looks like she just finished blowing her nose after a self-pity party.
I am tired of hearing the occupations and home states of each nominated HG. It sounds so silly. Shut up, ChenBot.
We watch how Diane worked both sides. She talked with Will, who explained about “the pinky swear.” We see the pinky swear. Apparently pinky swearing is not valid once a pinky swearer becomes HOH. Because to be fair, Will was also planning to nominate the TwinBeasts.
Adrippa’s new team is herself, Drew, Diane, Nardassly and Cowpat. Adrippa gives us more pointless detail about the damn pinky swear. It is valid because without her pinky she can’t do a handstand. And that's all that's standing between us and destitution as we know.
Diane DRs about being stuck between two alliances. I guess I ought to mention that I use “DR” as a shorthand for Diary Room. But anyway, she talks like she was forced into that position. She chose it for herself. Shut up Diane. Quit whining. Oh but she aint done whining. Now she’s upset that Drew stayed in the HOH with the TwinBeasts for 45 minutes after she left. It was just to parannoy her, she says. Har har. Shut up.
Nardassly’s midnight meeting with Marvin during which she used the tattered book metaphor is shown to us. I think it was supposed to show that Marvin is going to be safe. Diane got up, caught them in the kitchen leaping away from one another with guilty faces and figured that they were strategically planning something. The next day Diane runs to Will and Inacomis to relay what she saw. Beware the midnight dalliance.
Then Diane approaches Marvin to find out what happened in the night and to kind of make sure that they’re still on good terms, which they are, but my head is spinning with all this last-minute recrap of the entire week’s strategizing. I mean, most of this stuff had happened Before Tuesday. Why did it all have to be crammed into tonight's show?
Drew talks with Cowpat, which is just horrible, especially since it appears that somebody left his brain for Cowpat to use. He tells Drew that Diane needs to go next week, so that Drew can get his head in the game. I hate Cowpat.
Diane tells Drew she trusts Will and doesn’t trust everyone else. She asks point-blank whom he’s gonna vote out, and he point blank won’t tell her because he point-blank doesn’t know. Or doesn't trust her. I don't know when this happened in relation to the Cowpat convo. She says she doesn’t know and then she says she wants out. “Put me up and get me out.”
A TwinBeast comes in and sees all this. After Diane leaves, the TwinBeast and Drew wonder what’s wrong. Then the Twinbeasts confab but who cares? I mean really? They are so gone soon.
Diane is on the hammock with Marvin & Will. “I love you both dearly. Whichever goes, goes. Whichever stays, Me & You to the End.” Laughs all round, and that’s Diane to a T. She is working the house, but it is really taking a toll on her, even as she keeps on smiling and keeping people happy.
ChenBot talks to the HGs. I miss something TwinBeast related and don’t care. Diane is allowed to complain about the PB&J. She intends to never eat peanut butter again. Skippy ought to sue the Big Brother production people.
Cowpat’s “Yes ma’ams” irk the piss outta me. I hate them and him. Just to be sure you know that. I think he thinks he’s being endearing. Where’s my puke bucket? Chen encourages him to prattle about all his different “looks,” like any of the changes make a difference to his basic gormlessness. He says he spikes his hair for his son. The kid disappears into his sofa at him, dying of embarrassment.
Inacomis is asked what would she give for a day outside. She stupidly says she would give her right arm and makes some lame comments about being happy to be thrown into the trunk of a car. I reckon life with Cowpat has really done a number on my gal. ChenBot explains that the America’s Choice will be deciding which one of the HGs will get a chance to leave the house to have a walk-on role in The Young & The Restless. It is a show I never watch and don't intend to start UNLESS Marvin wins the outing.
The polls are open now and will remain open until Saturday midnight. We’ll be told next week who won. I can’t vote and I don’t much care, again, unless Marvin wins. Jase is probably the only one who really… wait a minute. Isn’t that Cowpat’s dream? To be on a sitcom or something on TV? I mean something ELSE on TV. Ugh. And yet, I hope America does vote for him, so while he’s out of the house there will be all sorts of negative commentary about him, which he will see and be hurt by later. That’s the only upside to him winning this. I do loathe him that much. He offends me on so many levels.
It’s almost voting time. But instead of votes, we "get" to listen to the “DR thoughts” of those eligible to cast votes:
Karen is experiencing psychological torment and has no doubt been baking a LOT of cookies which we didn’t see because that was last week's special extra segment.
TwinBeast (must be Nardassly) reports that her trust of Will has diminished. Marvin is in his own state, whatever the h@ll that means. Go away, TwinBeasts. I'm on the verge of wishing Holly back in the house just so we would never have had this situation.
Drew says Will is tough but keeping him another week would earn the trust of Will, Nak & Karen. Apparently that doesn't much matter to Drew, at the end of the day.
