Alright, we're back by the demand of no one. Good move by production to go with the 90 minute opener. Very good move. Drama-wise, the first two episodes don't match up to even last season's unspectacular opening, but it was good enough for me to bother watching.

We have two problems: one obvious and one less so. The obvious one is that there is nothing original going on here. The less so issue is that these just aren't dramatic characters to work with. Ozzy never was, and Coach seems to have toned down his "zest for living" significantly.

If there are new cast members who could have carried the load, the editing did a poor job of finding them. It was too busy focusing on the returnees and the better bodies of the cast.

For your ranking pleasure:

Coach Benjamin Wade
Albert Destrade
Brandon Hantz
Christine Shields Markoski
Edna Ma
Mikayla “Miki” Wingle
Rick Nelson
Sophie Clarke
Stacey Powell
Ozzy Lusth
Dawn Meehan
Elyse Umemoto
Jim Rice
John Cochran
Keith Toffefson
Mark Anthony Caruso
Semhar Tadesse
Whitney Duncan

1. Ozzy - The Ozzinator seems to be becoming an even better man with age. I don't know if he is a better player. The proof will come after merge, where the real danger lurks for a strong and charismatic player like him.

2. Edna - An asian woman and an anesthesiologist, two of my favorite things put together. Very smart to get close to Coach right away. Basically playing the complete opposite game of Christine, which means she's playing well.

3. Coach - I've always been a fan. He appears to have toned down his act a little, and that would be a damn shame. It wouldn't be the same if we didn't get some Winston Churchill quotes or comparisons to Julius Caesar. Still, he saw he was in trouble early and quickly recovered. Good work. Somewhere along the line he gained the ability to laugh at himself. That has to be at least somewhat endearing.

4. Cochran - The season so far has produced one character, and this Harvard geek with the beyond pasty skin is it. I especially liked how he seemingly unknowingly insulted the women and the older players by scoffing at the notion of everyone wanting to get rid of him instead. Don't know how long this joker can make it, but I am enjoying the ride so far. He had the best line of the first two episodes with- "If this is 90210, then I'm definitely one of the zeros."

5. Mikayla - Haha... A Lingerie Football Player... props to casting for this one. Actually, fabulous body, as one would expect from someone in her profession, but she should keep her hair down. She was much sexier in her street clothes. She is a little too manly for me, even kinda walks like a dude. However, strong woman, confident, and attractive, have to put her near the top.

6. Ricky Nelson - This traveling man has made a lot of stops. Seems like a good guy and decent at challenges.

7. Elyse - Attractive girl, though probably not as hot as Cochran and Smokey Rice made it sound. Has some spunk. Good enough for here.

8. Albert - Seems strong and a pretty good guy. If I am remembering right...

9. Whitney - Good enough for 9th for obvious reasons.

10. Keith - Like Albert, good guy who is strong in the challenges.

11. Sophie - Still waiting for her to show up. Perfect middle of the road.

12. Jim Rice - He has a lot to say and thinks a lot of himself. I watch pro poker, and I've never seen this joker before, which doesn't say much for his game. A much more successful and well known poker player, Jean Robert, was TERRIBLE at Survivor. So, we'll see if this guy is any better.

13. Dawn - A professor? Typical...

14. Mark - Seems like a decent guy, and was smart enough to recognize that he and Dawn need to stick together, but you NEVER self gloss. Sorry, I don't make the rules. I am just a messenger.

15. Stacy - What was with the hysterics at TC? You WERE thinking of voting for Mikayla. Not long for this game.

16. Brandon - Is there any way we can stop guys like this from breeding? I guess not. No one should be married at 19, and this guy least of all, obviously. The fact he has two tattoos of his own damn last name on his body says about all that needs to be said about this clown.

Get lost and don't come back Island

Semhar - I don't remember any of the other women volunteering. So, why does she get the blame? I would have kept them... er... I mean her.

Christine - Moronic player from Day 1. Way to make enemies from the go. And another teacher. Great.

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