Karen finishes the segment by telling us it’s the ugliest vote yet. Indeed.
After ads JulieBot introduces a Will segment. Since it seems likely that Will is going to be evicted, and we already met Marvin’s mom, we meet Will’s NY friends. They seem pleasant enough, and we also see little shots of Will in the House. Too bad we haven’t really gotten to know Will. Carolyn talks about his fashion sense. Brandon says he’s able to talk & connect with each one: that’s a quintessential New Yorker. Taking your word for it, Bran. I thought it was the ability to be incredibly rude and snobby. Kara says he has such a big heart. It’s the usual yada-yada.
I rekindle my TwinBeast hate. His friends like Marvin, note that Adrippa was crying her eyes out 3 weeks ago and they don’t like the twins, so all in all, I approve of these Will Friends.
HOH chat with Chenbot. Adrippa thought “the team” would respect and support her decision. She truly is deluded and I hope she leaves soon. Just making sure I make that clear. Is the repetition of important information being conveyed here? When “the team” was upset with her choices and manner of nomination, she figured they wouldn’t support her in the future. More blah blah about being an individual and her twin being an individual and blah blah - soon enough you'll get your wishes. Soon enough.
Time for more pointless DR thoughts:
Diane reminds us Marvin is pretty upset with the TwinBeasts. It’d be great to have him around to get rid of them. It sucks to have to choose between them. And yet let's take a moment to consider that Diane engineered this whole thing, or at least, threw support at the Beasts, perhaps because she's somehow gotten wind of their natural antipathy towards Will. I can't say it came as a COMPLETE shock to me because I figured with their Bible-bashing ways (or is that Bible thumping?), they'd be "anti-gay." But of course they would NEVER say it aloud. Never. It at least explains why their/her nom speech was SO lame.
Inacomis says Marvin is willing to work for the good of the team but she doesn’t know what he is thinking. Will is willing to sacrifice himself for the good of the cause. (Not that I saw it so much – but who knows?)
Cowpat – Will has a huge … alliance. Taking him out will help me. No f'ing kidding.
Chen teases us with the upcoming eviction. It's coming soon. Very very soon. Just hang in there. Any minute now. This evictee will be the first Jury member. She tells the two nominees to make a final speech.
Will thanks his friends & family for their love and support. He tells the wonderful and amazing housemates he will lead a more fulfilled life “because of what we shared here.”
Marvin is entertaining as always, “Family you know I love ya , don’t got to tell you that every week.” He does something involving a gay voice saying Brad Pitt, followed by a Vote for Me Dance. I always wish I'd made a tape just to capture the Marvin tidbits in their full glory. Maybe next time.
ChenBot cautions them not to reveal their vote to the other HGs. I wonder if anyone tries to set up a secret signalling system, like baseball batting coaches use to tell the batter to bunt. So10 minutes is wasted/spent having each HG get up, walk to the DR, while ChenBot gets mega-screen time recapping that HG’s position on the two nominees.
Cowpat is first. Julie tells us he wanted Marvin out but his new allies want Will out. This is one of the few times Julie’s comments remind us of something I’d personally forgotten about.
Cowpat votes to evict Will, and is told to send in Karen.
Julie says Karen is in an alliance with Will, since Day 1. D’uh. Who didn’t know that? Karen resigns herself to voting out Marvin.
Julie says Inacomis was one of the TwinBeasts’ biggest supporters. She votes out Marvin, apparently the “anti-TwinBeast thing to do."
Nardassly's is critical to her strategy. Julie wonders which she thinks is less likely to target her. Since the answer is “neither” it really can’t be about that. TwinBeast2's vote is to evict Will.
Drew is a man caught in the middle between Di’s affection and TwinBeasts’ influence. Drew votes to evict Will.
Diane already told us this is damn hard. Julie says Di would have put Will up before, but now Diane votes to evict Marvin. So the votes are tied.
Adrippa will cast the deciding vote.... after these commercials. Burger King burgers. Dempsters Sliced Bread – the stupidity of the kid pulling out every slice so he can eat “the last one” just zaps my will to recap commercials.
JulieBot tells the HGs it is a tie. Adrippa now has to evict one. But first, some babbling. Incredible week blah blah special asset. Then she babbles about the friendship that she’s “endured” with both of them. LOL. She “tossed a coin in her head” and now it's lost in there. She chooses to evict Will. JulieBot makes it official.
Will hugs Marvin, then Karen, almost doesn’t but then does shake hands with Cowpat, but refuses to hug the TwinBeast. He hugs Nak and Di and Drew, loudly calling out that he loves them. Adrippa comes to the door to try again for a hug and he again refuses. HaHA.
“If Karma is a Boomerang I’ll see you sooner than later,” he says. She makes him repeat it because she’s such an idiot.
Will greets JulieBot warmly and she returns the warmth. He's very engaging in a one-on-one situation. The TwinBeasts have to hug each other because no one else wants to touch them. I'm glad Marvin stays, but piss on those damn TwinBeasts for keeping Cowpat. Blech.
Adrippa tries to get her dignity back by throwing out random words of good will and good cheer but it’s gone, fergit it. The rest of her stay in the house will not be pleasant to say the least.
JulieBot talks with Will about him refusing to hug Adrippa. He repeats the karma line. Will says when she was up to be evicted, he went to bat long and hard to keep her in.
He talks about the pinky swear dealie. He will “always and forevermore be mystified” about her decision to nominate and then evict him. He really thinks she will be with him sooner rather than later, meaning that she will be evicted quite soon, perhaps even next. He fully expects the Twinbeasts to be nominated together and so even the POV won’t keep them both in the house.
He was shocked because it all came out of nowhere. I wonder what he will have to say to Diane once he's had a chance to see the WHOLE show. Will says he’s always been there for Adrippa
And let me say this: yes, it may be true that Will was beginning to talk about targeting the TwinBeasts. People had also talked about targeting Drew & Diane. There was one person who had NOT been with the "Girls" “from the beginning” and frankly that was the person to target during this difficult week. The TwinBeasts felt threatened because they knew they represented an easy target, and they jumped at the first offer of an alliance that came down the pike.
Will thought it was so sad that the two minorities were on the block, and that “Jesus” came to her in the night. Blah blah - let's move on. I'm very tired of those Beasts.
Goodbye messages for Will:
Diane says, “I hope you’re not watching this, cuz that means you’re not on my lap in the BB house.” (She probably made the same message for Marvin, more or less.)
Marvin: “You’ve been an inspiration and are one of my best friends in here.” Easy for him to be kind – he wasn’t really in an alliance with Will, and they probably bonded more by being nominated together.
Cowpat: “Great person I’m honored to meet.” Blah blah. Hate him.
Drew: “It’s better for me – I tried to make the pinky swear alliance smaller.” At least he’s honest.
Inacomis: “We’ll take care of things.”
A TwinBeast is babbling about her love for him and Will turns away, putting up his hand and then making the sign of the cross with his fingers, as if to ward off devil spirits! Those TwinBeasts have so ruined their chances in this game it is not even funny. Except it is LOL. Yay.
Karen vows to harbor anger throughout the game because Will “did nothing wrong.” She is looking a tad psycho but it looks good.
We return to a tearful Will, practically sobbing. Julie asks which is worse, Adria or Jase and Will says emphatically that Adria is, definitely.
The HOH Competition is a Q&A and I am pleased. Adrippa cannot compete, Nardassly doesn’t have enough time in the house to have a good sense of people and Cowpat is too stupid to do well at most competitions.
The game is “Who Said It?” Each competitor has a special cube with pictures of the 5 HGS who’ve already been evicted. Jase, Mike, Holly, Scott and Lori. I thought it would have been funnier if they'd had Will on the cube as well, because they'd made cubes with Will's pic and with Marvin's and were ready to roll no matter what. But no. BB are still cheapa$$e$. I wonder if the PB&J is to save money on food.
JulieBot will read a statement and the HGs have to show the picture of who they think said it.
1. The comfort item from home they’d miss the most is their puppy dog. Jase said it. Nardassly and Cowpat are out (YAY!)
2. Their bad habit is shopping when broke. Holly said it. All got it wrong.
3. They pamper themselves by buying stuff at K-Mart. Mike said it. Marvin, Karen & Drew eliminated.
4. They don’t have a favorite author because they don’t read. Scott said it but Inacomis and Diane are both wrong.
5. Thing they dislike most about their appearance is their booty is too big for their body. Both wrong again. Haha Nak said Scott while Diane said Lori. I miss who said it.
6. Most embarrassing job to dress up like a chicken at dad’s restaurant. Again wrong. Again I miss the correct answer. I know - a more diligent recapper would have made AND watched a tape.
7. Least favorite activity is shopping – both said Mike, but it was Jase.
8. Tie breaker time. Person who comes closest to correct without going over will win. How many pounds of M&Ms were used during the Admit One competition? Nak says 500 and Di says 400. Correct is 900 lbs. And how many were consumed by the moviegoers? 200.
Nakomis is HOH!! JulieBot says it's for the second time in a row. LOL. Maybe she means that Nak won this kind of competition two times running. Still sounds dumb, Julie.
YAY! Personally, I am so pleased. That is awesome. Up go those TwinBeasts and out goes one of them.
JulieBot shills for the usual upcoming events because screen time is screen time.
As we leave, the gang stands around out back. Marvin, Di and Nak are discussing the M&M question. The TwinBeasts stand as far away from Nak and Marvin as possible, looking like outsiders. Worried outsiders. If they don’t get nominated then I don’t know anything about Nakomis.
Thanks for reading.